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RE: Risk: Benefits VS Consequences & Fear - 10/26/2006 5:51:30 PM   
Lady Alaria


Posts: 160
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline 		Hmm,
Going to agree with Noah here on a few points. Sometimes fear does seem to add some spice to an idea, and actually tip the scales in favor of doing that which I fear. Both for the sake of the rush(fear is soooo sexy) and for the sake of facing the fear itself. And I agree that it's often hard to be absolutely certain why one has chosen anything. Much of what goes on in the psyche is undocumented.

I'm going to add that there are a number of times when I have seen, and been 'fairly' certain, that fear, and unreasonable fear at that, has caused me to do, or not do something. I think this is fairly normal. I've got my own issues, working through them, a bit at a time.

I actually came to this thread due to a suggestion by bita, based on a comment in another thread. It has to do with a fear that springs from my own investigations into the realm of bdsm. Being that I'm fairly new, and only recently comfortable wearing the Domme hat, I haven't really fully explored the limits of what I'd be willing to do in that regard(I'm fairly aware of my limits if I sub). I'm finding a sadistic streak in me a mile wide, and being a bit thrilled by it(there are people that actually _want_ me to be? nifty), but also a bit scared.

On close inspection, while daydreaming about a house full of slaves ( ), I noted something which bothered me. I seem to have a fairly deep river of rage beneath it all, that seems to feed off and fuel, my sadism. So I find myself a bit frightened at the prospect of playing to deeply with my sadism now. I trust myself, in most context. I am a very gentle, fairly polite, and genuinely caring individual. I haven't been in a fight in my adult lifetime. I just find myself wondering about this underlying, feral, almost predatory rage. And what would happen if it ever got out of control, with a bound victim who had truely angered me.

The worry doesn't strike me in scenes. In fact, it's only fluttered by my mind a couple times. But a thread on punishment brought it to the foreground in my head.

I'm wondering, has any other dom/me here felt a similar fear? How did you deal with it?

If admitting to such a thing in front of your sub will bother/terrify them, feel free to just message me.

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Risk: Benefits VS Consequences & Fear - 10/26/2006 11:55:51 PM   
Vargus


Posts: 24
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline 		   Has fear ever stopped me from doing something? Yes sometimes it has. But I view fear , as sometimes being a good thing. It's a tool to be used. Fear is telling you to stop pay attention think about what you're doing. If you can rationalize it away fine, but if you can't fear is is likely telling you there is a lesson you must learn before you can move on. Sometimes the lesson is that you have to do something different, learn a new approach. Sometimes fear is telling you that this is something you're never going to be comfortable with so don't do it.
   Now sometimes there are legitimate reasons to be afraid, but sometimes fears aren't logical or rational, there all in your head and you have to fight to get past them. You can't let fear control your life or you're not going to have much of a life. Over coming fears often isn't easy and sometimes you can't do it yourself and will need the encouragement and help from your partner and if they can't help, seek professional help. The sence of accomplishment you gain from over coming a fear that is blocking your growth is always worth it.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Risk: Benefits VS Consequences & Fear - 10/27/2006 9:12:38 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Great post Vargus.

(in reply to Vargus)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Risk: Benefits VS Consequences & Fear - 10/27/2006 9:28:00 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lady Alaria


On close inspection, while daydreaming about a house full of slaves ( ), I noted something which bothered me. I seem to have a fairly deep river of rage beneath it all, that seems to feed off and fuel, my sadism. So I find myself a bit frightened at the prospect of playing to deeply with my sadism now. I trust myself, in most context. I am a very gentle, fairly polite, and genuinely caring individual. I haven't been in a fight in my adult lifetime. I just find myself wondering about this underlying, feral, almost predatory rage. And what would happen if it ever got out of control, with a bound victim who had truely angered me.

The worry doesn't strike me in scenes. In fact, it's only fluttered by my mind a couple times. But a thread on punishment brought it to the foreground in my head.

I'm wondering, has any other dom/me here felt a similar fear? How did you deal with it?

If admitting to such a thing in front of your sub will bother/terrify them, feel free to just message me.


Himself and I have discussed this issue many, many times, Lady Alaria and he does have concerns about some of that darkness coming out and slipping past his control, especially during particularly intense S/m scenes.

Part of what helps him during those very primal times, is the knowledge that "I" love them so much as well, but he does hold back from letting that inner Beast come completely out because he's afraid of not containing it. Essentially, he doesn't 'ever' get to let go completely because of that fear and he has only his own control to keep it just below the red-line. I know that's tough for him, too, because the more primal we get, the more primal we both want to get during scenes so it feeds on itself and builds up to the point where he really needs to take a step back, regroup, take a breath and let that blood rage calm down before continuing.

All that said, Himself would not even begin to engage in any sort of S/m when he's angry, even if his anger isn't directed at me. It's akin to taking a blow torch into a dynamite factory. As long as you don't light it up, you're probably going to be fairly safe, but if you take the chance on sparking it when you are walking amongst the fuel, then things can go out of control whether you want them to or not.

Thank you and thanks to everyone else for contributing to this thread. I've truly enjoyed it.

I'm going to ask himself to take a view at your post. I don't know if he will or if he'll respond, because I think I've captured pretty well what we spoke of already. But I might have missed something he said and if so, I'm pretty sure he'll correct me if I've misunderstood him.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Lady Alaria)
Profile   Post #: 24
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