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When to call it quits? - 10/11/2006 11:11:03 AM

athenaruls

Posts: 27
Joined: 10/4/2006
Status: offline

*DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME AND MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MASTER. I would just like to hear the different opinions.*

If you knew your relationship with your master/slave/dominant/submissive was on the decline would you fight it? Would you try to hold on as long as you can?

Or would you just give up and let go so you both can move on?

Post #: 1

RE: When to call it quits? - 10/11/2006 11:14:39 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

So long as I felt the relationship was salvagable, I would do whatever I could to try to make it work. When I realize my efforts are in vain then there is really no point in continuing beyond that moment.

btw....no offense but your font color is painful and hard to read

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to athenaruls)

Post #: 2

RE: When to call it quits? - 10/11/2006 11:21:38 AM

slavejlb

Posts: 446
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

When to call it quits. Easy to answer but not always so easy to do.
When to call it quits, when the fire is gone, and embers turn cold.
when the ashes are scatter to the four winds,
and with fire empty and feeling have died and turn to discontent.
when a Master is no longer your master nor you his slave.
that is when you call it quits and both walk away.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 3

RE: When to call it quits? - 10/11/2006 11:24:50 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

My mother's advice: Would you miss them if they were gone? Would you be better off if they were gone? Yes to one or both of these questions leads one to consider if they should be gone.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to athenaruls)

Post #: 4

RE: When to call it quits? - 10/11/2006 11:24:59 AM

athenaruls

Posts: 27
Joined: 10/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

btw....no offense but your font color is painful and hard to read

Thank you for the heads up

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 5

RE: When to call it quits? - 10/11/2006 11:27:11 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: athenaruls

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

btw....no offense but your font color is painful and hard to read

Thank you for the heads up

Your welcome...and thank you for the change. My old and tired eyes thank you too!!

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to athenaruls)

Post #: 6

RE: When to call it quits? - 10/11/2006 11:33:26 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

You have to move on at some point our you are asking for a life of unhappiness for you and probably the other person. The problem I faced in my last relationship was first trying to figure out if the decline was going to continue and if it could be reversed. This was horrible for me as I could remember the great times and still see all the things I loved about my Master still there but like it was slowly being extinguished. It was very difficult and guilt ridden.

In the end the relationship is what it is and it is important to live in the present and not dream about the past.

(in reply to athenaruls)

Post #: 7

RE: When to call it quits? - 10/11/2006 11:35:39 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

I try to make it work until it gets to the point where I'd rather be alone than put up with any more shit.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to athenaruls)

Post #: 8

RE: When to call it quits? - 10/11/2006 11:37:08 AM

slavejlb

Posts: 446
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

Master fire maam
i like your mother she sound like a very smart lady

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 9

RE: When to call it quits? - 10/11/2006 12:17:34 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

She is a smart lady. And, while we had our rough times when I was a teenager, we both know why that was now and we've been friends for many years. I came out to her about the BDSM several years ago. Her reaction? She said, "We'll I certainly like the idea of knowing exactly what would be expected of you in the relationship...but that whips and chains thing? I'm not so much into that." *chuckle*

It was from her that I learned to be independent, use tools and read instructions. She taught me that with enough time, the right tools and the proper teaching I can do anything. What's ironic about that is the fact that, when I was a kid, and I'd ask for a skateboard or a race track or something similarly tomboyish, it was Dad that bought it for me. And, for everything boyish I got from him, mom gave me some girlie thing (that I'd immediately take apart). I was devastated to learn that there where no elves in my Easy Bake Oven...but I did think that baking using a light bulb was really pretty cool. I even got it put back together enough to actually use it.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to slavejlb)

Post #: 10

RE: When to call it quits? - 10/11/2006 3:32:14 PM

Silvermoon

Posts: 156
Joined: 11/24/2004
Status: offline

Simple advice.
It's time to call it quits, when you have to ask yourself if it's time to call it quits.

Silver

_____________________________

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"In Manus Tuas Commendo Spiritum Moum"-Into Your Hands I Entrust My Spirit

"A man's word is his honor, his honor is his worth; Therefore a man who can not keep his word, is worthless"-Self Quote

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 11

RE: When to call it quits? - 10/11/2006 4:58:09 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

I think most relationships have ebb and flow to them. Ours certainly does. The D/s wanes when he's working long hours for weeks on end. He can barely come home, eat dinner and crash - forget about paying attention or play.

What I would want to know first is why things were changing. Job stress that will get better in a few months, wait it out. Him deciding he was really a sub is something I couldn't deal with.

But most importantly I would need to know if he wanted to try to fix things too, because it's useless if I'm the only one working on the relationship.

(in reply to Silvermoon)

Post #: 12

RE: When to call it quits? - 10/11/2006 5:32:57 PM

DivaDuchess

Posts: 402
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline

First ... I would probably communicate with your Master. See if perhaps They are feeling the same way. They could surprise you. Sometimes a rut is hit ... and all that is necessary is a gentle shove off dead center. If they are clueless, clue them in *lol* ... then see if the T/two of you can't find something to spark things up again. If all else goes bye bye and there's just nothing working ... it's time to leave.

_____________________________

Duchess

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more important than Fear.

The Brave may not live forever,
But the Cautious do not live at all.

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 13

RE: When to call it quits? - 10/11/2006 5:51:04 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: athenaruls

*DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME AND MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MASTER. I would just like to hear the different opinions.*

If you knew your relationship with your master/slave/dominant/submissive was on the decline would you fight it? Would you try to hold on as long as you can?

Or would you just give up and let go so you both can move on?

I don't just give up. I enter a relationship looking at how I can make it work. As the relationship progresses, I want to do what I can to make it work. One of the things to make it work is a partner who wants that too. If both of you want to make it work, then you find out what works to keep the relationship working and the love/desire/want/need for that relationship and the partner alive.
That's the good. But...as you say, one or both partners note the relationship is in a decline. I'm a big believer in the idea that you earn your way out of a relationship, the same way you earned your way in. We all seem to get the fact that if you want a relationship with someone, there is going to have to be a certain amount of work. Shouldn't we all get the idea that if you want out, then the relationship we worked so hard at to get and have deserves the same type of effort to get out of? If you still love your partner or want them or desire them and that is not all gone, then you owe that to each other. I think one of the first things I would look at is who noticed the decline and why. This is where...as noted on here before by so many...communication skills come in.

It's a lot easier to walk away even when you love someone...believe it or not...then to put some work into saving something that is worth saving. Because while walking away is painful, it also means no frustration, no hard-thought expressions of what you feel you can do and should have done (without turning the blame around on your partner), no hard thoughts about what they could do to improve things and about what they haven't done (without laying a guilt trip), no having to listen to your partner's thoughts and feelings about what you could do, etc..

However...even with all that I have said above...it takes all comers to the party to play. If one is determined to walk away, you cannot force them to stay and work. All you can do is ask.

(in reply to athenaruls)

Post #: 14

RE: When to call it quits? - 10/11/2006 6:15:14 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

You call it quits when there is relief felt in the thought...Tempting

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 15

RE: When to call it quits? - 10/11/2006 6:17:48 PM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

You call it quits when there is relief felt in the thought...Tempting

This is so true.
When you think about not being together and the most prominent feeling you get is one of relief, you know it's time to move on.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 16

RE: When to call it quits? - 10/11/2006 9:12:56 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

You call it quits when there is relief felt in the thought...Tempting

This is so true.
When you think about not being together and the most prominent feeling you get is one of relief, you know it's time to move on.

I've been here. When you can see the things you've taught someone being applied half assed and realize that's not only an improvement but as good as it gets. It's time to cut your losses and run.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to justheather)

Post #: 17

RE: When to call it quits? - 10/12/2006 2:35:49 AM

ChaOz

Posts: 98
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

No, I believe when its over you should call it quits and the Dom should support the Sub through it. The connection created, especially for the sub, is extremely powerful and it shouldnt be used to keep someone in an unhappy situation. Theres a lot of reasons why it wuoldnt work and none of them would be purely the subs fault, its the Dom leading the show from day one.

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 18

RE: When to call it quits? - 10/13/2006 10:26:06 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChaOz

No, I believe when its over you should call it quits and the Dom should support the Sub through it. The connection created, especially for the sub, is extremely powerful and it shouldnt be used to keep someone in an unhappy situation. Theres a lot of reasons why it wuoldnt work and none of them would be purely the subs fault, its the Dom leading the show from day one.

Just because this comment seems to be pointed at me, there are many many ways to see that a sub is cared for and watched over without directly remaining embeded in the drama. I had almost a dozen people that had been introduced into by last boy's life specifically to keep an eye on him and the little dog I got him when we weren't together anymore.
Two weeks after we'd parted they were calling me asking how to get him to detach from them because he was "making them nuts with all his questions and indecision". One referred to him as a human parasite. Sticking around to continue drama on his terms in my mind, is neither dominant nor helpful to either one of us.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to ChaOz)

Post #: 19

RE: When to call it quits? - 10/14/2006 1:06:06 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChaOz

No, I believe when its over you should call it quits and the Dom should support the Sub through it. The connection created, especially for the sub, is extremely powerful and it shouldnt be used to keep someone in an unhappy situation. Theres a lot of reasons why it wuoldnt work and none of them would be purely the subs fault, its the Dom leading the show from day one.

Is it really? I don't want to get into a philosophical argument but anyone who believes that the dominant...who may well be leading the show...is the only star and that his/her co-star has no input is in a very different D/s relationship than the ones I've been in or observed.

People love to speak about how powerful the connection is for the submissive. Rarely, if ever, is the powerful connection for the dominant or the effect on them when a relationship ends.
If this is so...the powerful connection for each submissive... then one would think it is always the dominant who ends it because, after all, why would the submissive pull away; how could they pull away from a connection that is so powerful for them?
Anybody here care to prove to me that it is always the dominant who ends these relationships because the connection is just too powerful for the submissive to break? Anybody here care to prove to me that every submissive, even those who are strong enough to pull away from that powerful connection that exists in "every" D/s relationship, is left devastated? Because, if you do...I can show you at least one submissive who doesn't fit the mold.

That's not as bitter as it sounds...just hard-won experience.

(in reply to ChaOz)

Post #: 20

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