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Tears - 1/26/2005 8:08:35 AM

BDSMBRAD

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Joined: 1/3/2005
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How do you deal with tears if they fall?

I know tears will fall for many diffrent reasons from emotional release to pent up frusterations to pain, I was wondeing what is your best way to deal with them.

Thanks

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RE: Tears - 1/26/2005 8:19:35 AM

ProtagonistLily

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quote:

How do you deal with tears if they fall?

I know tears will fall for many diffrent reasons from emotional release to pent up frusterations to pain, I was wondeing what is your best way to deal with them.

Thanks

Hey Brad,

I'm not sure what you mean when you say 'deal with them.' Could you be more specific? Are you bothered that a sub may cry? Does it concern you that you are causing either physical or emotional pain?

If you could be more specific, I'd bet you'd get better responses, as this is a topic that I find very interesting.

Lily

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RE: Tears - 1/26/2005 10:01:49 AM

BDSMBRAD

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Thanks for the advice Lilly, when I say deal with them I mean doesit raise your concern for your sub/slave? do you feel compelled to stop your activity even without the safe word used?

I know some mistress and masters have an additional punishemt for when their subs cry, my circle of friends online and alike deal alot with Infantilism so many of my mistress/master friends have been putting crying subs/slaves in diapers or giving them a bottle or rattle or all 3 as a symbol to where their tears will take them.

I was courious if it was a... green light to further punish, or a red light to stop.

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A superior being is modest with their words and inspiring with their actions.

I was standing in the park contemplating why a thrown Frisbee gets larger as it gets closer... and then it hit me.

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RE: Tears - 1/26/2005 10:09:15 AM

panthergoddess

Posts: 93
Joined: 1/11/2005
From: Bessemer City, NC USA
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For me...I do not stop. I also do not humiliate if my sub cries our in pain or when tears fall. To me it's a natural reaction to the pain I'm inflicting. And I do not punish or stop for natural reactions.

If one stops simply because they see tears...how in the world would the sub's tolerace to pain be tested?

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RE: Tears - 1/26/2005 11:20:38 AM

NATI

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As you yourself have pointed out, tears can mean A LOT of different things. Tears alone are not enough to stop a session.

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RE: Tears - 1/26/2005 12:56:48 PM

LdyAuburn

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Tears are often desired, one of my things

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RE: Tears - 1/26/2005 5:51:22 PM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
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I love seeing tears, prompted either through humiliation or pain. I love being able to inspire a physical outlet for emotion and sensation. And then I love pulling them close and cuddling them so tight they think they're in engaging in breath play! I adore aftercare, snuggling and touching. I start coming down off my Domme high while they're coming down off their subbie high... purrfect. I'm at peace with the world, spent and content.

However if they use a safeword and the tears are flowing something may have gone wrong. They may not have been ready. The words, actions and activities may have opened up an emotional blockade. So when the safeword is used tears mean something completely different. They mean the scene comes to a temporary halt and possibly even an end depending on why the safeword was used.

Examples:

If someone is crying but reveling in the pain, humiliation, etc. and not using a safeword I'm oh so very happy to be the cause of their tears.

Suppose someone with a bad knee starts to cry because they knelt in a way that hurts their knee. When they're crying and using their safeword it's best to stop and evaluate the situation, either doing something different or calling it quits for the day.

Regardless of what has caused the tears aftercare is a must!

< Message edited by MadameDahlia -- 1/26/2005 5:53:54 PM >

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RE: Tears - 1/29/2005 11:19:12 AM

dommissa

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I'm sure this is just a sign of my inexperience (*glares at the "vanilla" label to the left*), but I can't stand tears... probably something psychological with me, but seeing someone cry tears down my dominant mindset and scares me, a lot. To add on to the original post, anyone have any suggestions as to how to convince myself that tears aren't always a sign that I've done something offensive to my sub?

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RE: Tears - 1/29/2005 9:08:18 PM

DiamondDiva

Posts: 266
Joined: 10/10/2004
From: North Carolina
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I have not had to experience tears yet but I think that just may be the nature of the beast because I have dealt mostly with males. [Machismo]

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RE: Tears - 1/29/2005 9:56:56 PM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
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From: SoCal aka Hell
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Hi dommissa! I'll try to see if I can't take a stab at this.

In my (not always so humble) opinion one of the many roles a Dominant takes on is the role of a nurturer or caretaker. When something or someone has value we often take care of our things and friends, family, significant others... To see them cry is to feel their tears when the bond is close.

But if you think about tears being a physical release of emotions you may find that tears are healthy. One cries after a funeral because to bottle those feelings inside would be to hinder the healing process. To keep one's tears inside when feeling down or sick is to work hard at not letting the world in on your pain. It takes so much effort to keep from letting the veils down and letting the emotion trickle through the cracks.

To cry is to release. To sing is to release. To beat a pillow is to release. They're all safety valves, necessary to keep us from spontaneous implosions. You hear about the severely depressed, the overworked, the incredibly angry... all of them blowing up or spiraling out of control in one fashion or another.

To bring your submissive into your arms, stroke their arm or hair and let them cry in front of you, into you is to allow them a powerful physical release. It's healthy. And it can help you to bond far more deeply with your submissive. They trust you, lean on you... know that you're absolutely solid. And it comforts them.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to DiamondDiva)

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