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Permission to touch? - 10/19/2006 1:39:56 AM

RedFox583

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

First and foremost...I'm a switch, and very very green to actual "scenes", although quite curious.

However, I've been a fetish model for about 2 years. So...I've been in simulated scenes for the camera.

I had one particular shoot with a professional Domme I thought was *very* attractive, and for this particular "scene" She was drizzling me with honey (from Her mouth/fingers) and licking it off me. She had this interesting little habit of stroking me with Her unoccupied fingers, or trailing them across my body, while She was doing this. I had to fight like mad NOT to drag Her down and kiss Her like I rather desperately wanted to. However, I talked to Her a bit afterward, and while I was too shy to actually tell Her how I'd reacted, I got the impression She might not have minded if I'd done so.

So, uh...did I screw up, or was I a good little girl for not expressing my wants? Maybe was I seeing a switch side to Her? I've never ever had the impression a Domme would be ok with a sub taking the initiative, at least not when it was something the sub wanted...but I'm also so inexperienced I'm having severe doubts. Help?

Post #: 1

RE: Permission to touch? - 10/19/2006 1:50:15 AM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

i have been told that sometimes Ma'am enjoys the fact that she has been able to push me beyond my own self-control... and that by my taking initiative (and even dominating) in such a situation; i have in fact submitted to her, or at least confirmed her dominance

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

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(in reply to RedFox583)

Post #: 2

RE: Permission to touch? - 10/19/2006 5:50:20 AM

DivaDuchess

Posts: 402
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline

Alot depends on the Domme ... If the scene is a clear one, in which She has expressed Her desire to push your limits, then loosing control and taking something is a sign of HER dominance. If, however, that is not the case, then switching on your part and trying to take control could get you punished. Deciding to let yourself go and take control when you loose control depends a great deal on how well you know the Domme.

If you don't know Her well, I would fight the urge. Good luck to you.

_____________________________

Duchess

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more important than Fear.

The Brave may not live forever,
But the Cautious do not live at all.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 3

RE: Permission to touch? - 10/19/2006 5:54:08 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

He likes this out of me. It's a sign that I want him and who doesn't want to know that they're desirable. But this is in a committed relationship. I'd personally felt uncomfortable with just doing it in the situation you described. However it would have been appropriate for you to tell her how you felt. She might have given you the green light but even if not, you would have given her pleasure by telling her of her effect upon you.

(in reply to DivaDuchess)

Post #: 4

RE: Permission to touch? - 10/19/2006 7:10:27 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

First, I think there is a lesson in this: If you don't express your needs and desires, they will not be met.

Second, I also think it is never out of place to ask before you touch someone you do not know very well. Heck, I ask friends I've had for years before I hug them or I do an opened arms stance to give them the opportunity to move in or not.

As a survivor of sexual abuse I cannot just touch people without asking and touching me without asking is highly likely to get a nasty response that may even involve a physical reaction. I'm up front with that fact.

In terms of relationships that are established it depends on the person and the dynamics. There are times I have Fox and Tom both ask before they even hug me but with more exposure to them over the years they have also learned to let me make the first move (they both love being touched). Once we are touching though it is a nice ego stroke to have my husband or my slave get a bit intense and keep moving on with the physical affection, lets me know they are turned on and that it is related strongly to being with me.

I also know that if I say "stop" or "don't" they immediately stop.

I do the same for them though Fox has safewords he uses instead of "stop" or "don't" simply because of our dynamics to which language is very important.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to RedFox583)

Post #: 5

RE: Permission to touch? - 10/19/2006 7:12:40 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

I strive for something called TRANSPARENCY with my subjects. What that means for me is that ultimately, I expect their thoughts to be offered forth to me without barriers, even the internal ones concerning their fears, fuckups and festering urges. Like roamin fingers....and things like that :-) It can be very freeing for a subject to be able to come to me and just unload some really heavy thing -- for instance:

"Ma'am, your boy feels he is less than 30 from knocking you over and ravaging you."

or

"Mistress, the girl is about to go into little space because what you're thinking of doing simply terrifies her."

That way, I don't have to try and pretend that my witch's crystal ball really works on everyone all of the time, and that I can predict every thought, action and moment with a wave of my wand. Feh. It might sound like it takes the wind of of the sexy sails, but in my experience, it's done everything but. It places the burden more upon me, and can heighten the state of arousal and reduce the anxiety on the slave's part associated with having those feelings.

Once they've handed me responsibility for that thought or unseen desire, I can either park it (inappropriate time), tease it out, or use it right then and there for my own pleasure/sadistic desire. It's worked for me!

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to RedFox583)

Post #: 6

RE: Permission to touch? - 10/19/2006 8:17:51 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline

Many years ago while doing a professional session one of my clients became over excited with excitement. He did jump up and on top of my ripping my clothes off and trying to penetrate me. That’s rape. Fortunately he stopped before he actually went through with it and that was because I threatened him telling him that I had surveillance cameras on my doors and recorded anyone who passed through them.

There were a few that grabbed me inappropriately and that was a mistake.

The best thing is to just say what’s on your mind because if you don’t you’ll never know and if you act on it and misread someone then you very well could end up in jail.

_____________________________

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 7

RE: Permission to touch? - 10/19/2006 9:05:30 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta

Many years ago while doing a professional session one of my clients became over excited with excitement. He did jump up and on top of my ripping my clothes off and trying to penetrate me. That’s rape. Fortunately he stopped before he actually went through with it and that was because I threatened him telling him that I had surveillance cameras on my doors and recorded anyone who passed through them.

There were a few that grabbed me inappropriately and that was a mistake.

The best thing is to just say what’s on your mind because if you don’t you’ll never know and if you act on it and misread someone then you very well could end up in jail.

I hope you never let him return.

I don't care how excited he was, trying to rape someone is wrong on so many levels.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to DiannaVesta)

Post #: 8

RE: Permission to touch? - 10/19/2006 9:48:38 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

So, uh...did I screw up, or was I a good little girl for not expressing my wants? Maybe was I seeing a switch side to Her? I've never ever had the impression a Domme would be ok with a sub taking the initiative, at least not when it was something the sub wanted...but I'm also so inexperienced I'm having severe doubts. Help?

I think it was a very good thing that you restrained yourself (no pun intended!). You were in the middle of a professional shoot, which is a business and if you want to get further work, you need to stay in pro-mode and control the urges.

Speaking to her afterwards was the proper time and place and next time be a bit more free to express your reaction. Keep in mind, too, that professional domination is her business.. but it may not, necessarily, be her orientation.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to RedFox583)

Post #: 9

RE: Permission to touch? - 10/19/2006 1:47:31 PM

RedFox583

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

I think it was a very good thing that you restrained yourself (no pun intended!). You were in the middle of a professional shoot, which is a business and if you want to get further work, you need to stay in pro-mode and control the urges.

What's funny is I told the photographer afterward how difficult it was for me to control myself and he said I should've gone ahead and given in, that it would've been really cool for the shoot...*laughs* That REALLY made me feel like an idiot!

I have talked to Her since and while I haven't asked flat-out Her orientation or if She was interested, all signs indicate I might be getting dragged into a private room with Her next Con. (Squee!)

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 10

RE: Permission to touch? - 10/19/2006 3:41:50 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

I would be and have been upset when the inappropriate touch happens.
This behavior is very quickly nipped in the bud,and not very nicely I might add.

I do however encourage submissives to use their voice.My advice would be to tell Her how your feeling,before touching.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to RedFox583)

Post #: 11

RE: Permission to touch? - 10/19/2006 10:42:41 PM

StacyCat

Posts: 112
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

At a photo shoot, it should have stayed professional. Unless the intent of the shoot was to get more sexual, otherwise, you have been captured on film with a release saying the photographer will do what they want with the pictures. Afterwards, you are free to tell her how you felt, and see if the attraction was mutual, and/or wanted to be taken off the professional scene.

For the non BDSM shoots that I have done, it was gone into with a playful attitude, of whatever happens, happens. But, it was also amateur stuff, and we both had control over the pictures and where they ended up. If someone else has the rights to the pictures that I am taking, I am much more conservative about what happens in those photos.

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

Post #: 12

RE: Permission to touch? - 10/19/2006 10:50:28 PM

LadySeraphina

Posts: 931
Joined: 3/28/2006
From: Calgary, Canada
Status: offline

Although it's true that reaching up and kissing her would have been out of line, a little panting and maybe a moan when she stroked you would have told her very clearly what your reaction was. I certainly like pushing my subs to react, since I feed off their reactions, and she may have been testing you to see if you would respond to her touch. That said, yes, you should definitely have talked to her about it after, or do so the very next opportunity you get.

Just my two cents.

_____________________________

"Men are like wine. They start out as grapes and its up to the woman to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with." -Unknown

www.LadySeraphina.ca

www.SeraphinasToybox.com.

(in reply to StacyCat)

Post #: 13

RE: Permission to touch? - 10/19/2006 11:25:25 PM

BuxomGoddess321

Posts: 20
Status: offline

I'm getting ready to do my first professional shoot and if anybody touches me without permission they will get handled by my body guard, fast. Transparency is wonderful, but disrespect me and to the curb with you. This reminds me of two recent experiences with subs. One, I was just picking up something, my ass was in the air and a bi-fem sub said "wow, your bottom looks so beautiful it's begging to be touched" to which I invited her to touch it. Second, a shy male sissy sub I'd known for months said "I've been dying for so long to touch your beautiful breasts" to which I invited him to do so. I freely touch them both, but neither imposed themselves upon Me, they were very respectful. You never know if you don't speak your mind. The most respectful way is by paying a compliment, I feel.... Who can get offended by a compliment unless it is not genuine??? Next time, maybe quietly say something like "I find you so sexy, I wish I could ___" She might say "please do". If the attraction is mutual, its difficult to reject a true admirer as long as they do not offend. Good luck!

Be blessed,
Goddess

(in reply to LadySeraphina)

Post #: 14

RE: Permission to touch? - 10/20/2006 6:26:55 AM

MistressTheaZ

Posts: 155
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline

Agreed that you absolutely did the right thing, remaining professional and not taking an unspoken initiative to engage her, but I don't see any harm in chatting her up and mentioning your interest when you next see or speak with her.

Personally, I can enjoy the rush of exciting someone, feeling their body quiver, hearing their breath quicken within a scene...without having any intention of carrying it forward. Not only is it an intensely powerful feeling, almost smugly so, but as one reply mentioned, it's hot in itself to feed off of reaction.

Tell her what you think and see where it goes.

Best,

Thea

(in reply to RedFox583)

Post #: 15

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