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Why Bother??? - 10/22/2006 11:28:06 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		This is a rant.  Fair warning.

It has happened to me enough times that I'm thinking its something others might have some thoughts on.

On more than one occasion, I start talking to someone with no particular intent and they seem to be someone worth getting to know, if only as friends.  Maybe they say something that strikes me as being particularly insightful or thought provoking, or maybe they've responded to my profile with an especially good email and I want to hear more.

So the interaction continues, and one of us suggests a phone call.  All is well and good, until we start talking and it seems the first thing they want to talk about is what's wrong with "all the others" on collarme, and how shallow and one dimensional they are.   Or they pick apart their physical appearance.  From there, it goes to picking apart the munch scene and how casual play is unfulfilling and, even, disgusting.  In extreme cases, they might bash me for having attended munches, or having played with partners without any particular long term interests.  Usually, by this point, I've already decided that this person is not "The One," is not another One who is just as good, or even worth talking to any longer. 

I just don't get why anyone would bother with something about which they have nothing good to say.  If collarme is so bad, why bother with it?  If "the community" is so bad, why bother with that?"  If  someone doesn't like women who've attended scene functions and have played outside of a long term relationship, why bother talking to them?

I've gone to some scene functions and thought they were pretty ok, as far as they went.  I learned alot, got to know people and enjoyed the chance to get out with like minded others.  The only reason I haven't attended any lately is purely personal and I really do look forward to a time when I can get back into it.  They aren't the end all and be all of life on the dark side, but they have a place.

The same goes for a site like this.  I've talked to a lot of people, and had some good conversations and some bad conversations.  It works for me ok, or I wouldn't be on it.  (except for the fact that I'm here complaining right now, but lets ignore that for a minute. lol)

Personally, I don't find such negativism attractive, and when that negativism is directed at something I've devoted some amount of time to, I get offended.  I guess I'm shocked that anyone would let loose with their opinions like that without any thought that maybe they're bashing something I like and am, in some sense, committed to. 

*takes a deep breath

Ok, I feel better.  Thanks for listening.



Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Why Bother??? - 10/22/2006 11:31:41 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Hey, pop by the house...............

We will be talking  about you and me gittin' jiggy  wid  it.  To the exclusion of other collarme folks...

Believe me, I intend to portray this in a very positive light.

Some days your house burns up, and some days your house burns down.......

Know whadda' mean, Vern?

LOL,

Ron (yes, I know it is trying.......but have a laff anyhow.)


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to gypsygrl)
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RE: Why Bother??? - 10/22/2006 11:32:28 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		<shrug> Who knows?  Some people don't have anything to say unless they are bitching about something.  Yeah, that's happened to me too, but I just "invent" something I have to do that minute and if I get IM'd or emailed by the same person again, I just delete.

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Why Bother??? - 10/22/2006 12:12:05 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Im wondering if this person will recognize themselves in your post

Seriously though, life in general is filled with negative people, good luck on finding someone suitable to you.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to gypsygrl)
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RE: Why Bother??? - 10/22/2006 12:16:59 PM   
Morrigel


Posts: 492
Joined: 10/13/2006
Status: offline 		I agree.  This site has good points and bad points, and if it did not offer something different/better than other sites with a similar intent, I would not be here.  I find the forums in particular to be a nice feature, although of course like any forum there are some posters I like reading more than others.

Collarme is many good things:  free, for example; fast-loading and efficient in terms of user navigation; and full of people interested in BDSM--many of whom have been extremely nice and welcoming to me personally, not to mention funny and entertaining in their posts.

--M 

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Why Bother??? - 10/22/2006 12:26:56 PM   
lauren0221


Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline 		Some people just feel a need to complain. I am grateful when someone shows themself to have qualities that are dealbreakers for me up front, because I know right away not to waste my time or theirs. And having a sense of humor helps - I still giggle about the guy who BEGGED for my phone number - and then didn't call!

There are good ones out there, and sometime we just need to sort through a lot of not-right-for-us's to find them.


(in reply to gypsygrl)
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RE: Why Bother??? - 10/22/2006 12:48:36 PM   
hsagnev


Posts: 188
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl
...  In extreme cases, they might bash me for having attended munches, ...


Okay, I'm curious, what's wrong (or what is the objection) to attending a munch?

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Why Bother??? - 10/22/2006 1:04:58 PM   
ATwstdMind


Posts: 5
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline 		Then again, he may be trying to isolate you from the scene.   It strikes me that some of those dropping by here are wannabe Doms who are, at their core, insecure in their ability to control you if you remain in contact with intelligent beings.  
 
I think your question would be better put as ... "why bother to give them the time of day" rather than trying to figure out what motivates them. 

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Why Bother??? - 10/22/2006 1:49:40 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		I'm not referring to an isolated incident, nor am I really wondering about anyone's motivation.  As I pointed out at the beginning, I was ranting.  Or, trying to.  I'm not very good at ranting.  Re-reading the op, it doesn't really sound like a rant.

But, I'm mad at the inside!

Maybe I should go back to rant school.

(in reply to ATwstdMind)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Why Bother??? - 10/22/2006 2:07:21 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Morrigel

I agree.  This site has good points and bad points, and if it did not offer something different/better than other sites with a similar intent, I would not be here.  I find the forums in particular to be a nice feature, although of course like any forum there are some posters I like reading more than others.

Collarme is many good things:  free, for example; fast-loading and efficient in terms of user navigation; and full of people interested in BDSM--many of whom have been extremely nice and welcoming to me personally, not to mention funny and entertaining in their posts.

--M 


Yes, Morrigel, it does have alot of good points.  I've loved the forums and it IS free.  If it wasn't I wouldn't be here.  There's very little explicit graphics so I don't have to worry about who's looking over my shoulder when I have the screen up.  And, the advertising is unobtrusive.  Plus, I've had enough good e-mail exchanges to make it worth it.

I mean, seriously, what do people want?

And, thanks for taking this into a positive direction. :)

(in reply to Morrigel)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Why Bother??? - 10/22/2006 4:01:40 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		You're not supposed to worry about what "people" want.  Focus on what YOU want, and patiently await the arrival of the "One" who wants the same!

(Although I must add the disclaimer of my personal belief that there is not just "One" out there that we might be compatible with, but rather, many.  It's just a crapshoot trying to connect with any of them!)

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Why Bother??? - 10/22/2006 4:44:40 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

I'm not referring to an isolated incident, nor am I really wondering about anyone's motivation.  As I pointed out at the beginning, I was ranting.  Or, trying to.  I'm not very good at ranting.  Re-reading the op, it doesn't really sound like a rant.

But, I'm mad at the inside!

Maybe I should go back to rant school.



Interesting. Thanks.

What I really hate are message board posts which switch from black to red for the second paragraph.

I guess I must be some kind of statistical oddity. I meet interesting people here, some of them just plain bizarre specimens to add to my life list and some of them beautiful and formidable beings. I've learned a lot, made a few friends, had fun and engaged in some wonderful conversations. These sorts of thing tends to happen to me out in the sticks and stones world too. Then a couple of times per week I read one of these rants and think to myself: "What am I doing wrong?"

Anyway here's a little greeting card for you, gypsygirl. You can pin it up on your whatchmacallit and peek at it whenever you need a lift:

"When you walk in the garden, don't let those fragrant, colorful things impede your view of the dirt, which--pound for pound--is obviously what gardens are all about."




< Message edited by Noah -- 10/22/2006 4:46:19 PM >

(in reply to gypsygrl)
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RE: Why Bother??? - 10/22/2006 4:56:26 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

You're not supposed to worry about what "people" want.  Focus on what YOU want, and patiently await the arrival of the "One" who wants the same!

(Although I must add the disclaimer of my personal belief that there is not just "One" out there that we might be compatible with, but rather, many.  It's just a crapshoot trying to connect with any of them!)


I didn't mean the question "what do people want" literally.  It was more a "does it get any better than this?" question.  Its a free site with a lot of good qualities.   :)

And, yeah, the idea of The One makes me anxious.  Its just not a good way to think about things for me.  Too much pressure. lol

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Why Bother??? - 10/22/2006 8:13:21 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		I am seriously blown away not by the negativity by many people on online places but why poeple are so stupid to indulge in it. I really cannot think of one person I have ever met in my life that has ever told me or I saw that found negativity to be an attractive quality. That is what really stuns me is why do people think being really negative is going to do any good anywhere.

Now we all have our moments of being negative and I certainly have done my share of bitching about certain things or people in private but I certainly do not harp or have it dominate the conversation.

I wonder if the people you have talked to have brought up collar me as a common ground thing and talking about the wierd or stupid stuff they see is what first pops into their head and maybe that makes it look like the are negative people when they may just be trying to strike up a conversation with someone they do not know. Of course if they rant about it, then my mistake...

(in reply to gypsygrl)
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RE: Why Bother??? - 10/22/2006 10:08:17 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

"When you walk in the garden, don't let those fragrant, colorful things impede your view of the dirt, which--pound for pound--is obviously what gardens are all about."
 
My guess is that your garden analogy should produce an abundant crop of food for thought...

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Why Bother??? - 10/23/2006 2:10:14 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greetings
 
we have an old saying if they are talking about the others that way what are they saying about me when i am not around? i seen that type of person who downs everyone but theirselve it is so dwon right silly what write to someone when you know all you want to do be be petty and silly. i tend to found out very fast who these folks are and leave them along wuickly and let them just talk theirselves out. there are many wonderful people on her i meant one two who are very nice and are now friends i did have one man i talk to on here and he turn out to be a nut no joke a nut so that one slipped by me lol but i know you will not let anyone change how you feel so it was great to read you post thanks
 
mons

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Why Bother??? - 10/23/2006 2:46:11 AM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		agree with toservez, negativity is not a real attractive trait.. but yes, common ground might be thier focus, and it wouldprobably sound silly to some to have nothing but stars in thier eyes comments about either Cm or "lifestyle community events."   Wonder if in trying to show the realism side, or the "not addicted to the internet/ social butterfly" side, they bend too far in the other direction by mistake?

i'm with the OP,  CM is a fair deal, i enjoy the discussions, rants, debates, and even the stupid dancing bannana and puffy guy.  Hell, it sure beats reading the political sites this time of year.  At least here, i can learn something, or embarrass myself and still show face later. 


(in reply to mons)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Why Bother??? - 10/27/2006 7:11:19 AM   
MasterWilliam55


Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline 		This is our village folks. Treat it with respect.

"All things can be found...depending on the spirit of the quest" J. Conrad

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Why Bother??? - 10/27/2006 7:44:08 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		Misery loves company, so I'll guess it could be the jaded and disillusioned hoping to meet a kindred spirit and thus cure their foul outlook on things by hooking up in kinky bliss. Unfortunately, when it turns out you don't share their view, it merely confirms their views.

Tough luck for them.


_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Why Bother??? - 10/27/2006 8:14:04 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Jullia. It is not that person. It is those people.

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 20
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