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what is it you really want from a sub? - 10/16/2006 11:32:36 AM   
gypsylee


Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline 		i'm having some kind of revelation... take cover.

i've read a couple of threads lately about pleasing and serving and generally worshipping Doms... and i'm wondering... is this really what submission is about? or is it about relinquishing control?

i decided to post this here because i want to know what it is that different Doms want from their subs. for example, i know that my Dom would find it highly annoying if i asked Him for permission everytime i wanted to go to the toilet. but He likes it when i shut up for 5 mins when He's watching a movie ;)

there's a great saying... dunno who from but it's along the lines of, "when you put someone up on a pedestal, you're actually digging a hole for yourself to stand in." and the vibe i get from a lot of subs is that they want someone to worship and live for. the problem is, Doms are mere mortals. of course i have a lot of respect for my Dom and i recognise qualities in Him that i lack and can learn from... but He isn't super-human.

anyhoo, that's a bit of a digression, but it stems from something i once read about subs who insist on calling their Dom "Sir/Master/Lord/GrandPooBah" at all times.

cut to the chase gypsy. what do Doms really want? (and i'm not looking for a set of guidelines... the more diversity the better.)

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.

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RE: what is it you really want from a sub? - 10/16/2006 11:49:03 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Authority.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: what is it you really want from a sub? - 10/16/2006 11:56:18 AM   
shadevarr


Posts: 360
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline 		Myself, I want someone that makes me want to take care of them without going into knight mode. Someone who trusts me yet knows that I am human, capable of like completing a task even if she didn't want to because it will please me. She has to also have enough self confidence to tell me what she wants and to question me from time to time, no doormats wanted here.

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RE: what is it you really want from a sub? - 10/16/2006 12:11:35 PM   
gypsylee


Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Authority.


au‧thor‧i‧ty  /əˈθɔrɪti, əˈθɒr-/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[uh-thawr-i-tee, uh-thor-] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–noun, plural -ties.



1.
the power to determine, adjudicate, or otherwise settle issues or disputes; jurisdiction; the right to control, command, or determine.

—Synonyms 1. rule, power, sway. Authority, control, influence denote a power or right to direct the actions or thoughts of others. Authority is a power or right, usually because of rank or office, to issue commands and to punish for violations: to have authority over subordinates. Control is either power or influence applied to the complete and successful direction or manipulation of persons or things: to be in control of a project. Influence is a personal and unofficial power derived from deference of others to one's character, ability, or station; it may be exerted unconsciously or may operate through persuasion: to have influence over one's friends. 3. sovereign, arbiter.  mmhmm. not trying to prove anything. just sorta talking to myself ;)

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.


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RE: what is it you really want from a sub? - 10/16/2006 4:17:11 PM   
MisterWhite


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/12/2006
Status: offline 		I'd say "authority" pretty much covers it for me, as well -- it's what I want as a dominant, and it's what I want to yield as a submissive.  Personal service or household service is a nice extra, but it's not the core of D/s in my view.  It's about the control.  As a dominant, I'm not the bossy type, but when I do exert authority, I want it to be respected.  The way it's developed in my current relationship is that there's a change in my vocal tone when I'm declaring, rather than discussing -- it helps to be with a submissive who excels at picking up small signals!



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RE: what is it you really want from a sub? - 10/16/2006 4:47:13 PM   
DarkSideisXTC


Posts: 13
Status: offline 		I have a slightly different bent since I own a slave not a subbie. What do I want from her??? Her very soul!!! I want her entire essense of a being to love me, love me in a way only a submissive woman can. To let go of her vanilla and fully indulge in her true nature of service, obdeience and happiness that comes from service, freedom of total love and devotion. How I see it, I am giving my slave persmission to be the woman she already is. Its like a block of vanilla stone incased her and all I did was set her free to be the slave she has always been. BTW she never call's me by my vanilla name unless forced to in front of vanilla's since she earned her collar from me, she says their is no other name for me other than Master. She is my first slave relationship as my past has been submissive women. I was leary at first to approach the slave lifestyle but we are finding our own path together and I have to say its friggin out of this world. I am not sure that answers your question but asking questions is always a process I support.   

(in reply to MisterWhite)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: what is it you really want from a sub? - 10/16/2006 5:06:52 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		Just my take on it, but I see a relinquishing control as a starting point and a "service orientation" coming on top of that and meaning they are proactive about trying to please me. Maybe that means she will automatically refill my coffee cup instead of having to ask her to do it, and since I'm lazy I'd rather just be served instead of having to give orders.




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RE: what is it you really want from a sub? - 10/16/2006 5:32:58 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsylee

i'm having some kind of revelation... take cover.

i've read a couple of threads lately about pleasing and serving and generally worshipping Doms... and i'm wondering... is this really what submission is about? or is it about relinquishing control?

i decided to post this here because i want to know what it is that different Doms want from their subs. for example, i know that my Dom would find it highly annoying if i asked Him for permission everytime i wanted to go to the toilet. but He likes it when i shut up for 5 mins when He's watching a movie ;)

there's a great saying... dunno who from but it's along the lines of, "when you put someone up on a pedestal, you're actually digging a hole for yourself to stand in." and the vibe i get from a lot of subs is that they want someone to worship and live for. the problem is, Doms are mere mortals. of course i have a lot of respect for my Dom and i recognise qualities in Him that i lack and can learn from... but He isn't super-human.

anyhoo, that's a bit of a digression, but it stems from something i once read about subs who insist on calling their Dom "Sir/Master/Lord/GrandPooBah" at all times.

cut to the chase gypsy. what do Doms really want? (and i'm not looking for a set of guidelines... the more diversity the better.)


Obey me and please me. Not so hard really......

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to gypsylee)
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RE: what is it you really want from a sub? - 10/16/2006 6:10:12 PM   
Morrigel


Posts: 492
Joined: 10/13/2006
Status: offline 		Intimacy.  Trust.  Power. Affection.  Entertainment.  Relaxation.  Attention. Play.  Admiration and lust.  Laughter and joy.

But if nothing else...what I really want from any sub, even an anonymous play partner in a public dungeon, is to learn something.  About human need, the intricacy of desire, the snowflake perfection of that one person's erotic soul.

I want to witness the profound grace of a human being's surrender to his or her own erotic hunger.  This is why I always consider it a pleasure and even an honor to be present for some scenes, much less to be directly involved.  And why I love being a domme.

--M




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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: what is it you really want from a sub? - 10/16/2006 6:23:56 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		My needs are so dreadfully small.

The question as I see it is 'What do I want/get out of it'.  For me, it is the rush of the control.  Not the sex.  Not the service (although it would be entertaining one of these days if someone were decent at cleaning and laundry).

It is 'where can I take this person' or 'how can I allow this person to find more of themselves' combined with 'what nasty evil things can I get away with doing with this person'.

Finally, 'how can I tweak this person so thoroughly that they can't imagine being anyplace else'.

Actually, the last one is by far the easiest.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to gypsylee)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: what is it you really want from a sub? - 10/16/2006 6:32:37 PM   
adommeforu


Posts: 847
Status: offline 		I'm with Level on this one, but also, I want the knowledge that they know that I cannot live without them and in this they would not want to leave Me. 

(in reply to mstrjx)
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RE: what is it you really want from a sub? - 10/17/2006 1:50:37 AM   
gypsylee


Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline 		edited cos i stuffed up using 'cont+c' cos for some reason i can't right click and 'copy'. d'oh!

< Message edited by gypsylee -- 10/17/2006 1:51:54 AM >

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.


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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: what is it you really want from a sub? - 10/17/2006 1:59:49 AM   
gypsylee


Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline 		edited cos i'm still being retarded. you Doms make me all nervous ;)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morrigel

I want to witness the profound grace of a human being's surrender to his or her own erotic hunger...


i like that. and thanx to all you lovely Dom/mes for responding. interesting answers.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

It is 'where can I take this person' or 'how can I allow this person to find more of themselves' combined with 'what nasty evil things can I get away with doing with this person'.


very nice. tho i suspect you're in kahoots with Iskander... ;)


i'm still pondering 'authority'. synonymous with dominance.  it suggests 'being the author'... is the Dom the author and the sub the story?

'authority' is also related to 'responsibility'... the ability to respond...

keep it coming

< Message edited by gypsylee -- 10/17/2006 2:00:55 AM >

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.


(in reply to Morrigel)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: what is it you really want from a sub? - 10/17/2006 4:03:47 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsylee

very nice. tho i suspect you're in kahoots with Iskander... ;)



I would expect being most like your partner would be a good thing for me.  Such as it is.....

quote:

Original" gypsylee

i'm still pondering 'authority'. synonymous with dominance.  it suggests 'being the author'... is the Dom the author and the sub the story?

'authority' is also related to 'responsibility'... the ability to respond...

keep it coming


If you wish to go with the book metaphor, then it would be like the author is working through the story as he is writing it.  You don't know exactly where the story is going to go, but you make adjustments as you go along.

And this does dovetail into the responsibility that a dom or Master must possess.  Depending on the level of the servitude requested, there must be an equal level of responsibility taken.  In an M/s scenario, to be able to allow the slave the freedom to BE a slave, then the Master/Mistress MUST be willing to step up and assume responsibility for both parties, emotionally and psychologically.

If, in weaving the story, an issue comes up from a prior event in the sub/slave's life that is unexpected, the dominant partner needs to be able to recognize it and assist in whatever way that is required.  They cannot walk away from surprise issues, or they have shirked their responsibility and in turn probably lost the trust of the sub/slave.

And that would be the end of the (unfinished) story.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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RE: what is it you really want from a sub? - 10/17/2006 5:07:58 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Authority.


I echo this.  What is wants from me as his slave is to have authority in whatever aspect he chooses and that includes having me call him "my Lord" almost all the time.  I am well aware of his flaws and do not recall having ever put him upon a pedastal.  But he had me up on one over the weekend *w*

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: what is it you really want from a sub? - 10/18/2006 8:31:27 AM   
Daddy4Princess4


Posts: 81
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline 		I like to get inside......not simply in a sexual manner, but inside HER....Mind, Soul, and yes, her body.  It's about probing in some very private areas, and what's more private than the mind?

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RE: what is it you really want from a sub? - 10/19/2006 10:24:06 AM   
ExtremeOwnerIL


Posts: 197
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsylee
cut to the chase gypsy. what do Doms really want? (and i'm not looking for a set of guidelines... the more diversity the better.)


What do I really want? Her obedience to my wishes and desires, her willingness to be trained and to improve, her love and adoration, her gifts and skills to be used to their best ability - ultimately it comes down that I want her to be mine - through and through. I want her purpose, her thoughts, her mindset to be focused as I direct - whether it is on the mundane or to me directly. I want to know that this human being has given herself to me to do with as I desire and that she (and I) will continue to grow and journey from that.

Interesting question.

Regards,
EO

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RE: what is it you really want from a sub? - 10/19/2006 10:27:28 AM   
sonny2000


Posts: 60
Joined: 3/16/2005
Status: offline 		Everything

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RE: what is it you really want from a sub? - 10/19/2006 2:24:37 PM   
WetHotGoddess


Posts: 128
Joined: 5/18/2006
Status: offline 		Obedience.  No procrastination. No excuses.
 
Sure, I would LOVE to have a slave who worshipped ME and only me.. one who tends to my needs and puts me above all else. 
 
But I will settle for an obedient servant.

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ARIEL

Your opinion is very important to us. Please hold for the next available representative.

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RE: what is it you really want from a sub? - 10/19/2006 7:40:11 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Obedience, usefulness, service (with a smile), companionship.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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