RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (Full Version)

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ruffnecksbabygir -> RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (1/27/2005 6:18:49 AM)

i love that avatar of yours (Hisslavegurl) it's great![;)]



Hislavegurl -> RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (1/27/2005 7:51:45 AM)

Thanks! A friend of mine made it for me.



domtimothy46176 -> RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (1/27/2005 7:55:16 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Bigbossman4u

If the slave is facing a choice between her own mental well being and being worried about what other Masters will think of her... then it's a no brainer. Walk away! Far, far away! If other potential Masters are incapable of understanding the situation (if it is indeed so bleak as to make the slave want to relinquish the collar) then they aren't suitable to be her Master either.

The collar was given and recieved under the premise of a lie, IMO making it null and void to begin with.

Just my opinion of course... Others' mileage may and probably will vary.

best,
Joshua


Ditto. Within the context of my personal ethos, submission/consent/surrender obtained through deception is not valid and therefore you are not bound by your agreement. In your friend's shoes I would make my position very clear with the dominant and vacate the situation. Being who I am, I would have no problem defending my position should the dominant choose to attempt to smear my reputation in the local community.
Timothy



domtimothy46176 -> RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (1/27/2005 8:00:05 AM)

While no slave has to be released before the are free to leave, there are some who may feel their personal integrity requires a certain code of conduct and ,as such, following certain protocol may play a part. It may not be true for all, but for some such things can and do play an integral part of their personal reality.
Timothy
quote:

ORIGINAL: dark~angel

This is a modern age. No 'slave' has to be released to leave. No law is made to make her stay. Any person may leave when they wish. She will not be wrong to leave if thats her decision - collar or no collar.

Form her perspective. She has to be true to herself and do what is best for her. If the relationship is not what she believed it would be... if the Dominant made her believe that she was entering a sub/slave/Dominant household and she has not. Then He has lied. Whether He was protecting her or not in His eyes... He still lied. How many more times will He lie? How many more times has He lied? The trust will be lost. Indeed, it has been lost and she feels failed and herself feels a failiure (which she isnt).

No Dominant worth her service will worry about why she left. They will be understandable shocked He has said such a blatent lie and accept her for what she is.




darkinshadows -> RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (1/27/2005 8:42:20 AM)

quote:

While no slave has to be released before the are free to leave, there are some who may feel their personal integrity requires a certain code of conduct and ,as such, following certain protocol may play a part. It may not be true for all, but for some such things can and do play an integral part of their personal reality.


Exactly.
She has to honour herself and be true to herself. If she feels unable to leave for fear of losing her integrity, then she must decide that for herself. If she can cope with the situation as it remains, then she should decide that herself.

There is nothing keeping her there, no law, no ideals. There is nothing making her stay either... Except herself and her belief.

She must remain true to herself and what she believes. If her own integrity allows her to feel a faliure... leaving could damage her more mentally, than the actual lie she has been deceived with has.



proudsub -> RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (1/27/2005 9:39:43 AM)

quote:

She does not know the truth about when they met and how. She does not know a lot of things.


So what happens when the light bulb goes on and she realizes how naive she's been? Sounds to me like the whole threeway relationship is headed for trouble.JMHO[:o]



Delta06 -> RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (1/27/2005 2:38:47 PM)

[The question that ran through my mind the entire time I was reading this thread was this:

If the alleged "master" would be so deceptive and violate his "slave's" trust, how would she ever be able to trust him again, particularly in issues of her physical and emotional well-being?



Zensee -> RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (1/28/2005 12:37:43 AM)

It seems like there is a lot of denial going on by everybody involved, and at all levels. At best, everyone's rose coulored glasses are deep tinted and have mirror finishes.

Being a willing slave (oxymoron, I know) means there is a choice and to walk into such an arrangement without hearing the "master's" assurances coming out of his wife's mouth, was irresponsible. "I'm just a slave who can't say no..." is not excuse enough to go courting a well advertised disaster.

Fantasy can be a seductive thing. But D/s isn't romance, it's science.

Z.



Hislavegurl -> RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (1/28/2005 7:02:12 AM)

Zensee:

Interesting thoughts. Let me ask another question. Why would the slave need the 'assurances' of the wife if she trusted her Master? If you think about this realistically why would the slave move into this home unless she was completely trusting that the wife knew? Personally i feel the error falls on the Master. Did he really believe he could get away with it? Obviously he did not value my friend or he would never have let her put herself into a situation that would scar her. Not to say that my friend shouldn't have been more cautious and that she hasn't learned a valuable lesson. i think her emotional scar is enough punishment for her, lets not pick apart her 'devotion'. She did the one thing that this lifestyle prides itself on, she TRUSTED. Again thanks E/everyone for all your great thoughts,

Hislavegurl



RealityFix -> RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (1/28/2005 7:35:14 AM)

Firstly let us realize that in this realm,slavery is by consent.

A master doing damage to a slave overrides that consent, and she then has the right to retrieve her power and exit-whether the master agrees or not. In this case the "master" is a liar. Dishonesty alone is enough to breach this sort of a contract,and he has done it repeatedly. It does not bode well for his future actions.

It doesn't make her submission a *lie*-it only means she is strong enough to take care of the property that happens to be her.

Until she can find one more worthy of her.



domtimothy46176 -> RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (1/28/2005 12:09:18 PM)

Just to give another, perhaps unneeded perspective, my personal ethos would require me to ensure a married person's SO was in the loop long before it ever reached the collaring stage. That may only reflect my personal bias on the subject, so take it with as much salt as you feel it needs.
Timothy


quote:

ORIGINAL: Hislavegurl

Zensee:

Interesting thoughts. Let me ask another question. Why would the slave need the 'assurances' of the wife if she trusted her Master? If you think about this realistically why would the slave move into this home unless she was completely trusting that the wife knew? Personally i feel the error falls on the Master. Did he really believe he could get away with it? Obviously he did not value my friend or he would never have let her put herself into a situation that would scar her. Not to say that my friend shouldn't have been more cautious and that she hasn't learned a valuable lesson. i think her emotional scar is enough punishment for her, lets not pick apart her 'devotion'. She did the one thing that this lifestyle prides itself on, she TRUSTED. Again thanks E/everyone for all your great thoughts,

Hislavegurl




Hislavegurl -> RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (1/28/2005 1:17:49 PM)

By all pretenses the 'wife' seemed to be in the loop. The Master called the girl 'slave' in front of the wife etc. Talked the lifestyle etc, but then my friend and the wife were talking and the wife said something that didn't make sense in regards to the Master and slaves relationship. When my friend confronted her Master he stated that the wife did not know all the details and that she did not know when the Master and slave truly met. That they were sexually active, etc. So by all pretenses my friend thought the wife knew everything. When in fact all the wife knew was that they were Master and slave by name only. That beyond that they didn't really have a relationship and that the husband posessed a slave just for ego purposes. i do hope this clears up a bit of the confusion. Thanks again to A/all for their great insights and thoughts,

Hislavegurl



Hislavegurl -> RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (1/28/2005 1:20:53 PM)

Another thought:

when the Master told my friend that the wife didn't know the truth, my friend did go to the wife with the truth and the Master denied it right to the wife in front of the slave. His excuse to the slave was that he wanted to protect the wife. Granted it probably wasn't right for my friend to tell the wife, especially because it was conveyed to her while emotions were very active. Regardless, even is she was wrong, what a slap in the face, but then again i am biased as she is my friend!

Hislavegurl



FangsNfeet -> RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (1/28/2005 1:21:39 PM)

Sounds like someone likes to put thereselves into drama or is a gluntent for punishment.

Advice my mom once gave me "Once you fall in love, that's it you're in love with that person no matter what you find out later."

Even when ppl find out they have been decieved they may try to stay just to see if it can still work.

For better or worse, it's best to move on.




[image]local://upfiles/68772/19E93E33221D41B5AC35C1FB12E67A71.jpg[/image]



Hislavegurl -> RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (1/28/2005 1:28:48 PM)

FangsNfeet,

Your comment: "Once you fall in love, that's it you're in love with that person no matter what you find out later."
seems to hold some credence.

Your other comment: "Even when ppl find out they have been decieved they may try to stay just to see if it can still work." seems to also hold truth, this is why i presented the situation to the group so that i could possibly present her with some valid points and arguements. Not only that i guess this could be a good learning lesson for many. It also shows how naive some people become when they are wearing rose colored glasses. Looking back i am sure that all the signs were there....

Hislavegurl




Zensee -> RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (1/29/2005 12:45:05 AM)

This is what happens when people mistake faith for certainty. Placing trust in something doesn't make it trustworthy. Blind faith is the abandonment of a duty to be mindful of yourself and others - to be honest about what is before you and inside you.

A slave's faith should be based on certain knowledge of the capability of their Owner, not on a wish hot glued to a title.

It's doesn't really matter who is to blame. What matters is who accepts responsibility for their own choices. If the slave cannot chose well who they surrender to then they had best not surrender at all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hislavegurl

Zensee:

Interesting thoughts. Let me ask another question. Why would the slave need the 'assurances' of the wife if she trusted her Master? If you think about this realistically why would the slave move into this home unless she was completely trusting that the wife knew? Personally i feel the error falls on the Master. Did he really believe he could get away with it? Obviously he did not value my friend or he would never have let her put herself into a situation that would scar her. Not to say that my friend shouldn't have been more cautious and that she hasn't learned a valuable lesson. i think her emotional scar is enough punishment for her, lets not pick apart her 'devotion'. She did the one thing that this lifestyle prides itself on, she TRUSTED. Again thanks E/everyone for all your great thoughts,

Hislavegurl




Mariposa -> RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (1/29/2005 11:34:23 AM)

I for one would just pack up and go after, of course, telling whatever friends or family I felt comfortable telling exactly what kind of situation I was in. This relationship smacks of emotional abuse. This master lied to his Wife as well as to his Slave. It sounds as though he will not let his Slave leave (unless I have read something wrong.) The Slave is having sex with a married man whose Wife is not aware or, it seems, comfortable with the idea of non-monogamy in the sexual sphere. As we all know here (and I'm sure it's been said before): BDSM is not an excuse for abuse. There is nothing consensual about this situation, it seems.



Wolfspet -> RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (1/29/2005 6:46:40 PM)


Just for the sake of brevity..
he lied, not only to the slave, but to his wife, and made the slave out to be a liar in front of the wife?

Any 'contactual" or honorable obligation she should/is feeling is misplaced.

This man made a vow to one woman, breaks it and decieves another.

Dump his sorry ass.



darkpetal -> RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (1/29/2005 9:24:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamcynthia

IF she is a true "slave" in all it's meaning under these circumstances.. what others think of her is of no consequence.. the ONLY person who matters is her Master. If he is a good man.. a decent Master.. he will never let harm come to her in any way.


but he already did IMHO, emotional harm when he lied (his wife knew and was submissive) and decieved her (continued the lie) and then betrayed her (confidence and His oath as a Master).

Does a slave stay even when she is harmed in the very core of her being?



DeadofKnight -> RE: Did it make who i am a lie? (1/30/2005 9:58:20 AM)

Hislavegurl,
It seems your friend has gotten herself into quite a situation.
But the facts are, from you posts;
1 This "master" of hers had sexual relations with her without his wife's consent?
2 This "dominant" lied to his wife about his desires and needs for a slave?
3 This "man" brought her into a situation that was not safe for her?
4 This "guy" would not tell the truth to his wife when the sex was exposed to the wife?
5 This "male" does not have the balls to be responsible for his actions, much less his slave?

This "male" is supposed to be a "master"? Why does it seem he is not even master of his own household?

In my opinion, this creature your friend entrusted was not worthy of trust by anyone, certainly not his wife or the precious slave that you speak of.

To address the title question of this posting...
No, what was done to your friend does not change who she is. If she identifies as a slave, there has been no lie in who she is, a slave. However, there have been many lies surrounding her slavery to the one she chose.
I am not one to simply tell a slave to leave a situation that seems to not be working. But, this, this situation, if reported accurately, is one that my suggestion would be to leave. As many others have pointed out, trust has been broken, lies have been said-from the beginning. No one should have to endure any further humiliation in a situation like this. Except, this husband to his wife, whom he deceived and coerced into allowing your friend to be a part of “their” household under false pretenses.
Granted, you friends dedication is admirable and it show she has character. She should also face the facts that once a lie has been discovered, and more beyond that one, as in this situation, this is no man that she can trust and, as a slave, needs to able to trust in her relationship to her one she would call “master”. He needs to be worthy of the title.
Some men do not get that this title is given, not taken on, by those that have been in their service. And, that while in their service, the one being called "master" has continued to show and live in such a way that they are worthy of that title to the bitter end of their existence! And, in ALL that they do. This doesn’t mean they are perfect, no-one is. But, it is all in how you live and the honesty you have with yourself and the other(s) in your life that show whether you are trustworthy , or not.

Stepping off stage
Just my 2 cents
All my opinions



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