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knees2you -> “NEW” RULES FOR LIVING IN LAS VEGAS (10/7/2006 12:05:44 AM)
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“NEW” RULES FOR LIVING IN LAS VEGAS
1. First, it's pronounced LOSS-VAYGUS. It doesn't matter how they say it
in other places.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Las Vegas has its own
set of traffic rules. There's no book about them. All you can do is get in
your car and hope you survive to learn them.
3. All directions start with, "Go down 95...'cause you don't want to
get on 15."
4. Las Vegas Blvd , Charleston Blvd, and Torrey Pines have no beginning and
no end.
5. It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the same
street that you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls this a "scenic
drive"
6. The 8:00 am rush hour is from 4:30am to 11:30am. The 5:00pm rush hour
is from 11:30am to 10:15pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning,
and ends sometime late Sunday night.
7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, then you cannot be from Las
Vegas. You may only apply your brakes when the end of a yellow light and
the beginning of the red light create a "pumpkin-orange" hue.
8. For the most part, you can do anything you want, as long as it isn't in
a school zone.
9. Just remember that Camino Al Norte is Martin Luther King Blvd. , Boulder
Highway is Fremont Street , Eastern Ave is 25th Street or Civic Center
Drive, Desert Inn is Lamb Blvd. , Spring Mountain/Sands/Twain are all the
same street. Don't try to figure it out. Just accept it. If you question
the intelligence behind this naming convention, people will simply tilt
their heads to the right and stare at you.
10. Henderson is the only place in the world where THREE "parallel"
streets intersect at one traffic light. That would be the 4-way of Green
Valley Parkway/Eastern Avenue/Maryland Parkway . For laughs, ask your
middle school Geometry teacher to try to explain it.
11. Rainbow Blvd. has THREE exits from the 95, this just makes giving
driving directions to newbies more entertaining. There is also a Lake
Mead "Drive" and a Lake Mead "Boulevard" and both run east/west, but are
30 miles apart. You have to be specific when you say "the corner of Lake
Mead and........" Again this is just another way to harass the 5000
newcomers every month.
12. Many major roads just end abruptly in somebody's garage, a Home Depot,
a Casino or McCarran International Airport Runways and start again after
the interruption. That was done to encourage you to "see the sights" and
meet new people. For fun, just try to take Harmon Avenue from Rainbow to
Nellis.
13. If moisture at hand is determined to be rain, not sweat, all traffic
must immediately cease. Ditto for daylight savings time, girl
applying eye-shadow across the street, or a flat tire 3 lanes over. Do
not attempt to access any road after an apocalyptic event like snow,
blowing dust, or a 3-day weekend.
14. Once a year, when it rains, the Las Vegas wash and the City of Las
Vegas are one.
15. The wind blows every day, and it is impossible to live in Las
Vegas without some kind of allergy drug.
16. Construction on I-15 and US 95 is a way of life and a permanent form
of entertainment. I-215 will never be completed. Get used to it!
17. Stay away from the corner of Nellis and Las Vegas Blvd. if you do not
like the thought of being in a remake of the movie "Top Gun."
18. And, yes, we all know that man in a teddy and a tiara on Fremont
Street. His name is Leslie and he probably makes more money than you
do.
As Always, Ant, & LilBecque[sm=news.gif]
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