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wouldlike2 -> smile (10/18/2006 12:36:21 PM)
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A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical.
The nurse starts with certain basic items.
"How much do you weigh?" she asks.
"115," she says.
The nurse puts her on the scale.
It turns out her weight is 140.
The nurse asks, "Your height?"
"5 foot 8," she says.
The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5".
She then takes her blood pressure
And tells the woman it is very high.
"Of course it's high!" she screams,
"When I came in here I was tall and slender!
Now I'm short and fat!"
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, and then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming.
Over in the corner, one is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by and to the gays' delight she points out the happy child as theirs.
"Isn't it wonderful?" one man says to the other. "All these unhappy children and our child is so happy."
The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now. But just watch what happens when we take the pacifier out of his ass."
A couple had been married for 50 years. They were
sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says,
"Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast
table together." "I know," the old man said, "we were probably sitting
here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered,
"let's relive some old times." Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and
sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady
breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty
years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps." One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.
A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big
everything under one roof department store looking for a job.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Missouri ."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start
tomorrow."
I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down.
"How many customers bought something from you today?
The kid says "one".
The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30
customers a day.
How much was the sale for?"
The kid says "$101,237.65."
The boss says "$101, 237.65? W hat the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold
him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I
told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department
and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took
him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you
sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his
wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go
fishing.'"
This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her
pussy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!".
[:D]
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