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Mentoring - 1/20/2005 4:48:54 PM   
Shayna


Posts: 205
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline 		I'm curious about experiences and opinions from Dommes/Dominas/Mistress' who have mentored an inexperienced one. How are you reimbursed for your time and expertise? What did it entail? I'm talking RL not online. Thanks :)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Mentoring - 1/20/2005 8:39:49 PM   
Moleculor


Posts: 189
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline 		Curiously, when I hear the term "mentor", the word "reimbursement" is the furthest thing from my mind.

Probably just me. Then again, I'm an outtie, not an innie, so what do I know, eh? :P

(in reply to Shayna)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Mentoring - 1/20/2005 8:55:29 PM   
suberic


Posts: 175
Joined: 1/9/2005
From: Nashville TN
Status: offline 		My wife and mistress is getting instruction from a friend I met at a ball of all places. Right now it's advice online, but we do have plans to meet for a week of training in August. AFAIK, there is no money or reimbursment being talked about. I'm making him a flogger to take home to his slave, but that's because I want to, not because it's asked.

(in reply to Moleculor)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Mentoring - 1/20/2005 9:08:42 PM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		I'm relatively new but I don't consider myself a fledgling. However I know that technique is important when it comes to safety.

My mentor is an offsite Domme and all she wants in return is that I learn and play safely. She worries about the next generation of Dominant and submissive young people. She worries that they'll use socks and duct tape as a gag and wind up killing each other. She worries that the novice Dominant will leave the submissive in prolonged, unattended bondage. She worries that eager Dominants and submissives will throw caution to the wind and meet a serial rapist and murderer in a motel.

She is a fine Woman and a Mentor because she cares - not because she wants tribute, payment or reimbursement. The only 'payment' that she gets from teaching is the knowledge that her Daughter-in-Domination isn't killing others or being otherwise unsafe.

(in reply to suberic)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Mentoring - 1/20/2005 9:25:34 PM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		Hi Shayna ... I have done a little mentoring couples but in reality the only mentoring is calling upon them occasionally to see how they are doing after a training session, or a time training with Me to learn techniques of SM play ... the sessions they have tributed Me for the learning ... mostly because they were just wanting an opportunity to explore things when one or the other or both werent confident ...and werent looking for any formalities beyond that.

But there are plenty of ways to assist a Mistress for her time helping someone gain their first insights with someone who knows what she is doing ... helping out with sessions where she may require another Fem Dom, having your own slave visit with Her for a day to do chores, finding a book She has coveted but never gotten around to getting ..ask Her.

Jasmyn

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Mentoring - 1/21/2005 5:49:03 AM   
LadySapphire


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		well for Me I am rewarded by the new one learning and discovering their submission nothing can be a greater reward then teaching

(in reply to Shayna)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Mentoring - 1/21/2005 6:31:28 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I'm curious about experiences and opinions from Dommes/Dominas/Mistress' who have mentored an inexperienced one. How are you reimbursed for your time and expertise? What did it entail? I'm talking RL not online. Thanks :)


I would never pay for it, nor would I ever charge. If you wanted to make Lasagna and there were people who could teach you, would you expect to pay? Conversely, if you knew how to make it and someone wanted to learn, would you charge them?

What I find disturbing around here is this "cash" mentality that seems to pervade the discussions. Now, I am NOT throwing barbs at the Pro Dommes. I feel that the Pros have a place in this community, and generally serve (don't jump on the word before I'm finished LOL) a segment of our community that otherwise would not be served if there weren't Pro's. However, I believe (and I certainly could be wrong) that there are many more of us that are in the community who are not professionals.

I have a couple 'specialties', and I've done workshops and taught others techniques without the thought of being compensated monetarily. I do it because I didn't wake up one morning knowing how to do rope bondage, or wield a singletail. Someone took the time to teach me both of those things. Not because I paid them, but because I'd proved to be an honorable member of my kink community.

Now, the naysayers and the 'private only' people are welcome to poo poo what I'm saying here. That's your right. But you can't effectively learn how to do the intricuit things we do solely from instruction manuals. Eventually, you have to get out there and meet other people and make friends in the community. If you are afraid of being outed, find a group 100 miles away. Even something as simple as a spanking can be enhanced by talking to other people. I've been doing this quite a while and I recently found out about a technique using brandy that makes the experience for the bottom that much more intense. If I never talked to anyone real, or never went out and joined my fellow kinksters, I probably won't know any of the more interesting twists and tricks.

I currently have a Mentor. She happens to be a woman who I found on the internet in the next city over seven years ago, who was a Pro Domme with her phone number on the internet. I didn't know what a Pro Domme was, but I knew I was kinky. So, I called her up and she directed me to the local organization in my city, and gave me a contact name. Even though she's a Pro, she was very connected in the scene, and even started the group in her city.Since then, she's moved away and I can't see her like I'd like to. However, She is my mentor, and I speak with her once a week, and she has me doing research on things that I've otherwise said I wasn't interested in or wouldn't do. This has helped me enourmously. I do not pay for this in cash. However, we have agreed that if anyone approaches me for help (who's an SSC player) I am to mentor them. She does it because of a sense of community and giving back.

Again, I am not disparaging those who are professionals; I just want to make sure that people realize that there are those of us who aren't where cash never exchanges hands.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to Shayna)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Mentoring - 1/21/2005 6:57:22 AM   
GoddessJules


Posts: 549
Status: offline
quote:

I'm curious about experiences and opinions from Dommes/Dominas/Mistress' who have mentored an inexperienced one. How are you reimbursed for your time and expertise? What did it entail? I'm talking RL not online. Thanks :)


Speaking from the other side, I was mentored by a dominant couple when I came into the "community." At the time, I wasn't even aware of the concept of tribute, however, my common sense told me that:"Hey, these people are taking you under their wing, spending time and expeding effort and energy on you. . . mostly for *my* gain. . .I need to compensate them." So I did. Granted, it wasn't straight cash but flowers for the Lady every time we got together and groceries and toys for the male.

I'm *very* hesitant on taking anyone on these days to mentor simply because of the "it's my right to be taught" attitudes and for the most part, I don't feel that these folks appreciated it.

I do not believe that anyone who receives tribute is a pro. I think that is a big misconception. If your sub makes you a toy, buys you flowers, takes you out to dinner and pays, pays your cell phone bill. . .it's a tribute. And for the most part, I believe that there *is* a measure of tribute in most D/s relationships. I've found *most* that serve me *want* to buy me or make me things. . .even if there is no exchange of cash.

J

_____________________________

A pig's pussy is still pork, just like a bull's balls are still beef.
Click here to visit my site

(in reply to Shayna)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Mentoring - 1/21/2005 7:12:31 AM   
MsSavra


Posts: 29
Joined: 12/16/2004
Status: offline 		Well, I have been Mentor for a number of new subs and have trained quite a few Dommes. I wouldn't dream of being paid for that. I only do it when I feel the person is worth my while, the person is "true". But when I have accepted the responsibility of being a Mentor then it's because I want to teach, I want to help, and because I myself was a newbie and I got help from great people without whom I wouldn't be, where I am now.

Moreover, the task of being a Mentor has no other reward than that any teaching post has - namely to see your pupil grow and develop under the tutelage. The way I see it a Mentor has all the duties of a Dom/me, but none of the rights.

Just my 2 Euro-Cents,

MsSavra

(in reply to Moleculor)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Mentoring - 1/21/2005 10:37:29 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Speaking from the other side, I was mentored by a dominant couple when I came into the "community." At the time, I wasn't even aware of the concept of tribute, however, my common sense told me that:"Hey, these people are taking you under their wing, spending time and expeding effort and energy on you. . . mostly for *my* gain. . .I need to compensate them." So I did. Granted, it wasn't straight cash but flowers for the Lady every time we got together and groceries and toys for the male.


Oh yeah Jules....very good points. See, I don't think of things in terms of 'tribute'. I think of things in terms of 'good manners." I do and have sent my mentor small gifts of appreciation in the course of our mentoring relationship. And others have done nice things for me in appreciation of the time or effort I've spent with them.

There's absolutely no reason why tokens of appreciation should not be exchanged between people. Luke Skywalker may not have paid Yoda, but he kicked some serious ass as a result of his mentorship, and he was nice and polite to Yoda, and he certainly did his homework. Yoda I'm sure was very pleased.... ~grins~

So, in as much as I'm not very comfortable with a 'cash' arrangment, it's never a bad thing to show good manners, appreciation through some kind of 'tribute'.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to GoddessJules)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Mentoring - 1/21/2005 3:35:03 PM   
RosaB


Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline 		Even though I'm a woman in my 40's I'm still pretty wet behind the ears when it comes to the physical aspects of using emplements for scening. I myself have been wondering how one should go about finding a mentor. I had someone that I used to play with on a regular basis, but I wasn't much interested in some areas of play that I am nowadays. You know how it is, as time passes we desire to expand our capabilities we crave new experiences.

I've recently started going to demos sponsered by TES and Dom/Sub orgs, but that's just not the same as being able to get the consistant, practice one needs to become better at the craft. I had a steady play partner for over a year till he became ill. But I never really got a chance to thoroughly hone my skills. Though I get pleanty of offers from young and older males to let me use them,. I just can't see myself playing with them, in a way i'd like to, when I don't know what the heck i'm doing with that single tail they wish for me to use on them.

I'd be open to training with a nonpro or a pro domme/dom, , just to get more experience, but I'm not sure about the best way to approach this. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Rosa

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Mentoring - 1/21/2005 4:00:42 PM   
Shayna


Posts: 205
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for this discussion. My original intent (tho it's not all that important) was about Doms mentoring Doms and by reimbursement I was thinking more about non-cash tributes. As far as finding a mentor, that's what I'm in the midst of doing; I approached a Domme that I have a lot of respect for. I think of it as a trust relationship for which I'll be extremely grateful, and hopefully show that gratitude in a satisfying manner. Feedback and guidance of someone wiser and more experienced than myself is really what I'm looking for.


(in reply to RosaB)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Mentoring - 1/21/2005 4:34:03 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I agree, when someone mentions mentoring, reimbursement is thr furthest thing from My mind-- I do however use it as an oppty to get things done around the house, errands, etc as a means of training---

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to Shayna)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Mentoring - 1/21/2005 4:53:12 PM   
GoddessJules


Posts: 549
Status: offline
quote:

I agree, when someone mentions mentoring, reimbursement is thr furthest thing from My mind-- I do however use it as an oppty to get things done around the house, errands, etc as a means of training---


How many dominants that you have mentored actually did your errands and did things around your house and accepted it as "training?????"

J

_____________________________

A pig's pussy is still pork, just like a bull's balls are still beef.
Click here to visit my site

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Mentoring - 1/21/2005 5:05:25 PM   
sting516


Posts: 505
Joined: 9/4/2004
From: long island, ny
Status: offline 		While i've had no personal experience from S+M mentors, it's something that i think falls somewhere short of healthy. i'll start off by saying that many mentors surely have the best of intentions, probably most of them. That said, i've also seen people mentor others who have no business mentoring anyone, and barely get by in their own day to day existence.

Beyond that, i believe that the best thing for someone is to have many voices talking to them...at that point, the newbie should take in all the information and then follow their heart from there.

As always, your mileage may vary.


sting

(in reply to GoddessJules)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Mentoring - 1/21/2005 5:40:20 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I too am interested in being Mentored/paying (if not too expensive) to learn some safe play, but my google search in RI has yielded limited results (though I'm not very good/very patient with computer.

Sorry, that doesn't answer your question in any way, but I'll follow your thread, and see if I too can get clued in. M

(in reply to Shayna)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Mentoring - 1/21/2005 6:04:10 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

How many dominants that you have mentored actually did your errands and did things around your house and accepted it as "training?????"

J


Very good question Jules.....Cause you can be damned sure that I'm not going to be doing any housework as reimbursement...

L

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to GoddessJules)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Mentoring - 1/21/2005 8:02:17 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I should have been clearer I do not mentor Dom/mes, I mentor susbs/slaves only

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Mentoring - 4/18/2005 1:54:46 AM   
MissCrystalBlade


Posts: 17
Joined: 4/14/2005
Status: offline 		My mentor was also my best friend and lover so there was no issue of reimbursement. I have mentored a few other Dominants in particular types of scenes and I have never asked for nor accepted any type of compensation for it. For me it is a matter of helping others to scene safely and to grow within the lifestyle.

(in reply to Shayna)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Mentoring - 4/18/2005 3:21:50 PM   
DallasDiva


Posts: 36
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: Dallas
Status: offline 		I have mentored a few subs and Dom/Dommes. The ones who got the best out of it experienced beginning the way I did...as a submissive. A few of my past slaves have gone on to be Dominants over another....but still submissive to me. They learned, grew, and had a great time. I still top each or we top others, on rare occasions. I always started off with basic instruction...as if you were taking a class...then on to the lab (hands on ~wink~). But playing was never something I jumped into. I want someone to make sure this is the life for them, first. I was given that chance and think everyone deserves that. These were very inexperienced subs, mind you.

I have also mentored those that never submited to me...and that is ok too. Friendships developed on a more equal level...exept I was more knowledgable abotu the lifestyle and tequniques. I never asked for anything in return but a promise that they would play safe and sane and all of that...and that they would mentor someone when the need arrised.

DD

(in reply to Shayna)
Profile   Post #: 20
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