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RE: What does "soft" mean to you? - 10/16/2006 2:55:58 PM

gypsygrl

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I love bellies, so thats the first thing I thought when I read the question. So, I've been thinking about bellies all afternoon.

I'm with the majority opinion: I don't see any virtue in being incomplete or needing someone else to feel whole. I don't see any contradiction between being strong and independant and being gentle, generous, accomodating and capable of showing vulnerability.

< Message edited by gypsygrl -- 10/16/2006 2:57:24 PM >

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RE: What does "soft" mean to you? - 10/16/2006 3:04:42 PM

demistress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Morrigel

quote:

ORIGINAL: demistress

To me, in that context, soft would mean moldable, still having some formation left. Open to change, growth, and guidance... Just my 2 cents.

As any blacksmith can tell you--EVERYthing is moldable if you get it hot enough!

Do you think he was using "soft" as a synonym for "inexperienced", "lacking in direction", "innocent", something like that?

--M

Possibly, I know I enjoy molding a youngin' to my liking as a sub/slave as opposed to trying to break down and rebuild a "hardened" sub trained by someone else *shrug* I'm not lazy, and I'll do it, but I PREFER not to have to....

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RE: What does "soft" mean to you? - 10/16/2006 3:20:20 PM

Bearlee

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I always thought soft = flaccid!

But seriously…I must have heard from the same guy; somebody who wants a VERY needy girl…someone ‘soft & compliant’. To me, that means he’s not all that self-confident and wants a girl who’s easy to control, perhaps?

I agree with Rover…many people are rescuers (both male and female). I suppose it’s good to know what ya like, but I also agree such people are a LOT of work. I wonder for just how long they love ‘em?

But that’s just me…
bearlee

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RE: What does "soft" mean to you? - 10/16/2006 5:36:59 PM

Master2akasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha

I don't think someone being strong and independent, or strong of spirit makes them less soft. I think my Master considers me a strong person, but he will probably say I am soft also.

I wouldn't want to be with someone that would need me to make them complete, but I would want to be with someone that feels their life is more complete with me in it.

That is more how I look at things. I am complete, but my life is better, and I am even more happy having Master in it. It's not about someone making us better, it's more how we can enrich each others lives by sharing what we both bring to the relationship.

Masters Akasha

well said there slave.... and you wonder at times why I am so proud of you.... this would be one of those times. yes I think your a strong person, your strong enough to go after what you want and what makes you happy, yet your soft enough to give up that which makes me so very happy to be able to call you MINE.

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RE: What does "soft" mean to you? - 10/16/2006 6:16:40 PM

Daddysredhead

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I do not feel that being "soft" and "strong" are mutually exclusive. I consider myself strong in that I am a single mother, with a full-time job outside of home, I care for an elderly parent who lives with me, and I do so day in and day out. I consider myself soft in that I am compassionate, loving, kind, warm, and sensual. Just because you are one, doesn't mean that you can't be the other. That would be like me saying that because I am a mother, I can't be a woman anymore.

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RE: What does "soft" mean to you? - 10/16/2006 6:49:06 PM

beltainefaerie

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Morrigel, I love your sense of humor!

As for the original post, I feel rather sad for people who are looking for someone who is 'soft" in the way he seems to mean it. Soft could mean cuddly or not "hardened" but the world, but I think this dom really seems to mean controllable, malleable, or not yet wise. There is a difference between having someone who is controllable and having someone who yields their control. I would much rather be capable of control over my life and choose to yield control to my Master, and he wants me to be a strong independent woman as well. If you can't control a full-grown woman, and instead seek one that is child-like, then really, what kind of Dom are you?
just my 2 cents.

As for looking for someone who is not complete, I'd say there are plenty. None of us is complete, hopefully, as we are all still growing and changing. Unfortunately, that is not usually what people mean. When they say they are looking for someone to "complete" them, it is as though they are walking around with a gaping hole inside their spirit that someone will plug up. If that is what you are looking for, you will generally be disappointed.

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RE: What does "soft" mean to you? - 10/17/2006 12:20:40 AM

Sinergy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

In my opinion (cripes, these blasted disclaimers are ridiculous... we're all stating our opinions and nothing more) statements like "you complete me" make for exceptionally romantic story lines for a best selling book or movie, but unless you're a mental health professional the reality of an individual that is not complete on their own just plain sucks.

Are there exceptions to that rule? Of course, there are exceptions to everything. Problem is that everyone believes they are the exception, and the probability of that being true is nil (and observation tells us that the exception are very rare, which is what makes them an exception and not the rule).

John

Most drivers think they are better than average drivers.

This is statistically impossible.

What exactly do we learn from this?

Sinergy

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RE: What does "soft" mean to you? - 10/17/2006 12:32:07 AM

DiurnalVampire

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IMHO soft tends to mean one of two things. Soft can mean too delicate for hard work and heavy labor. My angel is definately soft in this respect.
The other definition I would consider is soft being forgiving and emotionaly lead. I am often told I am too soft when it comes to Angel, becasue I dont see any merit in training him harshly when I get what I want without the aggressive techniques.
There is aso soft as in cuddly and/or fluffy too, but thats a whole different animal.

DV

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RE: What does "soft" mean to you? - 10/17/2006 5:43:21 AM

Rover

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What did you learn from it? I cannot say.

John

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RE: What does "soft" mean to you? - 10/17/2006 6:04:09 AM

eruditegirl1

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Having read the previous posts....I agree with what has been said too...paasive/aggressive...needy...etc...etc.....

A personal definition for me of soft....nuturing....caring....and then strong....independent....capable.....

I like to believe it's about balancing the strong/soft sides.....

As for completing me.....I would perfer someone who compliments me....kind of like peanut butter and jelly...alone they are great...but together...mmmmm...yummy stuff.....

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RE: What does "soft" mean to you? - 10/17/2006 6:09:55 AM

Celeste43

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I didn't immediately think this was manipulation. What I'm assuming is that his last ex was emotionally distant and so he has come to associate independence with that. For us, yes there is need. Need isn't safe, it isn't strong, it isn't something you can walk away from unscathed. It's frightening as hell because it means I can be hurt and badly. Most of us can handle physical pain a lot easier than emotional. I think of need as opening one up to that emotional ache if things go wrong.

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RE: What does "soft" mean to you? - 10/19/2006 5:20:09 PM

jamesthehumanrug

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soft means 'comfortable' to me; which is what i try and strive to be ,but,....
if we are having a "sexual-delemma", and, you're getting 'double meanings', for the same word
IE: "soft" ,and,NOW: " soft "
simutaneousley means "crazy" to you,or "soft ,as a wet sneaker full of shit "; then I KNOW ............
we gotta' problem;SO GOOD IDEA TO CHECK MEANINGS FIRST AND DEFINITIONS;ESPECIALLY,.....
in bed.

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RE: What does "soft" mean to you? - 10/19/2006 6:38:44 PM

WhipTheHip

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> "I see that you are, indeed, a strong person. you are obviously 'already whole and complete'.
> I admire your independence, but it makes me sad. I am looking for someone soft. Someone
> who is not yet complete, and wants to find another to complete her. I want someone who
> needs me, because I know that I need them."

The above paragraph is something I could have written. With apologies to Sammy Davis Jr.,
"People who need people are the luckiest people of all." We are each entilted to our tastes.
I am not looking to find someone to rescue and make my partner. I do rescue people and
animals all the time. I don't call anyone "broken" or "in need of fixing." These are
condescending words used by others here to put me down. Neither am I looking for somone
who is independant, happy by themselves, not in need of others and in need of lots of
personal space.

I have little interest in people who lean towards the schizoidal, narcissistic end of the
spectrum. Human beings are social creatures.   Healthy human beings need others.
The worst thing you can do to most people is put them in soliitary confinement.
In my view, people who love themselves are sick. I believe a happy medium
exists between low self-esteem and high self-esteem.   A lot of people here though
only see things in terms of black and white. As a result they think self-love is
the only alternative to low self-esteem.   I neither love myself nor hate myself
and seek others with the same feeling.

i would like to find someone who compliments me, who has strengths where
I have weaknesses and vice versa. I understand there are a lot of perfect
people here who don't need anyone to compliment them because they are
whole, complete and perfect as they are. Their need for others is merely
icing on the cake. If a relationship comes and works out fine. But if not,
that too is okay. They are never lonely because they always have
themselves to talk to, and they talk to themselves quite often.

"Soft" in this context means someone who is pliant, easy-going,
flexible, soft-spoken, kind, giving, not hard, obdurate, stubborn,
rough, insensitive, aggressive, unforgiving, harsh, judgmental,
selff-righteious, arrogant, independant. bossy.

Margret from "Dennis the Mennis" was not soft.

When you lose $50,000 in a day, the soft female will say,
"Come let me make things better for you."   While the hard
female will say, "Why do you look so dejected, do you
want a pity party."

Some females will say, "I need you. your approval means
everything to me." Others females will say, "I don't need
a relationship, or anyone to make me happy. All I need is
a good book and a vibrator, and I'm complete." The first
female is soft, the second is hard.   Some females derive
pleasure from emotionally abusing others. Some men
also fall into this category. They are filled with snarky
comments and enjoy scratching people's eyes out. They
rarely have anything positive to say. All they can do is
criticize, and put others down. They have little interest
in helping others.

Cheers,
Michael

Cheers,
Michael

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