Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (Full Version)

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mistoferin -> Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (10/16/2006 6:52:55 AM)

We all hear about the girl who's father is conveniently cleaning his shotgun when the new boyfriend comes over to meet him...or the protective big brother who has a "talk" with the new beau. Have any of your family members or friends said or done something to "intimidate" a new date?



RazorJAK -> RE: Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (10/16/2006 6:58:14 AM)


Heh,  nope no one has tried to intimidate any of my dates.

Want to open up that list to those of us who've done the intimidating?  :-)
I've a few humdingers that I and my brother have used over the years.



mistoferin -> RE: Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (10/16/2006 7:03:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RazorJAK
Want to open up that list to those of us who've done the intimidating?  :-)
I've a few humdingers that I and my brother have used over the years.


By all means yes. Please feel free....would love to hear them.



Kalira -> RE: Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (10/16/2006 7:04:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

We all hear about the girl who's father is conveniently cleaning his shotgun when the new boyfriend comes over to meet him...or the protective big brother who has a "talk" with the new beau. Have any of your family members or friends said or done something to "intimidate" a new date?

Not specifically, but I do remember one date I had that when the young man found out WHO my brother was, he almost backed out of the date lol.



swtsouthernsub -> RE: Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (10/16/2006 7:21:30 AM)

well I come from a very large red neck southern familybrother wasnt ever around so i had cousin that looked out for me
so my cousin who is the big burrly  biker looking dude said to my date you  hurt  our cousin;
will hang you in the garden and use you as  target practice then you'll know the real meaning of call my next of kin.
needless to say he never asked me out . 

I 've heard stories that my mothers brothers shot at my father while they were dating she was the youngest out of thirteen



mistoferin -> RE: Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (10/16/2006 7:28:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtsouthernsub
I 've heard stories that my mothers brothers shot at my father while they were dating she was the youngest out of thirteen


OMG...glad their aim was bad!!!!

I don't have anything so extreme. A few years ago I was getting ready for a first date when a girlfriend stopped by. My date arrived and my girlfriend headed to her car and we to his. Halfway to the car she turned to me and said...Oh by the way, when you were in the shower, Lim called. He said his instructor for the advanced Tae Kwon Do class at 6 tomorrow has the flu and he was wondering if you could fill in. I just kinda snickered and said...thanks hon. When we got in the car my date looked at me and said, "You're a karate instructor?".....I couldn't keep a straight face and I just laughed and told him that I though my girlfriend was just trying to keep me safe.



juliaoceania -> RE: Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (10/16/2006 7:42:35 AM)

No one intimidated my dates, although I did not date until I was 18.....

Most intimidating line from one of my family members? I had an aunt that married young and her husband had a penchant for getting drunk and hitting her, shortly after their first baby was born he came home drunk, ranting the baby was not his, and acting like he was going to hit the baby... my aunt said "you had better not touch my baby", he said, "what are you going to do about it?"... she said... "you got to sleep sometime". She left that night and never went back....



yourMissTress -> RE: Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (10/16/2006 7:45:05 AM)

When boys come calling for my daughter, 10 years from now, I will proudly show them a picture album of my precious daughter.  I will very quietly explain to them just how much we love and cherish her as well as the lengths to which I would go to protect her.

The last page of the album will be a picture of me with a hammer and nails showing quite plainly what I am prepared to do with them.  I don't predict too many problems.



mistoferin -> RE: Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (10/16/2006 7:52:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
The last page of the album will be a picture of me with a hammer and nails showing quite plainly what I am prepared to do with them.  I don't predict too many problems.


THAT....is the funniest thing I have heard in a LONG time. I'm not a coffee spewer...but if I was....I would be cleaning right now.



LaTigresse -> RE: Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (10/16/2006 8:21:29 AM)

Thank god I had nothing in my mouth at that moment.

As far as lines, I am sure I have used plenty but I tend to forget everything anymore.
However, considering that my daughter has been with a guy for over three years now and he is STILL terrified of me......my  lines must be good.



Nigousan -> RE: Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (10/16/2006 9:54:42 AM)

My father...has said PLENTY.

Mostly along the lines of: "You hurt her, and I'm sure in HELL nobody would fucking care if you went missing."

...He also has come downstairs when my fiance was at his house (way back in the day)...and set his 9mm semi-automatic hand gun on the table...and stared at him.



RazorJAK -> RE: Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (10/16/2006 10:06:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

The last page of the album will be a picture of me with a hammer and nails showing quite plainly what I am prepared to do with them.  I don't predict too many problems.



I think I love you. :-)[sm=boxer.gif]






RazorJAK -> RE: Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (10/16/2006 10:23:04 AM)


I will admit to liking theatrics at times.  I had one of my baby bats(*) bring her first boyfriend over to my house before they went on a date.

On the coffee table when they arrived was a set of manacles,  a blowtorch,  a pair of pliers and a regimental kukris I acquired from a ghurka way back when.

"You must be XXXX.  Nice to meet you.  Just keep in mind I know how to use these and there are thousands of acres of untouched forest in this state."

...

You'd be surprised how intimidated young boys are when it comes to older male relatives of their dates showing just how accurate they can fling sharp metal tools.
Cousin brought her boyfriend over when i was helping to chop wood for the folks.  So the boy's first view of me was naked from the waist up and swinging an axe.  When lil cuz called out,  I turned and then flung the axe to the side,  hitting the bullseye we had set up for target practice.

I didn't have to say a word.  :-)

...

But I think the funniest thing was when one of my baby bats brought a boy to the club after their date.  He didn't realize that I knew the girl.  The night before,  he had seen me and two of my other bouncers move a car that was blocking our parking lot ... by hand.

Again,  didn't even have to say a word.

(*) The nightclub where I worked security was an 18 and over club.  We'd have some shows that were 16 and over.  Over the years I seemed to "collect" younger girls who saw me as a big brother.  Since it was a goth club I called them my babybats.



mistoferin -> RE: Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (10/16/2006 10:26:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RazorJAK
"You must be XXXX.  Nice to meet you.  Just keep in mind I know how to use these and there are thousands of acres of untouched forest in this state."


Priceless!!!



shadevarr -> RE: Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (10/16/2006 10:31:08 AM)

Hmm, lets see which ones have been done to me that stuck out;  Having a whole gun collection brought in front of you, with special care to point out the unregistered ones and the bullet that was your name written on the casing.  Driving down the freeway as the speed up to over a hundred and they tell me that if I hurt his sister we will do this again, except he won't turn with the curve up ahead.



Rumtiger -> RE: Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (10/16/2006 10:36:43 AM)

something with me and my brother saying we where gonna cut open some cholo wannabe when he wanted to bone our sister.

I dont really rememebr that much, it was a while back.



mistoferin -> RE: Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (10/16/2006 10:44:51 AM)

Well so far it has all been guys defending the honor of the girls...but I have to tell you, us Moms can be pretty possessive of our sons too.

My youngest son was always mature beyond his years, both in looks and in intellect. He had JUST turned 13 and was topping out in the neighborhood of 6ft 3 when he drew the attentions of a psychotic 18 year old girl. I say psychotic because what 18 year old girl in their right mind wants a 13 year old boy for a boyfriend?

Well, when things started to get out of hand I decided to have a very nice, calm discussion with her "woman to woman" and let her know why I thought the arrangement was wrong. Apparently that fell on deaf ears. The next time the talk was a little stronger in nature.

The third incident was the straw that broke the camel's back though. I came home to find her hopping out of my son's bedroom window....which was on the second floor. I told her in no uncertain terms that she was to have nothing whatsoever to do with my son again. In her best little sing-song voice, she had the gall to say "why...you gonna have me arrested?" I took a deep breath and replied to her "No, I wouldn't do that. I have long ago lost all faith in the criminal justice system in this country....and their process is far too slow for my taste." At which point I snatched her up by the front of her shirt and said "But I will break your fucking knees". I never saw the girl again.



juliaoceania -> RE: Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (10/16/2006 10:59:04 AM)

I am very protective over mine who was the same size as yours when he was 14 (he is over 6 foot 4 now.. we just measured him). I took him to get his hair cut at 14 and watched this bleach blonde hair dresser with a low cut shirt flirt endlessly with him, sensually rubbing his hair, bending her breasts into his face... I coughed.. I almost said "Do I have to tip you extra for the lap dance honey?"



freyjasdottir -> RE: Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (10/16/2006 11:25:14 AM)

I had no older brothers, though my dad did spoke a few by coming up to us while out walking while he was on his bike.  My dad is a big guy and in passing has been known to mention that my other grandfather owns a gun shop.

Now, I was adopted in high school by three guys, currently no one is allowed to go out with me without meeting the one's approval.  Did I mention he is a very big guy himself and target practices for stress relief?



Nigousan -> RE: Best line used by a family member or friend to "intimidate" a date (10/16/2006 11:31:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
she had the gall to say "why...you gonna have me arrested?" I took a deep breath and replied to her "No, I wouldn't do that. I have long ago lost all faith in the criminal justice system in this country....and their process is far too slow for my taste." At which point I snatched her up by the front of her shirt and said "But I will break your fucking knees". I never saw the girl again.


....I absolutely LOVE that!! LOL!!



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