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Deployment to Iraq... - 10/26/2006 3:16:13 PM   
damia


Posts: 190
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		Please bear with me as i give background to the question:

i have been friends with this one Dom for a bit now (talking months, not years) Because He's in the middle of North Carolina and i'm in Northern Virginia, we've only hung out in person a few times, and after hanging out this last weekend, we've decided to take our relationship beyond friendship. He's not my Master yet, as we are taking it nice and slow to make sure we do things right, but i can see it happening in the future. This could possibly be 'the one' Master for me.
Here's the thing, though. i've been in a long-distance relationship (without seeing the person face-to-face at all) before, and it worked for a year, but then it kinda fell apart, and since that one, i have all but sworn to myself that i would not enter another such relationship. It's not so bad with Him being in NC and me in VA, because we do see each other sometimes, but He has been told that in not too long He will be deployed to Iraq for a year, at the least. There's still some time before He is deployed, but it is closing in fast.

So, i was hoping to get ideas from other subs and Doms on  how to plan for His deployment, and what we can do while He is in Iraq to keep the relationship going strong. We will keep in touch via e-mail and snail mail as much as possible, but there will inevitably be times when neither is possible. What to do then? i am a Navy brat, so i know and understand the military way of life, but am nervous about a long-distance relationship that seems so much like the last one.

Thank you for taking the time to read my thread.

Damia the Kat

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RE: Deployment to Iraq... - 10/26/2006 4:21:03 PM   
Rumtiger


Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline 		You swore not to do something in the first place, and youve done it again. His deployment is irrelevant. On your case you should do exctly what you planned to do, take it slow, not act like you've become commited already.

He needs to understand the status of the relationship as well. Alot happens in a year for the people still stateside.

_____________________________

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(in reply to damia)
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RE: Deployment to Iraq... - 10/26/2006 5:01:01 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		There are alot of conflicting statements in your post.  You're just starting out, and taking things slowly, but "this might be the one".  That's not going slowly.  You're getting ahead of yourself.   Why make a commitment when he's going abroad for at least a year's deployment?  And why commit to ANY relationship when you're admittedly brand new and just starting to explore?  Why not explore and see what's going on out there in the SM/fetish world with friends, gain experiences, and then figure out what you want for a relationship?

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to damia)
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RE: Deployment to Iraq... - 10/26/2006 6:40:23 PM   
littlespike


Posts: 80
Joined: 5/21/2005
From: Austin
Status: offline 		Hi damina:

Try the pots or plain old fashioned telephone.  Before i retired from the USN; the tele was the perferred way for couples to stay in touch when deployed.  The military has lots of dedicated communications lines which when not in offical use can be used to help the morale of the warfighters.  The comminications lines are there whether used or not. So plzzz make some use of them.

Your friend can use the military phone system (DSN) to call the local Naval station there in the Norfolk area.  Then he is forwarded, by the base operator, to the local AT&T operator.  So you both can talk as long as you would like for a fairly reasonable price.  Actually nearly the price of a local phone call.  Uncle Sam pays for the bulk of the distance.  Since the communications lines are not being used for offical stuff they are made available to people for "morale calls"....

i hope this helps a little.  i understand the strain that being deployed makes on a relationship. 

littlespike

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(in reply to damia)
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RE: Deployment to Iraq... - 10/26/2006 8:10:00 PM   
damia


Posts: 190
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks for the great advice so far. You're right, MisPandora...i am trying to move too fast, after taking it slow. i'll try to slow my thinking back down. i shouldn't get so far ahead of myself.

To littlespike: i didn't know about the DSN! Is this something newer? i am a Navy brat, and i never heard of it being used by my parents. Can it work both ways? Even if it can't be, that's a great thing that i didn't know about. Thank you!

As far as it being a long-distance relationship, i feel this one is worth keeping up. i have passed over other relationships that were long-distance because they didn't feel like they would work, but i think this one could work, enough so that i'm willing to give it a try, at least. The worst that could happen is that He and i would decide it's not working out and go back to being friends, which i would not mind in the least, since that's where we've been, and i already know Him as a great friend.

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RE: Deployment to Iraq... - 10/27/2006 9:14:21 AM   
stockingluvr54


Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		Not related to the OP's question but please thank him for his service.....

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RE: Deployment to Iraq... - 10/27/2006 11:02:11 AM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Screw the odds, if you think he is the one, what does it hurt to try? 

As for supporting him during deployment, send lots of letters, email, cookies, and any other sort of support you can think of.

Forget yourself, he is not going to be able to give you lots of attention, live with it.  If you can pour it out for him and not expect anything in return while he is over there, you will be among the top 5% of submissives out there.

I wish you luck and for him, tell him to keep his head down.

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Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Deployment to Iraq... - 10/27/2006 3:45:48 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Rather than try to have a D/s relationship long-distance and fretting and stressing out over it while he is fighting a war in Iraq, why not just be his supportive friend for the year that he's away?  Like the others said, write, phone when possible, email, IM or whatever's available, send packages, and don't make demands.  Let him be the soldier that he is without a major distraction on the other side of the world.  A year can go by pretty quickly, but if you make it stressful, it will drag out into an eternity.  Just think of what you can do for him for a year (without being oppressive!) and worry about the rest when he gets back.

It's only a year compared to the rest of your lives, and a lot can happen in a year's time.  To borrow a quote from the vanilla world, if it's meant to be, it will survive whatever tests it.  It will wait a year.

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RE: Deployment to Iraq... - 10/28/2006 8:33:13 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: damia

Thanks for the great advice so far. You're right, MisPandora...i am trying to move too fast, after taking it slow. i'll try to slow my thinking back down. i shouldn't get so far ahead of myself.

To littlespike: i didn't know about the DSN! Is this something newer? i am a Navy brat, and i never heard of it being used by my parents. Can it work both ways? Even if it can't be, that's a great thing that i didn't know about. Thank you!

As far as it being a long-distance relationship, i feel this one is worth keeping up. i have passed over other relationships that were long-distance because they didn't feel like they would work, but i think this one could work, enough so that i'm willing to give it a try, at least. The worst that could happen is that He and i would decide it's not working out and go back to being friends, which i would not mind in the least, since that's where we've been, and i already know Him as a great friend.


So be a supportive FRIEND during the time that he is away.  You'll have plenty of time to learn and grow.  Seek out his advice when he's able to give it as a mentor or guide.  And if it was meant to be, it will happen when he returns from his deployment.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Deployment to Iraq... - 10/28/2006 8:46:13 AM   
littlespike


Posts: 80
Joined: 5/21/2005
From: Austin
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: damia

To littlespike: Can it work both ways?


That is a new question.  Not really sure on an answer.

_____________________________



http://www.goddessselene.com/ -- My Mistress and best friend

http://www.homepage.bannerzzz.com/ - My homepage

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Deployment to Iraq... - 10/28/2006 1:08:55 PM   
dixicritter


Posts: 17
Joined: 1/31/2006
Status: offline 		This is something I have experience in...

My Daddy/Husband is in the Army.  He is currently on his second tour in Iraq.  I can tell you first hand that the soldier will have very little time to be a "Master" while he's over there.  However, that does not preclude the two of you being able to talk to each other, discuss your relationship, make plans for his return, etc.  The best thing you can do is be as supportive of him as you possibly can be.  Be there to listen to him when he's had a bad day, let him rant about how bad the food is in the mess hall, and things like that.  Also understand that he won't be able to tell you every little detail about what it is he's doing while he's over there.  Be understanding when he disappears off the instant messenger all of sudden due to internet or power outages, knowing he may not come back for days.

It's not a walk in the park, but it is doable on our end.  Yes I have the stability of knowing he's coming home to me since we're married, that is if someone doesn't shoot or blow him up first.  Very real fears that I live with on a daily basis.  Not trying to scare you, but you have to be prepared to handle that too.

I think it is great that you want to try and make things work with this man!  I wish you both all the best.  I hope I haven't scared you too badly, I just wanted you to hear some truth about how things are for someone on this side of the deployment.

(in reply to littlespike)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Deployment to Iraq... - 11/2/2006 10:44:33 AM   
damia


Posts: 190
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		i thank all for the great advice. i talked to Him, and He told me they just informed Him that He won't be deployed until between July and September of next year! Yay! So He and i will have at least nine months before His deployment to get to know each other. This make me feel a whole lot more confident in the relationship, because the "getting to know each other" process won't be long-distance. i feel that would have been the hardest part.

The deployment will still be an issue to discuss and talk about, especially if He and i continue this relationship long-term, but it is not as much of an issue at this moment.

damia the Kat

(in reply to dixicritter)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Deployment to Iraq... - 11/2/2006 6:25:44 PM   
dixicritter


Posts: 17
Joined: 1/31/2006
Status: offline 		That's good news.  Best of luck to you both! 

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Deployment to Iraq... - 11/3/2006 8:19:26 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I was a military wife and slave for many years. Contact can be limited sometimes. It is very hard to keep a substantiated relationship together let alone one that hasn't really started. It is very stressful for both. Email is a good way but their will be times when you can't understand what he is going through. Just have to listen and be there when he needs you. And a hello from NC. Good luck to you both.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

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RE: Deployment to Iraq... - 11/3/2006 9:21:24 PM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		How funny i have a friend out there in NC who also is getting deployed in Jan. Hmmm , i wonder if his orders got changed for later, too. lol
I'm so glad you are getting more time with him to explore what is there. :)

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Deployment to Iraq... - 11/3/2006 9:32:08 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear damia, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eye your "Master of consideration," knows what he needs to feel.  If he is an old hand at Iraq deployment, he'll know exactly what you can do to help him best.
 
Get ideas what you can send through military mail, as far as 'care packages' or birthday gifts or other celebrations.  Sometimes the out of the blue gifts are great.  If he doesn't know, perhaps his buddies do or somebody where he'll be going. 

Of course, you'll need a care package of your own.  Perhaps he can box up some things, to be opened at various stages, such as one a month.  Something that doesn't force relationships or stress. 

When my military slave went into service and was away, he wrote letters and sealed them, giving me them numbered.  When ever I thought of him and got very emotional and ached for him, I would open the letter to the number on top.  Writing his thoughts, his feelings, hopes and worries it just gave me something to clutch and have him 'there' in spirit.  It was like the song, of WWII   I'll be home for Christmas, even in my dreams.  His boxes (shoe boxes come in handy), were wrapped and articles of clothing would be there unwashed with his scent.  Amazing what little things can do to just help.

Do what you both feel what is right for both of you.

I also want you to pass along, my personal thanks for serving in the military.  Regardless, of duties or rank--everybody is very important.
Everybody is appreciated and the respect and admiration, is heartfelt to your "Master of consideration," and for those who walk with him.

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 16
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