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Undoing another Domme's programming - 10/15/2006 2:51:40 PM   
demistress


Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline 		Ok, I am considering my first sub trained by another domme, and she was into some kinks I am not.  I quite enjoy the domestic disciplinarian side of his training, but he has a thing about diapers, and I think it's important to him, and frankly, I'm just so turned off by it.  Is there any way to undo this programming and transition him to other things, or should I just tell him to continue his search, because I am not going to put up with it, and if there's no way to ease him out of it, then I think it's better if I nip this thing in the bud before he gets attached.  Any suggestions?  Thanks ladies.

And before the 'top from the bottom' responses come up, I am talking lifestyle sub, not session or scene sub, so it's important to me that all parties find this life satisfying. 

_____________________________

Mistress Heather
www.niteflirt.com/MizzSpice

Wether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!
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RE: Undoing another Domme's programming - 10/15/2006 2:58:33 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I would be honest with him and tell him its not your kink and it turns you off. If he can't live with that then he needs to keep searching. You shouldn't force yourself to take on a kink you find distasteful and he shouldn't have to deny a part of himself that is important.

It's a good thing you are considering that all parties desires are met, that makes things go alot smoother and happier.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to demistress)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Undoing another Domme's programming - 10/15/2006 3:07:30 PM   
sissifytoserve


Posts: 1016
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: demistress

Ok, I am considering my first sub trained by another domme, and she was into some kinks I am not. I quite enjoy the domestic disciplinarian side of his training, but he has a thing about diapers, and I think it's important to him, and frankly, I'm just so turned off by it. Is there any way to undo this programming and transition him to other things, or should I just tell him to continue his search, because I am not going to put up with it, and if there's no way to ease him out of it, then I think it's better if I nip this thing in the bud before he gets attached. Any suggestions? Thanks ladies.

And before the 'top from the bottom' responses come up, I am talking lifestyle sub, not session or scene sub, so it's important to me that all parties find this life satisfying.


I suggest you move on.

Its his trip.....and if you can't make concessions to it (or him to you)...move on.

Mabye it wasn't a Mistress who "programmed him" with this stuff.

Mabye it was always there...and if thats the case....forget it.....youy aren't going to change him.

I know that no Mistress will ever change my love/need of crossdressing...which has been life-long..

< Message edited by sissifytoserve -- 10/15/2006 3:08:16 PM >

_____________________________

A great mind must be androgynous
Samuel Coleridge

The uniting of the feminine and the masculine is the highest form of human development Carl Jung

(in reply to demistress)
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RE: Undoing another Domme's programming - 10/15/2006 3:10:05 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline 		Yes,  I definitely agree about being honest with him.  If this is something that's very important to him, and something that turns You off, this isn't a match and will be an exercise in frustration for both parties. 
 
I can totally relate because diapers aren't My thing, either.  I was being approached by many, many adult babies before I put a specific disclaimer in My profile that I will not consider them. 
 
If this is something that turns You off completely, you might want to make diapers a hard limit in your profile to discourage subs into diaper play from approaching You.
 
Lady Topaz

(in reply to demistress)
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RE: Undoing another Domme's programming - 10/15/2006 3:33:16 PM   
demistress


Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sissifytoserve

I suggest you move on.

Its his trip.....and if you can't make concessions to it (or him to you)...move on.

Mabye it wasn't a Mistress who "programmed him" with this stuff.

Mabye it was always there...and if thats the case....forget it.....youy aren't going to change him.

I know that no Mistress will ever change my love/need of crossdressing...which has been life-long..


Thanks for the perspective, I certainly did consider that possibility.  But he and I have discussed this briefly once, and he said that he was not into diapers before he met her, and that it wasn't something she 'unlocked' within him.  He seems fairly sure it was programmed in and is on board with the idea of reversing or supplementing that programming.  I should have been more explicit, but I was trying to keep things succinct.  Anyway, thus I am wondering if dommes had any experience with weaning someone (other than an infant) from diapers.

_____________________________

Mistress Heather
www.niteflirt.com/MizzSpice

Wether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!

(in reply to sissifytoserve)
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RE: Undoing another Domme's programming - 10/15/2006 3:37:26 PM   
sissifytoserve


Posts: 1016
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline 		Should be a lot easier in that case.

Ive heard true deprogramming taakes a lot of time/effort though.It isn't something you can just do overnight.

Good luck.

_____________________________

A great mind must be androgynous
Samuel Coleridge

The uniting of the feminine and the masculine is the highest form of human development Carl Jung

(in reply to demistress)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Undoing another Domme's programming - 10/15/2006 3:56:48 PM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		IMO, you should first be honest about it and see how deeply ingrained it is and how important it is to him.  If he feels it is something that can be undone and he can live without and every where else you are compatible, I say try it out.  There are 2 things I see that can happen.  First, no matter how hard you hate it now, who knows where you will be years from now on that.  Maybe you can do some occasional play with it in time.  Maybe not.  Next, maybe it is something that he did a lot of but has no deep *need* for it. 

I would not cast off a potentially good submissive for one area of kink where you are incompatible unless it is so deeply a part of him that it is more of his being as opposed to a form of play.  It is pretty rare to find someone who is 100% compatible on a kink level with you. 

Discuss it at length with him and be perfectly honest with one another.  It just might work out and you both will be able to be happy.  Only the two of you can know, though.  You could always do a trial for a few weeks where he does not do it but you fill that time with other things.  At that point, discuss it and see if he's pining for it or if he's ok without it.  Good luck with this :)

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to sissifytoserve)
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RE: Undoing another Domme's programming - 10/15/2006 3:57:45 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline 		My submissive and my submissive puppy both enjoy strap-on play. I don't. I'm very up front with all applicants I have an interest in that I will never use them that way, and if it's important to them, they need to seek elsewhere. However before I collared both my submissive, almost two years ago, and my more recent puppy, I *did* tell each of them that it could possibly be a good-bye present from me when I no longer have use for him. I haven't heard a word out of either of them about the issue since.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to demistress)
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RE: Undoing another Domme's programming - 10/15/2006 4:00:30 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I would be honest with him and tell him its not your kink and it turns you off. If he can't live with that then he needs to keep searching. You shouldn't force yourself to take on a kink you find distasteful and he shouldn't have to deny a part of himself that is important.

It's a good thing you are considering that all parties desires are met, that makes things go alot smoother and happier.

~Lashra


Ditto.  If there's something so specific that they delineate it to me in their things that "drive" them and I'm disinclined to engage in it, I find that they're best off continuing their search.  It's not me they're after.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Undoing another Domme's programming - 10/15/2006 4:01:53 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sissifytoserve
I know that no Mistress will ever change my love/need of crossdressing...which has been life-long..

And it would border on disrespect if one attempted to do so, would it not?

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to sissifytoserve)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Undoing another Domme's programming - 10/15/2006 4:21:11 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: demistress

Ok, I am considering my first sub trained by another domme, and she was into some kinks I am not.  I quite enjoy the domestic disciplinarian side of his training, but he has a thing about diapers, and I think it's important to him, and frankly, I'm just so turned off by it.  Is there any way to undo this programming and transition him to other things, or should I just tell him to continue his search, because I am not going to put up with it, and if there's no way to ease him out of it, then I think it's better if I nip this thing in the bud before he gets attached.  Any suggestions?  Thanks ladies.

And before the 'top from the bottom' responses come up, I am talking lifestyle sub, not session or scene sub, so it's important to me that all parties find this life satisfying. 


Well, as a sub, who had nominal training, but literal supernovas of awakening by a rather experienced Domme who pretty much opened the world to me (in some cases, by shock treatment...not intentional...but still emotionally shocking nonetheless), I can say, the hardest thing for me (as to future relationships) and for "her" (Mrs. Future Domme) is my past...i.e., "her".

I still call her (my ex Domme) to this day and tell her (as she's telling me..."{moi}...you need to let go") to which I respond "but...she's NOT like YOU!!!!"

Ya got a bit of an uphill climb.

(I'd recommend you call his ex and find out what tripped his switches...she'll probably be able to help you "re-set" things.

(It's gonna take some effort).

Or, you could move to Seattle...but you'd have to learn quite a few Beatles tunes.

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 10/15/2006 4:30:59 PM >

(in reply to demistress)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Undoing another Domme's programming - 10/15/2006 4:33:04 PM   
demistress


Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston
.....
You could always do a trial for a few weeks where he does not do it but you fill that time with other things.  At that point, discuss it and see if he's pining for it or if he's ok without it.  Good luck with this :)


Thanks, I think I'll probably try a trial with him.  I'm not willing to give up on him quite yet, if he's willing to try, and he seems to be.  I guess time will tell.

_____________________________

Mistress Heather
www.niteflirt.com/MizzSpice

Wether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!

(in reply to MsKatHouston)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Undoing another Domme's programming - 10/15/2006 5:36:32 PM   
DivaDuchess


Posts: 402
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline 		Give yourself time.  I've taken in a couple of slaves for training that needed severe reprogramming.  As long as it's not an actual deep ingrained kink ... pushed in discipline then introduced as play ... you should be able to reverse things.  It will take effort and time.  If you feel this subbie is worth that ... go for it.  Note me privately and I'll give you a crash course *s*.  Communicate with the Ex and see what She did specifically to introduce the kink.  That helps.  It's easier to reverse if you know what direction the train is travelling ...




_____________________________

Duchess

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more important than Fear.

The Brave may not live forever,
But the Cautious do not live at all.

(in reply to demistress)
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RE: Undoing another Domme's programming - 10/15/2006 6:04:19 PM   
Kirei


Posts: 146
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		  I think you have to be honest with him.  If you cannot give in that respect to them....how can you expect them to give something they may not like to you?  Thats what power exchange is about you know...exchange.  If they really like it you could make it a special reward for them.  It gives them a high goal to try and achieve for you...yet if you do this you must follow through on what you said.  Thats where your honor will then be on the line. 
  If you truly do not think you can do this then I would tell them to continue their search.  Otherwise I predict it will not last more than a few years if this is something they really like.  Unless you can find an alternative outlet for them to be able to express it.


Koneko
House of the Ocelot.

(in reply to DivaDuchess)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Undoing another Domme's programming - 10/15/2006 6:10:06 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		<checks my balls at the door before responding>

I know this is going to sound like the 'one true way' and all of that.  I'll risk it.

I'm a firm believer that if you're going to be a sub or a slave, dammit, be a sub or a slave.  Call me a purist.

You figure out who the person is in front of you right this second.  You figure out what (in this case) she wants, AND YOU DO IT.

If that sounds like putting on a different pair of shoes, so be it.  Any (in my mind) self-respecting servant figures out quickly the nuances of their new supervision.

'Don't do that.  Do this.'  'Oh. Yes, Mistress.'  How hard is that?

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to demistress)
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RE: Undoing another Domme's programming - 10/15/2006 6:20:47 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		If he wants YOU.. he plays by YOUR rules.  If his diaper is more important.. show him the door.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to demistress)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Undoing another Domme's programming - 10/15/2006 7:23:14 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx
<checks my balls at the door before responding>

I know this is going to sound like the 'one true way' and all of that.  I'll risk it.

I'm a firm believer that if you're going to be a sub or a slave, dammit, be a sub or a slave.  Call me a purist.

You figure out who the person is in front of you right this second.  You figure out what (in this case) she wants, AND YOU DO IT.

If that sounds like putting on a different pair of shoes, so be it.  Any (in my mind) self-respecting servant figures out quickly the nuances of their new supervision.

'Don't do that.  Do this.'  'Oh. Yes, Mistress.'  How hard is that?
Jeff
Oh no, you can keep your balls and remain our second honorary domme (Ron is the first, lol) if you're going to be giving such good advice to us and the boys who seek to be with us.   M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Undoing another Domme's programming - 10/15/2006 8:12:27 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx
<checks my balls at the door before responding>

I know this is going to sound like the 'one true way' and all of that.  I'll risk it.

I'm a firm believer that if you're going to be a sub or a slave, dammit, be a sub or a slave.  Call me a purist.

You figure out who the person is in front of you right this second.  You figure out what (in this case) she wants, AND YOU DO IT.

If that sounds like putting on a different pair of shoes, so be it.  Any (in my mind) self-respecting servant figures out quickly the nuances of their new supervision.

'Don't do that.  Do this.'  'Oh. Yes, Mistress.'  How hard is that?
Jeff
Oh no, you can keep your balls and remain our second honorary domme (Ron is the first, lol) if you're going to be giving such good advice to us and the boys who seek to be with us.   M


At least I have the avatar for it.

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Undoing another Domme's programming - 10/15/2006 8:56:49 PM   
sissifytoserve


Posts: 1016
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

If he wants YOU.. he plays by YOUR rules. If his diaper is more important.. show him the door.


Uh huh.

I wonder what ELSE he would have to give up in order to "serve".


How much elements of his SELF would he have to sacrifice?





_____________________________

A great mind must be androgynous
Samuel Coleridge

The uniting of the feminine and the masculine is the highest form of human development Carl Jung

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Undoing another Domme's programming - 10/15/2006 9:09:14 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sissifytoserve
I wonder what ELSE he would have to give up in order to "serve".


How much elements of his SELF would he have to sacrifice?
First, he would have to determine for himself if submitting to/serving her is the right thing for him to do with his time/life...  After that, he'd have to sacrifice his ability to have final say on what kink gets entertained, and what doesn't, that is until he chooses to submit or walk away...   M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to sissifytoserve)
Profile   Post #: 20
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