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training for being a mistress - 10/18/2006 12:30:33 PM   
Aji


Posts: 14
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		what does it take? obviously years of being a submissive and knows how to be a submissive to a point of no return. but i know taht you cant just step intot he boots of being a mistress.

what does it take?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: training for being a mistress - 10/18/2006 12:42:11 PM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		Obviously?  I was never submissive and certainly not to the point of no return...or am I misunderstanding what you are saying?  While there is nothing wrong with starting out in a submissive role and learning that before going to the other side, I also do not think it is necessary.  People disagree on this point but you will see those who are very skilled have both started out as submissive and not.  I don't think, though, it is the standard by which all "good" dominants should be measured. 

It takes knowing yourself and being in control of yourself.  It takes knowing your strengths and weaknesses.  It takes recognizing the strengths and weaknesses in others.  It takes knowing a bit about psychology, being empathetic, knowing anatomy, safety, and various techniques.  It takes open communication. 

Anyone can be a dominant personality if that's what you are but to be able to channel that and control another while engaging in various, possibly dangerous, forms of play takes a lot of education and experience.  It is also a never ending process, the educating oneself.  For someone who is wanting to get into it, I suggest learning everything you can.  Get involved in local groups, read, observe, do some hands on training.  Also remember you can learn a lot from males, females, submissives and dominants alike so do not limit yourself the people you are learning from. 

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to Aji)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: training for being a mistress - 10/18/2006 12:46:19 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aji

what does it take? obviously years of being a submissive and knows how to be a submissive to a point of no return. but i know taht you cant just step intot he boots of being a mistress.

what does it take?


Imagination.  Organizational ability. Empathy. Focus on the submissive and not on yourself.  (that can come later). Dedication. The ability to listen. The desire to take charge and be responsible for your actions, the wellbeing of your submissive and prepared to be accountable.
 
Oh!  AND Neat-o, kewl boots!
 
P.S.  It's WORK.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Aji)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: training for being a mistress - 10/18/2006 1:03:02 PM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

AND Neat-o, kewl boots

Definitely can not forget the cool boots 

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: training for being a mistress - 10/18/2006 1:09:37 PM   
HamiltonCoDomme


Posts: 30
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with everything stated above and just want to add keeping in mind that there is always something to be learned.

Mistress Jamie
a/k/a HamiltonCoDomme

(in reply to MsKatHouston)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: training for being a mistress - 10/18/2006 1:15:16 PM   
demistress


Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aji

what does it take? obviously years of being a submissive and knows how to be a submissive to a point of no return. but i know taht you cant just step intot he boots of being a mistress.

what does it take?


Imagination.  Organizational ability. Empathy. Focus on the submissive and not on yourself.  (that can come later). Dedication. The ability to listen. The desire to take charge and be responsible for your actions, the wellbeing of your submissive and prepared to be accountable.
 
Oh!  AND Neat-o, kewl boots!
 
P.S.  It's WORK.


Lotus, I think I love you.

_____________________________

Mistress Heather
www.niteflirt.com/MizzSpice

Wether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: training for being a mistress - 10/18/2006 1:16:58 PM   
DiannaVesta


Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline 		Dominance is an energy you feel inside of yourself. You cultivate it through experience and desire. Imagine an artist that feels the passion within but develops the more he/she creates. Sure you can learn the techniques but only you can apply them into something that becomes your own style.
 
Read some books on safety so you don’t hurt anyone including yourself.
Evaluate your intentions and make sure you are doing this for the right reasons.
Don’t forget to laugh and have fun.
 
If you want to be a professional dominatrix I just began posting a monthly step by step guide at The Village in FemSupreme
http://www.femsupreme.com/village/ its free.

_____________________________



(in reply to HamiltonCoDomme)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: training for being a mistress - 10/18/2006 2:51:34 PM   
Aji


Posts: 14
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		wow you mistresses really helped. i was just curious because my thought was "i wanna know what im doing to these ppl so i might as well feel it for myself" you know? if you dont get it, heres another analogy:

when ppl try to quit smoking, they go through a hard time. and someone who never smoked before in their life is like "oh its easy" when they dont know themselves...

is that right? i might just be beating a dead horse here :P iono. but thank you for the info! i will definately check out some books and online sources. right now im in the phase for the recieving. (i love the attention. ;) ) and i still hope to hear more and i will definately have more questions to ask!

like for one:
- some mistresses (i think) dont give a fuck about their submissives limits/desires/needs when it comes to that moment. to me, taht makes a horrible msitress bc there is no real connection between the 2 beings. but maybet ahts just me. some ppl like that iono. whats your all's oppinion?

THANK YOU SO MUCH! *bites and scratches* Sub. Aji

(in reply to Aji)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: training for being a mistress - 10/18/2006 3:52:44 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		I used to do a Femdom 101  class at the local dungeon. 
 
The best advice I can share is for you to Go Slow, Do what you Know for Sure, and Don't Promise More than You Can Deliver.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Aji)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: training for being a mistress - 10/18/2006 7:25:32 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aji

what does it take? obviously years of being a submissive and knows how to be a submissive to a point of no return. but i know taht you cant just step intot he boots of being a mistress.

what does it take?


Why would it take any time as a submissive?

Being a dominant and being a submissive are not the same roles nor the same mindset.

Some of the worst tops and dominants I have ever met started out as submissives. They figured they knew exactly how others would react because they'd experienced everything and so didn't pay much attention to how another person was reacting.

Empathy, a willingness to learn, confidence and self reflection goes a lot further than time on the bottom in my opinion and experience.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 10/18/2006 7:27:13 PM >

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Aji)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: training for being a mistress - 10/18/2006 7:55:29 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aji

what does it take? obviously years of being a submissive and knows how to be a submissive to a point of no return. but i know taht you cant just step intot he boots of being a mistress.

what does it take?

I don't think it takes a minute of being submissive.  Here's why.

Being a dominant takes:
-- Responsibility to take charge of another's life, soul, health and well-being.
-- Honor that you're worthy of respect and strive to stay in that place.
-- Intestinal fortitude to do things to people that we've been taught not to do.
-- Integrity that you'll make sound decisions, do the things you say, and not do the things you've promised not to do.  
-- Communication skills so that even when words cannot be spoken, they know and understand what is going on, as well as have the capacity to relay vital information to someone else.


_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Aji)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: training for being a mistress - 10/18/2006 8:50:47 PM   
demistress


Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline 		I will note however, that when I am teaching a new domme to use the different paddles, floggers, and spanking instruments, that they MUST hit themselves with the instrument with decent force, before applying it to another person.  This gives them an understanding of exactly what they are inflicting on someone else.  Countless times, I have had a D.I.T. hit herself with something with what she thought was likely to be slightly stingy, only to hear her yelp in response to her own blow.  While I do NOT consider this being a submissive, I do consider it knowing your equipment. :)

_____________________________

Mistress Heather
www.niteflirt.com/MizzSpice

Wether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: training for being a mistress - 10/18/2006 9:27:32 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: demistress

I will note however, that when I am teaching a new domme to use the different paddles, floggers, and spanking instruments, that they MUST hit themselves with the instrument with decent force, before applying it to another person.  This gives them an understanding of exactly what they are inflicting on someone else.  Countless times, I have had a D.I.T. hit herself with something with what she thought was likely to be slightly stingy, only to hear her yelp in response to her own blow.  While I do NOT consider this being a submissive, I do consider it knowing your equipment. :)

That's BOTTOMING.  That's not emotionally submitting yourself to another person.  There's a world of difference.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to demistress)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: training for being a mistress - 10/18/2006 11:08:33 PM   
ChaOz


Posts: 98
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		I am a new to the scene and have a desire to Dom, and  no desire to be a sub. Considered it purely to feel some pain but in the end its just not me even though I'd make a good one as I have some idea on how a slave should behave. There's a lot of ways I found you can learn from just chatting to people or looking up websites, watching other people play and reading background material on how to dominate but in the end, I feel you just need to build up confidence and learn to lead someone mentally. I've been into meditation/ego death for years so I have a pretty good understanding of my own mind and emotions, and that of others. I dont see a problem with me not having been a sub, I'm sure once I come across that perfect slave I connect with it wont matter to her either. As long as your honest and have an idea of how you both want to play it should be swell and you could always use your sub as a body to learn on or take ur slave to workshops and stuff. 

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: training for being a mistress - 10/19/2006 7:16:04 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

quote:

ORIGINAL: demistress

I will note however, that when I am teaching a new domme to use the different paddles, floggers, and spanking instruments, that they MUST hit themselves with the instrument with decent force, before applying it to another person. This gives them an understanding of exactly what they are inflicting on someone else. Countless times, I have had a D.I.T. hit herself with something with what she thought was likely to be slightly stingy, only to hear her yelp in response to her own blow. While I do NOT consider this being a submissive, I do consider it knowing your equipment. :)

That's BOTTOMING. That's not emotionally submitting yourself to another person. There's a world of difference.


I personaly don't even see that as bottoming.

I see it simply as figuring out how things work. Maturity and empathy should tell you that how you feel that sensation may not be how someone else feels it.

To me, pain is just pain, depending on it, something I can ignore.

To a masochist pain can be sexy or pleasureable, to a bottom it can be endorphin creating, to a slave it can be a sign of his submission and pleasing to him emotionally for that reason. Intellectually I can understand these but none of them have anything to do with how I feel the same act.

You can't even say "this is thuddy" or "this is stingy" because I've notice it is not that clear cut. Something to Faith that was thuddy is stingy to Fox and something that is a RED to Fox was just a warm up to Faith to use those two boys I've owned.

I'd rather have someone who learned how to flog correctly by practicing on someone under the eyes of an experience person than someone who just whacked themselves or was whacked themselves. But that's my not humble opinion.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: training for being a mistress - 10/19/2006 8:16:01 AM   
Aji


Posts: 14
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: demistress

I will note however, that when I am teaching a new domme to use the different paddles, floggers, and spanking instruments, that they MUST hit themselves with the instrument with decent force, before applying it to another person.  This gives them an understanding of exactly what they are inflicting on someone else.  Countless times, I have had a D.I.T. hit herself with something with what she thought was likely to be slightly stingy, only to hear her yelp in response to her own blow.  While I do NOT consider this being a submissive, I do consider it knowing your equipment. :)


sounds interesting. i understand why. makes complete sense! i wish to try actually :P and whats bottoming? im new to the scene kind of and my master hasnt told me the terms :P

(in reply to demistress)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: training for being a mistress - 10/19/2006 10:52:03 AM   
Aubre


Posts: 478
Joined: 12/9/2004
Status: offline 		Most Tops/Doms I know want to feel what it is they plan to use before they use it so they can know what they are dealing with.

(in reply to Aji)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: training for being a mistress - 10/19/2006 2:17:52 PM   
lunamor


Posts: 52
Joined: 6/9/2005
Status: offline 		It can't hurt (no pun intended) for a dom to sub, but I would never say it should be a requirement either. I don't see how it can emotionally or psychologically advance the preparation of a dom who doesn't want to do it - she's not going to process the experience in the same way as a sub would, she's not going to live the feelings or the sensations in the same way.

In other words, I don't think you always have to get into someone's skin to get into their head. But if you want to do it, if it helps ou feel more prepared, why not?

Lunamor

(in reply to Aubre)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: training for being a mistress - 10/19/2006 2:25:11 PM   
daiseytheone


Posts: 18
Joined: 4/24/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you Mistress DiannaVesta, the site you provided was very interesting, enjoyed reading it.

I am wondering what you recommend when meeting a sub/slave on CM who is located out of your area as many are, say in another state or even further. I realize the expense necessary to come for a first meeting, the flight, meals. I have been though this senario more than once, the sub/slave says he is coming then fades away as the date gets closer. I am at the point where I don't even want to hear from anyone who is not in my immediate area.

(in reply to Aubre)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: training for being a mistress - 10/19/2006 2:49:29 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		I  was never a submissive.Its very hard to put My Domme side away,okay lets just say its impossible.
I know reading can help and finding things online.I cherish the Mentors that I have.I also went to another Dommes dungeon,a much more experienced One than I,She taught Me a lot.
I sorta did just "put the boots on" and went for it.I follow safety pratices and Domme in a style that is all My own.Perhaps thats the best advice is to take the knowledge and use it in a way that fits You,dont worry if its the right way there is no right way.One other thing...dont be afraid to f*uck up...No one is perfect...Mistakes help you grow and learn so do just that.

Practice tying knots before your first session...lol
www.frugaldomme.com  has some links to help out with that.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to Aji)
Profile   Post #: 20
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