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tsatske -> RE: A cautionary tale of a successful scam (warning -- *very* long) (4/27/2008 9:21:08 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JerseyKrissi72
I would never give money to someone I barely know, I just don't have money to throw around like that anyhow lol...
actually, my rule, even with friends and family, is never lend money i can't afford to give away. That seems like it doesn't apply since we are talking about giving money, but it causes one to rethink all handing out money - can i afford this? can i do this without any expectations? ect.
My rule is i believe anything and everything anyone on the internet tells me about themselves, right up until they ask me to bet the farm - which sending money qualifies for.
Then I step outside myself and ask myself what this looks like if i am not wrapped up in it, and i do the testing.
I would have wanted to send the money in a way that allowed me to get it back if it NEVER got picked up, because my first hubby had an international gf when we met (that he had traveled to met and dated several times) (back before the internet, he met her while in her country on buisness). After he and i were together, she wrote and asked for money, and he sent it, but it was never picked up. it would have been bad if he had sent it in a way that it was lost when she didn't pick it up.
I would have wanted to put something in the mail. a check would be ideal, but she would say she had no way to cash it. if you offered to throw in another $20 to cover the fee for cashing, and she said had no ID - i don't know, my point is, if you insisted on using a check, but got very involved in helping her find a way to cash it, you would have had to do some foot work and would have ended up outing her. Perhaps, trying to call the hotel and ask if the manager could help cash, or whatever, and discovering there was no hotel.
Always do the same work, as a Dom, that you would tell any sub to do, in a safety call type of way. Like, if someone gave me a phone number, i always get a backward listing on it. always google people, addresses, ect. I google statements of law not because i am suspicious people are lying but because people are so often wrong about law, and i want to be able to point out to them that they are wrong, which might make their lives a little easier.
A visit is always superior to a 'test period'. What if she was real, and she moved to you for a test period, and there was just no chemistry? Now she is stuck in your state, and homeless and jobless, but you are going to feel responsible. you would end up living with and supporting a slave you had no attraction to, for an indefinate period. Tell her the safety works both ways - does she want to be stuck virtually owned by someone who does not own her, because she has no interest in being owned by them, or vice versa, or both?
Taking the attitude that visits are important and can't be skipped will help you a lot, as well.
Make finding out what they want a requirement. If it is going fast, i know the 'surveys' get trashed on here a lot, but, they are good conversation starters when you are running into conversation blocks - like 'i just want to do whatever you want, really, it doesn't matter to me....' surveys are really only good as a conversation starter, but they can be good for that. send one and tell them they have to fill it out. it could be filled out on line and just emailed when done, taking only minutes of email time. (does anyplace in the US still charge for online time by the minute anymore? really?) Other writing assignments, as well. They can even be done in a notebook, then typed into wordpad, then cut and pasted into email while online.
Keeping contact short should make you feel you are not having sufficent chance to get to know them, so that you push for more, even if you are blinded to the red flags.
The best personal safety rules are the ones that work rather you see the red flags or not, because, sometimes, they are really, really good at it, and you just don't see them.
Sorry that happened to you. You deserve so much more, i hope you find it soon.
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