putting feelings into words

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

putting feelings into words

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> putting feelings into words

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

putting feelings into words - 10/21/2006 12:12:06 PM

slavegirl1969

Posts: 69
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline

How do you explain the feelings being humiliated gives you?

after a couple of months of tentatively dipping his toes in the waters of humiliation my Master now seems to have taken to it like a duck to water. Last night after a particularly humiliation day on and off He asked me how it made me feel. I know the obviuos answers were humiliated, embarrassed, a bit silly but these didn't feel right or accurate but I couldn't find the words to say how I felt. Does anyone else have this problem, not only with humiliation but other aspects of being a sub?

Post #: 1

RE: putting feelings into words - 10/21/2006 12:29:00 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I call it a burning.

Words are only really useful when you don't need them :)

But here is my personal essay on humiliation and objectification:

Part of it is BECAUSE of my academic background, I'm very smart and very well educated. I think a LOT, I work a LOT, I am a control freak, I have moderate OCD, I am the social planner for my group of friends.

Being an object means you don't have to think, you don't have to stress, you just have to BE that object. You are there, purely and passively, for service and use. There's no need for you to interpret anything, no need for you to react, only simply to BE there.

That's a pretty awesome state of being for me.

Another part, the shown off part, is because I am an exhibitionist, I get a huge charge out of people's energy when they enjoy looking and playing with me. They are giving ME lots of attention, they want to touch ME, they want to use ME for pleasure, I can provide them with a release, with a good time, a good memory.

The sexual usage part is just part of my universal sex fantasy life- it's just hot to be used, hot to be a hole to go in, do your thing and get out. I don't really know much about that other than what I've already stated. I can't tell you why it gets me so deep any more than I can tell you why bondage does.

Something most subs and slaves can understand- it takes away choice. You don't have to think, you don't get to say no, you are there to always say YES, an object, a trophy doesn't get to say stop or get to dictate how it is used.

I am somewhat materialistic in that I like to use my money and gifts to show people I care for them. It's a physical thing I can give to show I've been thinking of them and want to add to their lives. While I understand they don't NEED those things, it's a very powerful idea to me. So, to BE the object itself, to be given to someone else, has a distinct personal flavor to it.

You'll notice- all of these reasons are about ME, what I enjoy, what I get out of it.

The Owner will pass me around and use me in ways I don't necessarily enjoy directly. He will send me to people I don't have an affinity for, partly because he KNOWS I don't have an affinity for them. So I don't necessarily always love it, with anyone, anywhere. There are definitely circumstances in which I really hate it.

While I love attention, I am actually quite uncomfortable ASKING for attention, I am very uneasy when people actually look at me and say "Now, I'm going to give you all this attention, just for you, just to enjoy, and there's nothing you can do about it."

Part of it is because not too many people are actually really GOOD at giving me happy pleasure, part of it is that I've trained myself to adapt and become what the OTHER person needs for that session, which, if it's a good match, will also be what I need.

And part of it is just my innate shyness and discomfort with being a focal point of attention. I don't know what to do with it, I feel very exposed. Perhaps a paradox for someone who LOVES being exposed, but that's why I call humiliation a "burning."

So, the humiliation and objectification is a keen way for me to receive attention, which I love, while being passive about asking for it and simply being a pretty little butterfly that people are attracted to, rather than dealing with the harder ordeal for me of directly asking and directly being told to sit back and enjoy.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_354018/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#354196
humiliation???

http://www.collarchat.com/m_412944/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#413037
what is good humiliation to you?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_426015/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#426025
humiliation vs degradation

http://www.collarchat.com/m_489256/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#489324
humiliation and vulnerability

http://www.collarchat.com/m_310209/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#310223
Humiliation- verbal and physical

http://www.collarchat.com/m_266448/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#266532
humiliation ideas

Slaves on display via webcam?

Fat Cow? Verbal humiliation (rehashed)

Humiliation and Degradation

Erotic Humiliation

Female Humiliation- in the scene

Asking for humiliation

Favorite Forms of humiliation

Humiliation

Humliation Play

Favorite forms of humiliation

Erotic Humiliation and Objectification

Why such problems with humiliation?

Fun ideas for humiliation

Humiliation (2)

Verbal Humiliation

Help with humiliation please!

Your thoughts on humiliation please

Questions about humiliation

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slavegirl1969)

Post #: 2

RE: putting feelings into words - 10/21/2006 2:07:12 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

Oh I feel for you so much. I absolutely love humiliation and absolutely dread being asked how it feels during or after. For me the best way to describe it is a combination of excitement, embarrassment, dread and sheer horniness.

In answering in more general terms, one of my big issues is being asked how I feel. I am of course not talking about when two people are learning each other or in more extreme play but when two people know each other and anything from routine non BDSM to non extreme BDSM. I simply cannot be with a Master who wants/needs for me to give a play by play during something or a detailed recap after a scene. Just kills me emotionally every single time.

Words I tend to use in general when describing various submission that best fit my feelings are terms like calm, floating, free, clear, relaxed, happy.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: putting feelings into words - 10/21/2006 2:12:45 PM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

Yes, yes, yes, yes, and lots more yeses!!!

I haven't ever openly discussed humiliation with anyone as that would involve a level of trust and intimacy that, so far, has been beyond me. So, I don't have much to say there. (sorry) But, as for your general question about putting feelings into words, I have this problem all the time. Its my one big struggle and, no matter how much I work on it, it always seems beyond me.

I think its something that requires a lot of practice, and a patient listener who can tolerate, even appreciate, your struggle to articulate. Also, reading always helps me as I can see how others put their feelings into words. Metaphors are wonderful tools.

For me, the thing I have the most trouble with is staying focused on and expressing a feeling, particuly feelings which have little place in our broader culture (most things having to do with bd/sm and the like), without analyzing and intellectualizing. I try to remember that no matter how clumsy I am at this sort of thing, just making the effort pays off in increased self awareness, and an increase in my ability to communicate with others.

Nice question. :)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: putting feelings into words - 10/21/2006 4:09:18 PM

slavegirl1969

Posts: 69
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline

thankyou all for your words. I know what you mean Toservez about being asked how you feel all the time. Master used to do that at the beginning but now it is only with the humiliation. Because we are just beginning to get into it seriously his reasons for asking were to make sure I was okay. I think it is also because he told me today he cannot begin to understand what I get from being humiliated and objectified. Even today when we were talking about it I still couldn't put into words what I felt. He was quite impressed because normally I'm never stuck for words and I think that may have told him more than any words I could find.

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Post #: 5

RE: putting feelings into words - 10/22/2006 1:38:52 AM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

second or third or fourth this difficulty putting feelings into words. i can always tell why i feel the way i do, but can't put my finger on exactly what i feel. ' Splain that! lol.

(in reply to slavegirl1969)

Post #: 6

RE: putting feelings into words - 10/22/2006 2:29:23 AM

mystique2003

Posts: 30
Joined: 8/27/2006
Status: offline

slavegirl, I often have the problem of finding the right words to let Master know how I am feeling . I know in my heart, but just can't find the words. For instance how do you tell your Master how much you love and adore him without making it sound like you are either praising him to much or it sounds really sappy. lol..
Hope you find a way that helps you.

(in reply to slavegirl1969)

Post #: 7

RE: putting feelings into words - 10/22/2006 2:02:34 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

This is something I'd find difficult too. I am very good at expressing myself using words.......but I need a gap between what I AM feeling and what I FELT, to be able to process the feelings into words.I like to spend time making sense of what I felt.

I really find it difficult to be asked something as wide as * How did you feel?.....AT the time. I need time and space to think about the feelings and to give those feelings a description.

If some type of feedback is desired when I really am not quite *there* in terms of expressing, it's been helpful for specific questions to be asked. It provides a starting point, at least. I still wouldn't expand a great deal.

If I'm staring at a cathedral and I'm asked, *What do you think of it?* I'd be completely stumped. I actively don't like being asked. Later, left to my own thoughts, I would be able to answer that incredibly clearly with knobs on. If I was asked, * Do you like the spire?* I'd be able to at least say yes or no.

If you work that way, maybe you can ask to be able to write your feelings and thoughts down about it a little later and send them,; that you're not sure how you feel, accurately, quite yet.. I've done that many, many times.

agirl

(in reply to slavegirl1969)

Post #: 8

RE: putting feelings into words - 10/22/2006 2:12:11 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

slavegirl i you can't ind the right words do you think maybe you could write them doen maybe they are eaiser to write then to say? I Know if he askes you on the spot it is hard but maybe i you see them writen you will be able to explain yourself if the time comes again. Just a thought.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 9

RE: putting feelings into words - 10/22/2006 3:09:24 PM

sintralgasub

Posts: 31
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

But here is my personal essay on humiliation and objectification:

LA thank you so much for your personal essay - you hit the nail on the head for me. I could never describe the feelings about what humiliation is/does for me, but while reading your response, it all made sense.

sgs

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 10

RE: putting feelings into words - 10/22/2006 4:05:26 PM

fantasy69maker

Posts: 86
Joined: 3/27/2004
Status: offline

Hes looking for feed back but does it have to be words?

(in reply to sintralgasub)

Post #: 11

RE: putting feelings into words - 10/23/2006 2:09:53 AM

slavegirl1969

Posts: 69
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline

I spoke with Master yesterday about this, to explain to him that I am not alone in finding words to explain what I feel. He explained to me that all he needed to know was that being humiliated and embarrassed didn't make me feel bad about myself, so I told him it most definitely didn't and in fact made me feel good about myself because I know how much it and I please him. He was happy with this and has agreed not to ask me anymore unless I appear distressed by his words/actions.

(in reply to fantasy69maker)

Post #: 12

RE: putting feelings into words - 10/23/2006 8:22:57 AM

lesbiangirlslave

Posts: 42
Joined: 10/11/2006
From: amsterdam
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirl1969

How do you explain the feelings being humiliated gives you?

after a couple of months of tentatively dipping his toes in the waters of humiliation my Master now seems to have taken to it like a duck to water. Last night after a particularly humiliation day on and off He asked me how it made me feel. I know the obviuos answers were humiliated, embarrassed, a bit silly but these didn't feel right or accurate but I couldn't find the words to say how I felt. Does anyone else have this problem, not only with humiliation but other aspects of being a sub?

This girl think that humiliation also depends how a slave or submissive thinks about him/herself. It also depends what you like or not. It depends how a Master/Mister humiliate His/Her slave. Humiliation in public or at home. Humiliation dressed or naked. There are so many forms. As an example if a slave is insecure about her own body then when she must join her Master/Mistress with friends naked, it give the slave a greater humiliation then when a slave like to show her body privat or in public. Or you dislike that your Mistress pee on you. Then your humilation is more then if a slave like it.
And what LuckyAlbatross said about being an object is so true. One slave is and behave like an object and don't "think". Another slave try to behave like an object and can't stop thinking about the circumstances the slave is in now.
This girl is taken pleasure out of being used and humilated. That people wants her and in a strange way like her and need her for there own pleasure. It gives this girl such a pleasure to be used as a toy. Not thinking but not just feeling. It gives this girl such a vibration that words are not enough to explain it.
But in all the pleasure this slave must realise she only excist for her Mistress and for Her pleasure. But luckely my Mistress like it when this slave is happy in humiliation.
And ofcourse the Mistress want feed-back. She want to know how it feels and how She can improve Herself, just as the slave.
But sometimes this slave is so exhausted that she has now power enough to explain her feelings or her thoughts. But then after a few houres it is mostly possible to do that. But this slave like it more just behind a session / play / being together to explain her feelings. Its then fresh in memory. But that is also a process of learning.

_____________________________

its better to be a happy slave then an unhappy Mistress .

(in reply to slavegirl1969)

Post #: 13

RE: putting feelings into words - 10/23/2006 2:20:57 PM

kittenkinky

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline

How do you explain anything? I agree with AGirl. How to express the emotion verbally? It's a gap that seems to be filled with umms, ers, and how abouts. I am a writer but I can't express my emotions without feeling foolish. I can explain yours but I can't explain mine. Humiliation. Love. Desire. They are deeper and truer senses of the essence of who we are. Easier to explain Lust. It's a base instinct. But Love or Humiliation (and I capitalise these on purpose)? Even showing how I feel to him is frightening.

(in reply to lesbiangirlslave)

Post #: 14

RE: putting feelings into words - 10/23/2006 2:50:42 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

I'm also a writer...What often scuppers me is the fact that sometimes nothing actually SAYS what I feel.......there are things that words just don't cover when it comes to certain *feelings* of my own. It's frustrating beyond belief. There is a pretty vast range of words to describe...but they are woefully inadequate at times.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittenkinky

How do you explain anything? I agree with AGirl. How to express the emotion verbally? It's a gap that seems to be filled with umms, ers, and how abouts. I am a writer but I can't express my emotions without feeling foolish. I can explain yours but I can't explain mine. Humiliation. Love. Desire. They are deeper and truer senses of the essence of who we are. Easier to explain Lust. It's a base instinct. But Love or Humiliation (and I capitalise these on purpose)? Even showing how I feel to him is frightening.

agirl

(in reply to kittenkinky)

Post #: 15

RE: putting feelings into words - 10/23/2006 3:49:19 PM

lesbiangirlslave

Posts: 42
Joined: 10/11/2006
From: amsterdam
Status: offline

This girl know that its difficult to express feelings. Feelings can go further then words. But at least try. To speak about it is sharing. Even the umms, ers, and hows are explaning that the feeling maybe go further than the words. But even that is sharing that you have enjoyed it even more then words can say. And this girl believe that the Mistress will enjoy what you try to say. And maybe not correct or not clearly enough. But the Mistress will now then that there is so much more that you have enjoyed then your or mine words can say or explain.
And why scared by showing feelings? Thats something this girl don't understand. Its so great, even to try to share feelings that it give more connection to each other.
And again, this girl know that words are not enough sometimes to explain thoughts or feelings. But everytime there is a possibility that there are a few words are found what can express a little more about this girl feelings. And every time it can give a deeper connection with my Mistress.

_____________________________

its better to be a happy slave then an unhappy Mistress .

(in reply to kittenkinky)

Post #: 16

RE: putting feelings into words - 10/23/2006 6:10:05 PM

behindmirrors

Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

What about writing about it, or keeping an image journal? Often, when I don't have words for things I am feeling, I find images that express it, and collage them into a journal. The point gets conveyed, and it helps me sort through what I am feeling so that I find the words I need. It might be a backwards method, but it's the primary way that I keep journals and understand how I feel.

behindmirrors.

(in reply to lesbiangirlslave)

Post #: 17

RE: putting feelings into words - 10/24/2006 12:12:38 AM

lesbiangirlslave

Posts: 42
Joined: 10/11/2006
From: amsterdam
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: behindmirrors

What about writing about it, or keeping an image journal? Often, when I don't have words for things I am feeling, I find images that express it, and collage them into a journal. The point gets conveyed, and it helps me sort through what I am feeling so that I find the words I need. It might be a backwards method, but it's the primary way that I keep journals and understand how I feel.

behindmirrors.

What a nice thought. i has never thought about it. But its obvious that it is a very good and usefull tool to orden the thoughts. i shall certainly try to do so as you say. And the fun also is that there is a memory for something so precious as feelings. Thanks for such nice item you share now.

_____________________________

its better to be a happy slave then an unhappy Mistress .

(in reply to behindmirrors)

Post #: 18

RE: putting feelings into words - 10/24/2006 1:49:46 PM

slavegirl1969

Posts: 69
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline

Behindmirrors,

That is a wonderful idea, I have a book that I intended to use as a journal when I first accepted my place in this lifestyle but had completely forgotten about it until I just read your response. Thank you.

When I first put this question on, I thought it was probably just because I was new to it all, and felt really daft not being able to say what I felt, but on reading the responses I've had, I have realised that its sites like this that help understand what I am and that what I feel. or think is normal and that I am not the only one.

Your words and thoughts have calmed me and I thank you all from my heart

(in reply to lesbiangirlslave)

Post #: 19

RE: putting feelings into words - 10/24/2006 10:40:01 PM

behindmirrors

Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirl1969

Behindmirrors,

That is a wonderful idea, I have a book that I intended to use as a journal when I first accepted my place in this lifestyle but had completely forgotten about it until I just read your response. Thank you.

When I first put this question on, I thought it was probably just because I was new to it all, and felt really daft not being able to say what I felt, but on reading the responses I've had, I have realised that its sites like this that help understand what I am and that what I feel. or think is normal and that I am not the only one.

Your words and thoughts have calmed me and I thank you all from my heart

quote:

ORIGINAL: lesbiangirlslave

What a nice thought. i has never thought about it. But its obvious that it is a very good and usefull tool to orden the thoughts. i shall certainly try to do so as you say. And the fun also is that there is a memory for something so precious as feelings. Thanks for such nice item you share now.

Thank you both so much. I am honored that you will take my suggestion, and happy to know that it has helped you. Thank you for telling me that, I appreciate it more than words can say.

Here are a some links for you- they are pictures from my own books. My intent is to someday publish them, as I believe that many could benefit from either working out their thoughts this way, or even by seeing a piece of themselves in it and knowing they are not alone.
http://i113.photobucket.com/albums/n236/shesbehindmirrors/P1010091.jpg
http://i113.photobucket.com/albums/n236/shesbehindmirrors/P1010052.jpg
http://i113.photobucket.com/albums/n236/shesbehindmirrors/P1010037.jpg
http://i113.photobucket.com/albums/n236/shesbehindmirrors/P1010027.jpg
http://i113.photobucket.com/albums/n236/shesbehindmirrors/P1010083.jpg

Thanks again, and take care-
behindmirrors.

(in reply to slavegirl1969)

Post #: 20

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> putting feelings into words

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078