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ProtagonistLily -> RE: What are the differences between someone who calls themselve a bottom, a submissive and a slave? (1/29/2005 1:30:14 PM)
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quote:
hi i was just curious to hear other peoples' definitions about what are the differences between someone who calls themselve a bottom, a submissive and a slave
Obviously, your milage may vary on this.
I think these are at best 'self definers'. I try not to box myself into any one or another. From the flipside, you could ask What's the difference between a Top, a Domme and a Mistress, and get lots of opinions as well.
I'm a woman, who enjoys playing with other people, regardless of gender. Depending on my relationship to that other person, I can self define as one or more of the lables on either side of the power spectrum.
I will answer as the DOER (however, I have also been the do-ee).
I consider myself a Top if I am playing with someone, who has submitted to me for a specific amount of time, but does not have a BDSM relationship with me that is more. We could have a friendship outside the 'play' relationship, but once they submit to my will in the scene, I define myself as a Top. The verb form of this could be. "I Topped so-and-so and it was great fun."
I consider myself a Domme if I am playing with someone, who has submitted to me for a specific amount of time, but someone that I am considering in a broader context of BDSM. Is this someone I feel connection to outside of an actual scene? Is this someone I'm interested in beyond the occasional scene? Is there a relationship that is more than friendship and could become a more permanant D/s thing? If this is the case, I define myself as a Domme. The verb form of this could be, "So and so and I played last night, and I'm considering becoming their Domme." This certainly could also mean I have more than one person I play with under the same context.
I consider myself a Mistress if I am playing with someone, who has submitted to me for a specific amount of time, but is also someone that I am bound to in a broader context of BDSM with respect to ownership. This is someone who I've developed a relationship beyond the level of Top and Domme, and is in my collar. The verb form of this could be "I own person X, I am their Mistress."
To me, all of these terms, (an conversely on the 'submissive end of the spectrum) are dependant on the relationship I have with a particular person at any given time.
So if I were on the other side of the play scenerios, I would see my most casual play relationships and define myself in them as a bottom, as in I bottomed to so and so Top last night and it rocked. If I was consistantly bottoming to a particular Dominant that I had developed some kind of relationship with in a broader context of BDSM, I may consider myself one of their submissives, and certainly feel an amount of deference to that person. This next part gets tricky with me (lol) because even if I am in a collar, and I refer to the dominant partner as Master (or Mistress) I would rarely define myself as their slave, but I would continue to identify as submissive.
I hope this is helpful.
Lily
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