Is it too late? (Full Version)

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hornyliltoy -> Is it too late? (1/22/2005 8:22:05 PM)

It was suggested that I should post this in this category. I originally had it in ask a sub. I appreciated some of the good faith responsed I got there. I am adding a question I forgot to add before though.

I have been interested in the scene for many years and have had limited experience at being dom. I found I can be very creative at it but while I was dom I always was jelous of what the sub was experiencing. I have never met a dom I feel I could submit to. My submissive side is rather specialized around age play and masturbation. I have two questions.
1. For a reletively inexperienced male at a young looking 46 is it too late for me to expect anyone to be interested in starting me out?
2. Is the masturbation thing really such a turn off to all dom women?
3. I have noticed that most women are not interested in the older guys. For that matter I have noticed that most of the women on here are not interested in guys period. I'm going to post another question on that sometime down the road. This question is, should I just give up because of my age and inexperience even though literally everyone I've ever met has been surprised to learn my age? They all thought me much younger.

I have a rather detailed description of my backgound regarding this and main fantasy for any domme curious.



NATI -> RE: Is it too late? (1/22/2005 8:46:00 PM)

Uh, based on what you are saying, and how you are saying it - I can't say that I would be terribly interested in you. That has nothing whatsoever to do with how old you are, and/or the type of plumbing you have. I say this because after reading you question and then taking a look at your profile, I have to wonder what the domme is supposed to get out of all of this.



hornyliltoy -> RE: Is it too late? (1/23/2005 11:32:04 AM)

Could you expain a little because I'm not sure what it was you drew from what you read here or in my profile that made you feel this way. I am willing to learn from all that are responding with the intent to help and not just to cut down or be rude.
I'm not saying it was your intent to be anything like this but I have noticed and this and it is part of the reason I've never encountered a domme I believe I could submit to, but all too often there seems to be the confusion, especially with female doms, that being dominant is just a license to be rude and derogitory not only in session but in general to any sub especially male. Anyone can do that. It doesn't take much imagination. I personally could never submit to anyone that obvious. I have theories as to why this is but I'm not painting with a broad brush here. I know there has to be others that aren't like this. I just mean that the ones I've met and described have the tendency of making themselves more visable with the trates described thinking that is what this is all about. Again, I'm not saying this is you. I'm just describing what I've encoutered and what I think about it.
If this has nothing to do with you, please instuct me as to what it is you were referring to that led you to make your observation.



topcat -> RE: Is it too late? (1/23/2005 12:26:48 PM)

quote:

but all too often there seems to be the confusion, especially with female doms, that being dominant is just a license to be rude and derogitory not only in session but in general to any sub especially male.


Dear Toy-

Well, I really don't know who you have been meeting, but in general, I'd say that the first mark of a dominant, male or female, is respect, and good manners.

If I may step in for NATI, I think I do understand her issues with your profile.

quote:

Hi, Am a novice looking for a possible lifestyle situation. Am primarily sub but can dominate and have some experience at that. Am looking for age play with a sensual dominant for a possible long term adoption. If relationship developes can relocate. Can travel if circumstances are right. Am looking for a dominant but not someone who is inconsiderate and rude. I have no photos at present but will seed to provide some in the future. Wish to be discreat. Email and phone contact possible for the right person.


You are looking for a domme- or maybe a submissive? you might or might not travel, you might or might not re-locate. You have no photos, but might have some someday. You have little experiance, and list no skills or talents that you might have to offer. You might offer your email or phone, at some point.

So, what are you bringing to the table- why should she pick you? NATI's comment was a kindness, not an attack. I do hope you will see this post as an attempt to help as well, instead of an attack.

Stay warm,

Lawrence



hornyliltoy -> RE: Is it too late? (1/23/2005 1:48:32 PM)

Thanks. You offered your comments with explanation so that they could actually be useful. As far as manners. I do have them and that can be demonstrated with me offering my comments with mentioning that I'm not saying it was what she intended or it applied to her and if I was wrong [which I can certainly be at times] she was more that welcome to instruct me.
My philosophy is that unless I am your sub I don't think I have to be submissive to you but I will offer you the respect and consideration of another human being. I do expect the same. If that rubs anyone the wrong way, so be it. I'm not concerned. If I do ever submit to anyone it will be after we had become friends and gotten to know each other as people first. If that illiminates me as a sub to any dom, so be it. I'm not concerned.
I would offer one observation as well. It seems on this site at least that the female subs are not held to the standard you have illuminated. It seems they can troll out a list of demands to the doms, including female doms and the doms fall all over themselves to serve them. This probably does not apply to you so don't take it as directed towards you just making an observation. As a dom I would not take on any sub that demonstrated the traits as most of the female subs have on this site. From the responses they say they've gotten though, I think I'm in the minority at least on this site.
As far as my add, I hope the comments I made above clarifies it a bit. I simply require to be known as a person first and if the relationship clicks then certainly more would come. As far as the pictures, can you understand that right now I'm not in the lifestyle and I have a career and family to think about. I am single and have no children but I do have family that do get online. They may not go to this site but who knows what could happen to you picture in the hands of the public. I hope this clarifies the commen sense approach I think I have to a possible start in the lifestyle.
Thank you for you comments. I am also looking for fiends in the lifestyle too.



ProtagonistLily -> RE: Is it too late? (1/23/2005 2:10:09 PM)

quote:

My philosophy is that unless I am your sub I don't think I have to be submissive to you but I will offer you the respect and consideration of another human being. I do expect the same. If that rubs anyone the wrong way, so be it. I'm not concerned. If I do ever submit to anyone it will be after we had become friends and gotten to know each other as people first. If that illiminates me as a sub to any dom, so be it. I'm not concerned.


I'd say you were on the right track myself.


quote:

I would offer one observation as well. It seems on this site at least that the female subs are not held to the standard you have illuminated. It seems they can troll out a list of demands to the doms, including female doms and the doms fall all over themselves to serve them. This probably does not apply to you so don't take it as directed towards you just making an observation. As a dom I would not take on any sub that demonstrated the traits as most of the female subs have on this site. From the responses they say they've gotten though, I think I'm in the minority at least on this site.
As far as my add, I hope the comments I made above clarifies it a bit. I simply require to be known as a person first and if the relationship clicks then certainly more would come. As far as the pictures, can you understand that right now I'm not in the lifestyle and I have a career and family to think about. I am single and have no children but I do have family that do get online. They may not go to this site but who knows what could happen to you picture in the hands of the public. I hope this clarifies the commen sense approach I think I have to a possible start in the lifestyle.


Again, I think to have requirements that are any less than to be known as a human being denegrates what is at the very heart of this lifestyle. I applaud you for expecting nothing less.

Lily



hornyliltoy -> RE: Is it too late? (1/23/2005 3:44:46 PM)

I thank you so much for your comment. It is very encouraging for me. It is beyond what I can describe [and that's not being corny] to tell you how much it means that, at least in this one response, that I have seen what I always knew had to be out there. Thanks. I wish you well.



NATI -> RE: Is it too late? (1/23/2005 4:26:41 PM)

quote:

My philosophy is that unless I am your sub I don't think I have to be submissive to you but I will offer you the respect and consideration of another human being.


It is not a "signal of submission" to make a clear statement about yourself and what you might have to offer in this relationship. A domme is not going to know to come here to look for all of your clarifications. And whether you want to start out as friends on a level playing field or not - your profile is going to be the first impression she has of you.



hornyliltoy -> RE: Is it too late? (1/23/2005 6:00:01 PM)

So true. Thank you. I need to think on how to rephrase my add. Any suggestions?



NATI -> RE: Is it too late? (1/23/2005 7:26:01 PM)

I'd say just be open and honest in what you need and are looking for, and in what you have to offer as well.

Give her the chance to 'see' you.

List what you are hoping for using positive rather than negative language. Example:

Would love to meet the right Lady for possible LTR/Adoption. I'd like to start out as friends first. Can relocate if we hit it off.

You are looking for something pretty specialized in your desire to incorporate long term age play into the relationship, so allow the domme to clue into this. You are not just looking for "a" domme. You are looking for "your" domme. Write your profile TO her. It's easier to come up with a good, well written profile when you are directing it to a specific audience. Good luck.




hornyliltoy -> RE: Is it too late? (1/23/2005 8:39:17 PM)

Thanks. This is good. I have to take some time and think it through because I am still confused as to what I really want. Whatever it is I don't take it lightly. I think It does have to be a relationship with, if not love at first, deep caring and affection as well as good friendship. That may scare some off but I can't be concerned about that. I want and am capable of giving, true friendship. How much better a friendship that you don't have to hide anything or yourself.



LdyAuburn -> RE: Is it too late? (1/23/2005 10:04:52 PM)

It does sound like you want another style of relationship first , then maybe d/s 2nd?



MHOO314 -> RE: Is it too late? (1/24/2005 5:23:18 AM)

First of all not all Dommes are turned off by the male---nor are all Dommes into women only---its like searching ebay, you have to find the right one for you, npw given that, you need to-- as My esteemed colleagues have stated--to decide what IS right for you--(A) you are not too old to start anew IF you are of the submissive leaning, (B) there are good Dommes who will teach you but you have to find a good one---what you are experiencing is not uncommon, I have a very dear friend who is now wrestling with that same issue, not sure whether Dom or sub, its all around chemistry--and its whats in the soul--even if you are as you may be-- a switch---what I always recommend is take a few steps back, strip away all the labels, Dom, sub whatever, and look into your soul--throw away the magazines, etc--look at situations, what role do you take MOST naturally---not play acting, but naturally---be honest--I have found in age play that it is very hard to be Daddy when you are mostly baby boy--however that is not the rule, and maybe age play, although fun is not where your real soul lies either---I have also found it is hard with some male subs that seek to remain masculine in the role of sub---there is a tendency to be protective of the Domme--(the male hunter/gatherer) and yet give over total submission-they wrestle with the male gatherer versus the submissive--a good Domme who understands this dynamic can work through this with you----but what has been said here to some degree is true, be specific, even if your journey is a new one---but My best advice is to be open in contacts-- the last thing you want to do is start with a sub realize you are a sub-- that happens, but its harder on the sub IMO---this is an excellent site for journeys, and no one will fault you Im sure for seeking knowledge grasshopper---wax on wax off---good luck

(edited for typos)



hornyliltoy -> RE: Is it too late? (1/25/2005 5:38:05 AM)

First let me say I enjoyed your grasshopper reference. I think what I need is someone who is not hung on being domme all the time at leat at first. Somone who will take pleasure in guiding me into the roll of sub. Someone caring and who cares for me. This doesn't mean monogomist [spelled right?] but it does mean family if you know what I mean. I'm definately realizing I do mean and need a LTR. A commitment both ways. This will be hard to find I think. Most seem impatient on this site. Now maybe it's because I'm not spending as much time as I should going through every add and I'm just missing the good ones. I'm still thinking of how to rephrase the add. I'm thinking though I should just delete the text though until I really discover what I'm looking for but I'm beginning to think that I need to find a domme friend to help me explore and discover. Is this rare? Is it possible?



NATI -> RE: Is it too late? (1/25/2005 6:56:20 AM)

What you are looking for is another switch who may be a little more dominant in her proclivitiies, and a little less sub. Try targeting switches. Try going to munches in your area. You are probably getting the response you are getting because most dommes are not going to want to switch. that does not make them 'bad' dommes. It makes them bad switches.



hornyliltoy -> RE: Is it too late? (1/26/2005 6:32:46 AM)

Ok, I'm showing my inexperience here but what are munches? BTW what do you think of Black Rose? They are an organization that is in my area. I have been meaning to go to one of their beginner welcoming functions and they just had one on the 13th that I was intending to go to but I got nailed with a virus that was circulating at the time. Not the computer variety.



MsCameron -> RE: Is it too late? (1/26/2005 7:30:45 AM)

Munches are just casual get-togethers of like minded people. They are usually held at a restaurant where there is a relaxed atmosphere. It's a good way to meet people in your area.
Most have a no fet wear policy as not to make people uncomfortable.

I have been to 4 Black Rose conventions over the last 7 years but not to any of their munches. By all accounts, I've heard their beginner workshops are good.
Check it out :) and don't worry about being nervous. We all were at some point in time.

Look at it as making friends rather then searching for a mate. Sometimes a friend can turn into something else :)

Good luck,
MsC

** by the way, I attended my first much at age 40..smile**



ProtagonistLily -> RE: Is it too late? (1/26/2005 7:59:18 AM)

quote:

Ok, I'm showing my inexperience here but what are munches?


http://www.soj.org/articles/A%20Beginners%20Guide%20to%20BDSM%20Munches.htm
Is Jay Wiseman's comprehensive guide on munches should answer any questions you have. Good Luck.

I go to my local munches as a way to give back to my community.

Lily



u12b4z2 -> RE: Is it too late? (1/26/2005 9:59:13 AM)

?



ProtagonistLily -> RE: Is it too late? (1/26/2005 11:56:11 AM)

quote:

I take it then that they're a national or international orginazation then if they've had conventions and you're in Ontario or were you in DC at the time? I will check them out. I have signed up for their email list for when they hold their local [DC] functions and when the next newbie one comes around I'll be there. Well, that is if I can keep from getting sick this time. What were their conventions like? I guess you had a good time if you went back for a 2nd, 3rd and 4th time. Planning on going to more?


Black Rose is the local DC group, modeled after TES in NY and Society of Janus in SF. There are many of these same groups all over the country.

Black Rose has a convention once a year in the DC metro area in November. It's a really good time, even if you are new. The vendor area alone is mind blowing.

Lily



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