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How to approach someone??? - 10/19/2006 6:08:54 PM   
BondagePro


Posts: 6
Joined: 10/4/2006
Status: offline 		Over the past several years, I have had 4-5 relationships. In each case, at some point a conversation regarding tying up and things of that nature take place. Because I am not sure if the female would be into that sort of thing, I always bring it up in kind of a joking way, though I know I have done it before and love it. I am a love bondage type that loves to use rope, handcuffs, gags and things like that. I guess my question is, how do you approach someone about such a topic? Do others think that females generally enjoy bondage experiences or not? I have to admit, I have tied up about 5 women in my life and all but one loved it, though at first seemed like they wouldn't be receptive to the idea. Any input would be greatly appreciated.  
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RE: How to approach someone??? - 10/19/2006 6:23:31 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Well, If they are in the lifestyle the could be into bondage. I would be more inclined to ask someone in the lifestyle if they were into bondage. A vanilla person is a gamble. Some vanilla people like some light bondage now and then. I would be more careful of asking them though. Sometimes it can scare them off or freak them out. I would say stick with the people in the lifestyle and search for the ones mainly into bondage since that seems to be your thing. Good luck

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RE: How to approach someone??? - 10/19/2006 6:27:08 PM   
BondagePro


Posts: 6
Joined: 10/4/2006
Status: offline 		Wouldn't you agree though that you don't always know what their lifestyle is? It's just such a difficult subject. I find it easy to joke around about tying someone up, but when I bring up blindfolding or gagging them, they usually don't think they would like it. Why can't we live in a world that you can approach someone and say "Do you enjoy being tied up, blindfolded and gagged?"

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RE: How to approach someone??? - 10/19/2006 6:37:20 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		I believe this is why many of us decide we aren't even going to try vanilla dating anymore.  You have interests.  Perhaps they are more than that, maybe they are a necessary element in your affairs.

If this is the case, this is why people join BDSM groups in their local community, or find a match on places like CM, where you can expect people will at least know what you're talking about.

In the last 15 years, I have only approached one person who I didn't already know was into 'what we do'.  It was only for one evening, and it was very nice, but it wasn't vanilla.  I took a chance, I made it work.  But I wouldn't do that to just people I meet that I'm attracted to.

It might make the choices more limited, but at least you know the choices are a little safer.

Jeff

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Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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RE: How to approach someone??? - 10/19/2006 7:35:38 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_568002/mpage_3/key_eden/tm.htm#568707
Is a vanilla date a sin?



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RE: How to approach someone??? - 10/19/2006 9:03:03 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		Not sure a vanilla date is a sin but it certainly can result in not getting what i want or need.  And i agree you increase your chances of getting to tie one up if you stick with lifers.

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"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

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RE: How to approach someone??? - 10/19/2006 9:07:58 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BondagePro

Wouldn't you agree though that you don't always know what their lifestyle is? It's just such a difficult subject. I find it easy to joke around about tying someone up, but when I bring up blindfolding or gagging them, they usually don't think they would like it. Why can't we live in a world that you can approach someone and say "Do you enjoy being tied up, blindfolded and gagged?"


If it was an important make or break thing for them I would strongly want them to bring it up. These are not activities I would do right away with anyone, and when I got together with my Daddy they were limits. I had to desire him to do these things for him to go there, it was understood upfront. If he had really needed this to be happy sexually I would have just not went there.

My kink is pain, and I talked to many doms that weren't into that, which is fine. Also, I think that is why we look here for partners instead of eharmony.. we want someone that wants similar things.. nothing wrong with that

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: How to approach someone??? - 10/19/2006 9:15:18 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Personally I can't let anyone perfom any type bondage to me unless I have some trust and security in them. I dont need to be tied up and feel scared.  Its not a first meeting type of thing.

< Message edited by sweetnurseBBW -- 10/19/2006 9:16:31 PM >

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RE: How to approach someone??? - 10/19/2006 9:57:14 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		It is more like long term relationship stuff for me... but others are really into it, and he can find them

I have heard of women that cannot get off without bondage...

Like I said, if we wanted the usual there is a large pool of vanilla out there, those of us with exotic taste have to go where others have the same tastes Gosh I am soooo glad I did!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: How to approach someone??? - 10/19/2006 11:00:41 PM   
ChaOz


Posts: 98
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		with a vanilla I'd spend time getting to know her first, then maybe after youve been dating and sleeping together for a while bring it up. If your both into each other and its all good chances r she will go for it.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: How to approach someone??? - 10/20/2006 12:49:59 AM   
Hercuckslave


Posts: 103
Joined: 5/21/2006
Status: offline 		i decided long ago that i wouldnt date outside my species.  you are what you are.  what makes you tick won't change.  before i was happily taken by Mistress, and i was out there in the dating world, i was always up front right from the start about what i was seeking in partner.  saves everyone a lot of time.  if i was contacting someone from within the lifestyle, it was naturally easier to talk about what i thought i needed in a relationship.  if it was someone i met in a vanilla situation, i would try to get a sense of whether or not she could be "into it".  if i thought there was a possibility, i brought up the subject right in the very beginning.  not to talk about sex, but rather to talk about my orientation and what i felt was necessary for me in a suitable partner.

my advice....bring it up right from the beginning.  then all parties know where they stand and can determine if they want to get to know one another further or simply move on.

my 2 cents.

M's m

(in reply to ChaOz)
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RE: How to approach someone??? - 10/20/2006 11:21:14 PM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		hmmm...just wondering, but it seems to me all relationships have their place. i just got out of a very beautiful vanilla short term relationship. we both came together just to enjoy each other's company, and i learned alot about myself as a sub from it.

i also observed that to some point (thought they don't realize it) vanilla men have Dom traits and i always got a chuckle when he tried.

i would think hinting in jokes is always good, or ask him/her. It never hurts to just be upfront in purportions.

(in reply to Hercuckslave)
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RE: How to approach someone??? - 10/21/2006 1:28:47 AM   
MasterNdorei


Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		You may want to consider attending lifestyle gatherings to find women interested in being tied. Even some who are into it may not feel comfortable until they get to know you. i know several women who would be more inclined to be tied in a public forum than in private. Once you make a name for yourself, there is a chance the women who like bondage will seek you out.

Master's dorei

(in reply to CrazyC)
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RE: How to approach someone??? - 10/21/2006 4:07:29 AM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline 		why not just start vanilla n then ask when the time is appropriate..have you ever been tied up? would you like to try? I've heard its good

(in reply to MasterNdorei)
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RE: How to approach someone??? - 10/21/2006 4:57:14 AM   
givemyall


Posts: 620
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		If I do like someone who I would consider to be vanilla, I do bring it to the front reasonably early in the friendship to see how they react - in my opinion its better out of the way asap - just incase im wasting my time.  If they dont like what I do, then thats fine, I respect their views but know that they werent the person for me.

Aslong as you are upfront and dont try to make it sound secretive and sordid, then I cant imagine anyone smacking you in the mouth for trying to discuss it.

Good luck - and dont sue me for dental work if I was wrong


(in reply to BondagePro)
Profile   Post #: 15
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