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LadyHugs -> RE: Teach Me About Protocol (10/7/2006 5:23:47 AM)
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Dear newdombbw, Ladies and Gentlemen; Here is an extract from "The Manual - How you give service." US Library of Congress Certificiation and Registered TXu 828-635 1997 DUNGEON ETIQUETTE
1. Play should be conducted in a safe, sane and consensual manner.
2. Doors often open and close at a predetermined time. Make every effort to arrive on time and within the time frame specified by the host/hostess in the invitation.
3. Be discrete. Do be mum about the party invitation you receive as it may hurt the feelings of those not invited.
4. Bring something to the table. Sometimes the host/hostess will advise you task to bring items such as sodas, snacks, finger foods, napkins, plates and/or cups or other items.
5. Unless told otherwise, show up to leather events dressed in casual clothes or street clothes and change once inside the party location. Bring your toys in a container or gym bag as not to attract attention. The main idea is not to let the neighbors know what is taking place inside.
6. Cameras are not allowed! If you want to take photographs, get permission from the host/hostess first and get permission form those people to whom you wish to photograph regardless if you photograph from the neck down. Polaroids are preferred, as they develop immediately, and can screen those unwanted persons from the photo. This includes camera phones as well. (Something when I wrote "The Manual - How you give service didn't exist then).
7. It is generally frowned upon to bring a non-scene person/guest to the party or scene events and most importantly the play space. It is never appropriate to bring unsuspecting persons to a play party without telling them what will be seeing and what to expect.
8. Treat others with respect and consideration at all times, regardless if Dominant or submissive. Do not assume the only worthwhile outcome of attending is a sexual encounter. Networking and making friends is a value.
9. First names and nicknames are the normal at scene functions. Treat everybody's identify as confidential and avoid using your last name, phone number, work number until you get to know them better. Avoid using scene names in non-scene environments.
10. It is seldom required, but always appreciated when people dress in scene attire or fetish attire. If you do not have one or can not afford them, the basic black is always acceptable. 11. Never, Never interfere with a scene without prior approval of the Dominant and submissive first. It is most rude to just walk up and start touching the submissive and begin playing with them.
12. Never, Never touch any equipment or toys that belong to others without their knowledge and consent.
13. Be sensitive about the smoke issue. Most all of the private dungeons are: No Smoking! There are designated smoking areas. Do not smoke outside of those areas.
14. Possession of illegal drugs is forbidden at leather events. It goes without saying that it is also illegal and a criminal offense.
15. Alcohol is frowned upon. Due to its inebriating effect and drunkenness in a scene is a hazard. If you come to a function intoxicated, do not be surprised or offended if you are denied admission or asked to leave. If the host/hostess wish to be most gracious they may allow you to watch but not play or participate and not consume further alcohol.
16. If you find yourself light of a few toys or picked up new ones by accident, notify the host/hostess the next day as to have arrangements to return and/or receive the toy back. But do note, not everybody is trustworthy and there are thieves among us.
17. Sexual penetration, oral sex or a exchange of body fluids is often behavior which is not desired on bondage furniture during a party. In private is the best, unless its approved by the host/hostess and if you do have sex clean up after yourself and the furniture. Most times sexual activities are off limits and if they are done, are done in a designated room. Further, there is usually no urine, blood or scat play at these functions. Fisting is also not usually permitted. In public dungeons any masturbation, sexual stimulation, sex, blood, urine and genital torture is forbidden. Each area is different so check the Dungeon Rules posted by the Management.
18. If you see things happening in a scene that does not look safe, sane or consensual do alert the host/hostess or the dungeon Master/Mistress or staff in the public dungeon.
19. Ask about and Obey house rules. House rules are defined by the host/hostess.
The word of the Host/Hostess is Final! House rules vary from place to place.
Full contact sex is relatively uncommon in the heterosexual parties specially in the dungeon area. Full contact sex should go to the bedroom-designated area, sometimes an altered bedroom with bondage equipment in there.
20. Do not mob the women.
21. Keep the kids and pets home.
22. Use your common sense, watch and observe, learn and listen, seek advice and if you have a question ask! But if you have a question wait till scenes are over to ask your question of the players or ask some person who is not occupied.
23. If you disagree do not be disagreeable! Remain civil. There will be personalities that conflict with your own. Be ladies and gentlemen and you might be invited back or invited to other parties.
24. Do not stand in the way of play. If you get hit with a whip or other toy, shame on you!
25. Do not interrupt play or move in on a play scene unless you are invited by the Dominant. It is ok to watch, but do not be a Mister/Miss know-it-all! If they want you to play they will invite you. And, if and when invited, be under the advisement and direction of the main Dominant. That Dominant is in charge and knows the limits and boundaries of the submissive/slave.
26. Be respectful to all people. You will find all kinds of body shapes, different fetishes, different genders, different races and different styles of play. Your kink may not be their kink.
27. Submissive/Bottoms should not hover or circle like a bird of prey over the Dominants. This is especially true when engaged in conversation, or just when the Dominant sits down after the scene. When there is a break in the conversation then ask politely if they can be permitted to speak and/or ask things, then available.
28. Do Not Ask to Borrow Toys! Especially when they are sex toys or toys that penetrate. These are one person toys and for health purposes should remain so. Bring your own toys, if you are not prepared to play, too bad! You however, can ask a dominant who is prepared and has toys to use on the bottom. Further, you can ask the Dominant to demonstrate how they are used and/or how they can be used. Should you borrow a toy, it is the responsibility of the borrower to replace the toy if the toy is damaged regardless of what the degree of the damage is.
29. Manners, when proper for either non-consensual or in the Scene is always appreciated. Manners also exclude the use of profanity or vulgar language and/or acts/gestures. Nobody, regardless if in the Scene or not, complain about manners and etiquette that are good.
30. Use common sense. If you are going to do a fire scene/fire play, that open flames are exposed, make sure that all the safety measures are met. If you need to, have somebody assist. This way nobody accidentally hits the flames, catches on fire or spills the flame source. A blanket should also be available to smother the flames should clothes catch fire. The need for the Dominant to focus on the submissive is most important; the jewelry must be off, hair tied up and out of the way as well as loose sleeves.
31. At a private dungeon party and you are not doing anything, start picking up the trash and put them in the trash can. The Host/Hostess will appreciate any assistance in making the party space clean, neat and attractive. For Submissives this is one of the best ways to make an impression when on their own act to clean up the dungeon.
32. Just because you are invited to a dungeon party, that does not mean you are required to play. Some women are not ready to play. Some are shy or will not play in public however, use the opportunity to get to know folks, chat and exchanged scene ideas and horror stories.
33. BDSM is not prejudice. There are many that are fat, tall, skinny, physically blessed, some are novice, some are experienced, some are of different color or different play styles and fetishes. But when you gossip it always comes back to the source. So do be careful how you talk about people.
34. It is wise, to advise the Host/Hostess of any medical problems which may be a problem. Such as seizures, diabetic and/or heart, so that the Host and/or Hostess can monitor and not have panic and confusion in the middle of a crisis especially when it happens mid-scene. Further, have a list of what to do and medications and how to apply ready and prepared and in easy reach of you as to permit fast application of what ever is needed.
35. It is most kind of Host/Hostess to open their private home and dungeon to the partygoer. It is highly encouraged to send a written thank you note to the Host/Hostess thanking them for the opportunity to attend. Please save your list of complaints for a later time unless its too serious to ignore.
36. Host/Hostess and/or Dungeon Masters and Mistresses should be the epitome of Etiquette and good manners. Unfortunately, some in the public dungeons or the naive, violate the very same rules they expect others to obey. This should be a mark of the degree of knowledge or the scene aware the management is.
37. Dungeons are not a place for competition play. There are many skilled and unskilled players. The major thing is to play safe. Not all the fancy whip work could be safe.
38. Some public dungeons have "performances" or those who are compensated to put on a show. Do not confuse this with a special relationship between a Dominant and submissive, Master and/or Mistress-slave. Or even a Top-bottom player. When playing with your partner, tune out the rest and focus on each other. After done playing both can sit and watch and pick up new ideas and techniques or use the opportunity to educate what is good and bad, mistakes and observation skills or place a what if that scene was my scene, what would I keep or change.
End of extract -- I am the author of The Manual- How you give service.
Munches, often hope that you will behave in a well mannered way. It is not time to 'scene' or 'show an tell' your toys. It is in a vanilla setting and its good to be mindful that it is shared space. It mostly is a gathering as to just enjoy each other's company. Protocol will be seen in an nearly invisible manner between D/s couples.
The dominant will be seated first and then the slave and or submissive. At times when there is a buffet; the dominant leads and shows the slave what they want and the slave/submissive plates those items on, carries it to the table for you and serve from the right, if space and ability to do so permits. Then they'll get their own food.
Voices do carry. So, being as quiet as possible is nice. If you have to move as to carry a conversation do so. Our scene chatter is to be kept in the group and don't wish to make the BDSM table a source of complaints. In the old days it was harder to find places that would allow such a gathering. So, in keeping that in mind, treat every place that hosts kinky folks as a rare jewel is wise, in my mind's eye.
Others have made wonderful comments as well. Being new is not a dirty word.
I am sure you will find helpful hints from those who attend munches and parties.
Private parties--the afore listed rules will serve you well.
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
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