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my first public scene - 10/11/2006 6:22:19 PM

Jewel85

Posts: 18
Joined: 8/21/2006
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Ok, so i've known the lifestyle and been a part of the private scene for three years, but lately i have gotten into the public scene. i am shy with new people, but found myself not shy when i went to the local bdsm club because i brought a friend along who is curious about the lifestyle (and completely new) who is much more shy than i. So i talked with several people, male and female, dom, sub, and switch, and got to know one in particular, a Dom who has been part of the scene for some time now. The scene was great, and even introduced me to crops, which is something i have been interested in for some time, but didn't find someone to wield a crop for me. i am interested in playing with Him again, and He has said so as well, and we will be meeting again next week at the club.

So, here's what i was wondering. With my former Master, i knew what He liked, what He needed, and what He wanted, before He ever introduced me to the scene. i was with him for a year before He introduced me to the scene (when i turned 18), so i knew when i was pleasing Him and what i needed to do to do better. However, with the Dom i played with at the club, i was constantly wondering if i was pleasing him, if there was something more i could do. i know part of this was because i don't know Him at all except the time we talked before the scene, but it bothers me enough that i think that's not all it is. i kept worrying if i was topping from the bottom (something i hate seeing, so am very conscious about), because he kept asking my opinion as far as harder, softer, where...i had told him that if something was too hard i would let him know with 'yellow', and if it was really too much, i would be certain to use 'red'. i told him that i wished to surrender to Him (within the bounds we had set beforehand) and it seemed whenever i started to feel like i was truly helpless, He would ask if it was too much, if there was something else i wanted....

So, i want to bring this up to Him, so He can understand that i really will let Him know if there's a problem, that it becomes harder and harder for me to think straight the further into the scene, so i might not come across the way i want or the way i am thinking it. i do have trouble with saying one thing and thinking another, and this becomes more difficult during a scene, the more intense the more difficult. i also have trouble speaking my thoughts sometimes, because growing up, i was often punished for speaking my mind and it has conditioned me to either not speak or speak a lie that would please the person.

i also like pet play, and am a Kat, though untamed and untrained (i see myself as a tiger, really...one who hasn't found her trainer, and once she does, will submit to Them alone, and remain untamed with others. Part of what i like about pet play is that i can use cat vocalizations to tell the top what i am feeling. This is far easier for me than actually speaking, for the reasons from childhood i told of above.

Sorry, i ramble. My question is, what would be the best way for me to bring up that i really am not good at giving input -during- a scene, and would prefer to discuss hard limits, soft limits, preferences, and such before a scene, and then let it happen as He wishes. Am i looking at this wrong, and if so, what angle should i look at this from?

Slightly confused submissive,
jewel @}--;----

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RE: my first public scene - 10/11/2006 6:55:33 PM

sonny2000

Posts: 60
Joined: 3/16/2005
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A Master should always listen since you are unsure he must think for the both of you. Your useing safewords always a good thing.
Your desire to please must is never compromise your safety and emotional well being.
This is were a Dom.,Top,Master proves his metal

(in reply to Jewel85)

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RE: my first public scene - 10/11/2006 7:25:43 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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It sounds like that you played with a Top that was appreciating your experience in the scene as well as your experience with each other. I would say that you had a very positive experience and should continue to take it slow. Be patient... and let it flow naturally with open honest communication between the two of you.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Jewel85)

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RE: my first public scene - 10/12/2006 10:18:44 AM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
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Put yourself in the place of the person you played with. Just as you didn't know if you were pleasing him, he didn't know you either.

When you talk to him, make sure you communicate your needs in a non threatening manner. Saying you need to be taken more, used more will be recieved better than telling him to be more forceful and dominant. While you are at it explain WHY you have difficulties expressing your needs and how those issues manifest themselves so that he can better deal with them and you.

Don't forget that many submissives run the scenes they are in and most people are quite used to this even if they don't recognize or acknowledge it.

Another way to play with this is to make part of the point of the scene be pushing you TO yellow so that he can find out the boundaries and in effect give him permission to play with them. Or inventing another persona that is human, say with a mask and some rituals around his placing it on your face and you being required in that space to be more verbal.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

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RE: my first public scene - 10/12/2006 11:21:26 AM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
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submissives run the scene? i can't remember ever having run a scene. heck i don't even usually get to know what is going to happen. i guess it would be different if i played cassually but that's never been something i was interested in.
lil_joy

(in reply to CrappyDom)

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RE: my first public scene - 10/13/2006 3:50:39 AM

DivaDuchess

Posts: 402
Joined: 8/17/2006
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I'm sorry to disagree with liljoy but while the direct circumstances seem casual, I don't personally believe they were. That's not the tone of the posting. She wishes it to be more, to move forward and apparently so does the Dom. Though He sounds more switch than completely Dom. Which is not a problem.

Even Doms, the good ones, will talk and ask questions. Though I do have to agree with you on one point ... talking during a scene, always has be reaching for my gags to shut the slave up *lol*. I rather tune into the 'sounds' they make without word expression. But ... onward to your issue :::

Keep the safe words going, that's always a good idea. Discuss your hard and soft limits beforehand. Then perhaps, spin a fantasy while you scene after getting permission to speak freely. In any event, it's all about enjoying yourself and learning about each other ... he's just a wordy person *lol*.

< Message edited by DivaDuchess -- 10/13/2006 3:51:16 AM >

_____________________________

Duchess

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more important than Fear.

The Brave may not live forever,
But the Cautious do not live at all.

(in reply to liljoy)

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RE: my first public scene - 10/15/2006 8:26:02 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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Maybe the chap was using his own experience as a guide. You may have told him that you *wished to surrender* to him within the bounds set beforehand, but it's beholden on him to feel certain that you are *ok*...especially if he doesn't know you or how you react.

You didn't know him, so you weren't sure if you were pleasing him.......he didn't know you, so he was maybe erring on the side of caution and care.

There's quite a lot more to be lost for a Dom/Master who does not do that, especially in a *first time*, than for a submissive/bottom.... It's not very nice to be called an insensitive bastard who *should have known better* and who was *pleasing himself* with no regard for the recipient. I would imagine that it's a very fine line to be walking.

Also......... maybe his asking you WAS pleasing him....maybe it was giving him the information he required to get to know you......bearing in mind that you have also said that you sometimes *say one thing and think another*.

Regards, agirl

(in reply to Jewel85)

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