Who is in charge?

Who is in charge? (Full Version)

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BDSMBRAD -> Who is in charge? (1/27/2005 7:18:29 AM)
Now I know who’s in charge, it’s the dom/domme now and forever. My inquiry is one Im sure that has been discussed on this board a million times. I just want a fresh perspective, first off Im going to use an example from my life. Im a switch, currently a sub to my domme. One of my loves is lingerie; I like to wear it on occasion. And I like to be forced to wear it. And that’s my question, cause my domme forces me to wear it for her, but I like to wear it on occasion. I do get a charge of her picking something out for me and putting in on me, it’s a very fulfilling scene for both. So who’s in charge of the scene? Me cause I like to wear lingerie, or her cause she is forcing me to wear it?

ProtagonistLily -> RE: Who is in charge? (1/27/2005 7:34:04 AM)
I think that sometimes 'control' gets confused with kindness. I could easily fit into the above scenerio. I am not a woman who's particularly attracted to men in women's clothing. However, there are so many male subs who enjoy the 'forced' nature of cross dressing (I'm not going to debate the word forced here, I'm going to assume that CD behavior is not a hard limit) So, I'm playing with a male submissive who's got an interest in lingerie that I don't. Why if I incorporate it into a scene is my position in question at all? What about reward? If I can punish by taking the clothing aspect away, I can certainly reward with it. Regardless of whether it's in my cadre of likes, I certainly can control its use. You know, sometimes I think we think too much about Role, and try to analyze it too much. For lack of a better term, "I'm all about the candy." Power exchange is about a energy flow. Why not reward a submissive with something he likes and get that flow to be more positive? If I were you Brad, I'd sit back, put the teddy on and revel in it rather than worry about if you are topping from the bottom. It's perfectly ok for any kinks to be fun, and I highly recommend that it is. Also, I'd gather that your Domme knows what she's doing. Lily

NATI -> RE: Who is in charge? (1/27/2005 7:54:03 AM)
Ideally - even though "you" get fulfillment from what is being done, the Mistress is still in control and picks when/where/and how this kind of thing is done. I use this sort of thing as a reward. And it is clearly a reward. Again though, I decide if/when/how/and where this would be done to discourage 'treat' seeking (as in if I do the laundry, I'll get to wear the lingerie) and maintain the element of surprise.

BDSMBRAD -> RE: Who is in charge? (1/27/2005 7:55:20 AM)
Ihave never disputed my roll ma'am, I enjoy it, I relish it, and the specifics are so far from my mind during play that I can't even see their shodows. All our play is rooted in fun, and I take little serious while on my knees in a pair of panties or teddy. It was just a thought I had lingering. Thankyou for your anwser, it gives me much to think about.

MadameDahlia -> RE: Who is in charge? (1/27/2005 11:21:16 AM)
I'm not so sure I'd like to jump on that particular train of thought. I've been of the opinion that in anything One does with her submissive she does so with consent. She has to have permission to flog, crossdress or tinkle on any of her submissives - otherwise she's no longer a Domina. She (in my none too humble opinion) becomes an abusive... er... woman (which isn't the term I'd pick for such a person!). If for whatever reason you were entirely against crossdressing your Lady would have to respect that or walk away. To cajole, wheedle or try to convince you ("I don't think you really want to be my submissive. Anyone else would have let me in a heartbeat.") would be to lower herself to the level of those creeps who try to manipulate an unwilling person into having a sexual relationship: "If you loved me you'd do it. But I don't think you love me enough. Etc." The relinquishing of one's control to another should always be unforced or the person attempting to do the controlling becomes someone who ought to earn themselves a cellmate, a new pair of pajamas and an iron ball and chain. Pardon me for having taken this in an unexpected direction. However in feeling how I do I can't have answered the question clearly without first having voiced (or at least typed) my objection to the initial question. Once the consent has been given the submissive still remains firmly in control through use of a safeword. If she's pulling out the electrified anal probe and you're screaming "RED! RED! RED! BLOODY FREAKIN' RED." (provided that's the safeword you've agreed upon) she has an obligation to put that aside and go over the issue with you, perhaps even ending the scene for some down time and aftercare. (Have I mentioned just how much I LOVE aftercare. Cuddles are great. And even Dom/mes need them!) However once the consent has been granted and the submissive sees no reason to use his or her safeword the Domme now wields the whip, brandishes the iron, picks out the high heels.

LdyAuburn -> RE: Who is in charge? (1/27/2005 10:24:12 PM)
I do things I enjoy, the fact she enjoys something out of it is probable why she does it, maybe the reaction of you, maybe the humilitation that you say "I would really like to be in something frilly and pink", maybe that you get aroused by wearing it and she can abuse you for that :) No idea, but for me I wont do something I dont enjoy. There is no point, would you like your dominant to do something she found boring or distasteful. I would think that would defeat the purpose of trying to please him/her For example needles do absolutely nothing for me, but for the one I own he loves them both doing and having done to him. I am fortunate I have a good friend who enjoys having a pincushion to play with with limited responsbilities The pleasure i derived from that is voyuerism which I enjoy, someone else playing with him. So he still pleases me just not in the obvious way Btw mine is a switch as well, I love to watch him play

MadameDahlia -> RE: Who is in charge? (1/27/2005 10:35:00 PM)
That's a lovely compromise LdyAuburn! Everyone winds up content.

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