LadyEllen
Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
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Suzanne + RiotGirl = thanks for the kind thoughts, but I wasnt really looking for sympathy. As I'm reminded, it was my own decision, so its my own fault, hence sympathy is not well placed. But thank you anyway.
Amaros = cryptic enough not to mention the exact words which might see me dragged off for treatment and lose everything? Yes.
The point was, that for normal people to get disheartened and give up, is simply ridiculous from my point of view. If they have a small chance, then mine is non-existent.
The deal is, that there is such a miniscule chance of anyone wanting a serious long term relationship with someone like me, that my situation is pretty much hopeless. I have spent five years alone, with another twelve before me before my responsibilities are fulfilled and that loneliness can be resolved. Adrian provides me with a distraction, but he's not only a hopeless alcoholic but also unwilling to be seen with me for fear of being thought gay. This is really the crux of it isnt it? For me to be me and happy in myself, I must accept loneliness. If I should be someone else and unhappy in myself, I could obtain what I need.
In the end, one can be the most loving, caring, wonderful person, one can be as intelligent, articulate and pleasant as is possible, one can be absolutely perfect in every way - but if one was not born with the right genes, it all counts for nothing. I'm a freak, and thats that. I know I'm not a freak, in fact I know I'm one of the best people around - but that doesnt matter, because its how others see me, which determines my chances of a relationship. Even crossdressing men refuse me, for heaven's sake, and they're hardly popular it would seem. I can draw and have drawn all sorts - I'm an attractive enough person and have a great personality after all, and I cant afford to be too fussy - all goes well until a certain point - and at that point any interest evaporates. Its not one of those "oh it wasnt meant to be" things - its simple, straightforward, prejudicial disgust and dismay. So I'm resigned to it, at least until the point when something can be done to resolve the situation.
The lesson to the normal people is, that whatever problems you feel you have, compared to me you have it made.
E
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In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.
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RE: Burn Out - 
Profile
RE: Burn Out - 
if you dont think you have it made after writing to me then you are in trouble but who can be happy with a mental case or slobby alcoholhic?; 
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