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embarrassed by orgasms - 10/22/2006 5:36:08 AM   
slavegirl1969


Posts: 69
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline 		I apologise if some of my questions appear to be non-problematic in reality.  If I'm honest I sort of feel like a little girl in this lifestyle and not the independent, grown up (am 37) career woman I am.  I am still very new to this and my learning has been extraordinary in my eyes but I'm rambling so to my question:
 
Before I submitted to this life I wasn't orgasmic, or at least I could have one through masturbating but only once in my life had a man ever made me cum.  One ex even sent me to a sex therapist because he said I had to be frigid because I was unable to cum with him - her advice, lose the child (he was older than me) and find someone who can take control and let you be (ironic given what I am now).
 
Finally, to my question - in the last month or so my Master has elicited orgasms from me that (a) come out of nowhere, which makes asking permission to cum a bit of a problem, and (b) are so powerful on a couple of occasions I have felt like I'm about to pass out.  Master loves these but I find them quite embarrassing because I am then unable to do anything afterwards. I think I also get embarrassed because of what I'm having done to me at the time they occur. 
 
Is this quite a common reaction for a newbie do you think, or am I alone with these feelings? 
 
 
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RE: embarrassed by orgasms - 10/22/2006 5:51:26 AM   
Areflectionofyou


Posts: 258
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline 		You are far from being alone in these feelings. I am exactly the Same way. Its hard to get to the point of feeling the need to let completely loose in our sexuality. Its extremely difficult for me to have someone watching me lose control over my body and its functions. The only way this occurs easily is through trust. Trust in ourselves that this is a normal function, and trust in our partners that they will help us be free in this.

(in reply to slavegirl1969)
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RE: embarrassed by orgasms - 10/22/2006 6:21:12 AM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		you know, i think a lot of this "permission to come" thing is something a lot of Dominants do because they hear "the other boys do it"..  but if you're not one of those that needs to put brakes on,  i'm betting a lot of Dominants really feelings about permission to come is closer to "damn, I hope she comes". 

If you can talk to Him about it, maybe He will realise it's not really something He wants to put the brakes on, no matter what other Dominants supposedly require..  Although  It might be comforting for Him to know that not everybody does that.  Some Doms have admitted that the default permission state is "you always have permission to come, please do, welcome to it, good gawd yes, and amen."   

If He really wants to establish control over your orgasm..  Some enforce "thanking Him for it".  (Which is also kinda silly, it's not like one brings you an orgasm in a box and we open it, "Oh!  Lookie!  it's an orgasm! thank You SOOOO  much, i always wanted one!"  but if that's how They wish to see it.. oh well. )

(in reply to Areflectionofyou)
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RE: embarrassed by orgasms - 10/22/2006 6:26:03 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Practice practic practice!

Now for the serious answer. My personal opinion is that in most cases like this it has to do with body image. What we will look like when we are letting go.
I will be honest, when I was younger and alot hotter in the bod dept I was soooooooo self concious and worried about how I looked while sprawled out neked that I didn't enjoy it at all. Granted, there were other factors to my lack of enjoyment BUT I do remember being obsessed with thoughts like "does laying like this make my ass look grossly huge?' "do my boobs look stupid in this position?" Now, I am older and alot less hot physically but alot more self confident and have alot less problems in the orgasm dept.
Obviously that is just my experience on the topic and may not be everyone elses.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Areflectionofyou)
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RE: embarrassed by orgasms - 10/22/2006 10:50:09 AM   
lesbiangirlslave


Posts: 42
Joined: 10/11/2006
From: amsterdam
Status: offline 		To begin with , its quiet normal. One woman cum easily, the other with more diffficulty. But if you are relaxed and trust your Master and you like it, its opvious that you can cum very easily. After a while it became more normal and you are used to it. But com easily is a pro in my sight of vieuw. But a Master can never play with you and then say that you are not allowed to cum. Then He must not play with you. But mostly there is no need to be embarrassed. Its quiet natural. And i would say enjoy it. Its such a good feeling and really normal for a woman. But mostly we haven't learn to enjoy it.

_____________________________

its better to be a happy slave then an unhappy Mistress .



(in reply to slavegirl1969)
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RE: embarrassed by orgasms - 10/22/2006 10:53:33 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		It's very common, and I'd say it's both normal and understandable, too.  You're sharing something with your master that you've never shared with anyone else in the world.  In fact, he's forcing you to show him a side of yourself that you've never even known about in private!  That's going to cause some deep emotions.  But my advice would be to stay on for the ride.  He's obviously doing something right.  Let him know how the orgasms make you feel, and trust him to know how to handle it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirl1969

Finally, to my question - in the last month or so my Master has elicited orgasms from me that (a) come out of nowhere, which makes asking permission to cum a bit of a problem, and (b) are so powerful on a couple of occasions I have felt like I'm about to pass out.  Master loves these but I find them quite embarrassing because I am then unable to do anything afterwards. I think I also get embarrassed because of what I'm having done to me at the time they occur. 
 
Is this quite a common reaction for a newbie do you think, or am I alone with these feelings?

(in reply to slavegirl1969)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: embarrassed by orgasms - 10/22/2006 10:58:22 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lesbiangirlslave

But a Master can never play with you and then say that you are not allowed to cum. Then He must not play with you.

I have to respectfully disagree with this comment.  Master can and does do what he wants.  That includes playing and disallowing an orgasm when he wants.  He and I both enjoy the sweet torture this brings about :)

To the OP, I used to feel horribly embarrassed as well, and I spoke to my Master about it.  His response was consistant - "Why should you be embarrassed for doing what pleases me immensely?"  I told him I was afraid if I looked silly or in some cases, "too nasty" he would see me differently....that he would see me poorly.  He said that would be highly unfair of him to look at me negatively for doing what he told me to do, and it would never happen.  He also assured me - "Just go with it, and relax.  If I don't like the position you have wound up in, I will move you.  If I don't prefer a particular response, I will work with you to change it."

In that, I was able to completely let go, knowing it pleased him and knowing if it didn't, he would simply change it so it did.  In other words, he would not put me in a position to NOT please him.  I couldn't fail. 

So...go with it.  Your Master is obviously pleased with your response.  If he were not pleased, he would shape it differently so that he is.  You can't lose :)

(in reply to lesbiangirlslave)
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RE: embarrassed by orgasms - 10/22/2006 10:59:38 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah, I missed that.  Of coure I agree with ownedgirlie.  If there's something a master "can never" do, he's not a master.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: lesbiangirlslave

But a Master can never play with you and then say that you are not allowed to cum. Then He must not play with you.

I have to respectfully disagree with this comment.  Master can and does do what he wants.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: embarrassed by orgasms - 10/22/2006 11:54:33 AM   
sintralgasub


Posts: 31
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Up until a few years ago, I was the same way.  As I became more confident in myself and more comfortable in my own skin, orgasms began to come more easily. 

Now that I am in the relationship with my Dom (who is wonderfully supportive), they are much easier.  I find them constantly changing which is exciting in and of itself.  What I had come to think was just the way orgasms felt to me has been redefined.  Even last night, it was different than the one before it.  Trust is the key, I trust Him to know that it is okay to be me, and to enjoy being me.

(in reply to slavegirl1969)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: embarrassed by orgasms - 10/22/2006 12:35:21 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		While women may need more warm-up time and all that, there is something else afoot in the letting go department in my experience........maybe thats why there is all this talk about hard coming and jesus---do I dare have squirting orgasms or does that make me of a different phylum?

'Cause I am fairly certain that I think like the overwhelming preponderance of men when I say I know what I did, and by god, I know how to do it again.........

If I am gonna come, you can better believe I am going to make a little ruckus---Jehovah's witnesses knocking at the door?  I'll have to catch them next time 'round.........the big U walk in in the middle of it?  Try to remember to have a sex talk with little Johnny after he quits freaking (it was about time anyway)..........

Seems to me there are two times when you are truely alone in the world, when you are comming and when you die, it is a very self absorbed type of thing...for that one, brief shining moment............

I don't know, perhaps women never get that way, but most men come that way out of the chute, I think.


Ron 

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to sintralgasub)
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RE: embarrassed by orgasms - 10/22/2006 1:54:07 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		I would say that you're experiencing after effects of to many years of incompetant lovers! Orgasm is a wonderful thing and one of the main parts that makes sex fun. I would have a long talk with him about your feelings. Likelyhood is that he enjoys your orgasms and would encourage more. If you need that permission then encouragement "cum to me, good girl" when he notices you starting the creshindo might be in order. It's a little unorthodox according to what too many dom's proport as "the true and right way" [GAG] but frankly you don't belong to them so it kind of works out for the best.  

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: embarrassed by orgasms - 10/22/2006 2:04:53 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I would have to agree that just let goand enjoy it, it is nothing to be embarassed or ashamed of it is  totally natural.  Of course i it comes out of nowhere it would be kinda hard to ask or permission.    Maybe you should talk to your Master about this and tell him that sometime it hits you all o a sudden and you can;t ask for permission maybe he will understand.  As for feelinmg embarassed try not to be my Master always makes me lose control and it pleases him so i just let go, so just go with the flow and enjoy.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: embarrassed by orgasms - 10/22/2006 2:14:07 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		A few things:

quote:

 Mavis:  you know, i think a lot of this "permission to come" thing is something a lot of Dominants do because they hear "the other boys do it".. 
  No, not in My case.  There are lots of reasons to practice orgasm delay or denial, but one, for Me, is to reinforce ownership and control.  If she is not allowed to cum, it reinforces that everything -- including her orgasms -- are mine.  Of course that delay is a delay...not a permanent denial.

quote:

lesbiangirlslave:  But a Master can never play with you and then say that you are not allowed to cum. Then He must not play with you.


Damn, I missed this rule in the Masters' Rule Book.  I guess I have to go back and learn it. 

And finally, Ron.  I don't know if you know this (you might, and just be "sandbagging" us all) but there are certain mystics who believe that the only time a person's mind is truly empty of outside influence is at the moment of orgasm, and therefore that is the only time we can truly pray, and be a part of God.  Your post amazingly touches on this.  Who'd a thunk it...from a man who brazenly speaks of eating lutefisk?

E.

Oh, and Ron -- those mystics are NOT Lutherans *GRIN*  but y'knew that one already. 



_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: embarrassed by orgasms - 10/22/2006 3:39:07 PM   
lesbiangirlslave


Posts: 42
Joined: 10/11/2006
From: amsterdam
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Yeah, I missed that.  Of coure I agree with ownedgirlie.  If there's something a master "can never" do, he's not a master.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: lesbiangirlslave

But a Master can never play with you and then say that you are not allowed to cum. Then He must not play with you.

I have to respectfully disagree with this comment.  Master can and does do what he wants.



Forgive to say, but this girl mean that even if she try nature is mostly stronger ! Even if my Mistress don't want it but She go further, this girl can't stop it. How hard this girl try. If my Mistress order, a slave has to obey, this girl know. But sometimes nature thinks different.

_____________________________

its better to be a happy slave then an unhappy Mistress .



(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: embarrassed by orgasms - 10/22/2006 3:48:44 PM   
lesbiangirlslave


Posts: 42
Joined: 10/11/2006
From: amsterdam
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

A few things:


quote:

lesbiangirlslave:  But a Master can never play with you and then say that you are not allowed to cum. Then He must not play with you.


Damn, I missed this rule in the Masters' Rule Book.  I guess I have to go back and learn it.  




Now this girl read it else where, she said it wrong. A Mistress is the owner of the slave. She can always ask. And the slave has to obey. But what this girl mean is that nature (at least for my body) is stronger then my Mistress wish.
(Sorry for my earlier strong words.)

_____________________________

its better to be a happy slave then an unhappy Mistress .



(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: embarrassed by orgasms - 10/22/2006 4:54:52 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

No, not in My case.  There are lots of reasons to practice orgasm delay or denial, but one, for Me, is to reinforce ownership and control.  If she is not allowed to cum, it reinforces that everything -- including her orgasms -- are mine.  Of course that delay is a delay...not a permanent denial.


While I get this idea, using this tool on someone that clearly states that they've had YEARS of issues with reaching orgasm you'd be killing the very fire you're trying to stoke...possibly perminantly.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to lesbiangirlslave)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: embarrassed by orgasms - 10/22/2006 6:26:34 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:


quote:

Me:  No, not in My case.  There are lots of reasons to practice orgasm delay or denial, but one, for Me, is to reinforce ownership and control.  If she is not allowed to cum, it reinforces that everything -- including her orgasms -- are mine.  Of course that delay is a delay...not a permanent denial.



theRose4U:  While I get this idea, using this tool on someone that clearly states that they've had YEARS of issues with reaching orgasm you'd be killing the very fire you're trying to stoke...possibly perminantly.



Perhaps.  And if someone I was with had orgasm issues, I'd consider that like any responsible Dominant would consider issues His submissive might have.  I would also consider if a girl had asthma before gagging her, or TMJ before using some device that forced open her jaw.

So what's your point, Rose?   You apparently have confused Me with someone else.  Are you arguing just to argue, or are you just not paying attention?

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: embarrassed by orgasms - 10/22/2006 6:29:57 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

lesbiangirlslave:  Now this girl read it else where, she said it wrong. A Mistress is the owner of the slave. She can always ask. And the slave has to obey. But what this girl mean is that nature (at least for my body) is stronger then my Mistress wish.
(Sorry for my earlier strong words.)


Apology accepted, and I understand what you were trying to say, miss.  Your point was that a Dominant may order a submissive not to cum, and may even take physical steps to diminish or prevent orgasm, but the human body may in this case move ahead on its own. 

I didn't realize that English was not your first language.  With that in mind, you did an excellent job of expressing yourself in your later posts.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to lesbiangirlslave)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: embarrassed by orgasms - 10/22/2006 8:13:13 PM   
angelspassion4u


Posts: 632
Joined: 7/17/2006
From: Angels
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirl1969


Finally, to my question - in the last month or so my Master has elicited orgasms from me that (a) come out of nowhere, which makes asking permission to cum a bit of a problem, and (b) are so powerful on a couple of occasions I have felt like I'm about to pass out.  Master loves these but I find them quite embarrassing because I am then unable to do anything afterwards. I think I also get embarrassed because of what I'm having done to me at the time they occur. 
 
Is this quite a common reaction for a newbie do you think, or am I alone with these feelings? 
 
 


I would say your very lucky.  Enjoy them. I have problems with orgasms and wish I could find the ONE who will do, what he did for you. I have learned to have them with a vibe on my clit but that's it. But, still not anything like you describe. Good luck with your relationship and enjoy it.


_____________________________

Recommends books by Victoria Morris through Pink Flamingo publishers.
"You can PLEASE some people some of the time, most people most of the time, but NEVER all the people all of the time."

(in reply to slavegirl1969)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: embarrassed by orgasms - 10/22/2006 11:50:53 PM   
lesbiangirlslave


Posts: 42
Joined: 10/11/2006
From: amsterdam
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

quote:

lesbiangirlslave:  Now this girl read it else where, she said it wrong. A Mistress is the owner of the slave. She can always ask. And the slave has to obey. But what this girl mean is that nature (at least for my body) is stronger then my Mistress wish.
(Sorry for my earlier strong words.)


Apology accepted, and I understand what you were trying to say, miss.  Your point was that a Dominant may order a submissive not to cum, and may even take physical steps to diminish or prevent orgasm, but the human body may in this case move ahead on its own. 

I didn't realize that English was not your first language.  With that in mind, you did an excellent job of expressing yourself in your later posts.

E.

Thank you for your kind words. In simple english it isn't difficult for this girl to express in english. But to express feelings is far more difficult. Those words are seldom udes by this girl and others. (Maybe a new topic.)  But this girl is pleased reading your comment. Thanks again.




_____________________________

its better to be a happy slave then an unhappy Mistress .



(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 20
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