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Virgin sub - Advice and possible activities - 1/25/2005 7:01:54 AM   
Redb


Posts: 41
Joined: 1/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hi there,
I have met a fab guy that i really like and would love to top. He has very submissive tendencies but as he has never played before he isnt really sure what he would like to try. When I ask him he says "i'd like to try everything".

Grr

I was wondering if anyone knew where i'd get a list of activities that i could send him for him to get a better idea of what sort of things initially really do it for him that we could start with.

Also, does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with a virgin. I'm a very motherly gentle (sometimes) Domme and am not worried about "scaring" him, just ensuring that his first experience isnt terrifying.

Thanks


PS, my first thread on here.. be nice ???

< Message edited by Redb -- 1/25/2005 7:03:39 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Virgin sub - Advice and possible activities - 1/25/2005 7:06:31 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Hi there,
I have met a fab guy that i really like and would love to top. He has very submissive tendencies but as he has never played before he isnt really sure what he would like to try. When I ask him he says "i'd like to try everything".

Grr

I was wondering if anyone knew where i'd get a list of activities that i could send him for him to get a better idea of what sort of things initially really do it for him that we could start with.

Also, does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with a virgin. I'm a very motherly gentle (sometimes) Domme and am not worried about "scaring" him, just ensuring that his first experience isnt terrifying.

Thanks


Wow, I'm a bit taken aback by this posting. Not because the guy is new, but because of where you are coming from. Most of us who are competent tops know and have BDSM checklists. We know where to find them on the web (which is pretty much littered with them) or from real life sources (Screw the Roses has one it it).

I don't mean to be rude, but I am concerned. If you feel you are ready to Top someone, you might want to fill out a checklist yourself, and exchange it with him. He should know what you are truely experienced in and what you are capable of. You should like you are someone who's new as well, and BDSM activities can hurt someone if they are administered by a novice. I caution you to be Safe and Sane about this.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to Redb)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Virgin sub - Advice and possible activities - 1/25/2005 7:17:56 AM   
Redb


Posts: 41
Joined: 1/19/2005
Status: offline 		I'm not a novice. I just havnt had a virgin before.

Not everyone who comes on here has been at this years, I havnt been, i didnt think this message board was that elitist. I've been topping for over a year, have three playmates and have only recently finished with my first 24/7 sub. I am being mentored by a man with over 20 years experience.

However, everyone i've played with before has had varyin degrees of experience and we've discussed scenes in detail before and after. I did a checklist ages ago, but as i know what all the terms and phrases mean its a bit difficult for me to expect him to have the same level of experience. Also i'm not a pro and dont know many people in the scene i can ask.

I was just hoping that someone on here might have a more basic list and a bit of expereince with a newbie they would like to impart.

I am quite sure of what i'd like to do with him and have told him so and he is comfortable with it, but i was hoping some of the more experienced Domme's here might be able to enhance his experience.

This forum is call "Ask a Mistress" isnt it ?

I didnt realise i had to be an expert to ask advice.

< Message edited by Redb -- 1/25/2005 7:20:41 AM >

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Virgin sub - Advice and possible activities - 1/25/2005 7:44:15 AM   
Moleculor


Posts: 189
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline 		Try Google. :D

(in reply to Redb)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Virgin sub - Advice and possible activities - 1/25/2005 9:10:41 AM   
MsCameron


Posts: 238
Joined: 10/14/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		What I used to do was ask the submissive to send me 3 pics of different activities that he thought turned him on.

While you may get some extreme pics, it doesn't mean you have to go there but it should give you an idea of where he thinks he may go.

For a first scene, I would pick a sensual flogger. Instead of blindfolding him, request that he keep his eyes closed. Rather then using bondage for the first time, request that he stay in the place you put him.
I would use the flogger to tease with a little bit of intensity here and there. Less is more :) and that's far better then sensory overload.
Just using touch alone with his eyes closed can be very intense.

The next time, ask him to pick two toys that he would like to try.

Good luck :)

MsC

_____________________________

I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going...
Lateralis.Tool

(in reply to Redb)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Virgin sub - Advice and possible activities - 1/25/2005 9:32:00 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I was just hoping that someone on here might have a more basic list and a bit of expereince with a newbie they would like to impart.


My sincere apology. I know better than to sit down and read boards before my first cup of coffee.... So again, I acknowledge that I was a complete bitch, and offer my apology. In addition, here are some resources that answer your initial question.

A BDSM Checklist can be obtained on line at: http://ms.ha.md.us/~tammad/over21/bondage/sub-checklist.html They offer a good explaination of how to fill it out.

Also, if you are working with a virgin submissive, www.castlerealm.com might be a good resource for this person, especially the "Submissive" section. I've gained much from the KingDom (although I'm a female) section as well.

I hope you find these helpful,

Lily (who got her act together courtesy of her favorite submissive, to Juan Valdez...)


_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to Redb)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Virgin sub - Advice and possible activities - 1/25/2005 12:38:42 PM   
MaitresseEden


Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline 		I love virgins.. All kinds. primarily because they are blank slates that you can write upon as you wish. Teach them what works for you.. The only down side is they often get "Wanderlust" after a time. The grass is always greener or so to speak. The best advice I can give you is to go slow, be creative and Communicate openly with him. Make sure he has complete freedom to talk about scenes before, during and afterwards, and experiment with a variety of sensations and things so that you both can learn what pushes his buttons and what doesn't. I'm personally not a fan of checklists, and the one size fits most view of BDSM. The beauty of it is that is is something that is individually defined by all the participants, and exploring is the only way to define what is right for the both of you.

Ms. Eden

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Virgin sub - Advice and possible activities - 1/25/2005 12:46:18 PM   
Redb


Posts: 41
Joined: 1/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCameron

What I used to do was ask the submissive to send me 3 pics of different activities that he thought turned him on.



Thanks MsC, and pleased to say that i had already done this What i said i would do would send a list of possible activities, as uncomplicated as possible, and ask him to tell me how he felt about engaging in these activities. I also asked him to trawl the net and pick a few erotic pictures and/or stories that appealed to him and to tell me why the did and in what way they excited him, sexually, erotically, fear etc.

One thing he did say he like the idea of very much was Bondage, so i might initially try some loose, loud (clunky with clips etc for effect) cuffs on his wrists to see his reaction. I really like the eyes closed bit too. Thanks for those tips.

quote:

My sincere apology.


Thanks muchly Lily. I dont think i explained myself very well and as a regular on other boards, i forgot that my experience wouldnt be pre-known here.

I used my old list to send him. I rooted it out from SO long ago. It was quite amusing to see what i was and wasnt prepared to do in my first experience (as a sub). I'm such a pervert now compared to then **titter**.

I have pulled Castle Realm apart, and gleaned a ton of information off it and am reading and note-making studiously now. Being a Domme is SUCH hard work sometimes, i wish i'd worked this hard in school all those many years ago.

I have until next week before i see him again. In between then, i'm seeing my favourite Playmate and i have a Girlie munch to go to too. I hope to pick everyones brains to ensure that this guys first submissive experience is a positive, erotic and fulfilling experience for him.

Thanks for all your advice everyone... keep it coming !!!!!!!! :D

< Message edited by Redb -- 1/25/2005 12:47:48 PM >

(in reply to MsCameron)
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RE: Virgin sub - Advice and possible activities - 1/25/2005 12:49:15 PM   
Shayna


Posts: 205
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline 		One area I caution about is anal play. I think many new sub men get off on the idea, but aren't always prepared for their own reaction to being penetrated (if they've never done it before). If he's interested in exploring anal, start slowly and I'd postpone penetration until you've processed at least a first session.


(in reply to MaitresseEden)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Virgin sub - Advice and possible activities - 1/25/2005 1:14:54 PM   
StrictnSaucy


Posts: 363
Joined: 1/6/2005
Status: offline 		Hi Red,

The checklist I used with my subby was one I found on bondage.com. It is quite detailed, so you could omit anything you thought was to much from it for a first "interview". I found it worked well to have my sub kneeling at my feet answering the questions - the fact that he was in a sub position meant he concentrated harder on it and also I could check his face for expressions etc.

Knowing C, if I had emailed it to him he would have approached in a "lets get this out of the way as fast as possible" way and might not have given as much thought to it.

Looking forward to seeing You at the girlie munch , does Dublin know what its in for?? (I think NOT!)

Laters,
SnS
p.s. - whos the new hottie?? huh, huh, tell all!

(in reply to Shayna)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Virgin sub - Advice and possible activities - 1/25/2005 2:05:12 PM   
Redb


Posts: 41
Joined: 1/19/2005
Status: offline 		HI SnS, didnt realise they let just anyone join in here You dont know the guy but if yer nice, i might tell you Cant wait for saturday, sent you a mail.

Its a good idea about the checklist, i might refer back to it at our first session.
Thanks for the tips guys
x
Red

(in reply to StrictnSaucy)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Virgin sub - Advice and possible activities - 1/25/2005 4:25:44 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		I'm with Eden...I love virgins!
But do just use your checklist. I have Mine already filled out with what I do and don't participate and the applicant gets that. Makes it easier for Me to see where the commonalities are. Then, after filling out the checklist, sit down for lunch, and have a long discussion about everything.
Then, just take it slow and easy.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to Redb)
Profile   Post #: 12
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