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ORIGINAL: ladychatterley

Last night I saw Jackass with the man to whom I am surrendering, and to say that it bothered me is an understatement.  It invoked a full-scale panic attack--it was all I could do not to run away.

The casualness of their pain and vulnerability for ridicule, and him laughing at it the entire time, I was mortified.  If I'd seen it with someone else, it wouldn't have been a big deal (although the entire premise would have been quite difficult for me to take and I probably would have walked out of the movie theatre with anyone else), but I couldn't help but seeing it as where we would once I finally really submitted (the whole slave/submissive issue is alive in our relationship as well).  He has never been that way with me, ever.  He has always been kind; even when he is cruel there is tenderness as well.

But I am relatively new to all this, and it is the beginning, so I still have some ways of setting limits and it just turned my blood cold.  The cruelty for a laugh just stunned me.

We talked a little and while he couldn't understand why I felt that way (because he rightly pointed out it is just a movie), he did listen and try to reassure me but I still feel all cold and defensive.

And part of me, the intellectual part, says 'this is SUCH an over-reaction!'  I can't believe, that of everything we've done, some stupid movie is freaking me out this much.  I don't want to belabor the point with him because I know it is stupid and I’m not going to let some stupid movie wreck one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

But it is hard to talk oneself out of a panic attack.  Any advice?  Did anyone here see it an find it funny?  Why it is funny?  I really don't understand.  I still feel sick about the entire thing and I just find myself totally lost.