SlaveAkasha
Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006 From: Indiana Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MizSuz quote:
ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha I am not on meds, and don't plan to be.. but if things do get bad, I will admit it and allow myself to go on them. I hate to lose my personality like I did before, and just walk around not feeling everything that I get to feel with what I have. Please don't take that wrong, but along with feeling the bad things so deeply, comes feeling the pleasure that way also. If I am ever going to harm someone, or do drastic harm to myself though, I will do what it takes to make it stop, even meds. Akasha I've been bi polar for a very long time. For a long time I was misdiagnosed and improperly treated, leading to an exacerbation of my condition. Then I got a good diagnosis (once conventional medicine decided to get on board with the whole 'type 2' thing) and, having watched people I care a great deal for disrupt their lives repetitively with the on and off the meds/ in and out of therapy thing, I did a lot of research for doctors who would work with me to achieve my goals. Among my goals is a full spectrum of emotion and I'm pretty happy to say that I achieved it. It was hard, though. I won't lie about that. Finding the right meds, then the right doses, can be extremely difficult and can require a considerable amount of dedication. It is doable, though - at least for me it was. Meds aren't for everyone, I understand that. If you're able to monitor yourself well enough to provide your own intervention then you're 10 steps ahead of the average and have the bulk of the problem licked. Lots people spend many, many years learning that skill. I am still learning, and yes, like you, it's taken me a very long time. There are still days when I feel the whole world hates me, and that I am all alone. There are days when I don't want to get out of bed, and days I might still want to cut. When that happens though, I sit down and read, listen to music, or sometimes I even just spend the day in bed and let it pass. I haven't cut in a very long time, and I refuse to ever go back to it. As long as I can control this without meds, I will. I do admit though, that the day may come when I can't anymore, and I am not too proud to admit it. I will go to a therapist, and hope I can find one that will work with me, like yours did you. When it starts interfering with my everyday life, and with my loved ones, then I will know it's time to look into meds again. Now, just a day in bed, or a couple good cries will take care of it. I hope no one took that it's simple from that, because it's anything but. It's hard work, and can get very tiring.. but right now, it does work for me fine. I have been very open with my Master about what I have, and he knows I will do anything it takes to live a "normal" life. He loves me and supports me regardless, and sometimes thats better than any meds in the world. Akasha
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Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please. ~ Tank Girl www.peta.org www.goveg.com
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