RE: Tell Me About Yourself

RE: Tell Me About Yourself (Full Version)

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SEVADom -> RE: Tell Me About Yourself (10/23/2006 2:58:10 PM)
Yes, CD, I agree. Although, the main time I ask exactly that question is in writing -- when I receive an out-of-the-blue initial contact message from someone I have not approached ... which says, essentially (or exactly), "Hi" -- and whose profile is almost or completely blank. If I'm communicating with someone whose profile isn't blank (no matter who began the conversation), I ask about things relevant to their profile, or more specific questions about areas not addressed in it.

Noah -> RE: Tell Me About Yourself (10/23/2006 3:11:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth "Okay sure. What time and where do you want to meet so we can learn about each other?" Other than that, you really don't KNOW or find out anything you can rely upon as fact about the person on the other side of the keyboard. You can't even be confident they are even the gender they represent on-line. Right. Which is exactly why ideas like Amazon, E-bay, online universities and this website never got off the ground. In fact I'm pretty sure no one even uses telephones anymore, because, well, you just never know who's on the other end. But why am I responding to what may be a randomly computer generated post or a Taliban terrorist in disguise anyway? If only there were such as thing as successfully exercising judgement. <Sigh> I've gotten to know many people online and subsequently met and spent a lot of time with several of them in the flesh, in some cases after years of online acquaintance. I've never stumbled onto evidence that any one of those I met with had ever lied to me about a single thing. Then again I have many times in my life had people try to get away with lying to my face, sometimes.with complete success. Weird, huh? I always read your posts. You guys have interesting opinions and worthwhile things to say about so many things. What is it with this particular phobia?

kyraofMists -> RE: Tell Me About Yourself (10/23/2006 3:28:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened Dear Sirs: When a conversation, either online or on the phone starts out with the Dom asking me "So... Tell me about yourself." i freeze. The question is so vague and of course my sense of humor so twisted that my first thought is from the classic Steve Martin movie "The Jerk" and i want to say "i was born a poor black child....." I had to smile when I read the subject line. My Lord did this and still does with me. The whole point was to hear what I had to say, what I thought was interesting about myself. As Crappy alluded to, it is a great way to find out where another person's head is at. Instead of talking about what you think they want to hear, just talk about what you want to talk about. My Lord still does the open ended request for information. Now he will just say "Talk to me" and he really doesn't care what I talk about, he just wants to hear whatever is on my mind. If something comes up that he wants to delve into further, he will ask specific questions. Of course sometimes it is "Talk to me, I want to hear your voice" and then within minutes he is peacefully snoring away. g Knight's kyra

Emperor1956 -> RE: Tell Me About Yourself (10/23/2006 3:42:26 PM)
Would you prefer it if the first question was direct, and specific? Oh really? "How big are your tits?" There. Is that a "better" way for "the Dom" to begin? It seems to Me when someone asks "tell Me about yourself" they are...oh MY God, think of it. . . actually asking you to tell them about yourself. If you need a script to answer, maybe you should spend more time thinking about who you are, and less time on CollarMe? But that's just Me. E.

smilezz -> RE: Tell Me About Yourself (10/23/2006 4:08:43 PM)
I love it when they ask me that question! My reply: I love sharp objects...preferably Knives. I collect Knives....I throw Knives....I sharpen Knives, then i throw them again. Once in awhile i add fire to them and throw them with fire. Every now and then i also like to Explode things! by this time, they are usually logged off and gone. There has only been One person that hung in there with all this. I am one lucky bitch to be owned by Him. beamz proudly Humor is a must.....i would say go for humor every time. People do not need to know the in's and out's of you the very first time they IM or E-mail you. I have conversations with strangers every single day....usually a smile or glance is all they are looking for. As far as online goes.......say: Wasn't today an awesome day! you now know a little bit about me. grinz ~smilezz~

RedSavageSlave -> RE: Tell Me About Yourself (10/23/2006 5:11:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Noah So a dom you've never met or maybe even heard of should take control of the conversation and direct what information you are to share and when? It irks you if instead he gracefully indicates that he is interested to hear whatever you care to share about yourself, then shuts up and listens attentively? My point Noah was that sometimes they dont even wait to find out if I am even interested in wanting to get to know them. They just automatically assume that because I am a submissive female and they are a dominant male that I must want to tell them about myself and to be with them. What is wrong with a simple hello..would you like to read my profile and see if you are interested? Or.. hello, I read your profile and thought ">>>>" was interesting.. would you like to chat..

Mercnbeth -> RE: Tell Me About Yourself (10/23/2006 5:33:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Noah quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth "Okay sure. What time and where do you want to meet so we can learn about each other?" Other than that, you really don't KNOW or find out anything you can rely upon as fact about the person on the other side of the keyboard. You can't even be confident they are even the gender they represent on-line. Right. Which is exactly why ideas like Amazon, E-bay, online universities and this website never got off the ground. In fact I'm pretty sure no one even uses telephones anymore, because, well, you just never know who's on the other end. But why am I responding to what may be a randomly computer generated post or a Taliban terrorist in disguise anyway? If only there were such as thing as successfully exercising judgement. <Sigh> I've gotten to know many people online and subsequently met and spent a lot of time with several of them in the flesh, in some cases after years of online acquaintance. I've never stumbled onto evidence that any one of those I met with had ever lied to me about a single thing. Then again I have many times in my life had people try to get away with lying to my face, sometimes.with complete success. Weird, huh? I always read your posts. You guys have interesting opinions and worthwhile things to say about so many things. What is it with this particular phobia? Noah, Not a phobia, its a matter of focus on a goal. If I want to buy something without personal contact your reference to Ebay and the like is appropriate. We enjoy face to face contact. I don't want any of my inherent skepticism getting in the way of trusting that a person is who/what they say they are. It's been my experience, requiring a meeting either makes the person disappear or ends up being regarded as a friend. I want to get that out of the way as soon as possible before applying any misdirected trust. If the goal is to have a personal, someday physical relationship with an individual you'll glean very little you can rely on via the internet. If its a goal to make pen pals or live a fantasy the internet is a very good conduit for exchanging banter. People agreeing with the same goals should enjoy the process. The OP wasn't indicating what goal she had but I never respond to a post without checking the profile of the poster. In this case her profile said she was; "Interested in meeting in real-life only." I gave her the response to make that a reality. You never miss an opportunity for a legitimate person to person relationship by asking for a meeting quickly. You DO miss out on wasting time IM'ing and messaging back and forth to someone locked in another relationship or a bored college student. Seeking a relationship, get off the internet correspondence ASAP. Seeking anything else, type away and enjoy. No phobia Noah, just pragmatism. The phobia would be rationalizing why you didn't want to meet with a relationship as your goal.

eyesopened -> RE: Tell Me About Yourself (10/23/2006 5:41:06 PM)
As always, i appreciate the comments and suggestions. i would dearly love to be able to say "let's talk about that over coffee next tuesday" but unfortunately i am very rarely approached by anyone remotely close by even more rarely by anyone in my state. You all have given me some sound advice and i am thankful for all of you.

Kalira -> RE: Tell Me About Yourself (10/23/2006 7:35:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened As always, i appreciate the comments and suggestions. i would dearly love to be able to say "let's talk about that over coffee next tuesday" but unfortunately i am very rarely approached by anyone remotely close by even more rarely by anyone in my state. You all have given me some sound advice and i am thankful for all of you. So? Take a road trip [8D] Or have him/her take a road trip lol. Turn it into an adventure with a possible friend. The one I am with now, he im'ed me about something that I had said on another board, that same day, he had my phone number. Two days later, he drove here to meet me. That was 7 months ago. /shrug Nothing is insurmountable if you both desire it badly enough.

adaddysgirl -> RE: Tell Me About Yourself (10/23/2006 7:53:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened Dear Sirs: When a conversation, either online or on the phone starts out with the Dom asking me "So... Tell me about yourself." i freeze. The question is so vague and of course my sense of humor so twisted that my first thought is from the classic Steve Martin movie "The Jerk" and i want to say "i was born a poor black child....." i have thought to actually write down a "script" of interesting things to say "about myself" and i've tried to recite certain things but it seems awkward and contrived. So my question is this: What kinds of things does the prospective Dom want to know when He says "Tell me about yourself." ? Do You want to know the basics (i would think by the phone call stage He'd know those) of where i live, my age, sex, location, what i do for a living, what my kinks are? Is there some other way to recite "something about myself" without sounding like i'm doing an oral report for a class i'm taking? Should i have some highlights of my life and my BDSM experiences prepared ahead of time? Any thoughts or opinions will be appreciated. Thank You. eyesopened, my profile is about 5 pages long....lol. When someone writes and says "So tell me about yourself"...first i freeze.....then i just shake my head. i mean, i do welcome specific questions....about anything really. But the 'tell me about yourself' when i've already written a novelette for a profile (lol) just does not make sense to me. What it is they really want to know? [sm=confused.gif] DG

afeathr -> RE: Tell Me About Yourself (10/23/2006 9:23:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened Dear Sirs: When a conversation, either online or on the phone starts out with the Dom asking me "So... Tell me about yourself." i freeze. The question is so vague and of course my sense of humor so twisted that my first thought is from the classic Steve Martin movie "The Jerk" and i want to say "i was born a poor black child....." i have thought to actually write down a "script" of interesting things to say "about myself" and i've tried to recite certain things but it seems awkward and contrived. So my question is this: What kinds of things does the prospective Dom want to know when He says "Tell me about yourself." ? Do You want to know the basics (i would think by the phone call stage He'd know those) of where i live, my age, sex, location, what i do for a living, what my kinks are? Is there some other way to recite "something about myself" without sounding like i'm doing an oral report for a class i'm taking? Should i have some highlights of my life and my BDSM experiences prepared ahead of time? Any thoughts or opinions will be appreciated. Thank You. It's so funny that you bring this up. Sir and I were "interviewing" a 3rd for a get-together coming up and He used that line... "So, tell me about yourself." I just looked at him, because I know that she was spitting and sputtering on the other side trying to put something together to tell him. After a couple of minutes, the phone comes my way and we start up a conversation... no problem. I think that sometimes people - men especially - will use this line to try to find a connection with the other person when little other contact has come about. The best thing to do, in my opinion, is give general stats (at first) then see where it goes from there. Talk about who you are, what you do and your role in the "lifestyle" and see how the other person responds. Or... come up with something humorous and see how they respond... as jeffman1234 said, "If he gets it you have a connection."

Ava82 -> RE: Tell Me About Yourself (10/23/2006 9:24:53 PM)
I hate that question. It says to me, "too lazy to think of something specific to ask," "maybe she'll say something about sex", and "if I let her talk for a while, I bet she'll start to trust me!" The best Doms I have worked with have always asked specific, pointed questions in getting to know me, and I would elaborate on them as I saw fit. We had plenty of long, fruitful conversations that way.

HarryVanWinkle -> RE: Tell Me About Yourself (10/23/2006 9:50:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jeffman1234 Say "I was born a poor black child" If he gets it you have a connection. I have actually used that line to answer the question. Worked out well. Although actually, I said, "I was raised a poor, black, sharecropper's son who never new he was adopted.

adaddysgirl -> RE: Tell Me About Yourself (10/23/2006 10:36:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ava82 I hate that question. It says to me, "too lazy to think of something specific to ask," "maybe she'll say something about sex", and "if I let her talk for a while, I bet she'll start to trust me!" The best Doms I have worked with have always asked specific, pointed questions in getting to know me, and I would elaborate on them as I saw fit. We had plenty of long, fruitful conversations that way. OMG....do not make me laugh! [sm=lol.gif][sm=lol.gif][sm=lol.gif] That is exactly what i have thought at times! And same as you, the best i have connected with were able to ask specific questions....and elaborate on them so that a decent conversation ensued. How about this one...when the guys says "ask me any questions you want". Well, i am inquisitive and can ask a lot of questions...but when the answers are one liners, with no apparent ongoing responses....how much can you do? Question: So what type of work do you do? Answer: i work with computers (period) Question: So what do you do with them? Answer: i reprogram them (period) Pause.... Question: So how many kids do you have? Answer: 3 (period) Question: Boys? Girls? Answer: Two boys, one girl (period) Pause..... WTF!!! lol A meaningful conversation has to go 2 ways. If someone contacts me, i really hope he can contribute more to a conversation than the above. Anyhoo...thanks for the laugh Ava [:D] DG

gypsygrl -> RE: Tell Me About Yourself (10/24/2006 3:09:45 AM)
You are so right about that kind of conversation, adaddysgirl. So often, I'm at a loss for what to do when someone mails me because I don't see where to take the conversation and it never builds any energy or momentum. In general, I'm more likely to respond to mails in which the Dominant asks some specific questions also. Or, he tells me something about himself, then asks a more general, "how about you," kind of question. I usually answer in a way that takes off from what he told me. For example, if he tells me about his experience I tell him mine, if he tells me about his day to day life, my answers focus on my day to day life. The way I see it, even at this early stage of communication, one important question is how does his supposed ability to dominate manifest itself? Can he guide and direct a conversation while at the same time making me feel like a full participant? Or am I at a loss as to what he wants or expects? Or, and this is just as bad, if not worse, do I feel uneccessary to the conversation, like I'm just a potential object for his desire to dominate?

Manawyddan -> RE: Tell Me About Yourself (10/24/2006 5:02:46 AM)
Ava82 had it right on the money, I think. It's a conversational tactic used by someone who has nothing to say or is just being lazy, and is going to allow the other person to fill in the void. I have received several e-mails from women who just say 'hi' as well. I usually ignore them. One woman wrote me something like, 'good morning' and seeing she was semi-local, I responded 'good morning to you, you're up early' (it was about 5:AM). She didn't respond, I wonder what she was waiting for? Maybe I should have said 'Tell me about yourself' or 'Kneel, bitch'?

Noah -> RE: Tell Me About Yourself (10/24/2006 6:22:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth Noah, Not a phobia, its a matter of focus on a goal. If I want to buy something without personal contact your reference to Ebay and the like is appropriate. We enjoy face to face contact. I don't want any of my inherent skepticism getting in the way of trusting that a person is who/what they say they are. It's been my experience, requiring a meeting either makes the person disappear or ends up being regarded as a friend. I want to get that out of the way as soon as possible before applying any misdirected trust. If the goal is to have a personal, someday physical relationship with an individual you'll glean very little you can rely on via the internet. If its a goal to make pen pals or live a fantasy the internet is a very good conduit for exchanging banter. People agreeing with the same goals should enjoy the process. The OP wasn't indicating what goal she had but I never respond to a post without checking the profile of the poster. In this case her profile said she was; "Interested in meeting in real-life only." I gave her the response to make that a reality. You never miss an opportunity for a legitimate person to person relationship by asking for a meeting quickly. You DO miss out on wasting time IM'ing and messaging back and forth to someone locked in another relationship or a bored college student. Seeking a relationship, get off the internet correspondence ASAP. Seeking anything else, type away and enjoy. No phobia Noah, just pragmatism. The phobia would be rationalizing why you didn't want to meet with a relationship as your goal. Thanks for a really nice response. Maybe the difference in our views toward this subject has a lot to do with your having more of a goal-oriented view of things than I do. I don't think one is better than the other. We each proceed according to our preference. I happen to disagree with this part: "If the goal is to have a personal, someday physical relationship with an individual you'll glean very little you can rely on via the internet." ... insofar as there have been a number of times when I met and interacted very intimately immediately with people who I got to know, and trust, over the internet. That may or may not have been a "goal" in any particular case. In some cases it was; in others it just worked out in that direction. And it wasn't what I would call "play." It was meaningful and important for both parties in each case. Since I don't generally go into an interaction with a goal of eventually meeting the person I don't count any waste if I have some enjoyable conversation with a person, discover that we don't have all that much to talk about and soon go our separate ways. Kind of like Sinergy said, I think, I'm in it for what what I end up finding in it--come what may. Maybe it is like the difference between exploring and searching, which look very similar to the casual observer but which can have important differences although each is a worthy enterprise. If you choose to use this medium as a more specific sort of tool, specifically for meeting people, then that is cool. You two are obviously people who know how to enjoy life along the way. Please don't think that I am casting any aspersions in the way I try to describe what I see as the differences in how we choose to employ online conversations. I was a little confused by this bit: quote: The phobia would be rationalizing why you didn't want to meet with a relationship as your goal. Did you mean that deep down, everyone's every interaction here is founded on an intention to meet and have a relationship? That any claim to the contrary is rationalizing? Or were you talking more specifically out of (what I guess is) your own view that for you it is all about meeting and you would be rationalizing if you talked about it any other way? Or did I miss your meaning altogether? Thanks again for a really nice response.

Noah -> RE: Tell Me About Yourself (10/24/2006 6:27:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave My point Noah was that sometimes they dont even wait to find out if I am even interested in wanting to get to know them. They just automatically assume that because I am a submissive female and they are a dominant male that I must want to tell them about myself and to be with them. What is wrong with a simple hello..would you like to read my profile and see if you are interested? Or.. hello, I read your profile and thought ">>>>" was interesting.. would you like to chat.. Well thanks for clearing that up for me. If a question like that comes before "Hello", well, it might work for some people but my response would probably be pretty close to yours. I had faultily assumed that it wasn't literally the greeting, so to speak, but just an early conversational gambit after some basis of conversation had been established. I apologize for assuming too much.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Tell Me About Yourself (10/24/2006 6:57:29 AM)
quote: I was a little confused by this bit: quote: The phobia would be rationalizing why you didn't want to meet with a relationship as your goal. Did you mean that deep down, everyone's every interaction here is founded on an intention to meet and have a relationship? That any claim to the contrary is rationalizing? Or were you talking more specifically out of (what I guess is) your own view that for you it is all about meeting and you would be rationalizing if you talked about it any other way? Or did I miss your meaning altogether? Noah, The phobia I was referring to is the fear of meeting. Many people, even those who say it is their goal to have a person to person relationship, get gun shy when the opportunity to meet is put in front of them. It is one thing to say on CM that you want to meet someone who has the potential of doing all the things discussed on this site. It's quite another to actually go through with it, especially the first time. I think that phobia is very legitimate and one that most people, if they are honest with themselves, experience on some level. It's reasonable to fear the unknown. There should be no force involved in the meeting process, but there shouldn't be any enabling either. Playing mutual web-cam masturbation games on-line doesn't help the "getting to know you" process. It's counter to the goal of meeting. Play all you want once you meet and find yourself compatible with each other. Finding yourself a partner isn't easy. Its not work, but it takes effort. Again, if your goal is to be pen pals, or internet friends, or to be an on-line 'master'/'slave'; ENJOY! The problem arises only when one of the partners seeks person to person, and the other leads them on continuing to promise meeting, but in reality never intending to do so. The only way to avoid the problem is not participate any longer in the on-line process than it takes to develop trust to meet the person in person. I always gave the process two weeks, a time not etched in stone or absolute for the 'community' but reasonable considering my philosophy of full personal disclosure and my goal of desiring to touch the body as well as the mind of the person on the other end of the computer.

MzTlaz -> RE: Tell Me About Yourself (10/24/2006 6:57:55 AM)
Interesting question. As CD said the asking about a person gives the inquirer a lot of info to use in mind play, if you know what you're doing but it can go both ways. I've had Doms stick their fingers into my brain and wiggle them around in an effort to Dominate but I always know what they're trying to do and give them just the info I want them to have and then sit back and enjoy watching them try to use it. But, hey, I'm a Domme! (joking here because I know plenty of submissives who do the same thing) I'm with Mercnbeth on this one....the internet is just a tool to meet a person face to face...be it in an elevator at Folsom Fringe when you recognise someone's picture, which is how I met Mercnbeth, or at a meeting you set up where the person actually shows up! I hate wasting my time with people who are just playing online and the only way I can find out if they are real is by meeting them, preferably at a munch or a dungeon club I frequent because part of being 'real' for me is the person is actually 'in' the Lifestyle. Can you meet people in real life who lie...hell yeah! I think I've met the biggest liar in the scene and as distance was an issue, real time was only once a month, it took a while for me to confirm all the alarm signals that were going off....lots of benefit of the doubt. Had we lived closer he would probably not have lasted more than a few weeks because I would have been able to confirm my doubts. And you know what....I hate that kind of deception just as much as the online type (which he does on here all the time!) The sharing of information, things that can actually be validated, is important for any kind of real, lasting relationship and the people who hold back on that probably have a reason to do so. Trust takes time and effort on both sides, so if you want something more than an online fantasy remember one thing "people with nothing to hide, hide nothing".

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