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What makes me a good sub? - 10/7/2006 10:49:56 AM

lilmado

Posts: 29
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline

Hello all,
I am still an inexperienced sub, having been with my very first dom for a couple of months.
With him, I am happy to give up being a girl and become his pig, and I feel very happy to do anything to hear his saying "good pig" to me, so that I wish I could always do what he expect me to do. However, when I'm apart from him...meaning most of the time, I don't know what he expect for me to do. He usually limits my contact with him to make me realize how much I need him and only talks to me on a planned date, allowing me to send him only one email or text everyday. Last time I talked with him was more than a week ago, and I was supposed to talk with him yesterday, but he didn't talked to me. I know it was on purpose (it's not just an accident), but don't know why.....I'd missed him so much while not being able to talk with him, so I'd kept sent a long , maybe too much emotional email everyday. Although it was only one everyday as he told, now I feel like it might have been too much...? or Knowing how much I'm suffering from not being able to talk with him, he's just enjoying it...? And I don't know whether I should just shut up until he tells me to speak or I should keep telling him that emotional "i miss you and need you" kinda message until he tells me to shut up.....?

I feel like I am mentally too weak to be a good sub, hell worried about every single tiny thing......are there any suggestions...?

Post #: 1

RE: What makes me a good sub? - 10/7/2006 11:26:58 AM

TxBadMan

Posts: 198
Joined: 4/7/2006
From: Moody, Texas
Status: offline

quote:

I feel like I am mentally too weak to be a good sub, hell worried about every single tiny thing......are there any suggestions...?

My suggestion

run...run as far from this guy as you can...and do it fast cause what he is putting you through is just plain WRONG.

_____________________________

Chris

(in reply to lilmado)

Post #: 2

RE: What makes me a good sub? - 10/7/2006 11:29:23 AM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

well, let's see...you start with a freshly baked hoggie, fill it with your choice of meats and cheeses, lettuce, tomato, pickle, onion and your favorite condiment. some like them toasty, some don't.

LOL

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to TxBadMan)

Post #: 3

RE: What makes me a good sub? - 10/7/2006 11:45:28 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Shame and guilt yourself into continuing to do what you are doing and lose all sense of respect and security. Continue to be miserable with the choices you made for yourself.

BTW thanks for being an example of how submissive does not automatically equal strong.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to lilmado)

Post #: 4

RE: What makes me a good sub? - 10/7/2006 11:48:54 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Shame and guilt yourself into continuing to do what you are doing and lose all sense of respect and security. Continue to be miserable with the choices you made for yourself.

BTW thanks for being an example of how submissive does not automatically equal strong.

BINGO

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 5

RE: What makes me a good sub? - 10/7/2006 11:49:38 AM

amlonging

Posts: 153
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

Knowing I am into bdsm, acctually haven't really experienced, so I want someone who can train me and teach me everything i need to learn about it.

*Updated*
I'm currently in a consideration period of a perfect dom, so I'm not really seeking a dom now. Just hoping to learn things from other ppl doing this and to be able to ask things to experienced ppl on this site because I'm inexperienced:) Thank you!!

lilmado,
The above came from your profile. You admit you are inexperienced. I hope you do not consider the behaviour written in your post, "a perfect dom."
All doms are NOT like this. Have you met him? Served him in real life? Cooked him a meal and know what his persoanlity is like other than what you get in email or chat?
I do know some doms have this behaviour, but it is "usually" a punishment mode in a LDR.

I will venture to say, a submissive is only as good as she knows herself and knows what she offers, or what she demands, needs, wants.

Consider finding a local woman (sub/slave) who you can talk to in a face to face conversation and share with her your concerns and issues...she sharing her wisdom and advice and you asking questions.
A mentor or trainer of this type is not there to judge you, criticize you but to help you through rough spots and open your eyes to issues and concerns you are not yet aware of.

(in reply to lilmado)

Post #: 6

RE: What makes me a good sub? - 10/7/2006 12:30:59 PM

swtsouthernsub

Posts: 477
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline

thank you LuckyAlbtross
i do so injoy reading your views and they still certainly help me grow and understand myself and help me to be a better person period

_____________________________

DEBBIE
Messenger Of Truth
Let the words of my mouth and meditations of my heart,
be acceptable in thy sight O Lord my strength and redeemer
Psalms 19:14

Those with a closed mind live a sheltered life.

(in reply to amlonging)

Post #: 7

RE: What makes me a good sub? - 10/7/2006 12:50:39 PM

lilmado

Posts: 29
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline

Thank you for your replies all,
I guess I've half realized that the type of relationship he can give me is not really the one I want, but at the same time, I feel why I cannot be happy with what he can give me as long as I can serve him...I don't know....mightbe it's just because I don't want to be a bad sub to him, and if it's true...I guess it's dishonesty and that's the last thing I want to have as a sub.....Sorry, I don't speak English well and cannot explain myself really well....but really confused...had no idea it's this hard to have this kind of relationship...or probubly regardless what kinda relatioship.

> amlonging
Yes, that's my stupidity to just say "a parfect dom" without a better knowledge of doms with my inexperience....
Yes, I've met and served him several times

(in reply to amlonging)

Post #: 8

RE: What makes me a good sub? - 10/7/2006 12:59:09 PM

Sab

Posts: 325
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amlonging

Knowing I am into bdsm, acctually haven't really experienced, so I want someone who can train me and teach me everything i need to learn about it.

*Updated*
I'm currently in a consideration period of a perfect dom, so I'm not really seeking a dom now. Just hoping to learn things from other ppl doing this and to be able to ask things to experienced ppl on this site because I'm inexperienced:) Thank you!!

lilmado,
The above came from your profile. You admit you are inexperienced. I hope you do not consider the behaviour written in your post, "a perfect dom."
All doms are NOT like this. Have you met him? Served him in real life? Cooked him a meal and know what his persoanlity is like other than what you get in email or chat?
I do know some doms have this behaviour, but it is "usually" a punishment mode in a LDR.

I will venture to say, a submissive is only as good as she knows herself and knows what she offers, or what she demands, needs, wants.

Consider finding a local woman (sub/slave) who you can talk to in a face to face conversation and share with her your concerns and issues...she sharing her wisdom and advice and you asking questions.
A mentor or trainer of this type is not there to judge you, criticize you but to help you through rough spots and open your eyes to issues and concerns you are not yet aware of.

Read that too and was flabbergasted! :-S

_____________________________

God blessed it and it brought me to her.

(in reply to amlonging)

Post #: 9

RE: What makes me a good sub? - 10/7/2006 3:36:16 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

lilmado:

It might help to remember that the first dominant we are with often is like our first love. Remember way back to your first love? Remember how perfect they seemed and how imperfect you were eventually able to realize they were? The thing that has always helped me was to ask myself how I'd react if a friend asked me about a situation in her life that mirrored the one that was confusing me in mine. Cause, you know, we ALWAYS seem to know better when it comes to someone else. To me, turning things around so that I'm not a part of the equation always helped immensely. Being the friend and not the person involved in what was happening gave me some objectivity.

The only problem is that I had to understand that in the end, I still had to follow the advice I would give to my "friend." When I was able to do that, I found I was happier and more settled in the things I was doing.

Just a suggestion.

juliet

(in reply to Sab)

Post #: 10

RE: What makes me a good sub? - 10/7/2006 3:47:57 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Thats an excellent point, Juliet. Your first Dom/Domme is much like your first love. You cant see whats wrong with the relationship, if there is anything. You often overlook the small things hoping that the big picture wil improve everything. Sometimes, it works out. Sometimes it doesnt. But you also have to realize that no matter how perfect you believe your Master to be, you have to think about yourself as well. Are you happy in this position? If you are, why are you posting? There must be something that isnt sitting well for you to have the doubts.
Just my opinion, of course.
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 11

RE: What makes me a good sub? - 10/7/2006 5:03:21 PM

lilmado

Posts: 29
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline

To Julietsierra & Diurnalvampir
Thank you so much for the great comments. Although I still have to face the important thing, talking to my "friend", that helped me and made me comfortable a lot. Yes, probably it is just like a first love...not knowing things at all...feeling like there is no one better than he is for me despite the problems confronting. It helped me in another way too...although I know I am definitely a sub-type, I've had a doubt if I really have the ability to be one, confronted those problems...but guess it's also like being someone's gf for the first time, definitely not knowing about guys at all, so puzzled by everything...
Thank you so much again...truely helped me.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 12

RE: What makes me a good sub? - 10/8/2006 6:51:14 AM

gypsylee

Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline

oh man. you guys can be so harsh!

i can really relate to and sympathise with lilmado. so she's insecure... aren't we all to some degree? sorry lilmado, im kinda adviced-out for now, but feel free to email me if ya wanna cry on my shoulder.

ya big meanies!

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.

(in reply to lilmado)

Post #: 13

RE: What makes me a good sub? - 10/8/2006 7:12:29 AM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

It does not seem to me that he is very committed to you. I cannot truly judge this, though. Hey, it is your life, so what do you think?

It is my experience that when you truly want something, that the universe will create the opportunity for you to acquire it - but you must grasp that opportunity.

So if you truly want a suitable dom, you may accidentally meet him tomorrow or next week or next month at a bus stop or anywhere.

(in reply to lilmado)

Post #: 14

RE: What makes me a good sub? - 10/8/2006 7:12:41 AM

ayasha

Posts: 149
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline

lilmado - you are probably too new to be in a 'committed' relationship. It might be in your best interest to step back and take some time to learn more about the lifestyle and more importantly, about yourself.

The only thing that will make you a 'bad sub' is to remain in a relationship that is not physically, mentally, or emotionally healthy for you. Take care of yourself.

Some of the replies here are very harsh - one will not go into the reasons people act like this - but do not let them bring you down - they each have their own issues. one doesn't think you should only listen to the replies that tell you what you want to hear - but it is important to ignore those that try to put you down instead of helping you. Sometimes people forget what it was like to be new and inexperienced. You will learn, just as the rest of us did. Take care of yourself.

(in reply to lilmado)

Post #: 15

RE: What makes me a good sub? - 10/8/2006 7:24:33 AM

lilmado

Posts: 29
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline

>gypsylee
Thank you for your kind words

Guess I really don't know how things work in this relationship at all yet...but it was really nice to hear from an experienced sub

I'd really had a doubt about my ability to be a sub because of my weekness and it's troubling me so bad...so appriciate your kind words.

(in reply to gypsylee)

Post #: 16

RE: What makes me a good sub? - 10/8/2006 7:44:27 AM

lilmado

Posts: 29
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline

> Rule & ayasha
Thank you for your message. I really appriciate words each of you left...really help me feel better.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ayasha
it is important to ignore those that try to put you down instead of helping you. Sometimes people forget what it was like to be new and inexperienced. You will learn, just as the rest of us did. Take care of yourself.

Thank you for this advise. Truely, some of comments here really depressed me so bad. English is my second language, so sometime I have hard time to understand what exactly ppl mean...but still felt something harsh there. Not being able to understand what exactly their advise is but being able to feel some harshness was kinda hard. But still there were some comments which really helped me, and they are penatrating my heart even deeper, so I'm fine now. Thank you again.

(in reply to ayasha)

Post #: 17

RE: What makes me a good sub? - 10/8/2006 7:49:19 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

I'm with Chris...run away. You are too new for someone to treat you like that (in my opinion). He needs to explain and take things slowly (again, my opinion). All doms certainly are NOT like that.

(in reply to lilmado)

Post #: 18

RE: What makes me a good sub? - 10/8/2006 7:59:48 AM

gypsylee

Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmado

>gypsylee
Thank you for your kind words Guess I really don't know how things work in this relationship at all yet...but it was really nice to hear from an experienced sub I'd really had a doubt about my ability to be a sub because of my weekness and it's troubling me so bad...so appriciate your kind words.

i'm far from experienced babe, i just related to what you said. i think being able to let your weakness show is a sign of strength and a good sub in the making.

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.

(in reply to lilmado)

Post #: 19

RE: What makes me a good sub? - 10/8/2006 8:15:27 AM

lilmado

Posts: 29
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline

>bandit25
Thank you for your opinion. each opinion gives me a chance to think about my ralationship and helps me. Thank you again.

quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsylee
i think being able to let your weakness show is a sign of strength and a good sub in the making.

You got me...You made me cry in a good way...
What makes me a good sub? Now I would say...good advices from ppl who help me bring myself up ther is definitly one thing.

(in reply to gypsylee)

Post #: 20

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