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RE: Did it make who i am a lie? - 2/6/2005 8:02:12 AM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

The slave began to realize that the wife did not know the 'real' details of the relationship that the Master and slaved shared. The slave was extremely hurt when she found this out. She stayed for a time in the relationship, why? The slave felt that she had no recourse because she accepted His collar knowing that the only way out was to be released by the Master

Hislavegurl
He broke the contract the moment He lied. Hence the collaring was also a lie. If both partners are active in the lifestyle when anyone makes any arraingements with such partners it is simple common sence to speak to both partners befor any collar is taken or gained and facts be found out BEFOR giving ones self over to ownership. I find the first fault in the slave in not checking
out the whole situation BEFOR entering it. I hope this lesson was well learned by the slave and will not be repeated again. The so called Master......................scum of a Man who plays Master, that is all. If a slave or submissive does not know anything else learn these two things and it will help in your determination if a newbie what to get into and thats S.S.C. or R.I.S.K. if you dont know what either or both of these mean then learn what they mean BEFOR getting into a BDSM relationship of any kind. They make sence and would of saved this slave from making the wrong decision with out gaining first ALL facts. JMPO

(in reply to Hislavegurl)

Post #: 41

RE: Did it make who i am a lie? - 2/8/2005 7:58:27 AM

MidnightWriter

Posts: 131
Joined: 2/8/2005
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First, kudos to your friend for being true to her honor in the face of her "master"'s lack of honor.

Myself, I would remind her that there is a tradition of slaves escaping from untenable situations. If her sale of herself into slavery was based upon another's deception, I would not consider such an escape dishonorable.

Nor would I consider it dishonorable for her to tell the truth to the wife - regardless of the instructions she'd gotten from the "master" - unless she knew she'd be expected to lie to the wife when she entered into his service.

(in reply to Hislavegurl)

Post #: 42

RE: Did it make who i am a lie? - 2/12/2005 9:01:49 AM

soulreaver67

Posts: 12
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline

Hislavegurl,

There are 2 views.

1) Cruel Sadist: She is a slave, a chunk of meat. To be abused, used, broken, disposed of. This is her lot. Her pain and suffering are of no account. That she bitched about it at all requires that she be severely punished (beaten, burned, punctured). Such disobedience cannot be tolerated. I mean, she is worth less than what I just stepped in.

2) True Dom/Domme: If she feels betrayed, then the perceived collar has already been broken, by his hand, not hers. Secondly, he mislead her in order to entice her to enter the relationship-- no collar was actually ever offered. He has no honor or nobility. His mouth is filled with lies. He is, dishonest. He does not respect her. And he does not respect his own wife-- that's why he wants a slave because he's not "getting what he wanted" from his wife. He's selfish.

She will never realize her full potential without being properly respected. She is being wasted.

SoulReaver
"You are my Angel of Death, my SoulReaver."-- The Guardian

(in reply to Hislavegurl)

Post #: 43

RE: Did it make who i am a lie? - 2/13/2005 11:46:16 PM

angelinbondage

Posts: 30
Joined: 1/27/2005
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The slave can walk away any time she pleases, assuming the Master does not have her padlocked to some unmovable object. The key is whether or not she truly WANTS to walk away.

(in reply to Hislavegurl)

Post #: 44

RE: Did it make who i am a lie? - 2/14/2005 8:56:55 AM

Darthbetta

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/16/2004
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A collar may only a piece of paper or a material possesion, but what about enternal enslavement? What about being bound emotionally? -His slavegirl.

I believe it is called a "legal seperation" or DIVORCE..... in the vanilla aspect of a relationship.

No offence to a "sir" ( note the lower case s) , but his deceit is piss poor and unbecomming of a "master".

Sure miscommunications can happen, and some "signs" can be interpreted in a slightly asqued manner at times, but blatently being out and out blindsided by a bold FALSE EXISTANCE that you are now entangled in is ludicrus.

IMHO, sever the umbillicus now, and start finding an alternative and a "way out" as a sideline excape plan as back up if things don't work out. You may want to try pushing your "sir" to have a very REAL AND 100% OPEN CONVERSATION with all three of you at the table.

If that doesn't completely shell shock his wife, or him into moving forward, then a BDSM/ pseudo fallacy of a Vanilla relationship where he is shagging the "help" per-se` does not bode well for the "third wheel" down the line and will make for some majorly fucked up emotions in all 3 peoples.

< Message edited by Darthbetta -- 2/14/2005 9:06:27 AM >

_____________________________

Some of us have an inane knack for calling people on their Bullshit... I just choose to retort with bitter dry Sarcasm, and occasionaly it sinks in. Mostly, I just look like an ass.

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 45

RE: Did it make who i am a lie? - 2/14/2005 3:52:53 PM

Alexander

Posts: 159
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline

how can any one whos living a lie be a good Master? Dump him. take the silver ware. :)

(in reply to Hislavegurl)

Post #: 46

RE: Did it make who i am a lie? - 2/17/2005 4:47:04 PM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

Trust is everything. The nice dynamic of a Master/slave relationship is the ability to be truthfull and 100% honest and open with their slave. No games no falsehoods no "worrying about hurting a feeling"
The trust level is gone here... Time to ask for a release and move on..
Be honest with others and with thyself.

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to Hislavegurl)

Post #: 47

RE: Did it make who i am a lie? - 2/17/2005 11:53:49 PM

MidnightWriter

Posts: 131
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper
Be honest with others and with thyself.

True, but let's take it further.

Refuse to deal with those who are not honest with you.

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

Post #: 48

RE: Did it make who i am a lie? - 2/19/2005 6:53:15 AM

Zensee

Posts: 1564
Joined: 9/4/2004
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While the "master" was certainly deceitful one must wonder what lies the "slave" told herself to rationalise walking into a brazen setup like that. You couldn't telegraph a disaster more overtly if you put bells on it.

It might sound like I am blaming the 'victim' but in this case it doesn't really matter who is to blame; it matters who takes responsibility to make sure it doesn't happen to them again (hint hint).

_____________________________

"Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water." (proverb)

(in reply to MidnightWriter)

Post #: 49

RE: Did it make who i am a lie? - 2/19/2005 7:12:49 AM

MidnightWriter

Posts: 131
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zensee

While the "master" was certainly deceitful one must wonder what lies the "slave" told herself to rationalise walking into a brazen setup like that. You couldn't telegraph a disaster more overtly if you put bells on it.

Brazen? That setup looks not all that different from my household a few years back - I had a long-time slave, and took on another slave to live in our house. Of course, there was a lot more discussion than appears happened in this situation - but it's not at all unusual in poly relationships - even the vanilla ones.

quote:

It might sound like I am blaming the 'victim' but in this case it doesn't really matter who is to blame; it matters who takes responsibility to make sure it doesn't happen to them again (hint hint).

Um... let's help them through this situation before we start worrying about problem avoidance for next time, shall we?

(in reply to Zensee)

Post #: 50

RE: Did it make who i am a lie? - 2/19/2005 8:29:38 AM

Zensee

Posts: 1564
Joined: 9/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MidnightWriter

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zensee

While the "master" was certainly deceitful one must wonder what lies the "slave" told herself to rationalise walking into a brazen setup like that. You couldn't telegraph a disaster more overtly if you put bells on it.

Brazen? That setup looks not all that different from my household a few years back - I had a long-time slave, and took on another slave to live in our house. Of course, there was a lot more discussion than appears happened in this situation - but it's not at all unusual in poly relationships - even the vanilla ones.

It looks very different to me and you hit on that difference - communication. Both the wife and slave trusted the same dubious source and never bothered to talk directly with each other. It would also appear that there was no open three way meeting of minds.

It's not enough to blindly trust through faith in another's professed ability or title. Trust should be based on certainty and certainty requires collecting and assessing information. The clues were all there - only the questions were never asked.

quote:

quote:

It might sound like I am blaming the 'victim' but in this case it doesn't really matter who is to blame; it matters who takes responsibility to make sure it doesn't happen to them again (hint hint).

Um... let's help them through this situation before we start worrying about problem avoidance for next time, shall we?

With all respect, the best way to get through it is to learn the lesson of it and move on. We have had three pages of agreement that the guy is a scoundrel. That isn't all there is to this picture.

_____________________________

"Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water." (proverb)

(in reply to MidnightWriter)

Post #: 51

RE: Did it make who i am a lie? - 2/20/2005 3:15:28 PM

Hislavegurl

Posts: 30
Joined: 11/15/2004
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ROFL..take the silverware!!!! i'll be sure to pass that on to my friend(cracking~up)

Hislavegurl

(in reply to Alexander)

Post #: 52

RE: Did it make who i am a lie? - 2/20/2005 7:49:49 PM

brodhir

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/14/2004
Status: offline

What a mess, I sure hope your friend gets this resolved.

I really have to wonder exactly what the wife is thinking is going on. From your accounts, she comes off as being rather clueless.

Personally, from the facts presented so far, its my opinion that she needs to get out of dodge. However...opinions are a dime a dozen, and tend not to resolve real life complicated messes like this.

As to what I'd tell her (your friend, per your original question), I'd ask her what she wanted:
Why is she staying as long as she has? Is there an emotional bond that would be more painful to her to break then the emotional pain of staying?
I'd suggest to her that she draw up two lists, a list of reasons to stay, and a list of reasons to go. Then pick the action that makes the most sense for her well being.

(in reply to Hislavegurl)

Post #: 53

RE: Did it make who i am a lie? - 2/20/2005 9:25:07 PM

andyfreeze

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/13/2004
Status: offline

I beg your pardon? The whole point of this exercise in bdsm is TRUST! Is the Master trustworthy or not? If he is not trustworthy in the small things, he will not be trustworthy in the big things. The big things being.....your life. Slave, get your ass out of there.

(in reply to Hislavegurl)

Post #: 54

RE: Did it make who i am a lie? - 2/21/2005 5:47:43 PM

Gideon147

Posts: 25
Joined: 1/7/2005
Status: offline

Reality is what Yyou make of it. So many Masters and Mistresses reaching the same conclusion, for various reasons of Their own.

If the contract was founded on a lie, the contract is void. It was made by two consenting adults. One of which was deceiving the other. A submissive cannot blame herself for this, and she should not carry the guilt by making this decision.

If trust has been broken to this degree, it cannot be reforged. A house can burn to the ground, but it cannot be fixed. A new house can be built, but the memory of the destruction and how it was caused will always linger. This is an obstacle that the submissive should decide whether she can overcome, or move on. A Master or Mistress can do many wrongs with the purest of intentions to the submissives, and make things right by them. That is the trust that a submissive has towards the Dom, and vice versa. But when trust itself has been broken, the matter is all the more serious.

The Master/slave relationship is all about the exchange of Control. For whatever reasons, the submissive willingly gives the Master whatever control He receives. In a mutually consenting relationship, control cannot be taken by force.

Granted the relationshps that Wwe in the lifestyle pursue are outside of mainstream society, and the rules of these relationships are forged by the individuals that pursue them. The D/s system allows Uus to live a relationship that is more true to Oour selves inside, and brings that truth into Oour everyday lives. To turn that mutually rewarding, loving, caring relationship into something dishonest is a terrible crime in My opinion. To make ugly that which is beautiful is a sin. And where a crime of this magnitude has been committed, there is the need to set things right. To make it good again. And in this situation if she feels that it is good to leave, that it is the only recourse that will make it right in her own heart, then she should ask to be released. If He does not release her willingly, then she may choose to leave of her own accord. she is bound only by her will.

Future Masters and Mistresses worth their mettle will understand the reasons that this was done. And all worthwhile Doms should realize this consequence of Their actions. To hold the life and love of another in Your hands is a tender gift, and must be treated so.

This is all My opinion, but if Yyou perceive any part of this to be true, then it is as true as Yyou perceive it.

Gideon

(in reply to andyfreeze)

Post #: 55

RE: Did it make who i am a lie? - 2/25/2005 1:16:03 PM

anisette

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/15/2005
Status: offline

personally, i wouldn't want to serve someone who is so intrinsically dishonest with his wife for one thing. this lifestyle is a can of worms, and i am starting to believe it's really not much different than vanilla....the roles are simply more clearly defined. however, i find subs and slaves will try to fit the requirements of the Dominant or Master with more willingness many times than they will try to fit themselves. i used to think i was a chameleon......changing at will. closer to the truth, i think i am a good actress, and love to feel my way into the part, becoming my role and for a while, believing that i am real. when it all falls apart, i am left with no script..........have to learn who i am all over again. what a journey!
be well

"To the world you may be but one person, but to one person you may be the world."
Victor Hugo

(in reply to Hislavegurl)

Post #: 56

RE: Did it make who i am a lie? - 3/1/2005 3:07:58 PM

somethndif

Posts: 136
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hislavegurl

Good Morning A/all:

The slaves' question to the Master friend is this....when if at all is it allright for the slave to seek release and if that release was not granted does the slave have a right to walk away? If she did walk away, would other Masters view her as not a slave at all? This is a real life story that happened and it is now about picking up the pieces and finding peace in ones heart, it's about helping the slave become whole again. i am not the slave this happened too, but the friend of the slave who is watching her struggle and i am trying to help her find her way.

I have never understood the idea, which seems to have many adherents, that a "slave" must first be "released." Now, pay attention. There is no such thing as slavery. In the BDSM and D&s communities -- of which I am NOT a member, *grin* -- we play at slavery, but no one is a slave. If your friend is not happy, if she is not getting her needs met, she should leave. No need to ask for permission, or anything else. I would hope that both can deal with the situation as adults, perhaps even been friends after the breakup, but she does not have to ask permission of her Master/Dominant, or whatever else she may call him.

Dan

(in reply to Hislavegurl)

Post #: 57

RE: Did it make who i am a lie? - 3/2/2005 3:16:55 PM

tomtom1877

Posts: 14
Joined: 12/12/2004
Status: offline

"Did it make who I am a lie?"

Only if you stay with him. A liar is a liar, no matter what they call it or how they say it. Remember, Clinton and the famous no sexual relations speach?

Honor, Trust, and Truth are some of the cornerstones to my take on this life. This guy shows me none of these.

I say....Run and run quickly away. Do not look back.

Your friend is only living a lie if she stays.

(in reply to somethndif)

Post #: 58

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