RE: are you in the closet?

RE: are you in the closet? (Full Version)

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LadyEllen -> RE: are you in the closet? (10/16/2006 8:59:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA2 actually, i'm in the basement...LOL thats no place to spend your birthday Michael! E

SlaveAkasha -> RE: are you in the closet? (10/16/2006 9:03:18 AM)
My mom knows, and all of my friends know. I am not one to hide things about myself, and allow myself to feel ashamed of who I am and what I enjoy. I missed a lot of time with a family member I adored, because I didn't want anyone to know about my girlfriend. That person has passed now, and it breaks my heart to think how much I missed out on with them. I won't ever let that happen to me again, ever. I know that when I move, Masters family will be living close, and we won't share the M/s part with them, that is fine. I will always respect my Masters wishes in this department. When it is up to me though, I will be totally open with people, I can't control how they react, but I won't live in the closet to satisfy anyone elses sensitivities. Akasha edited to say:I can understand because of work and children why others can't be as open, so I don't judge anyone for staying "in the closet".

gypsylee -> RE: are you in the closet? (10/16/2006 9:06:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen ...The UMs - well they're still fairly young, but seem to know more than they should! I had some real explaining to do the other day when a certain item was forgotten and not put away. How does one best explain the presence of a four foot long whip to a six year old, I wonder!? I get the feeling my "old heavy metal stage prop" excuse didnt wash.......... and she was very interested in what impression it might make on the boys at school - a domme in the making perhaps!? omg. yeh my daughter knows too much already thanx to my ex and his fiance who aren't exactly discreet. she's been known to run around the house in Domme gear, whip and all (the fiance, not my daughter, heh). i was at their place one day and i found a piece of paper on which one of the elder kids had written "domdomdomsubsubsub". and the other day my daughter spied some pix, including a fairly tame one of me but with a crop in my mouth. she straight away was like, 'what's that?' and i was lost for words. she is definitely a Domme in the making tho.

Iskander -> RE: are you in the closet? (10/16/2006 9:37:09 AM)
Only family left (of relevance) is my mum, and she wont be told, a few abusive relationships in her past would make it hard for her to deal with.. Some of my friends know and they're generally happy for me in a bemused way... My bestest buddy wasn't surprised coz she was the one that dragged me to the hellfire club the very first time years ago and noticed the sparkle in my eyes... [sm=smile.gif] Iskander...

juliaoceania -> RE: are you in the closet? (10/16/2006 9:44:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gypsylee well mum had already noticed the collar and cuffs in a particular photo (in the background!) and very little escapes her. plus she is fairly open-minded... the thing is, if it was confined to the bedroom i wouldn't have said anything. but it spills over into everything and i explained this to her along the lines of, "He's just a very Dominant personality and i'm submissive" (which she already knows about me). she actually responded quite positively and respected the idea that we are aware of our natures and are tailoring the relationship to suit that. my brother just thinks it's funny, though he's quite keen to build something other than kitchens :) as far as my 5yo daughter goes, well she'll learn about sex just like any other kid... from other kids at school ;) but i don't think it'd hurt to educate her on different types of relationships. My mom knows I have a submissive personality when it comes to men.. also when it comes to parenting, grudge holding, or any number of things.... if she saw an animal collar she would wonder, but some of the collars I have seen just look like chokers. My mom is very naive. If my family saw bruises on me I may tell them I like it rough, but I do not think I would explain the depth of my submissiveness to them or the fact I one day would like to be 24-7 in this sort of relationship. Interesting side note.. my sister feels it is her role to be submissive to her husband for spiritual reasons based upon bibical scripture... has outright used the word "submissive"... so no one cares about that mindset in my family. My mom is naturally submissive herself, although she probably does not give it much thought.

akisha -> RE: are you in the closet? (10/16/2006 10:13:32 AM)
Most people that know me know to some degree. My mother has some knowledge but we have a don't ask don't tell agreement hehe. the biggest hint for her is when she went to pack up my closet for me wheh i moved weg she kindly told me to do it myself and what people do behind closed doors is their business. I don't advertise but I don't lie if asked either.

shadevarr -> RE: are you in the closet? (10/16/2006 10:58:32 AM)
I have come out of the closet to my father regarding my kinkiness. He doesn't understand why I would want to but he trusts me enough to support me in whatever I wish to do. Same was with my mother when I told her I was a witch. They have been supportive, expressed worry without any negativity.

jesskitty -> RE: are you in the closet? (10/16/2006 11:25:20 AM)
when it came to relationships i never was quite intersted in talking about specifics with my family. more of a hi this is who i'm daiting if it's something serious, get to know each other and that's about it. so i'm not intersted in telling my family nor friends any specifics that are outside of the 'loop'. though i do have natural tendancies to be 'little' in my daily life so i'm sure no one would be completely surprise of my what i like to call relationship orientation. on a side, as my icon shows i do have a tshirt that is titled 'daddy's little girl'. i just recently acquired it so i haven't worn it alot but i do walk around with it as a kind of tounge in cheek joke to those that get it. even though most people wouldn't get the double meaning i felt abit ackward walking around with it at first but i think in a sense it's a good thing to be comfortable with who you are as a self despite what society or people in general will have to say about it.

freyjasdottir -> RE: are you in the closet? (10/16/2006 12:00:11 PM)
My closest friends know, in fact, one is on the site too. My family doesn't though my cousins would not be surprised in the least, we are a whole bunch of fiends. As to unmentionables mine have no idea though talking to my gentleman friend about them we think I have a young Dom on my hands.

charismagirrl -> RE: are you in the closet? (10/16/2006 1:14:19 PM)
Oooo i totally love being in a closet! (lol) but as far as my relationship goes it's almost entirely out of the closet. my Mom knows and is totally supportive (i even told her about my first public play party and she was happy for me.) She was the first one (besides my Daddy/Master and i to know when i got collared) i don't tell her everything (like that the bowl in the bathroom is actually the bowl i pee in when Daddy tells me to). my brother knows and can't understand why we have to talk about it and make it a "thing". He's totally squicked by the whole thing. (but oh well) The rest of my extended family doesn't know, but they don't know much about me anyway so why tell them this. my Daddy's family knows as well as his friends and business assoc (not all but alot of them do) All of my friends know too. Some understand it more than others. They were all curious and excited for me when i did my first public scene.

michaelGA2 -> RE: are you in the closet? (10/16/2006 3:50:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA2 actually, i'm in the basement...LOL thats no place to spend your birthday Michael! E i cum out once in a blue moon...ummm...what color is the moon tonight?

RiotGirl -> RE: are you in the closet? (10/16/2006 4:11:11 PM)
i'm in the closet.... infact i refuse to leave it.. so warm and comfie... Actually - i'm totally out of the closet. I'm not ashamed of it, so i dont hide it. Granted i gauge people as to what i can freely say to them. Eh, i'm not ashamed of it and i'm of the type of person that if you cant handle it - we dont have to talk about it and if you cant handle knowing ME - well thats just fine. Hell, i've a new friend i met, we can call him Mr. Cream and he thinks BDSM is retarded. He simply doesnt get it. Any discussion on the topic ends with him saying "its nor for me" Which is fine. I respect his inability to understand and he respects the fact that i'm involved in it. Whats the worst that can happen?

diamonddreamlove -> RE: are you in the closet? (10/16/2006 5:17:44 PM)
My father is deceased and my mom well the best way to describe her would be judgemental. With the death of my husband she has been trying to take over my life. And wants to decide when and where and who i should be with. Recently she had agreed to stay at my house to supervise my teenage son while i was to go spend a couple nights with Sir. I was to leave on Wed and on Mon night late she told me she did not approve of me going and so had changed her mind. I consider that a betrayal but that is beside the point lol after all i just said my boyfriend not my Dom. Can you imagine her reaction to me being involved in bdsm. Would have a heart attack and then i would feel guilty. Planning to attend Spanksgiving in November and she was to teen sit again while i was gone but after her pulling this one i have a friend he will stay with and from now on i will not depend on her to help me out. So no i think i will just stay in the family closet lololol

Dollbecky -> RE: are you in the closet? (10/16/2006 6:23:26 PM)
My family have a "dont ask, dont for the love of all thats holy!! tell" policy (ever since at 16 I introduced my mum to my 2 then boyfriends ) but I get a fair bit of teasing about whips, chains and spankings ....its an unspoken thing but I am sure they know most of it ...the fact I switch is what would shock them. I found a french maids outfit at the back my my parents closet when I was a kid...they may not want to know what I do but I think they would get it :P

Lorelei115 -> RE: are you in the closet? (10/16/2006 6:38:25 PM)
Like akisha, I don't advertise, but I don't lie when asked. Luckily, my best friend is the person who got me into the scene in the first place, so I certainly have nothing to hide from her! I don't come out and tell people when I first meet them, for the same reason I dont come out and tell people that I had sex last night. Frankly, I feel most people don't WANT to know! But if they do express interest they better watch out 'cause I hold nothing back! laugh I'm also lucky enough to work in a profession where being a member of the scene is not detrimental to my career. THAT helps a lot. As for my parents? Well, I stopped telling them things like that when they told me being bisexual was a "phase" and I would "get over it". Also: My mom was abused sexually and physically as a child. I don't see her EVER understanding why I would CHOOSE to have it done to me, or worse, do it to others. It would be hard to explain why "consent" is so important to her and I fear she would really be upset over it.

mstrjx -> RE: are you in the closet? (10/16/2006 6:56:25 PM)
In my case, there's really nobody TO tell. There's the people at work, and I know they have some funny ideas about me, but they can't quite figure it out. And that would constitute the grand total of people who I interact with. Jeff

MisPandora -> RE: are you in the closet? (10/16/2006 7:11:41 PM)
Nope, I'm out of the closet, and it would take a union of carpenters to get me back in there. My mom had seen my professional dungeon years ago and told me that the bondage bed was "quite comfy" after sitting down on it during the tour. She'd also been to the fetish boutique I managed, and has attended an event where I was presented with an award in the leather community. She doesn't get the SM thing, but she respects me enough to know that whatever I do, I do it sensibly and to the best of my abilities. Shes' gotten over asking me "is he into THAAAAAT stuff?" because she knows that when I'm partnered with someone, the answer is 99.9% of the time yes. My younger brother has been to Leather Pride Night in NYC and had his first "experience" with a bootblack there. My becoming Ms World Leather 2004 would have been incredibly difficult if everyone didn't know. I don't advertise WIITID at work, but even some of them know on a surface level, what I'm involved with.

beltainefaerie -> RE: are you in the closet? (10/16/2006 7:15:04 PM)
It is always fun to see how much things vary in the community! As for me, I am totally in the closet with my family, but out to all of my friends and even many acquaintances. In fact, I've introduced a number of people to the lifestyle in one way or another. For many years I have done presentations on sex toys and S/M at various colleges, trying to give people a glimpse into that fact that what we do can start as simple as tying your lover up in silk scarves. I try to give a rounder picture than media provides without making it seem like we don't really hurt each other ('cause some of the hurting is the most fun). I love doing the college lectures, but have to make sure I'm far enough from home these days. Now that I'm an educator in lower schools, I keep a low profile. Definitely not out in the workplace, nor will I ever be. I think in any area that requires "coming out, there are places where it is appropriate and places where it wouldn't make any sense.

Rayne58 -> RE: are you in the closet? (10/16/2006 7:33:55 PM)
Like beltainefaerie I'm in the closet with family, but out with friends. It helps that I live in Australia with Master and my mother, brother and kids (both grown) live in New Zealand. Most of our friends are vanilla, though we do know another couple who are Dom/sub that we visit occasionally. I feel it's on a need to know basis, and they don't need to know.

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