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RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 2:12:47 PM

MasterFireMaam

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From: Charleston, WV
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I think it's helpful. For example, there are a few submissives I'd strike up a conversation with, except they have occult and vampires listed as dislikes or limits. So, I don't waste our time. If you want to do it, do it. If someone objects to you doing it, they're probably not a match for you.

Master Fire

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(in reply to CuteIrishM4F)

Post #: 21

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 2:16:05 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
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From: Domme Emeritus
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I do look at them. There are a few I know that some hold very dear if it's there and then I would not touch them with a 10 foot pole. So in some cases it works, and in others I see where it might be a deterrent. It's a hard call for me. I think it just depends on the person reading them.

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Post #: 22

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 3:17:50 PM

ExSteelAgain

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Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
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I'd like the system better if they didn't have those things to check. I understand that you don't have to answer them, but the whole thing of classifying someone because she likes a certain toy seems fairly limiting to me. If she is beautiful, smart and witty we can work it out, trust me.

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Post #: 23

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 3:38:09 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

I'd like the system better if they didn't have those things to check. I understand that you don't have to answer them, but the whole thing of classifying someone because she likes a certain toy seems fairly limiting to me. If she is beautiful, smart and witty we can work it out, trust me.

I soooo agree. I don't list fetishes because....well, first of all I get far too many who have a sexual approach to begin with....and secondly, rather than be contacted as the chick who likes electrical play, flogging and anal I'd rather be contacted as erin the human being and start from there. The bottom line is that if we can't find a level to connect on aside from kink, we will never get to the point of discussing my fetishes anyway. I discuss my fetishes AFTER I've established if they are someone I may wish to explore them with. My criteria for making that decision is a bit more stringent than "Has cock, will travel".

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 10/22/2006 3:40:31 PM >

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Post #: 24

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 4:11:02 PM

Rdy2Submit

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I like to see the fetishes. It gives you an idea up front if it is possible that they are even close to compatible with you or not. I don't like to waste other people's time. And I think most people don't want to waste my time either.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 25

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 4:23:33 PM

Morrigel

Posts: 492
Joined: 10/13/2006
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I agree. There are a number of common male submissive fantasies which don't appeal to me. Including anything to do with bodily wastes and cuckoldry, just as examples. I'm also not a huge fan of the "sissy" fantasy, largely because I don't believe that women are inferior to men, so it isn't really a "punishment" to be dressed as one or behave as one. *shrug* In any case...why should I waste the time of a man who obviously has these fetishes as the priority in his fantasy life?

Odd, now that I think of it. On a man's profile, his interests, his picture, his personal write-up and his handle are more likely to turn me on or intrigue me...whereas his fetishes are more likely to raise a negative reaction, especially if there is a huge laundry list of them. *chuckles* Malesubs take note! Insight into domme psychology!

--M

< Message edited by Morrigel -- 10/22/2006 4:24:11 PM >

(in reply to Rdy2Submit)

Post #: 26

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 4:34:58 PM

MySweetSubmssive

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From: Lehigh Valley, PA
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Yes, I like to see fetishes, in part to see how someone talks about them. Is he a "laundry list" submissive, who is looking for someone to, a la short-order cook, fulfill his needs? Not my cup of tea.

Not having any fetishes listed is interesting, allows one to get to know the person, but is a little coy. While I respect certain fetishes -- scat, feminization, cuckolding, chastity -- they are not my interests. I would hate to really be grooving with someone and then find out that something that was essential to one of us would be offlimits, and therefore a dealbreaker, for the other.

What would be ideal would be a person who presents but does not demand their needs, limits and desires.

MSS

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Post #: 27

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 4:36:37 PM

Squeakers

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I didn't check off anything nor put anything in my profile as I am not seeking anything other than the 'widsom' I find in the message boards. I thought this deter people from emailing me but it didn't work.

(in reply to Morrigel)

Post #: 28

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 4:55:15 PM

subjected2006

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oh yeah..knowing what someones idea of " brownies for dessert" is always helpful...lol

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Post #: 29

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 7:20:53 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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I usually read them all...If I found a certain commonality then I always thought it was a possibility.It did not have to be a perfect match but somewhat similar ideaology..of course the rest came from phone conversations to R/L to definitively help me to see if "IT" was there...Tempting

(in reply to subjected2006)

Post #: 30

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/22/2006 7:38:57 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CuteIrishM4F

Respectfully...

Are fetishes or kinks listed on profiles attractive or off-putting or is it simply down to the tastes and desires of whoever comes across it? my own interests don't appear to attract many and i am considering striking them off my profile altogether!

Regards,

althalus.

I am a believer of the more information the better and I really prefer to see someone fill out that part of the profile. After all, it should be about finding the right person and not about not eliminating anyone. Now I do not think that a person should answer everything that collar me list, for example, I really do not need to know the opinion of every music type of the person's profile I am reading.

For me personally interests can both attract and turn me off, but that is the purpose of the list. For example, if I see lives for poly, camping and hunting, we are not going to be a match and that is good to know. But I can honestly say most of the items are not a big deal but it sure helps in the description of the person.

The biggest reason though why I like interests listed is so I have something to compare to what they write in their messages. I get a lot of messages of men telling me we have the exact same interests and when I go to read their profile there are no interests checked. That makes me highly suspicious.

My .02 opinion the better your profile is about showing who you are will give you the best chance at finding the right person. Keep the interest up.

(in reply to CuteIrishM4F)

Post #: 31

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/23/2006 7:25:19 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Morrigel

I agree. There are a number of common male submissive fantasies which don't appeal to me. Including anything to do with bodily wastes and cuckoldry, just as examples. I'm also not a huge fan of the "sissy" fantasy, largely because I don't believe that women are inferior to men, so it isn't really a "punishment" to be dressed as one or behave as one. *shrug* In any case...why should I waste the time of a man who obviously has these fetishes as the priority in his fantasy life?

Odd, now that I think of it. On a man's profile, his interests, his picture, his personal write-up and his handle are more likely to turn me on or intrigue me...whereas his fetishes are more likely to raise a negative reaction, especially if there is a huge laundry list of them. *chuckles* Malesubs take note! Insight into domme psychology!

--M

This is pretty much my take on the subject. I do not particularly care about the fetish interests myself. Granted I am not on this site looking for a relationship but even if I was I would feel the same. People intrique me, I like reading the text and journal part of a profile. I love profiles that have photos, not for kink or perv value but moreso to put a face with the words. The eyes say so much. I could give a shit about body parts, if I want to look at body parts I can google them.
As far as the checklist, to me that is in many ways worthless. I mean, who really gives a shit if someone loves coffee shops and hates bird watching. Maybe I hate coffee shops and love bird watching. It isn't going to make or break a relationship.

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(in reply to Morrigel)

Post #: 32

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/23/2006 7:34:19 AM

Amaros

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Joined: 7/25/2005
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Heh, I can't find the checkboxes to put them into my profile - I did it when I first joined, but they dissapeared, and now I can't find the feature. Hafta work on that one of these days.

I do find the interests useful, both positive and negative, i.e., it helps you search for people with similar interests, and if they have a hard limit or dislike of something you're interested in, I think it probobly saves some grief if it otherwise turned out that you can't, in the end, talk them into it.

I think everybody who has contacted me, it was because of forum posts, and I'd have to say that most of the people I've contacted is because of the same.

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 33

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/23/2006 7:41:27 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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It's pretty simple, I think. If you're going to write to someone, at least have the decency to LOOK at their profile and not write them if what they list as a dislike or limit is your driving factor in a relationship with someone, and vice versa.

As for me personally, I won't be blowing down the doors of the CDs or AB fetishists because those are not my kinks, nor the latex fetishists because I'm allergic. I avoid Fem Sup seekers because they don't like my "equality" as partners view. Cucks also don't do it for me because I am apparently one of the few mistresses who will consider sex with a slave. Other than that, I think that kinks and fetishes are pretty much negotiable.

Know yourself, and be respectful of others who know what they seek in life.

_____________________________

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Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to CuteIrishM4F)

Post #: 34

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/23/2006 7:45:05 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I think it's helpful. For example, there are a few submissives I'd strike up a conversation with, except they have occult and vampires listed as dislikes or limits. So, I don't waste our time. If you want to do it, do it. If someone objects to you doing it, they're probably not a match for you.

Master Fire

*laughs* You and I tend to have those same triggers that turn us the other direction from a profile! It's interesting to have folks reach out to me and then go running when I remind them that they have a no-no listed that is the thing that drives me -- the biggest one is the "no pain" approaching the sadist. I'm not here for the torture!!!!!!

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 35

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/23/2006 7:47:00 AM

Jasmyn

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Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

I like checklists for scening and learning about a partner but have found checklists in the dating scene to be a double edged sword ... in some ways they are great for finding someone with a like 'kink' but in general dating they allow us to be anti-social and passive ... it's too easy to pick and mix and think that is all that it takes to attract a mate.

Give me a boy who hasn't ticked a lifetime of wants and fantasy but comes to me an open book ...

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Post #: 36

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/23/2006 8:10:47 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I think it's helpful. For example, there are a few submissives I'd strike up a conversation with, except they have occult and vampires listed as dislikes or limits. So, I don't waste our time. If you want to do it, do it. If someone objects to you doing it, they're probably not a match for you.

Master Fire

*laughs* You and I tend to have those same triggers that turn us the other direction from a profile! It's interesting to have folks reach out to me and then go running when I remind them that they have a no-no listed that is the thing that drives me -- the biggest one is the "no pain" approaching the sadist. I'm not here for the torture!!!!!!

You need a shirt like mine that says, "I'm not mean, you're just a sissy." Back when I was looking at a relationship with a sissy (and learned that they are NOT for me...anyone who takes more time than me to get ready is just annoying as hell), I was going to get hyr a shirt that said, "She's not mean, i'm just a sissy."

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 37

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/23/2006 8:15:10 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
You need a shirt like mine that says, "I'm not mean, you're just a sissy." Back when I was looking at a relationship with a sissy (and learned that they are NOT for me...anyone who takes more time than me to get ready is just annoying as hell), I was going to get hyr a shirt that said, "She's not mean, i'm just a sissy."

Master Fire

And how did you know that the high maintenance femmes don't last so long with me for that very same reason LOL

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Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 38

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/23/2006 8:31:10 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuteIrishM4F

Respectfully...

Are fetishes or kinks listed on profiles attractive or off-putting or is it simply down to the tastes and desires of whoever comes across it? my own interests don't appear to attract many and i am considering striking them off my profile altogether!

Regards,

althalus.

All the fetishes on someones' profile will be attractive to some and unattractive to others. W/we're all into different things.

As for your interests not seeming to attract many people; with respect, I'd say that means nothing, all that's happened is that you have yet to find others who share your interests,kinks etc. By the tone of the comment you seem to be implying that you -have- found some, so this proves they're out there.

Take your time undertand that it may be a long wait.The internet is a big place, Alt. is known and used by people all over the world. You have to let them find you before they know you exist.

HalloweenWhite.

(in reply to CuteIrishM4F)

Post #: 39

RE: Fetishes - Attractive or off-putting? - 10/23/2006 8:34:10 AM

ellecid

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Joined: 9/13/2006
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Akkkkkkkk.....

(in reply to subjected2006)

Post #: 40

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