vanilla back-up

vanilla back-up (Full Version)

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gypsylee -> vanilla back-up (10/6/2006 7:13:19 PM)
i've just been reading the thread on "playing vanilla" which struck a chord with me because i personally believe we need to be able to do more than just "play" vanilla. this viewpoint comes from experience. my first Dom and i were pretty much 24/7. this was all fine and dandy while we were living at his place. but due to geographical and financial circumstances we had no real choice but to live at my Mother's house. yes, he did get a job while we were living there but we had to save for about 18mths in order to buy a house. now, even though we had our own part of the house, it just wasn't feasible to do a lot of the things we were previously doing while in the same house as my mum and my brother. and even though it was easy enough for us to relate to each other on a vanilla level, when it came to sex and intimacy we were lost. our sex life went from full-on to virtually nil. we were young and inexperienced and we did rush into things, so obviously it could've been handled better. but i do think it's important to have a solid underlying vanilla relationship and even the occasional good old vanilla root. you never really know what's going to crop up in your life... people lose their jobs, babies get born, family members get sick and need care etc etc. so yeah, i happen to like vanilla icecream and i recommend people have it in their fridge as a back-up. you can always add topping, choc chips, nuts, whatever. [sm=mrpuffy.gif] vanilla-flavoured-gypsy

SweetSarijane -> RE: vanilla back-up (10/6/2006 7:51:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gypsylee but i do think it's important to have a solid underlying vanilla relationship and even the occasional good old vanilla root. you never really know what's going to crop up in your life... people lose their jobs, babies get born, family members get sick and need care etc etc. so yeah, i happen to like vanilla icecream and i recommend people have it in their fridge as a back-up. you can always add topping, choc chips, nuts, whatever. [sm=mrpuffy.gif] vanilla-flavoured-gypsy I definitely agree that there needs to be a vanilla relationship first for me...not necessarily for all, as some are looking for something different, but for me I need the vanilla as well as the kink and making sure we relate on a vanilla, everyday level and truly like and fit with each other first is, in my opinion, the smart way to do it, and is what I am in the process of doing now.

gypsylee -> RE: vanilla back-up (10/6/2006 9:13:49 PM)
we are too. there's still a D/s edge but it's not overt. and it's funny. we were at the supermarket a while back and i wanted to get plain vanilla icecream so He says, 'yeah that's cool, i can just buy some topping.' good metaphor.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: vanilla back-up (10/6/2006 9:19:03 PM)
quote: and even though it was easy enough for us to relate to each other on a vanilla level, when it came to sex and intimacy we were lost. our sex life went from full-on to virtually nil. It's interesting that you brought this up because when I first began looking at kinky way of doing things, aside from simply being the leader in the relationship, I simply thought that it would be like vanilla, only better in that you could make it a lot more interesting with materials to bind, pinch and hurt... Imagine my surprise when boys began to tell me they've never been permitted sex/intercourse and therefore it was not a comfortable/desirable thing for them. Now, I know enough to ask someone to elaborate when we speak about sex, what it is they expect/desire, because I expect it all from my lover/slave. For myself, vanilla is always there either standing alone, or mingled with something else. M

raiken -> RE: vanilla back-up (10/6/2006 9:31:53 PM)
Ah all this "play" talk lately...grin....i want some....but yeah i get what you mean gypsylee, in fact, i got it many years ago when i first began having relationships. i don't "play" at life anymore ...when i was young it was the same for me...there was a time when i went through that stage of confusion, trying to balance my intimate desires with my life's responsibilities...and trying to find my identity along with it, and with the reality of the fullness of life outside of my relationship and within it. What did it for me, was finding my identity, in "me", the person, "first and foremost" and NOT looking to anyone else. Once i knew who i truly was as a whole individual, it became crystal. It took a little while of soul searching and some similar experiences such as yours to gain the lessonn and the knowledge. Glad you got this lesson done with and out of the way. smile Good thought. i always say to my gal pals, (sorry guys s) that we are whole people, multifaceted women, and that each facet just shines brighter under certain lighting conditions. *smile

spanklette -> RE: vanilla back-up (10/6/2006 9:48:39 PM)
I'm fairly sure I understand what you're saying, but I don't understand why being able to relate in difficult or unexpected situations requires being "vanilla". I'm not sure I can find a dividing line in my relationship where I can say this is "vanilla" and that part is not. The D/s dynamic is the bread and butter of our relationship...even when it's not overt. I agree to the extent that if the relationship cannot survive without play, then you're probably in trouble. But, just because we aren't playing doesn't make us or our dynamic "vanilla".

Tikkiee -> RE: vanilla back-up (10/6/2006 9:52:04 PM)
Going into any kind of a relationship without some kind of interests outside of the bedroom is a recipe for failure. No way around that.

Iskander -> RE: vanilla back-up (10/6/2006 9:58:03 PM)
I liken it to driving along the freeway at 110k's and then the limit drops to 50k's because you are travelling through a town, it's really hard to stick to 50 and it seems like walking would be faster... Iskander..

Tikkiee -> RE: vanilla back-up (10/6/2006 10:01:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Iskander I liken it to driving along the freeway at 110k's and then the limit drops to 50k's because you are travelling through a town, it's really hard to stick to 50 and it seems like walking would be faster... Iskander.. /scratches head sorry Iskander, but that analogy went right over my head lol.

SirDaniel -> RE: vanilla back-up (10/6/2006 10:03:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gypsylee we are too. there's still a D/s edge but it's not overt. and it's funny. we were at the supermarket a while back and i wanted to get plain vanilla ice cream so He says, 'yeah that's cool, i can just buy some topping.' good metaphor. LMAO.. We said the same thing the other night..>:) She asked if I wanted vanilla ice cream, I said as long as we have something to throw into the mix..>:)

SirDaniel -> RE: vanilla back-up (10/6/2006 10:08:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tikkiee quote: ORIGINAL: Iskander I liken it to driving along the freeway at 110k's and then the limit drops to 50k's because you are traveling through a town, it's really hard to stick to 50 and it seems like walking would be faster... Iskander.. /scratches head sorry Iskander, but that analogy went right over my head lol. change it to 110 mph then down to 50 mph.. D/s side compare to vanilla.

gypsylee -> RE: vanilla back-up (10/6/2006 10:23:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tikkiee Going into any kind of a relationship without some kind of interests outside of the bedroom is a recipe for failure. No way around that. that wasn't our problem at all. if anything it was the opposite. we had a great relationship but it was more like really good friends. we bought a house and had a child and even now we still get along. we just didn't have sex much.

Iskander -> RE: vanilla back-up (10/6/2006 10:23:45 PM)
Simply put, it's the rush and arenaline of the speed, If you're so used to that rush and it's suddenly not there anymore for some reason, it seems boring, bland and unenjoyable... Iskander...

Iskander -> RE: vanilla back-up (10/6/2006 10:29:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirDaniel change it to 110 mph then down to 50 mph.. D/s side compare to vanilla. Imperial is so old school.. [:D] 110mph is certainly a much bigger buzz though... Iskander...

gypsylee -> RE: vanilla back-up (10/6/2006 10:30:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: spanklette ...but I don't understand why being able to relate in difficult or unexpected situations requires being "vanilla". I'm not sure I can find a dividing line in my relationship where I can say this is "vanilla" and that part is not. The D/s dynamic is the bread and butter of our relationship...even when it's not overt. I agree to the extent that if the relationship cannot survive without play, then you're probably in trouble. But, just because we aren't playing doesn't make us or our dynamic "vanilla". yeah... i think we're just differing in our definition of "vanilla" or something? like i said, my relationship always has a D/s vibe to it too. i dunno... i'm confused now! how would you define "vanilla"? [sm=idea.gif]

spanklette -> RE: vanilla back-up (10/6/2006 10:43:12 PM)
For my own safety and the safety of all involved, I'm not going to attempt to define anything.[:D] I'm pretty sure we agree, sort of. I just don't believe that changing the dynamic of the relationship is always necessary in challenging situations. I'll even go farther to say that it's healthy to have variety in a relationship. That being said, anyone on the outside looking in on our relationship...well, their eyes would prolly melt at what we consider tame or "vanilla".[:-] I suppose, it all comes back to perceptions.

becca333 -> RE: vanilla back-up (10/6/2006 10:43:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Iskander Simply put, it's the rush and arenaline of the speed, If you're so used to that rush and it's suddenly not there anymore for some reason, it seems boring, bland and unenjoyable... Iskander... Rather than changing to a slower speed, I think of it as going from a Harley to a family sedan. Each has their own particular joys and uses, they're just different ways of getting where you want to go. No reason you can't enjoy the trip either way. (Although the Harley is way more exciting!)

Iskander -> RE: vanilla back-up (10/6/2006 11:13:20 PM)
What I said obviously does not apply to everyone, not even to myself in most scenario's, but an 'adrenalin junky' would be able to relate, and most of the time it isn't about the 'trip', it's about the 'destination'... People don't queue up for hours because they like standing in lines, they do it for the rollercoaster thrill after the wait... Not sure if it's a Harley vs Sedan thing either, a sedan driven at 150kph is more exciting than a Harley going at 50kph... Iskander...

becca333 -> RE: vanilla back-up (10/6/2006 11:43:53 PM)
Exactly. It's all in how you do it. Even if you love the Harley, there's nothing wrong with a sedan ride now and then, and it can have its own charms and excitements.

gypsylee -> RE: vanilla back-up (10/6/2006 11:56:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: spanklette For my own safety and the safety of all involved, I'm not going to attempt to define anything.[:D] I'm pretty sure we agree, sort of. I just don't believe that changing the dynamic of the relationship is always necessary in challenging situations.... yeah. i spose my OP was more directed at those in the lifestyle who are as new 'gung-ho' as i was at the time (and to an extent still am.) or those take it to extremes... like the other day i was filling in a government form and i had to state my relationship to Iskander... and i wondered whether some bdsmers would have a hard time with writing 'partner' as opposed to something like 'slave' or 'Master'. that's somewhat of a digression but i thought i'd throw it in...

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