Aging and Changes (Full Version)

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LotusSong -> Aging and Changes (10/14/2006 6:52:11 AM)

I have noticed something here:
 
In the 20's- anything goes.  Relationships are treated as long dates and fluid.
 
In the 30's- it appears that  everyone wants a secure relationship.  Somebody even in a poly has to be THE one and only causing it to eventually erode into monogamy.  The is a real focus on "honesty" to the extreme.
 
In the 40's: there is cynicism- bad experiences are overshadowing relationships and there is always a "waiting for the other shoe to drop" atmosphere.
 
In the 50's and up:  I've noticed a relaxation in all the rules of society.. and yes D/s M/s has it's own rules that are just as confining as the outsiders'.  They have learned to laugh at themselves and accept peoples flaws bit better. There is just a realization that we aren't going life forever and we are more able to chill-out and enjoy.  Sad that we learned this so late in life.
 
Just my thoughts here.. on a drizzly Saturday morning in Arizona.



missturbation -> RE: Aging and Changes (10/14/2006 6:58:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I have noticed something here:
 
In the 20's- anything goes.  Relationships are treated as long dates and fluid.
 
In my 20's i certainly hadn't had my fingers burnt like i have in my 30's. You're not waiting for something to go wrong like you do as you get older. In my 20's i had no shortage of dates, relationships and i'd never been cheated on (to my knowledge) and i certainly hadnt been dumped.

 
In the 30's- it appears that  everyone wants a secure relationship.  Somebody even in a poly has to be THE one and only causing it to eventually erode into monogamy.  The is a real focus on "honesty" to the extreme.
 
Before i met my Sir i wasn't actually looking for a secure relationship, all i wanted was play dates. I do now want to be the one but accept that i may never be. 

 
In the 40's: there is cynicism- bad experiences are overshadowing relationships and there is always a "waiting for the other shoe to drop" atmosphere.
 
I'm in my early thirties and feel i probably already fall in this category.

 
In the 50's and up:  I've noticed a relaxation in all the rules of society.. and yes D/s M/s has it's own rules that are just as confining as the outsiders'.  They have learned to laugh at themselves and accept peoples flaws bit better. There is just a realization that we aren't going life forever and we are more able to chill-out and enjoy.  Sad that we learned this so late in life.
 
Obviously not there yet but hope i feel like that.
Just my thoughts here.. on a drizzly Saturday morning in Arizona.


Just my opinion.



MsIncognito -> RE: Aging and Changes (10/14/2006 6:58:55 AM)

I guess I've done things all wrong so far. In my 20's I wanted (and got) the monogamous relationship. In my 30's I wanted (and got) the open/poly relationship. Dunno what my 40's and 50's will hold, though. Check back with me in a couple of decades [:)]



Kalira -> RE: Aging and Changes (10/14/2006 6:59:04 AM)

I would agree that in the 20"s, everything almost appears to be a game; though I have seen exceptions to this with some people.
30's is more about having learned from xp and using that knowledge to apply to future relationships. At least that is how I feel with where I am at right now in regards to my own life. I had the long term, 24/7 in my 20's and early 30's; now, its more just making sure that my needs are met just as much as his are.

Anything past that, I can't say yet since I am only 39 lol.

edited to add:

I don't think its all cynicism in the 40's; I think it's more of 'this is what has happened in the past, this is why it happened, so I will apply that knowledge and make sure it does not happen again."



LotusSong -> RE: Aging and Changes (10/14/2006 7:08:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

I would agree that in the 20"s, everything almost appears to be a game; though I have seen exceptions to this with some people.
30's is more about having learned from xp and using that knowledge to apply to future relationships.

Anything past that, I can't say yet since I am on 39 lol.


Life does get better with age :)  We don't focus so much on physical appearances.. because we live in those glass houses.  We look back and  shake our heads as we see the young-un's going through the same trials and tribulations we did and know there isn't a thing we can say that will make it easier because it's a rite of  passage.  We know it won't kill them but make them stronger if they just take it as a lesson to learn from and keep moving.  Life isn't as "intense".. we have been there done that and are now relaxing in the balcony of life watching the show and glad we don't have to go through it again!  (And remember what used to happen in the balcony of the old movie theaters? - GRINS!)
 
 



MasterC46910 -> RE: Aging and Changes (10/14/2006 7:14:09 AM)

Yes, I think you got it about pegged.  Just have to laugh at some of the kids.  They are so serious about things we learned are not so important.  They try so hard to convince us that they know so much better what we already learned...LOL



LaTigresse -> RE: Aging and Changes (10/14/2006 7:19:25 AM)

I never had the luxury of following most of that time line. Don't get me wrong, I am not at all complaining because I made choices and had to take responsibility for those choices. It's just that "what I wanted" was never an issue or option until a few years ago. I kinda had to skip over the first few decades of stuff and am now in what you described for the 50's.

Actually it's rather interesting because last night I was spending time with some friends, three women, and we were discussing aging and how we view it. Myself, age 44, two friends age 47 and 49, one age 24. And it was general consensus that it only keeps getting better. I brought up how I have heard others say, "oh if I could only be (insert age ) again" , usually something like 16 or 25. And I just cringe every time I hear that!!! Then blurt out something like "oh HELL NO!! I would NEVER want to go back!" So far, in my opinion it just keeps getting better. I never cringe at a birthday, hell, it is a celebration.



missturbation -> RE: Aging and Changes (10/14/2006 7:24:17 AM)

I don't think its all cynicism in the 40's; I think it's more of 'this is what has happened in the past, this is why it happened, so I will apply that knowledge and make sure it does not happen again."

I'm in no way dissing your comment but i wish i could apply what i have learnt and not let it happen again. Sometimes you just dont see it coming.



LotusSong -> RE: Aging and Changes (10/14/2006 7:31:59 AM)

If I could pass on ONE piece of advice (OK four) this is it.  And at 53 I have JUST learned this:
 
1.  No matter WHAT your body looks like at 20.. you will be nostalgic for it at 50 (heard on Oprah)
 
2.  If you are with a guy.. do NOT go on and on how FAT you feel.. they don't CARE.  They don't care if your "but looks big in that". If you get dropped by a guy and you think it's because of your weight.. it's NOT.. He just got tired of  HEARING you lament about it. 
 
Do what I do.. journal it and whine there :)
 
3.  Learn to laugh at yourself.. really.  The human animal is hilarious- especially when you put people clothes on us :)
 
4. Enjoy a good healthy fart once in awhile.  :)  (I have had several in the humor section)  

And as you get older.. they become uncontrollable which gets even funnier.



LaTigresse -> RE: Aging and Changes (10/14/2006 7:35:52 AM)

My addition to that.

You may need to learn a reflex action of crossing your legs when you A. laugh too hard B. sneeze C. cough........and have had alot of coffee or water to drink. Unless of course you are diligent about doing those "funny" exercises.[;)]

That was a tidbit my great aunt passed on to me when I was little and asked her about why she always ran to the bathroom when she had to sneeze. I have yet to experience it but I am sure it is on its way.



LotusSong -> RE: Aging and Changes (10/14/2006 7:39:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

My addition to that.

You may need to learn a reflex action of crossing your legs when you A. laugh too hard B. sneeze C. cough........and have had alot of coffee or water to drink. Unless of course you are diligent about doing those "funny" exercises.[;)]

That was a tidbit my great aunt passed on to me when I was little and asked her about why she always ran to the bathroom when she had to sneeze. I have yet to experience it but I am sure it is on its way.



I took care of that this spring with the TVT.. I had that puppy put in a sling. 



Kalira -> RE: Aging and Changes (10/14/2006 7:41:21 AM)

quote:

(And remember what used to happen in the balcony of the old movie theaters? - GRINS!)

LOL not to mention the darker areas at the drive-in's ....lots of pristine cars went in, only to come out with dented hoods [8D]



Kalira -> RE: Aging and Changes (10/14/2006 7:44:44 AM)

quote:

I'm in no way dissing your comment but i wish i could apply what i have learnt and not let it happen again. Sometimes you just dont see it coming.

Oh, I would agree to a point. I have done that with some areas of my own life so far. I just like to think that sooner or later, we learn from the mistakes we do make and go out of our way to try and not repeat them.



DivaDuchess -> RE: Aging and Changes (10/14/2006 8:17:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I have noticed something here:
 
In the 20's- anything goes.  Relationships are treated as long dates and fluid.
 
In the 30's- it appears that  everyone wants a secure relationship.  Somebody even in a poly has to be THE one and only causing it to eventually erode into monogamy.  The is a real focus on "honesty" to the extreme.
 
In the 40's: there is cynicism- bad experiences are overshadowing relationships and there is always a "waiting for the other shoe to drop" atmosphere.
 
In the 50's and up:  I've noticed a relaxation in all the rules of society.. and yes D/s M/s has it's own rules that are just as confining as the outsiders'.  They have learned to laugh at themselves and accept peoples flaws bit better. There is just a realization that we aren't going life forever and we are more able to chill-out and enjoy.  Sad that we learned this so late in life.
 
Just my thoughts here.. on a drizzly Saturday morning in Arizona.


I was married the first time in my 20's.  We had a slave.  It was more my slave than his.  After he was killed, I lost interest and found her a new owner.  I hit my 30's still recovering from my first husband's death.  I married my second husband.  It was more for his convienence than anything else.  I coached his girlfriend through 3 pregnancies and saw all 4 children born as her coach (yes a set of twins).  Again, I had a slave in the home, this one, unlike the previous one, was lesbian.  When I met my current husband, she remained with my ex and his, now, wife.  She loves the children so there we go.  Moving to about 35 years old.  I met my current husband online, had a slave, she had been with me for a couple of years by this time.  I met my husband on Yahoo personals when it was a free site.  Some of you will remember that.  We talked for a couple of months, realizing a lot of very eerie simularities between us.  I moved from my home at the time, complete with my slave, to his home.

I was told I couldn't get pregnant ... boy were they wrong.  At 38, I had a child, he's now 4.  I'll be 42 ... very soon *lol*.  Life couldn't be better.  My husband and I are both Poly.  My slave passed away a little while ago and I miss her to this day.  Do I seek again ... yes.  My husband is seeking to add another 'wife' ... I could care less if she's bisexual or not.  As long as she can accept my place in the house, I would love a friend.

That brings me now into my 40's.  I don't see myself as cynicle (sp), I do see that I've learned from my experiences.  I don't do the 'bitter bitch' thing and I don't believe in jealousy, it's a waste of time.  I take life a day at a time and the bull by the horns.

Just my take.




juliaoceania -> RE: Aging and Changes (10/14/2006 8:53:36 AM)

I fit and yet do not fit....

I became disillusioned in my 20s

Took a break from relationships

Now I am looking to settle down, and while I used to wait for the other shoe to drop in the past, I am not anymore.  I think that is because we are barefoot[:D]



jesskitty -> RE: Aging and Changes (10/14/2006 9:01:12 AM)

i've never wanted dating and fluids in my relationships. i've always wanted long term relationships that are built upon trust and don't rush things. unfortunatly though most of my peers weren't looking for that so i had to wait awhile before i could start to find people that are interested in the same types of relationships i had. i think after being single for however long it takes for someone, we all become cynical. i think it's natural, we question most things in our life and realtionships and the relationships aren't all that it's cracked up to be thought is no exception. overall i think it's a good characterization for people as a whole but of course every now and then you'll get weirdos like me that mess up the typical way of things. 



Mavis -> RE: Aging and Changes (10/14/2006 11:24:21 AM)

Lotus, no lie on that one thing..  when i see young girls at the club built the way i was when i was 23, and they're fussing over how this or that fits.. but you're wasting it fussing!   

As for the other life stages, i think there is a thing where after your breeding cycle, the expectation and demand for prefection in our mates leaves.  Mostly common sense kicks in..but i do think there is a genetic angle to it in the 20's or until that family thing is settled.  We "need" to find that stable partner who will raise our young "this way", live "that way"  love, work and play "like this".. 

After the kids are grown, we realise those expectations didn't always do us (or the people we care for)  well, and we drop what didn't or doesn't work.  i guess i am in the sifting and weeding phase, adapting expectations for the next cycle. and like O/others, no WAY would i go back!  



Aine -> RE: Aging and Changes (10/14/2006 11:57:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I have noticed something here:
 
In the 20's- anything goes.  Relationships are treated as long dates and fluid.

 
Just my thoughts here.. on a drizzly Saturday morning in Arizona.


Seeing as I'm still early 20's, I have nothing to say on the other decades.

But honestly, I resent your statement about the 20's.  With all due respect, I definitely see where you are coming from and it ain't just the 20-somethings.  Though I tend to steer clear of any 20 something that does go by how you see them.

Since the age of 16, I've had two long term relationships.  I dated my ex for approximately 6 years.  I've been with my current for over a year now.  And I've known plenty of kids my age that do things the way I do.  And though they believe in things the way I do, as with all people, those relationships, despite the intentions of both involved, just sometimes don't work out. Hell, I thought I was going to marry my ex.  But before we even got to the point where we would even seriously entertain the thought (after half-joking about it at one point) of going through with it, well....things didn't work out.

Do I want this one to work out?  Hell yes.  Do I think it will?  Most likely.  Am I disillusioned to think that it's going to be a fairy tale relationship and that we're never going to break up?  Nope. It could happen.  I prefer being optimistic with a dose of reality.

Though I definitely don't prefer the dating scene, toeach their own.



littlesarbonn -> RE: Aging and Changes (10/14/2006 12:05:59 PM)

I've discovered I'm pretty much the same person at 41 that I was at 21. I just have more knowledge.



Level -> RE: Aging and Changes (10/14/2006 12:32:01 PM)

Good thread, Lotus.
 
I'll be 42 next week, and I sure as hell don't see life now the way I did back in my 20s. In some ways, I was more carefree then, though I've always had a seriousness in me (I remember hiding behind a chair when very little, and crying over the thought of losing my parents). But as you said, life does not last forever, so fart and giggle and love as best you can, while you can.



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