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willing2serve -> Master Versus Forum (1/26/2005 5:11:20 PM)
Are forums good for owned Submissives/Slaves? As being new the the lifestyle, I must say the forums have been great for me, but it has come into question, If a person is in a D/s or M/s relationship, should the submissive come to forums for advice, sharing thoughts and insight....or should she totally give that focus to her owner? Relying on His wisdom and sharing feelings. Respectfully, Willing2serve

Suleiman -> RE: Master Versus Forum (1/26/2005 5:31:53 PM)
I am of the opinion that too many people leap into the status of slave long before they have really gained any experience in the lifestyle. Much as with my opinion that a great many declair themselves dominant or submissive without having taken the time to truly examine the issue from every angle, I think that a newcomer must seriously study the scene from every possible angle before fixating on one way or one person. A forum is a place for debate on opinions and the exchange of safety information regarding techniques. It's a great way to learn about things you might have never tried, and its a good place to learn of perspectives other than your own. If you are a slave in the sm context, it is because it is a role you have chosen to accept. No one can correctly make an uninformed choice, and no amount of opinion mongering can really change your mind once you have made an informed choice. Therefore, if a problem comes up in a master-slave dynamic because of the slave reading and interacting on a forum like this one, it is logical to surmise that the problem existed already, and the slave has only now become aware of it.

TahoeSadist -> RE: Master Versus Forum (1/26/2005 5:33:18 PM)
I'm not sure that's an either/or situation, as I can't see that the choices are mutually exclusive. Both would be good sources of info and communication, depending on the subjects I reckon. Eric

willing2serve -> RE: Master Versus Forum (1/26/2005 5:40:06 PM)
quote: I am of the opinion that too many people leap into the status of slave long before they have really gained any experience in the lifestyle. I agree with you totally Suleiman, I spent 2 years as a bottom going through self discovery. I am on my submissive journey now and just until recently feel like I am ready to delve in and mature in a D/s relationship. I do eventually want to see if I have a slave's heart, but it is all a desired progression, not a blind leap. This was one of those "what if" questions while sitting around drinking a cup of coffee... Respectfully, Willing2serve

Suleiman -> RE: Master Versus Forum (1/26/2005 5:44:19 PM)
Them's some of my favoritest kinds of questions [;)]

proudsub -> RE: Master Versus Forum (1/26/2005 5:46:10 PM)
quote: Are forums good for owned Submissives/Slaves? My Dom doesn't have the time to read online like i do. He appreciates me learning all i can on my own and bringing it to the relationship, and we have tried a lot of the ideas i've gotten from these forums.[:)]

Socrateaser -> RE: Master Versus Forum (1/26/2005 6:34:51 PM)
More information is almost always a good thing. If what you read here matches what you know, thats good. If it doesn't, you should be able to explain why. If you can't, its time to put on the thinking blindfold.

sub4hire -> RE: Master Versus Forum (1/26/2005 7:15:37 PM)
I can only speak for myself. Doug loves it that I am educated and getting more so everyday. He loves to sit silently and watch me in discussions, especially with other Doms. He say's those are his proudest moments. So, I'd have to say the forums are good. In all aspects.

DreamWeaverAz -> RE: Master Versus Forum (1/26/2005 8:05:18 PM)
Personally I believe that a submissive/slave can benifit from reading and participating in forums as it can broaden the discussions that they then have with their Doms/Masters and can actually spur more growth in the C/couple. now should they take everything they read to heart? no! reading something and taking it to heart as gospel from a forum treads on the Toes of the relationship and takes the discussion and learning growth away from the couple. growth from reading and learning is good, but it has to be discussed with in the C/couple to find how it works best for it. clear as Mud? yea...I thought so too...teach Me to start rambling..lol

Suleiman -> RE: Master Versus Forum (1/26/2005 8:20:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DreamWeaverAz clear as Mud? yea...I thought so too...teach Me to start rambling..lol Well, if you insist... The first thing you need to understand is that you must never say in a single paragraph what could be drawn out into several pages of text. I mean, after all, there must be a couple thousand ideas going through your head now, right? And they all relate to the topic in one way or another, so you might as well use them. I remember this one time I thought I was way off topic, but then it turned out that everyone agreed with me. I was totally surprised, especially since I was a newcomer to the board and came in late on the discussion. Since then I've decided that rambling isn't nessisarily a bad thing, as long as you only segue through those ideas that have something to do with what you were talking about. Any way, once you've got the whole digression thing down, the next part is trying to come up with some semblance of order. Anybody can just sit here and type up a constant stream of consciousness, but it takes a little discipline to stay on topic when you do that. I like to start a new paragraph about where I'd normally pause for breath when I'm talking, because that's usually when I stop and think again (you can't talk and think at the same time you know, or at least I can't I guess you can if you're a decent multi-tasker but that's not one of my talents. I can't top and bottom at the same time either - I'm either real uppity or totally obedient, you know what I mean?) So where was I? Oh yeah. Rambling. The thing to remember about rambling is that getting there is the entire point. Anybody can just talk and talk and talk until thei're blue in the face, you have to have something to say to be really effective as a rambler. There was this one time I was arguing about babylon five, but the guy I was talking about kept going on about dune, he just wouldn't shut up, and it was very annoying for me to have to listen to him going on and on and on and on.... holy shit! Are you stil reading this? What the heck's wrong with you? By now all I'm doing is filling up space because I thought it would be funnier this way. Go home. Read something else. Seriously, I don't have anything else to say. Are you still here? Go away, I said! There. That got rid of them. Now for a few of my favorite show tunes. If ever I would leave you, it wouldn't be in summer...

DreamWeaverAz -> RE: Master Versus Forum (1/26/2005 8:26:29 PM)
fair enough and point well made. so next time I ramble I will keep a spare set of fingers handy for when I wear the first set down...lol

pandoravampire -> RE: Master Versus Forum (1/27/2005 6:25:22 AM)
I am in a D/s relationship. Before hand, i had learned all that i could about what i was to embark upon, what was considered submissive, what was not from reading threads such as this. So for my personal growth, reading was a must. Finding that my Dom and our relationship followed what id learned would considered usual was also a comfort. One of the few pitfalls i saw at the beginning, was that i 'knew' where things were heading before hand, things were to a certain extent predictable. Some of this came from reading sights like this, some from topping in past. But once a trust was built on the relationship side of things, then the D/s took off naturally into a path that was ours, that fits us, that is not predicatable now. I can only see benefit from reading. It may from time to time, have you wanting to top from the bottom in suggesting things that you've 'read', but if your wanting to submit, there seems little to be gained from this, so avoid that if you can. Also, this plus other forums i belong to are a wealth of 'tips' that are worth a try at least. Coming up with new ideas to either D or s can be helped along by others. You will never have the same experience that is posted, but you can enjoy how the two of you experience or interpret anothers tip. Goodluck to you pandoravampire

GreyStorm -> RE: Master Versus Forum (1/27/2005 6:34:48 AM)
quote: Well, if you insist... The first thing you need to understand is that you must never say in a single paragraph what could be drawn out into several pages of text. I mean, after all, there must be a couple thousand ideas going through your head now, right? And they all relate to the topic in one way or another, so you might as well use them. I remember this one time I thought I was way off topic, but then it turned out that everyone agreed with me. I was totally surprised, especially since I was a newcomer to the board and came in late on the discussion. Since then I've decided that rambling isn't nessisarily a bad thing, as long as you only segue through those ideas that have something to do with what you were talking about. Any way, once you've got the whole digression thing down, the next part is trying to come up with some semblance of order. Anybody can just sit here and type up a constant stream of consciousness, but it takes a little discipline to stay on topic when you do that. I like to start a new paragraph about where I'd normally pause for breath when I'm talking, because that's usually when I stop and think again (you can't talk and think at the same time you know, or at least I can't I guess you can if you're a decent multi-tasker but that's not one of my talents. I can't top and bottom at the same time either - I'm either real uppity or totally obedient, you know what I mean?) So where was I? Oh yeah. Rambling. The thing to remember about rambling is that getting there is the entire point. Anybody can just talk and talk and talk until thei're blue in the face, you have to have something to say to be really effective as a rambler. There was this one time I was arguing about babylon five, but the guy I was talking about kept going on about dune, he just wouldn't shut up, and it was very annoying for me to have to listen to him going on and on and on and on.... holy shit! Are you stil reading this? What the heck's wrong with you? By now all I'm doing is filling up space because I thought it would be funnier this way. Go home. Read something else. Seriously, I don't have anything else to say. Are you still here? Go away, I said! There. That got rid of them. Now for a few of my favorite show tunes. If ever I would leave you, it wouldn't be in summer... Now that is just plain enlightening, I would love to learn how to mutter better in the future...... funny stuff

willing2serve -> RE: Master Versus Forum (1/27/2005 7:16:17 AM)
quote: One of the few pitfalls i saw at the beginning, was that i 'knew' where things were heading before hand, things were to a certain extent predictable. Some of this came from reading sights like this, some from topping in past. But once a trust was built on the relationship side of things, then the D/s took off naturally into a path that was ours, that fits us, that is not predicatable now This is an interesting observation, One would think the opposite would be true.

domtimothy46176 -> RE: Master Versus Forum (1/27/2005 7:35:54 AM)
One of the things that I always do, whether with my girl or one I am merely mentoring, is give her a list of things i want her to read and discussion groups I want her to remain current with. I think this serves at least three purposes. First, I find that some basic questions recur and while some variation of answers is to be expected, they generally fall into set categories. Understanding that these patterns continually cycle reinforces what I teach my girls about the different schools of thought commonly found in online discussion groups. Secondly, I like to take advantage of interesting threads for the purpose of instruction. I will often use a thread to illustrate some point or other, and use the various positions as debating points. Thirdly, I encourage my girls to bring topics to me for discussion. I want them to have exposure to topics that I might not think to bring to the table. I don't encourage my girl to sit at the puter 24/7 but i do encourage her to set aside time in her day to attend to her education. In situations where I set a strict schedule, I have always allotted specific discussion group time. I will sometime require a girl to keep a notes on threads of particular interest, also. Timothy quote: ORIGINAL: willing2serve Are forums good for owned Submissives/Slaves? As being new the the lifestyle, I must say the forums have been great for me, but it has come into question, If a person is in a D/s or M/s relationship, should the submissive come to forums for advice, sharing thoughts and insight....or should she totally give that focus to her owner? Relying on His wisdom and sharing feelings. Respectfully, Willing2serve

happypervert -> RE: Master Versus Forum (1/27/2005 7:44:27 PM)
Just for the sake of being the devil's advocate, I'll say there are some pitfalls with using the boards. Some folks get all this information and get confused worrying about insignificant nuances in definitions like "am I sub or a slave" instead of just letting the relationship take it's natural course. Another problem is that we see plenty of examples of folks asking for relationship advice. The responses are often to improve communicationand of course that is right. However responses can be honest opinions about what to do but may be based on faulty information because the questions often leave out critical facts or are of self serving sort as in "master did something so bad and I'm such an adorable innocent angel". So, garbage in garbage out. Ok, that's all I can come up with right now. Obviously I wouldn't be here if I thought it was a bad thing, but I thought I'd give it a shot anyway.

willing2serve -> RE: Master Versus Forum (1/27/2005 8:27:35 PM)
quote: The responses are often to improve communicationand of course that is right. Does relying on forums and other people's advice sometime prohibit communication in the relationship?

LdyAuburn -> RE: Master Versus Forum (1/27/2005 10:10:35 PM)
When Owner says X is the right way, friends say Y is the right way, the books say Z is the right and then the forums have the rest of the alphabet in opinions. I would think it could get a tad confusing for a new or even a not so new person

MadameDahlia -> RE: Master Versus Forum (1/27/2005 10:41:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Suleiman Seriously, I don't have anything else to say. Are you still here? Go away, I said! There. That got rid of them. Now for a few of my favorite show tunes. If ever I would leave you, it wouldn't be in summer... Tell us another story! We love story time.

MadameDahlia -> RE: Master Versus Forum (1/27/2005 10:44:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LdyAuburn When Owner says X is the right way, friends say Y is the right way, the books say Z is the right and then the forums have the rest of the alphabet in opinions. I would think it could get a tad confusing for a new or even a not so new person It could be confusing... but it might offer them a new way of looking at an issue... a way that they like or agree with more so than with their prior idea. Or sometimes they hear the horror stories of other people and learn from the experiences. I think one must be selective about what they take in as truth and what they take in as opinion and what they observe to be a load of whooey.

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