Any ideas. . .

Any ideas. . . (Full Version)

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kahlaan04 -> Any ideas. . . (10/25/2006 9:50:35 PM)
I've tried on many occasions to train my submissive husband but every time it ends where we began. At first i can tell he is trying, but after a couple of days it starts to become more of when he wants attention and when he doesn't. I am not sure how to approach this issue, being that I came into our relationship not knowing anything about S&M. I admit that in the past that I never tried to learn more about S&M except from him, but I've realized to be a good Mistress I need to expand my knowledge. I also have realized I have no self-confidence, which I am currently working on. With out self-confidence I don't perform as well as I could. If anyone have any ideas on training him, and my self-confidence please post so.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Any ideas. . . (10/25/2006 9:53:54 PM)
Until you have your self confidence well in hand, dont even consider training him. Concentrate on you first, and know that once you are sure of yourself, he wil fall easier in hand, However, attempting to train him before that, and all his failures wil shake what little confidence you already have. Eventually, you will be able to put your foot down, and say "I am in charge here, and you WILL behave" and that wil be that. Hope that little bit helps. DV

paCDponygirl -> RE: Any ideas. . . (10/26/2006 4:20:26 AM)
Two words: Chastity Belt. Try a cb 3000 or The Curve. Its amazing what not being able to orgasm will do for keeping a man in line. lauren

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Any ideas. . . (10/26/2006 9:04:36 AM)
It sounds more like you have some self-development to do (as we ALL do) rather than a real need to worry about what he'd doing or not doing. I call this dealing with "your stuff" rather than worrying about changing him. If he's not doing what you want him to do simply because he feels drawn to do it, he's not a match for you. He might be a good play partner, but it doesn't sound like he's offering the level of devotion that you want. Expecting him to change that behavior is unfair and unlikely to happen; change is hard. Also, changing for someone else's approval can lead to them relying on outward approval for their own sense of self-worth. Master Fire

thetammyjo -> RE: Any ideas. . . (10/26/2006 10:32:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kahlaan04 I've tried on many occasions to train my submissive husband but every time it ends where we began. At first i can tell he is trying, but after a couple of days it starts to become more of when he wants attention and when he doesn't. I am not sure how to approach this issue, being that I came into our relationship not knowing anything about S&M. I admit that in the past that I never tried to learn more about S&M except from him, but I've realized to be a good Mistress I need to expand my knowledge. I also have realized I have no self-confidence, which I am currently working on. With out self-confidence I don't perform as well as I could. If anyone have any ideas on training him, and my self-confidence please post so. I agree with DiurnalVampire but I'm going to be a bit more blunt in my wording. How can you train someone to be the type of submissive or slave you want until you know what that is? Frankly new dominants (and I consider that to be anyone doing this for less than 2-3 years) need to focus on themselves. Learn all they can, get some experience in a variety of activities, do a lot of thinking and reflection, and then start to figure out what types of service and behavior is desired AND possible. The next few years you do things by trial and error. Try one way of showing someone what you want, see how that works, see if that is really possible and desireable to you. Try another way of doing things and another way. Think about it this way: You can't teach something until you yourself have a good grasp of it and have tried it out time and again. You can and should always be learning yourself but you have to be on firm ground before you can train or mentor another.

MisPandora -> RE: Any ideas. . . (10/26/2006 3:26:14 PM)
I have to agree with the ladies here. You're not going to be effective until you master your own issues and insecurities. We all have them, but it's a matter of how you manage them! Once you get your confidence in check, THEN is the time to set out on a course to learn about BDSM, perhaps attending some munches or classes in your area. I'd say do it on your own, without him. Then, when you come home, it's going to be completely fresh and out of the blue and truly unexpected to him.

TheShadows -> RE: Any ideas. . . (10/26/2006 11:07:58 PM)
I agree with the Ladies on dealing with your issues first, then going back to the drawing board. BUT...I think that some of the spotlight belongs on the sub. In reality, we really can't MAKE anyone do what we want them to do, short of putting a gun to their head. He has to be willing to participate in his own training, which it doesn't really sound like he's into it. My point is, there are two of you in this exchange, and it sounds to me like you're not the only one with a few shortcomings. As always, YMMV... MrsShadows

LadyAlexa -> RE: Any ideas. . . (10/29/2006 6:07:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kahlaan04 I've tried on many occasions to train my submissive husband but every time it ends where we began. At first i can tell he is trying, but after a couple of days it starts to become more of when he wants attention and when he doesn't. I am not sure how to approach this issue, being that I came into our relationship not knowing anything about S&M. I admit that in the past that I never tried to learn more about S&M except from him, but I've realized to be a good Mistress I need to expand my knowledge. I also have realized I have no self-confidence, which I am currently working on. With out self-confidence I don't perform as well as I could. If anyone have any ideas on training him, and my self-confidence please post so. There have been some great posts so far so I won't state what has already been stated about taking care of yourself first. I wondered about your relationship from the beginning: you didn't know much about S/M before the marriage? your husband was submissive or stated he was before or after? was he in any way dominant before the marriage? Work on building your self confidence first, yes. But also I wonder what type of training you are trying to do? Baby steps are always good with marrieds. Sit down and discuss with your husband certain 'rules' such as he must pick up his clothes and place them in a hamper; he must clear the dishes/wash/place them in dishwasher. Don't give him too much at once. When he does these, praise him. It's kind of like training a puppy LOL. When he doesn't do it, swat his rear or nose, whatever and say bad boy. Baby steps. When you are more confident, you can add things to your list. It might help to make a notebook with various listings of chores and directions to get them done. Just start writing and editing your thoughts as you go along and soon enough you'll have a book just for your husband to know how to please, serve, obey, and please you. good luck.

sissifytoserve -> RE: Any ideas. . . (10/29/2006 6:18:54 PM)
Get the book "Screw the roses..send me the thorns" Wonderful manual. Self confidence comes with time and experience as well as an exercise of your strenghths and weaknesses. Its good to see your husband is patient with you. best wishes

kahlaan04 -> RE: Any ideas. . . (10/29/2006 7:25:57 PM)
I have known my husband for 4 years. We met online on Ever Quest, I had a char named Dominatrixa, a friend named her. He started to talk to me because of my name so I knew about him being submissive since the day we met. We have almost been married for 2, and have a 2 month old baby togather. We have a great realationship. Oh, and I have that book, "Screw the Roses, Bring the Thorns" and I have been reading, doing as much as I can to learn more.

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