Territorial? (Full Version)

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subartist4dom -> Territorial? (10/25/2006 1:48:16 PM)

This is an issue that came up rather recently here between master and me.  He had brought a slave over to play with and needless to say the slave was crying shortly after.  Master took her home apoligizing, but the slave refuses to accept his apology for my actions.  Nor will I apologize since I see no reason to.  Here are somethings that came to light in the discussion.

1.  Since I myself am a slave, I wasn't taking lightly to having another slave doing the tasks that I do.  Dishes, cooking and above all the laundry are things that keep me busy since I am not one for watching TV. 

2.  There is a unmentionables around.  This presents a problem since I'll guard them.  I doubt any slave or person would feel very comfortable with someone watching them like they are dinner. 

3.  Thanks to the military and having to spend countless hours with females I've come to the point where I barely tolerate females.  Too many times dealing with the ones that lie, cheat, steal, and do many nasty things that any master would strangle them for.  I have rarely met one that (especially the ones master knows) aren't trying to sleep with master.  Pretty sad when females offer 100 bucks for a few hours.  So yes if you've guessed that I hate females, then give yourself a cookie.  Its in general though so once I know you better I might actually give you the time of day.

4.  Having Dakota and Coffee (wolf-dogs) around creates a very uncomfortable enviroment to alot of people.  Even master's parents will eye them wearily since they are rather large.  I'm sure the slave that was here feared them since they followed her every movement. 

5.  I don't trust people very easily after what my ex did.  No he was not into BDSM, but just plain abusive.  Which brings the fact that I trust master only and would only respond to him.  Another master, as many already have, would only find me to be rather rash and defiant. 

So master and I are wondering.  Is it territorialism or the Mama Bear effect?  Or both?  Master also wants to know if this has happened with others too. 



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Territorial? (10/25/2006 1:52:37 PM)

My intuition says: a fear of being replaced...and all the related stuff that comes along with that.

Master Fire



Silvermoon -> RE: Territorial? (10/25/2006 1:58:32 PM)

I think it's plain jealousy and underlying issues. There seems to be other issues about. Territorial behaviours are usually mixed with jealousy as well as a feeling that someone could not do something as well as yourself. The thing is...if you know and have your place, and you are comfortable within it, why feel threatened?

That being said, I personally, understand your feelings and even share some of them. However this entire thread speaks volumes of jealousy, which tends to be merely a symptom of underlying problems, which you yourself have admitted to.

Personally I think you SHOULD apologize, since it was not this girl's fault that she came into a house with it's own issues, and yet she was subjected to them. I think perhaps she was over-dramatic but, none the less those issues should have been dealt FAR before bringing in another girl, even temporarily...for that lack of judgment, yes you should apologize to her. Regardless of your defensiveness of jealousy (we all get it from time to time, that's not a dig)

This girl, was innocent of it all and like so many, she may hesitate or even avoid said subject again, unless you set things straight. Even if you felt you were not in the wrong, or did no action to require such behaviour from her, the truth is..she was still hurt. If nothing else you could apologize for hurting her, rather than 'how people acted'. HUGE difference.

However the entire thread generates a feeling of aggression and jealousy, even possessiveness of your Master.
Some Key points -

1) Your Master had to apologize for YOUR actions? which leads to
2) You don't feel the need to apologize. Obviously there was some reason/action which justifies an apology or he would not have offered it.
3) "I wasn't taking lightly to having a slave doing the tasks that I do" screams possessive.
4) Guarding unmentionables. Why do you feel you have to GUARD them??
5) Barely being able to tolerate females - Maybe giving the time of day - So prejudgment
6) Being especially aware/paranoid of the woman around your Master
7) Not being able to trust easily yet trusting your Master. Then trust his judgment and respect it enough to try and allow yourself to relax and get to know those whom he brings home.

Please do not take this as flaming, I mean it purely as a way to point out things that may be worked on to better your relationship and prevent further issues.

*removes her Shrink hat*
Silver



SlaveAkasha -> RE: Territorial? (10/25/2006 1:59:29 PM)

If your Master brought her into the home, I don't think it's right that you treated her in a bad way, which is something you sort of imply.  She didn't do anything to you, she was the one invited.  This is something you should keep between you and your Master, and not drag some unsuspecting soul into the middle of.
 
I don't much care for women either, I don't trust them.  That being said, Master and I have talked about it a lot, and he knows that to bring another slave in the home, would probably not be the best idea for her, or for myself. 
 
I can understand your issues, I have been stabbed in the back by many women "friends", but this girl didn't do anything to you, it was more what your Master did by causing the situation he knew you would not be good in.
 
I would hope he wouldn't put anyone in this position again, including himself or you.  It doesn't seem to be a benefit to either one of you, it seems more like it's causing undo stress on the relationship.
 
Masters Akasha



SirLordTrainer -> RE: Territorial? (10/25/2006 2:08:19 PM)

As long as your Master doesnt wish to explore the realm of Polyamorous D/s, then your safe!



Kalira -> RE: Territorial? (10/25/2006 2:15:18 PM)

quote:

1.  Since I myself am a slave, I wasn't taking lightly to having another slave doing the tasks that I do.  Dishes, cooking and above all the laundry are things that keep me busy since I am not one for watching TV. 

Hmm, darn, if another came in and wanted to help with the dishes, I would have jumped at the chance. I have to wonder WHY you were so set against her helping you.
quote:

2.  There is a unmentionables around.  This presents a problem since I'll guard them.  I doubt any slave or person would feel very comfortable with someone watching them like they are dinner. 

Again, I have to wonder why you would say this in the way that you have? Did she make a comment that caused you to not trust her with them?
quote:

  3.  Thanks to the military and having to spend countless hours with females I've come to the point where I barely tolerate females


Hmmm...this one here tells you everything YOU need to know about why this would never work with you.
quote:

  4.  Having Dakota and Coffee (wolf-dogs) around creates a very uncomfortable enviroment to alot of people.  Even master's parents will eye them wearily since they are rather large.  I'm sure the slave that was here feared them since they followed her every movement.

Out of just plain ole common courtesy, they should have been put somewhere so that she was not made to feel uncomfortable.
quote:

Master took her home apoligizing, but the slave refuses to accept his apology for my actions.  Nor will I apologize since I see no reason to


Personally, I fail to see why your master was the one apologizing. YOU should have been begging for forgiveness.

Sorry, but I see YOUR actions as not acceptable. From what you put here, you were were rude, insensitive, and uncaring of a GUEST in your  own home.



TxAllieGrl -> RE: Territorial? (10/25/2006 2:24:29 PM)

I agree with Silver - I sense deeper issues in the relationship that weren't worked out prior to bringing another in.
 
And you can't blame another for your own poor actions. If you have all of these very strong feelings against other women, I find it surprising that bringing in another is even an option. (perhaps, it isn't?).
 



juliaoceania -> RE: Territorial? (10/25/2006 2:25:44 PM)

I think that you do not like women as you stated. It is how you feel, and I do not know where that originally stems from, but I would imagine that it is not going to change anytime soon. I would think it rather unfair to subject other women to you being that you do not like them. If not for your sake, for theirs, I would not bring other women around you for awhile until you can become more amenable to their company.

I do not want to share my Daddy, I am territorial to a certain degree, and it is very doubtful I could ever overcome this, but I love other women as sisters. I do not see them negatively, and I cannot imagine trying to live with other women if I did. I have a sister and a mother, lived with them just fine, and they have never stolen anything from me or lied more than anyone else I know.

I would think it is not about just jealousy, or territory, or being a mama bear, it sounds like open hostility to those who share your gender... Perhaps I misunderstood your OP though



charismagirrl -> RE: Territorial? (10/25/2006 2:34:53 PM)

i can relate to your feelings to some extent. In a past relationship i was very territorial and jealous.

i can 100% understand you not wanting someone else to do your tasks. It would make me feel angry and like she was trying to infilrate(sp?) my personal space i also understand, in myself, that these are feelings i need to get/keep a handle on.

i can also understand that you have reasons to be leary of chicks, so many will smile in your face and stab you in the back. BUT, it doesn't mean you have to become best friends with them instantly and before they've had ample time to prove themselves worthy of any trust you may want to impart.

What it could mean, and what i tend to do, is keep them at arms length and watch things and assess them. i give them a chance but don't allow them close enough for that chance to wind up biting me in the ass.

Around your unmentionables i totally can understand the Mama Bear tendency but was she doing anything out of line? Or attempting to be nice? Personally, around my unmentionable, i have to really know someone (M/m or F/f) before i will allow that persosn to come around them.

So while i can completely relate to your feelings the way you ACT upon them makes a difference. i've acted inappropriately in the past and try/ied to keep my issues under control. It's an ongoing process. Also, i've always been "big enough" to apologize to someone i've offended with my tude or behavior and then attempt to do the"right thing".

Sooo maybe, you owe the girl an apology (i can't tell from your post how badly you acted toward her if at all). i also think your Master may owe her an apology since he brought her in to the possibly "volatile" situation ( only speaking from my experience-not sure if yours is actually volatile)... And dare i say, maybe the two of you owe eachother apologies and a good long talk to prevent this from happeneing again.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Territorial? (10/25/2006 2:36:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
My intuition says: a fear of being replaced...and all the related stuff that comes along with that.

Master Fire

I'd agree with this, but want to know exactly what happened?  What expectations had been established on all sides?  It sounds like you had no intention of welcoming her into your house, certainly not as one of his other slaves.  Did she know this beforehand? 



KatyLied -> RE: Territorial? (10/25/2006 2:38:39 PM)

It sounds like you have an issue with trust.  And jealousy.  And territory.  



swtnsparkling -> RE: Territorial? (10/25/2006 3:08:38 PM)

 
She did not barge in- she was asked then treated poorly
You were  rude and owe her an apology



Areflectionofyou -> RE: Territorial? (10/25/2006 3:39:26 PM)

Id say even if you don't wish her back, it was your Masters decision to bring her into the home...Your Owner and this other female deserve apologies.



SweetDommes -> RE: Territorial? (10/25/2006 3:41:36 PM)

Honestly, from what I gather (which is, admittedly, rather vague) - you owe her and your master a huge appology.

If he brought in another female, it was his decision to do so and you were wrong to treat someone badly who was invited into your home.  If he did so knowing that you would be rude and obnoxious, then he is also at fault and it's good that he appologised to her already.  If he did so without knowing how you would behave, then you are again at fault here.  A lack of communication on your part (to him) is not his fault or hers.

Perhaps he did this to try and get you to relax towards women ... showing you that they aren't all evil/mean/nasty/lying/whatever ... but honestly - if this is how you act towards women, then you get back whatever you deserve.  Remember, treat others as you want to be treated ... if you want to be treated kindly and with respect, then do so to others - Karma does work, you know.



MistressDiane -> RE: Territorial? (10/25/2006 3:59:49 PM)

How embarrassed your Master must have been.......



deadlylover -> RE: Territorial? (10/25/2006 4:10:58 PM)

I agree with LuckyAlbatrose. I want to hear more before anything is said. Examples of why such behaviours were made towards the other woman.



Argentopal -> RE: Territorial? (10/25/2006 4:17:33 PM)

I am curious about :
she came to play ..... but was also doing the dishes, cooking, doing laundry ... ?  was this a weekend, something with the hopes of being long term?  If you have an unmentionable how was this new person threatening to them?  I would think this issue would be one you and your master would at least discuss ahead of time. Was he at all aware of your feelings toward other females?  Is he trying to help get you past some of those feelings?  With the few details you give I would be on the same wavelength as many others and say yes, you were absolutely wrong in the way you treated her, you owe both the lady and your master a huge and sincere apology.  If you are not sorry for the way you acted you should at least be sorry for the hurt feelings you caused and the embarassment you caused your master.
MsOpal



Devilslilsister -> RE: Territorial? (10/25/2006 4:22:53 PM)

i want to hear more before i say anything as well.  What excatly did she do to the other girl to send her home in tears?



Morrigel -> RE: Territorial? (10/25/2006 4:58:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subartist4dom

So master and I are wondering.  Is it territorialism or the Mama Bear effect?  Or both?  Master also wants to know if this has happened with others too. 


A wolf never allows any other bitch to sleep with her mate, regardless of whether she shows him her throat.  Nor will she show her throat to any other male.

Sounds like totemistic behavior to me.  Probably not something that can be changed.

--M



DOM33416 -> RE: Territorial? (10/25/2006 5:01:02 PM)

I agree with Mistress Diana , that would be an embarrassment to most any Master.



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