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sublimeslavepup -> Yes, what? RE: What are you doing, right now, this minute? (11/8/2006 5:06:45 PM)
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PANDORA 's BOX is warm and moist and just the perfect fit for many. But i don't wanna be a blue fish or a red fish----maybe a rainblow fish---but those get eaten and regardless of how good that feels, i already have been bitten enough. I am sitting here in a wheelchair trying to ignore the fact that my butt hurts from sitting in this wheelchair for so long, sipping on cold cappuccino becuae i have to force fluids, so confused about how this site works and what corrupted, wicked, evil, pervereted, deranged, deviant means, and what has to be done to "win, earn, deserve" a paddle rather than handcuffs. And after two of you said "Oh my God" when i informed them that my cyber Master had not given me his name nor addrss, nor contact person i could contact about him after he dies of emphysema (he says he only weighs 125#) and has now left me unannounced again for the 4th time---which takes me to a #10 emotional pain level----and my aplogies but i have severe ADD and my mind always takes the scenic tour of a topic. Because of time constraints i am obliged to do what he taught me to do in order to have an orgasm while masturbating. i love him with all my heart. He is the most awesome, wise, wonderful, witty person i have ever met-----except for his cold, cruel, calculating, heartless sadism.
Am i really a slave and a masochist, or is that just what he wanted me to be? Is is that true just because my pelvic blood vessels throb so hard and fast i can take my pulse from them when i see pictures of people being NON-consensually tortured? And just who is going to want to get into Pandora's box to play when all that comes flying out initially? i wish i knew the real pandora's box story, i might be way off track. but then what do you expect from an inveterate kink? i graduated valedictorian of my nursing class and have had so much brain damage that i can no longer add---and to remember something is a joke.
What am i doing right now? Being incredibly grateful that one of your members told me about you all and i am now in a site with intelligent peers with delightful senses of humor, who collectively might be able to help me to figure out what to do next. Like if i REALLY am a masochist do i HAVE TO go out and find somebody to hurt me? or do i HAVE to go back to being a Domme where there are far more men interested in me in order to get one to my doorstep?
If i do not like being a Domme because of the responsibility involved being overwhelming, and i now do not like being a slave because of the intense pain involved, will i do better to identify as a switch?
What am i doing right now? Being grateful that i have found a site that has prevented me from falling apart. But maybe i'd be better off just sitting down and allowing myself a good cry. And, although i have been taught to live in the present, i am also sitting here hoping that i get this all sorted out so i can resume the search for a good Master. But HE was so much "too good to be true" everybody that i can imagine will never be able to live up to the all but worship i felt for HIM. Thanks for listening. Let's play toss and see how many fish you can throw to me that i am able to catch and keep while the others pile up at my wheel bottoms. OK, go ahead now. I'm ready, I'm waiting.
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