what was it like (Full Version)

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slaveseeker -> what was it like (4/26/2004 1:44:37 AM)

Not long ago,i read an ad that said "she grew up in a s/m family.Since then I've seen several ads that say they have children.So my question is did you or anyone you know grow up in a s/m family.I would want to talk to anyoneone that had this experience.
I will ask such things as how old were you when you first noticed it,how did you feel,was it exciting,did you cry and feel sorry for mommy,how was it explained to you,after you found out were you asked to watch or participate???????????things like that.I do not believe you can hide something like that if living in the same house,
Thanks in advance
Master Raymond



MistressDREAD -> RE: what was it like (4/26/2004 3:26:20 AM)


Ill bite Raymond
as I have stated in the past I come from a family of lifestylers
and personally know three generations not including My children which make the forth generation with in Our Familys structure of both BDSM and Poly Practices.
if You like We can keep this here in the public forum for the information to the general population of Our Lifestyle or if You are more
comfortable asking Your questions in private so be it.
I will answer what I feel does not in any way infringe on My Families
personal lifes or information.
I do however want to make a note here that in the struture of My granparents that were of the life the structue was that of Mistress, Mistress, Mistress,Master-slaves as apposed to My Parents Home which was Master, Mistress, Mistress-slave and then My Own Home which to date has been Master, Mistress,Master. The positions being the order in which chain of Command and the Alpha sat in the Homes in Dominance.
I was one of 18 children and the first born. I had 8 children,6 My Own and 2 that were My ALPHAs and slaves. This info can start You off. Ohh yes one more note of importance. My Main Poly Home is NOT in the USA. These two Homes I have here in the US are secondary Poly Homes and I have delt with laws covering Our lifestyle in more then one Country.
sum of the questions You have posed I will try to answer all tho they do not seem to be geared to MY side of the S,M life Me and My FaMily have
lived. I have always known and seen the practice of Dominance and the applcation of Sadistic ways with in My living personally and take it as second nature just like any other practice one would learn in growing up as these actions were concidered * normal in My Home and it was not untill I was a pre teen that I even realiZed that My upbringing was the one NOT of the norm. I never cried for mommie becausse My mommie was one of the practictioners of pain towards the slaves of the House. the tools used in applications of submission hung in the home and garage along with other tools used n the Home as well and were simply looked at as a impliment that was used for a certain service be it a whip used in Domnance or a wrench to fix the leakie hose. When you are brought up with things n the open and taught this is a natural occurance and what is normal you do not really look at the tools as being any thing special and its not any thing a second thought is made towards. when you see sumone in the family pick up the tool and use it for what its made you look over whats being done with it as a child and then when you want to learn first hand take down the tool and try to use it. We were never taught that sexuality is a bad thing nor that Our daily Dominant actions were any type of abominantion but instead was taught that this is how this Livestyle worked. I dont ever remember thinking this as being unusuall or out of place and I feel this would only be the thought of sumone as an adult whom is new to a lifestyle not only trying to figgure out what their place is in it but how to bring exsisting kids into a new found way of living however I was born into this Home and Lifestyle an it is the Vanilla way of living that I look at and say how can anyone live like that?
the only ones that I feel must hide a practice of what they do in their lifes are those whom do not accept what they do as right there for hiding it or thinking it wrong when in all actuallity it is simply a different way to live and not wrong. those whom have sumthing to hide are actually hiding what it is they are doing from their selfs in other words going agaainst what they were taught them own selfs. Even Your own questions Raymond assume that all SM relations have the mommie as the suplicant and this simply is not the fact. Im ready for Your next question.



Sylverdawn -> RE: what was it like (4/26/2004 6:31:03 AM)

Im going to put my two cents in here and wait for the bombs to hit..

I agree with you in a truly dynamic D/s relationship you cant keep it from the kids... and thats why I dont have kids..

For me and only for me kids and the lifestyle dont work.. these are adult situations and as such children have no place at all..

Families need to be child focused..they need to be THE most important aspect of the family unit in which they reside ... Faced with the obsticles of simply being a kid it today they dont need to be dealing with our adult sexuality and power exchange issues... It is hard enough just making it with straight parents. Just my humble opinion.



LadyBeckett -> RE: what was it like (4/26/2004 7:32:22 AM)

I also find it interesting that you would assume that "Mommy" would be the submissive in this scenerio. I was raised in the lifestyle, like Mistress Dread, I was raised in a Poly family, the second of fourteen children. In My situation the "Playroom" was in the basement and the tools were hung along one wall, as well as other equipment being in the room. We weren't, as children, involved in, or observers of all aspects of activity, but we were certainly aware of it on some level. It was simply part of life.

My lifestyle choices differ from that of my parents, and I also have children (all grown now with the exception of my daughter). They are all aware of my lifestyle within reason and as is age appropriate. When and if they ask questions, I answer them honestly.



slaveseeker -> RE: what was it like (4/27/2004 9:03:45 AM)

I wish to say thank you for replying to my question.
Lady becket and MistressDread, You are both right,I was being short sighted in only mentioning female sub.Its just in my tiny world thats what I know just as it it is female mistress in your world, so sorry.To Mistressdread being new to this site,i was unaware of you or your past.
I wish to say that when my children were young ,I was vanilla so it never came up.Honestly I asked only to satisfy my curiosity.
My thinking was that any violence at all would have put my vanilla kids into shock and fear and who knows what else.I guess I was wrong but I'm not totally convinced even yet.I also know that if we walked around naked in the house,sooner or later the whole block would know because one of my kids would have slipped and told a school mate or even another adult.How could I be wrong about that.I just know that a kid 5--10 years old doesn't know the importance of keeping home activities in the home.
Then I was wondering at what age do you allow the child to participate,and would it be with family,i guess it would have to be.
The fist time you punished a mother or father,how did you feel,what would that parent say to you.when did it become sexual for you.or did it become just the activities alone that excited you.
Now I want to say infront of everyone,i am not asking these things to pry into anyones past i do not wish to ruffle anyones feathers and if you do get to know me,you will find I'm that I am really a nice guy most of the time,i consider honor and dignity to be charished traits.Again I want to say thank you for what you all shared with me.



proudsub -> RE: what was it like (4/27/2004 4:12:26 PM)

quote:

Ill bite Raymond


Hope you don't bite too hard, but maybe he likes that.[:D] sry couldn't resist.

[image]local://upfiles/14107/5F6670E9AB604B3DB8154498B185ECF4.jpg[/image]



slaveseeker -> RE: what was it like (4/28/2004 8:20:20 PM)

MisstressDREAD,
Thank you again i checked out the fist link under your reply and it had more info about growing up.It was a little more than general but it still left out the kind of personal inside info i'm looking for.



crouchingtigress -> RE: what was it like (8/17/2006 11:33:59 PM)

as a rule i dont necromance threads but this is one i really wanted to explore again because we have a whole new group of forum members and ill bet that there is more information out there.
 
if possible can you try to answer the questions posted above? i have always been curious about growing up in D-life as i am sure so many are. (as always be mindful of the TOS, and refrain from using words about living as non-adults that that could get the thread pulled)



mons -> RE: what was it like (8/18/2006 12:31:43 AM)

greetings to all
 
i am shock at you post i am damn what in the hell do you want to ask someone about their childhood the most telling statement you wrote was as if this childern were made and aloud to watch their mother get what? tell me what would want to ask did you cry? did you think mommy was getting hurt? i am sure some will write in favor of your post. i am a domme and this is what happen to me.
 
my mother a gentel sweert woman small in size a lady from the south who was rasied and rasied me to be a lady at all times
 
this gentle woman who made chrismas when we had nothing
 
a man broke down the door and rape my mother as we all stood there it was six of us i was close enough to see him go into her. he was a fucking animal
 
now i saw my mother almost murder in front of me
 
you come and ask " did youi cry did you think you mother was getting hurt " oh boy if i ever seen a dumb ass it is you i never written a post like this  to anyone here oh yes i think my dad was a nutty dom like you
 
now if the mods stop this your so lucky you have written the crazy post i ever seen
 
just because some are rasie in domme house does not mean and get this does not mean they like it oh yes hearing you mother force to suck you dad penis is great this really should get you rocks off this night i make no sorry for what i wrote you silly and a cad
 
mons



BrokenDoll -> RE: what was it like (8/18/2006 1:24:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveseeker

Not long ago,i read an ad that said "she grew up in a s/m family.Since then I've seen several ads that say they have children.So my question is did you or anyone you know grow up in a s/m family.I would want to talk to anyoneone that had this experience.
I will ask such things as how old were you when you first noticed it,how did you feel,was it exciting,did you cry and feel sorry for mommy,how was it explained to you,after you found out were you asked to watch or participate???????????things like that.I do not believe you can hide something like that if living in the same house,
Thanks in advance
Master Raymond


Honestly I dont think children have any place at all knowing what mommy and daddy do.. Asking them to watch or partisipate... Im sorry please I mean this with as much repect as posable to this statemnt but please Sir children do not belong watching are partisipateing in this WITH their parents. Weather or not parents ever tell them what it is they do (the BDSM) and weather or not they chose to practice it on their own is totaly different but children do not belong partisipateing in it WITH their parents... Now I can see a parent also interested in the same BDSM helped the child be safe and what not but just as you would have kids involved in venilla sexual thing (and i know that BDSM isnt all about sex but it is all sexual in nature) you do not belong involving them in BDSM things IN my opinion its way to close to insest.

I do apologise now if I seemed disrespectfull or rude but I have very strong feelings on this subject I do not mean harm or disrepsect and I apologise ahead of time if I seemed that way.



Wolfie648 -> RE: what was it like (8/18/2006 2:01:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveseeker

Not long ago,i read an ad that said "she grew up in a s/m family.Since then I've seen several ads that say they have children.So my question is did you or anyone you know grow up in a s/m family.


Yeh I grew up in a s/m family. They just weren't aware of what they were.

If I had kids they would be raised 'normally' - not without guidance and left to their own important choices in life. Socializing for a specific result - which all parents do to some end; hopefully to provide better prospects for their children - is similar to brainwashing.

Now define 'better prospects for their children'. Can't be universally done.

Teaching (school) uses similar tools to brain washing.

D (owner of j).



Inhibitor -> RE: what was it like (8/18/2006 10:07:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveseeker

I do not believe you can hide something like that if living in the same house,


In cases where that is true, the parents have absolutely no business concieving and/or raising children (I'll say that about 90% of the population, too).
Involving someone else, especially a child, in sexual/psychological complexities without their consent or understanding  is malignant, regardless of intent.
There is a big difference between being "open" about sex with kids and being so "open" that the kid cannot escape.





onestandingstill -> RE: what was it like (8/18/2006 10:41:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sylverdawn

I'm going to put my two cents in here and wait for the bombs to hit..

I agree with you in a truly dynamic D/s relationship you cant keep it from the kids... and thats why I dont have kids..

For me and only for me kids and the lifestyle dint work.. these are adult situations and as such children have no place at all..

Families need to be child focused..they need to be THE most important aspect of the family unit in which they reside ... Faced with the obstacles of simply being a kid it today they dont need to be dealing with our adult sexuality and power exchange issues... It is hard enough just making it with straight parents. Just my humble opinion.

I disagree. Children can indeed be a focus in a BDSM family just as easily as in a vanilla one. If anything it protects them from the arguing power struggles vanilla couples wage war in front of their kids about. At least consistency, diversity in humans and self acceptance can be learned in these homes that choose to be open with their kids. I agree adult things like playing, scening etc.. should not be done in front of them, but hell vanilla people agree you shouldn't give your spouse head in front of their kids too. It's about respect not about your choices that matter.
I think a home where a Dom leads his sub is not a bad or unstable environment. Even in poly I think it can be a healthy dynamic to raise kids in. Now a days there is less and less of a Mom stays home & Dad goes to work society. Kids are being raised by a wide variety of parents and care givers as the norm these days. I say the diversity of family dynamics in homes is not a bad thing.
For example explain how me standing behind my chair at dinner till I'm invited to sit by  my Dom is detrimental to kids in the home. Yes, it's different, but is it hurtful?

I think there is a majority of a deeply involved BDSM relationship that are healthy environments to grow up in. It's not a huge negative thing if done in the site of minors as long at you keep the context of your actions in age appropriate and respectful ways.
If anyone is so ashamed of their choices to the point you feel you have to hide the real you from your children completely I pity you for liking yourself so little.
Suzanne



onestandingstill -> RE: what was it like (8/18/2006 10:55:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveseeker

I wish to say thank you for replying to my question.
Lady becket and MistressDread, You are both right,I was being short sighted in only mentioning female sub.Its just in my tiny world thats what I know just as it it is female mistress in your world, so sorry.To Mistressdread being new to this site,i was unaware of you or your past.
I wish to say that when my children were young ,I was vanilla so it never came up.Honestly I asked only to satisfy my curiosity.
My thinking was that any violence at all would have put my vanilla kids into shock and fear and who knows what else.I guess I was wrong but I'm not totally convinced even yet.I also know that if we walked around naked in the house,sooner or later the whole block would know because one of my kids would have slipped and told a school mate or even another adult.How could I be wrong about that.I just know that a kid 5--10 years old doesn't know the importance of keeping home activities in the home.
Then I was wondering at what age do you allow the child to participate,and would it be with family,i guess it would have to be.
The fist time you punished a mother or father,how did you feel,what would that parent say to you.when did it become sexual for you.or did it become just the activities alone that excited you.
Now I want to say in front of everyone,i am not asking these things to pry into anyones past i do not wish to ruffle anyones feathers and if you do get to know me,you will find I'm that I am really a nice guy most of the time,i consider honor and dignity to be cherished traits.Again I want to say thank you for what you all shared with me.

My 22 year old Daughter started figuring out where BDSM fit in her life almost two years ago when I found this myself. As we're close I mentioned my new path to her & she took a good look at it & gleaned some things out of it for her own relationships.
I would draw the line at scening with her in any fashion though. To me parents as sensation, scene, or play with me partners to their kids for me is an off limit hard limit of mine. I think just like you'd raise your kids to date others in vanilla worlds we as BDSM parents should raise ours to be prepared to interact with those peers they choose to in this fashion not with us directly. The closest thing I'd even consider would be if I was ask for a technical presentation of a skill and they wanted to learn. I'd allow them to watch and not participate. I'd be OK for them to see me do something non-sexual with one of my friends to learn from that. Even then there'd be lots of things I'd have to refer out to someone else to teach them as it would just be too weird for me. On that same note I will open all my experiences & opinions up to her verbally & upon request have shown her my bruises after a couple of very heavy scene nights because she ask to see it. We can talk about everything, but I draw the line at sceneing with her in any fashion. I also feel I need to say once your kids are over 18 if your lines blend on scening with or in front of your kids I say that's your life, your kid and your choice. I'm not knocking your rights, just stating my opinion & what my limits are with mine. I have seen a mother/daughter couple that were wonderful together, but is that something I seek or could permit with mine, no it's not.
Suzanne



Slipstreme -> RE: what was it like (8/18/2006 11:06:04 AM)

quote:


Families need to be child focused..they need to be THE most important aspect of the family


This is part of the reason I don't want kids.

Although, here's a thought. At least in the USA, many kids seem to rebel against their parents, by trying to be the exact opposite of them. So, conservative, Christian, morally rightwing heterosexual family, might lead to a kinky, pagan, gay gentleman.

So, say your activities did slip while your child was around. I know, I would be disgusted if I were in said persons place. (Who really, honestly, wants to ever see their parents in a sexual situation, even now in life? No one. Eww. I don't are if they're kinky, just keep it away from me. :P) So there is a chance that said thing would scar the child for life, in that they would never want to be kinky like their parents ever.

Just a thought. As far as participating. Again, the Eww factor. If they were to say, grab a hold of the toys while you weren't looking, go off and smack each other with them (hey, I had canes when I was a kid. They were sticks, but still. We all knew what they were for), that's one thing, but to have any actively participate, even if they are adults at the time. Eww. Eww. Eww. If I ever caught my parents at an S&M club, I swear I would throw up.

As far as growing up in an S&M family, well I often think it would have been cool, until I realize, I would not have the same appreciation for it that I do now, because for me it would be normal, and boring, and something my parents did that I wouldn't want to do. However, I do know there was a time they experimented with D/s, and my mom kept trying to raise me to believe the man as the head of the household. She did all the chores and everything he wanted. Until she got tired of it, and eventually turned the tables, although still caters to my dad. Granted, to me, and my friends, she should have been his Domme, not his sub, cause man, if there is anyone you do not want to fight with, it's my mom.   



raiken -> RE: what was it like (8/18/2006 11:59:00 AM)

i grew up in a D/s family, where the male (my dad) was clearly the HOH and DA BOSS! LOL!  But, as i observed the subtlties, it was my mom who really had the reigns, however unbeknownst to my dad! *grinz  He tried to tell me it wasn't so way to often too! Hehehe...
 
My parents were not abusive, nor did my dad abuse his power, on the contrary, he was a gentle soul who showed respect to all living beings, including nature, so he received it back because he was the type of person who inspired it in all who knew him.  i learned a great deal about respect and honor between the genders growing up this way.  However, within my relatives, aunts, uncles and cousins, there was a great deal of both mental and physical abuse occuring.  And abuse, is a different animal, and does not have to become automatically associated with the principles or beliefs of a healthy BDSM, D/s, or M/s home. 
 
i know that some folks will link abuse together with the concepts of the lifestyle being misjudged as promoting conditions that foster abuse.  But i have to strongly disagree, for it is the people themselves, not the lifestyle who abuse one another, as the lifestyle preference really has no bearing on an abusive personality.  i have seen more abuse occur in regular homes than in D/s homes throughout my lifetime.  Over half of my relatives were raised in a D/s home, and some of them were also poly oriented. 



givemyall -> RE: what was it like (8/18/2006 4:36:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveseeker

I will ask such things as how old were you when you first noticed it,how did you feel,was it exciting,did you cry and feel sorry for mommy,how was it explained to you,after you found out were you asked to watch or participate???????????things like that.I do not believe you can hide something like that if living in the same house,
Thanks in advance
Master Raymond


I personally agree with Mons - im amazed that the Mods are letting this shite go on.... Slaveseeker - have you thought of changing your name to 'thrillseeker' - seems to me that you are looking for wanking material.

But in answer to your shitty little question, the unmentionables should be treated with respect and not brought into anything that they could repeat and make them stand out in the playground.......... its called having common sense and being a responsible parent - a concept that you are obviously missing.

Sheeesh!



mons -> RE: what was it like (8/19/2006 1:07:20 AM)

thank you gavemeall \\

I am shock and sicken not one of you show this man quest for imformastion that is sicken and a monster he is looking for wankers and other things.

i am sure many of you have grown well but reread his post and look between the lines really look my son is older and he know do you know it sicken him but he loves me if i let him get and see me beat and tight he would be a nut now trust me >>> screw loss for seeing rape and all kinds of
trust me you who have childern and let them see you are nuts

mons ( no sorry here i work with the litlle ones and see what happen when someone think it is ok to raise a child in that type fo think )
i also see me



Owned1 -> RE: what was it like (8/19/2006 9:04:26 AM)

I read the question posed by the poster and truly it made me uncomfortable.  It has been said but it made me think he was looking for information to wank to.

I also must disagree wtih those who say there can be no D/s or M/s with kids in the house.  Think back to when you were a child - did you know when your parents were making love, did you even know what they did when they were in bed and the door was closed??

I have children in the house Master and i live in that house, we live 24/7 M/s now granted it is not the Story of O (it was fiction) I do not meet Master naked kneeling at the door when he arrives home from work,  nor do I walk around the house kneeling for him naked and being his table. 

Scenes, (the intense long physical play time) are saved for when the kids are not here or we go elsewhere without the kids.  However M/s is not just about the occasional scene, it is about the everyday interacation.  We also have a bedroom where we go to at night without the kids,  there are many things that can be done without causing any interest by others in the house.

I live in reality, as to my kids. 

This life is about consensual power exchange, how can a child give consent before they are of age?

Owned



Arpig -> RE: what was it like (8/19/2006 9:14:00 AM)

Wow!!!!

Can I have some of whatever you are on?



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