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RE: Three Catagories - 1/22/2005 9:28:51 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline
quote:

All human beings possess categorical rules or scripts that they use to interpret the world. It’s called schematics and we all do it. When we see a creature flying in the sky, our brain runs through a series of schematics and our first conclusion: “It’s a bird”. Then of course we try to zoom in on it to identify, it is a big bird, a small bird, a white bird, a black bird… all this information will help us categorise what kind of bird it is. Sometimes we are stumped and we cannot identify it. But we try. And it’s not out of mischief but rather out of our curious human nature.

Milady A-

brillant, blonde beauty-

I have a strong urge to bite you.

It is so good to see you back-

when are you coming to NYC again?

Stay warm,
Lawrence



_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Three Catagories - 1/23/2005 4:31:48 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
labels are just small, insignificant scraps of cloth that help hold the bigger picture together, but are not the most important part of the garment.

Are the needed? By some yes... others, have no need for them. A catergory is much larger... it is more like a grouping that includes different similarities.

I am a submissive/slave/vampire/service orientated/pleasureslave/fulllimit/nolimit/consensual/shoe'n'footfetish/throatfetish with Sadistic tendancies... whatever Master WANTS kinda gal....

*laughing*

Peace n love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Three different names! - 1/24/2005 11:34:05 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		The labelling of SM is a difficult matter
It isn't just one of your holiday games
at first you may think me as mad as a hatter
when I say that both sides have three different names!

First there's the kind who don't like to play daily
they think of SM as just bedroom games -
such as Swingers or cyberkind black blue and paisley
all of them sensible everyday names.
There are fancier titles if you think they sound sweeter,
some for dominants and some for the subs:
such as bottoms or tops, players and kinkster
but all of them sensible everyday names.

But I tell you, a true perv needs a title particular
a name that's particular and more dignified.
How else can he keep his whip perpendicular,
or lay out his clothespins, or cherish his pride?
Of names of this kind I can give you a quorum,
such as Slave, Goddess, Master, Lordling or Thrall
More meaningful then just dom or mere bottom -
Names that distinguish them from all other kinds.

But above and beyond there's one label left over
and that is the label you just can't define
the name that no human research can discover
peculiar to each of us, its origin divine.

(With apologies to T S Eliot)

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Three Catagories - 1/25/2005 12:28:47 AM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		What’s in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;

- Romeo

A name is a name is a name... titles work the same way. Be who you feel like being. Be a Goddess... be a pony... be an alley cat... be a lady of the night, prowling the streets... be a potted plant if that's what rocks your socks.

Live and let live.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to ShadeDiva)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Three Catagories - 1/25/2005 10:44:10 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline 		Oh my, I love this stuff.

I am sure I have this on some old post somewhere on this site, but it is fun (and can be rewarding) to revisit it anew every once in a while.

So here are my categories:

Top/Bottom: This is my general classification of all BDSM relationships. Tops are generally the actors, while bottoms are generally the acted upon.

The Top/Bottom dynamic can then be further broken down into the following sub-categories:
Master/Servant: Top enjoys having services performed, bottom enjoys performing services. Think "Bruce Wayne and Alfred" or "The Stable Boy and Buttercup"
Trainer/Slave: Top enjoys training, bottom enjoys being trained.
Master/Slave: Top enjoys owning another as property, bottom enjoys being owned. Think "Story of O"
Owner/Pet: Top enjoys owning another human as a pet (animal or human), bottom enjoys being owned as a pet.
Big/little: Top enjoys the role of the caretaking adult, bottom enjoys being cared for as a child.
Dominant/Submissive: Top enjoys displaying physical/mental dominance over another, bottom enjoys being physically/mentally dominanted. Think "rape scenes", "bondage scenes", and "wrestling scenes"
Sadist/Masochist: Top enjoys causing pain, bottom enjoys pain.

Most people have bits of all of these kinds of relationship desires in them, and it is not uncommon to find someone who likes to top in one dynamic and bottom in another. (For example, there are slaves who enjoy bottoming as a slave in a Master/slave relationship, yet also enjoy topping in a Trainer/slave relationship to newer slaves.)

In addition, there are people who do not derive their pleasure from the relationship dynamic, but rather the acts themselves. I think of these as fetishists (think latex or feet) or sensualists.

As always, YMMV, and so might mine. I have added quite a few thoughts since the last time I posted a reply to this kind of question, and I am sure my ideas will continue to change, grow, and evolve.

Yours,
Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Three Catagories - 1/25/2005 11:43:13 AM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		I prefer to classify myself using the Latin, "WIGTI TIMJR ITM", which stands for;

"What I Got Talked Into, That I Might Just Regret, In The Morning."

caitlyn

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Three Catagories - 1/25/2005 12:10:25 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		That's not really latin, though, is it? It's more of a very long acronym (of which, of course, the romans were very fond)

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Three Catagories - 1/25/2005 12:11:45 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadameDahlia

be a potted plant if that's what rocks your socks.



DUDE!!! YOU DIG POTTED PLANTS, TOO?!?

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Three Catagories - 1/25/2005 3:12:41 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		My extensive research (three minutes on google) tells me that it's a rare strain of Latin, spoken by the Etruscans of the Po Valley, whom anthropologists have determined were the actual inventors of the BDSM lifestyle.

Proof of this can be determined from pottery shards bearing images of various spanking activity, with inscription that loosely translate as, "Dat Po Girl!"

< Message edited by caitlyn -- 1/25/2005 3:13:43 PM >

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Three Catagories - 12/29/2007 2:11:53 AM   
Envisioner


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		I'm a great believer in the power of labels.  Myers-Brigg types, favorite colors, spiritual elements...all just ways of better understanding ourselves.  No label can confine you, it can only define you so others may better understand the complex, multifaceted truth that is You.

All that said, though, it helps to know what a label means to others, so I have this question.  The distinction between Owner/Slave and Dom(ina)/Sub has been explored, but how would you distinguish Dom(ina)s from Tops and Subs from Bottoms?  Collarme doesn't offer Top and Bottom labels, so how can I tell whether the "submissive" I'm talking to wants to be treated as a sub or a bottom (other than just asking her, which is the plan, but it'd be nice to go into the conversation forewarned)?  For that matter, how can I tell whether I'm a Top or a Dom?  Not understanding the labels well, I know only that I am Me.

(in reply to ShadeDiva)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Three Catagories - 12/29/2007 6:17:45 AM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		Dude-
 
you realise that you just chimed in on a conversation that ended nearly three years ago?  Not that your post isn't a valued contribution, just that there must be a more recent thread on label and boxes around...
 
I'm just sayin', yanno?
 
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to Envisioner)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Three Catagories - 12/29/2007 8:18:15 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressFire70

To me, the most basic difference is this:

subs and their Dominants have a limited power exchange. This limit may be in length of time (say a weekend) or in area of control (say total control over clothes but not food) or both.

A slave, on the other hand, wants to surrender totally to a Master (gender neutral). A slave will only ever had one choice: to obey or not.

Fire



Unless of course the rules in their dynamic include not obeying if it will not be good for the s type or the relationship or any family member therein.

Obedience is not his kink. Emotional transparency is. So if I obey but become angry and resentful I damage the relationship. If I don't do it, and I talk to him instead and we stop the anger and resentful then by disobeying one order, I have actually served the relationship better.

We aren't all cookie cutter shapes, easily labeled. Some of us are multifaceted people.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MistressFire70)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Three Catagories - 12/30/2007 5:46:45 AM   
Envisioner


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
We aren't all cookie cutter shapes, easily labeled. Some of us are multifaceted people.


Of course we're not cookie cutters; to me a label is more like a decoration placed on a cake.  You can write the word "Happy" and the word "Birthday" on a cake, but if you write them both, the recipient of the cake will be puzzled if it isn't their birthday.  So if someone tells me they're a submissive when they're really looking to top from the bottom, then it's clear that there's a labelling failure involve; they should wear the correct label for what their kink is, and say outright, "I want to tell a man what to do to me" so that I don't waste my time on them, being that I want to be making the decisions (with general advance consent of course).

I'm inclined to think it's a bit wasteful that the terms "top" and "dominant", or those "bottom" and "slave" are generally held to mean the same thing.  I think a person who wants to direct every aspect of their treatment ought to be called a bottom, while one who wants to surrender their freedom to a trusted and loved partner to do as he wishes ought to be called a submissive.  Similarly, a Top is just acting dominant for their partner's pleasure, while a Dom actually is dominant because *that's* their partner's pleasure.  Of course, that's just my off-the-cuff opinion and I'm perfectly willing to be told why it's wrong, but if nobody sees any problem with it, it seems sensible to me.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Three Catagories - 12/30/2007 7:24:49 AM   
anowner


Posts: 24
Joined: 10/26/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline 		Categorizing behaviors is something I do a lot. Categorizing people is something I do much less. These categories are pretty good first cuts, but life requires more subtlety.

That said, caitlyn's category:

quote:

"What I Got Talked Into, That I Might Just Regret, In The Morning."


is one I'm very fond of encountering. If she were a hundred miles or so closer, she'd be getting a mash note.

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 34
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