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are you in the closet? - 10/16/2006 8:00:02 AM

gypsylee

Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline

the other day i told my mother i was in a D/s relationship. it was sorta necessary cos she's a big support to me and i wanted to put her in the picture. i've also told my brother cos he's a carpenter and i want him to help me make equipment :)

anyway. both were pretty cool about it. today i told mum i was seeing a doctor about my lower back problems and she goes, "be careful with that when you're doing the bondage thing." lol.

my ex-husband knows, cos he got me into it in the first place... plus he and his fiance are switches.

so i feel kinda like i've come outta the closet and i'm wondering if others here have to keep WIIWD from their family and friends or choose to and why? or if you are open with people around you about your relationship/s?

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.

Post #: 1

RE: are you in the closet? - 10/16/2006 8:07:16 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
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There are aspects of every relationship, regardless of lifestyle, that people do (and should) keep private. I have no doubt that none of my family is completely transparent about everything that goes on behind closed doors within the context of their relationships with spouses or patners. And frankly, not only do I think that's healthy, but there are certain things I don't want to know the details about.

I'm open to my family about much of my own relationships, but I feel no compelling desire to teach them about BDSM. I'm sure they opinions and have formed judgments based upon what they can observe, just as anyone would about any relationship.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to gypsylee)

Post #: 2

RE: are you in the closet? - 10/16/2006 8:07:32 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I operate on a similar policy as the military with gays........don't ask don't tell.

Actually I have always been an intensely private person so it's not like I am trying to hide anything. It's just that no one ever asks so I don't tell much. Kind of a need to know basis.

The husband knows and thinks I am wacked. No big deal there, he can go chase boring vanilla women allllll he wants. The guys I work with have GOT to know but prefer to pretend they don't. My kids are aware but have that whole, "ewww it's my MOM!!!!!" and do not want to know.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to gypsylee)

Post #: 3

RE: are you in the closet? - 10/16/2006 8:09:12 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I think it is wonderful that you have such a wonderful openess about your dynamic!

Personally, no I have not come out so to speak.

I have a teen unmentionable and he would be rather squicked by that I am sure

My mother is a senior citizen of the old school variety, and while she is not homophobic, against sex, or anything like that.. she still has residual hangups from her generation... so why involve her is my thought

My sister knows because she read an email over my shoulder. It mentioned certain things that made her raise her eyebrow... she smirked and walked away...lol

I call him Daddy all the time though, and I am not "hiding" it, I am just not broadcasting it either. My mother has noted the "controlling" relationships I tend to get involved in

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to gypsylee)

Post #: 4

RE: are you in the closet? - 10/16/2006 8:12:20 AM

deltadawn

Posts: 224
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsylee

the other day i told my mother i was in a D/s relationship. it was sorta necessary cos she's a big support to me and i wanted to put her in the picture. i've also told my brother cos he's a carpenter and i want him to help me make equipment :)

anyway. both were pretty cool about it. today i told mum i was seeing a doctor about my lower back problems and she goes, "be careful with that when you're doing the bondage thing." lol.

my ex-husband knows, cos he got me into it in the first place... plus he and his fiance are switches.

so i feel kinda like i've come outta the closet and i'm wondering if others here have to keep WIIWD from their family and friends or choose to and why? or if you are open with people around you about your relationship/s?

Some know, others do not. We never just discuss it with anybody, but if people ask us then we are honest. My parents would never understand though so they are absolutely in the dark.

We just feel that our relationship is ours not everyone elses. Sometimes it amazes people when they see the closeness of our relationship. His friends are sometimes jealous of the attention I give to him versus the attention they receive from their wifes. A few have commented to him and he answers the way he sees fit at that time.

dawn

_____________________________

Beneath his wings, I can fly.

(in reply to gypsylee)

Post #: 5

RE: are you in the closet? - 10/16/2006 8:12:29 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Both of my parents are deceased so they are out. The rest of my family is very conservative catholic. I dont feel that I need to share my private life with grandma. I do have some friends that are vanilla that know. They dont understand by they are accepting.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to gypsylee)

Post #: 6

RE: are you in the closet? - 10/16/2006 8:21:14 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

My best friend knows, but doesn't really get it. She thinks she does though.

My unmentionables, who are both above legal age, know but then, they're also lifestyle in their own way. Within our little family relational dynamic it's more a matter of knowing but not discussing.

My extended family doesn't know nor do I plan to tell them. There is no way they would get it. I did discuss the fact that I tend to be submissive at one time when having a private conversation with my mother. She understood because she is too. My parents are D/s in a 1950's kind of way, but they'd never understand all of what I am and do.

(in reply to gypsylee)

Post #: 7

RE: are you in the closet? - 10/16/2006 8:22:12 AM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline

You know really....I don't want to completely kill my parents I mean I'm a big enough pain in the ass already even though I don't ADD to it plus then I would have to write an essay explaining what on earth it is...and I'm not very sure ahem..yes..my parents prefer everything to be normal, the adam&eve thing....and I plan on doing a little bit more of exploring before announcing it to my friends...IF they want to know

my gosh I'm a failure..blame it on the upbringing eh

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I operate on a similar policy as the military with gays........don't ask don't tell.

Actually I have always been an intensely private person so it's not like I am trying to hide anything. It's just that no one ever asks so I don't tell much. Kind of a need to know basis.

I totally agree.. well the intensely private person thing is kind of only when it comes to my parents but then when it comes to this thing right here..yup..don't ask don't tell

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 8

RE: are you in the closet? - 10/16/2006 8:26:57 AM

gypsylee

Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline

well mum had already noticed the collar and cuffs in a particular photo (in the background!) and very little escapes her. plus she is fairly open-minded...

the thing is, if it was confined to the bedroom i wouldn't have said anything. but it spills over into everything and i explained this to her along the lines of, "He's just a very Dominant personality and i'm submissive" (which she already knows about me). she actually responded quite positively and respected the idea that we are aware of our natures and are tailoring the relationship to suit that.

my brother just thinks it's funny, though he's quite keen to build something other than kitchens :)

as far as my 5yo daughter goes, well she'll learn about sex just like any other kid... from other kids at school ;) but i don't think it'd hurt to educate her on different types of relationships.

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 9

RE: are you in the closet? - 10/16/2006 8:27:04 AM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Lets see I'm out to all the adults in my family, I'm out to my boss, I'm out to most of my freinds, but I don't broadcast it or scream it from the roof tops. Elegant's mom knows but doesn't ask nor confirm she knows. It's not the first thing someone asks when e meet, and I'm not the one to bring it up in the first place, but I don't back away from confirming when they ask.

(in reply to MissyRane)

Post #: 10

RE: are you in the closet? - 10/16/2006 8:30:49 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

I have told my Dad and my best friend but not to the degree that I am. I just basically said I am into BDSM when they saw some marks. I think they would have more of a problem to a certain degree if they knew the level of power I like to give up more then the kinky stuff. I just assume that the rest of my family knows but just stays away from the topic. We are very close but stuff like that is not something that we would discuss at all.

I have been outed or at best/worse had the whisper and rumor crowd buzz around at work. I work in an ER and a couple of times we have treated some clearly BDSM related injuries and I have supported the patient's claim in away that does not leave much to guess that I have real experience. I have gotten a few "do you like to get spanked" questions/goofs but a quick "none of your business" and a look that says continue this and it stops being fun goofing and they go away.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 11

RE: are you in the closet? - 10/16/2006 8:31:44 AM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Oh the kidlettes for got to address them, we don't give it a name but they are in their teens now and I'm sure they have a limited knowledge.
But as others have said I'm sure tthey don't wanna know and we are not going to just up and tell them the details. They recognize that we have an unequal power divission n the house and have asked about thatWe simply told them that EVERY couple has a divission of power that is unequal in some ways otherwise you end up with 50 50 stand offs where no decission can be made.
Some ivide it according to tasks some divide it according to gender others by talent. We have found what works or us, eventually you will find what works for you in relationships (when you're allowed to date at 30).

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 12

RE: are you in the closet? - 10/16/2006 8:32:16 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

After I attended my first play party, I told my family because I knew right then I was in it for the long haul. I didn't make a big deal out of it, just kind of told them what I did that weekend and how much fun it was, and gave a very sanitized picture of what "the scene" was about emphasizing the munches, ssc, safe words and all that stuff.

My parents took it in stride, knowing to expect that sort of thing from me but assumed I was a "Dominitrix" (their word, not mine!) and I didn't correct them because I think it made it easier for them to swallow and I didn't want to go into a lot of detail with them anyway. My mom even took me shopping (her answer to pretty much everything has always been 'you'll need a new outfit for that') and bought me a pair of boots that I've never worn except to family gatherings and would never where anyplace else. I had to let her buy me something, though, because its how she was. She's since passed away and they're a nice memory.

My sister knows my submissive orientation. It doesn't usually come up in my professional life, but when it does, usually in the context of political discussions about opression around sexuality and feminism, I'm not shy about mentioning it.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 13

RE: are you in the closet? - 10/16/2006 8:42:22 AM

gypsylee

Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

...My parents took it in stride, knowing to expect that sort of thing from me but assumed I was a "Dominitrix" (their word, not mine!) and I didn't correct them because I think it made it easier for them to swallow...

yeah in a way i think it is easier for parents etc to accept if they think you're a Domme because there's the whole "abusive man" thing. however my mother had no doubt as to what "role" i was. lol re taking you shopping. that tends to be my mum's solution to things... and i love it ;)

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Post #: 14

RE: are you in the closet? - 10/16/2006 8:42:51 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

The only person that doesn't know about my relationship in it's entirety is my Dad.......but no-one ever tells him anything.......Mum, sister, the sprogs all know what it is, what it means etc.

A few weeks ago my daughter was trying to hurry someone up, as she was meeting me to go to the gym and said..........* Look, I've got to be quick or Mum'll get punished*...... Struck me as funny, anyhow.

agirl

(in reply to gypsylee)

Post #: 15

RE: are you in the closet? - 10/16/2006 8:51:59 AM

Kirei

Posts: 146
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Well when I came out to my family about being trans they didn't take it well at all. Still don't...just think that ignoring me and it...will eventually make it all go away. So if they knew the whole truth I do not think they could handle that on top of everything else. Some people can cope with things better than others I think.

Koneko

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 16

RE: are you in the closet? - 10/16/2006 8:52:27 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

The only person who knows about me is my neighbour Adrian - and he plays along with the whole thing; never sure if he's making fun of it or being serious though..... still, its nice to be called mistress from time to time, and get some target practice in!

Having come out of another closet, I see it the same way. I'm not going to force it on to anyone else, or invite discovery - but if the subject comes up or someone asks then yes, I'll talk about it, and I'm not going to try to hide it particularly either. It doesnt bother me who knows (I'm past caring, to be honest!), but I'm not anxious for everyone to know.

The UMs - well they're still fairly young, but seem to know more than they should! I had some real explaining to do the other day when a certain item was forgotten and not put away. How does one best explain the presence of a four foot long whip to a six year old, I wonder!? I get the feeling my "old heavy metal stage prop" excuse didnt wash.......... and she was very interested in what impression it might make on the boys at school - a domme in the making perhaps!?

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Post #: 17

RE: are you in the closet? - 10/16/2006 8:55:06 AM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

All of my family knows, including my teenager. As for friends, they all know also. Though, not casual friends unless they question something, then I'll answer honestly.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to gypsylee)

Post #: 18

RE: are you in the closet? - 10/16/2006 8:57:52 AM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

actually, i'm in the basement...LOL

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Are we having fun, yet?

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Post #: 19

RE: are you in the closet? - 10/16/2006 8:58:36 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

LOL.........Reminds me of the youngest sprog casually yelling...* Mum, I put your paddle on the stairs and I fed the cat*

agirl

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 20

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