Is it me, or them?

Is it me, or them? (Full Version)

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kitten0524 -> Is it me, or them? (1/29/2005 1:49:04 PM)
I have noticed a trend with almost every "Dom" I've met online, then later in person. They all tell me how dominant they are and when I meet them in person, they crumble like infatuated little boys. I know that I am willful, I'm no one's doormat, but I truly need to be dominated. I won't submit to just any man who says "Hey I'm a Dom", they actually have to prove it to me. I always thought if they were a true dominant, this wouldn't be so hard. Do I have the wrong idea, or do the men I've met just wish they were as dominant as they claim to be? kitten

ProtagonistLily -> RE: Is it me, or them? (1/29/2005 1:58:13 PM)
quote: I have noticed a trend with almost every "Dom" I've met online, then later in person. They all tell me how dominant they are and when I meet them in person, they crumble like infatuated little boys. I know that I am willful, I'm no one's doormat, but I truly need to be dominated. I won't submit to just any man who says "Hey I'm a Dom", they actually have to prove it to me. I always thought if they were a true dominant, this wouldn't be so hard. Do I have the wrong idea, or do the men I've met just wish they were as dominant as they claim to be? kitten Dominant is not like Kleenex. When I open a box of Kleenex, I expect that every one is exactly the same, and does exactly what I want it to. Save for differant colors, I have a prescribed expectation that pretty much each Kleenex is going to act not only the way in which I expect it to, but to be the same from tissue to tissue. This is not so with people. Perhaps kitten, you haven't found the right Dom for you. Dominants are People, and people vary. I wouldn't be discouraged, nor would I judge these Doms too harshly. We are all just people on various points on the kinky spectrum. Lily

domtimothy46176 -> RE: Is it me, or them? (1/29/2005 2:19:39 PM)
I can't answer for anyone but myself but I don't prove myself to anyone. I am who I am and if a submissive doesn't find me sufficiently "domly", then we aren't a compatible match. My personal viewpoint is that a good D/s relationship is based on shared beliefs and values. My girl and I look at things the same way and enjoy being together so our relationship has flowed very smoothly from the beginning. She knew before she met me that I was her "type" of dominant because of how I viewed the things we both value. The only thing that needed to be determined when we met was whether or not we got along in person. Had I been a fundamentally different person face-to-face it might have been a different scenario. As it was, she was looking to submit to someone like me and I was willing to allow her to do so. Not to be offensive, but I can't imagine how else it could work and still be consensual. Timothy quote: ORIGINAL: kitten0524 I have noticed a trend with almost every "Dom" I've met online, then later in person. They all tell me how dominant they are and when I meet them in person, they crumble like infatuated little boys. I know that I am willful, I'm no one's doormat, but I truly need to be dominated. I won't submit to just any man who says "Hey I'm a Dom", they actually have to prove it to me. I always thought if they were a true dominant, this wouldn't be so hard. Do I have the wrong idea, or do the men I've met just wish they were as dominant as they claim to be? kitten

ShadeDiva -> RE: Is it me, or them? (1/29/2005 4:02:43 PM)
I was given the nickname "Dom Buster" for those very reasons. I had scores of alleged dominants lining up to train me, and usually they crumbled to their knees in less than a month calling me mistress. It was incredibly frustrating. Your dominant is out there. Just maybe he or she isn't the type to approach and is rather waiting for you to see them and approach them, or just notice that they are right there, by your side the whole time. One never knows. ~ShadeDiva

topcat -> RE: Is it me, or them? (1/29/2005 4:08:56 PM)
Midear Kitten- It might be you- rather, it might be that you are not giving them a clear indication that you want their dominance. Consider: If he does take a dominant position, and you are not receptive, he is not being dominate- he's being domineering. The line between being a dominant and being a jerk is as thin as your consent- and it is a tough line to walk. OTOH, it might be them. QUite a few males find the transistion from being who they are in life to being the dominant male they claim to be online quite difficult. I have been mistaken for 'too nice a guy' to be dominat, or a sadist a few times- but only untill I feel that submission has been offered- but once given control, I will take it and run with it. but I value that part of myself too highly to proffer it where it won't be valued. Stay warm, Lawrence

Suleiman -> RE: Is it me, or them? (1/29/2005 5:27:32 PM)
It has been my experience that those who talk about being a certian way rarely are. A good example would be the guys who talk about fighting, yet never seem to get into any fights. Especially online, it is easy to proclaim yourself to be a certian way, and to wish yourself to be so. You can even find characteristics within yourself that fit the profile - in theory. That being said, as has been suggested by others, it might simply be a question of style - yours versus theirs. Keep looking. You'll find the right one yet. Hey - I think I just got my first paddle. Just in time, too - the missus comes home on monday (bwahahaha)

merrymasochist -> RE: Is it me, or them? (1/29/2005 5:50:18 PM)
quote: The line between being a dominant and being a jerk is as thin as your consent- and it is a tough line to walk. i agree with topcat, it's fine line... put a mirror to the situation, how many times has it been complained when a submissive is pressured to submit from the git-go? most submissives wouldn't submit to a Dominant they have just met or are in the beginning of getting to know that person... it stands to reason that a Dominant would/could hold by that same value and not dominate a submissive till they got to know one better... to me it's smacks of reverse pressure... we don't accept the statement that subscribes to the theory, "if a submissive doesn't submit in the beginning stages of getting to know a Dominant then he/she is -not- a submissive or submissive enough" then why would it be acceptable to state that a Dominant who doesn't dominate in the beginning stages isn't dominant or dominant enough? in the end it's a matter of taste and what a person is looking for... thank you for the interesting outlook and the thoughts it gave me... sincerely, merry

Suleiman -> RE: Is it me, or them? (1/29/2005 5:59:45 PM)
You know, it's funny. When I read the original post, I assumed that the failing was in-scene, rather than at first meeting. Re-reading the original post, I can still see how I came to my interpretation, but it was based on the assumption that a person can not crumble like an infatuated little boy in the first ten minutes of a face to face encounter. That does put a different spin on things, though, dosen't it? Hrmm... Kitten, dear, you might want to add some further details on what exactly you are complaining about, before we start arguing semantics here.

topcat -> RE: Is it me, or them? (1/29/2005 6:00:47 PM)
Midear Merry- what a brillant and concise statement of the situation! I wish I had put it so well... Stay warm, Lawrence

kitten0524 -> RE: Is it me, or them? (1/29/2005 7:08:42 PM)
<<we don't accept the statement that subscribes to the theory, "if a submissive doesn't submit in the beginning stages of getting to know a Dominant then he/she is -not- a submissive or submissive enough" then why would it be acceptable to state that a Dominant who doesn't dominate in the beginning stages isn't dominant or dominant enough? >> Great point, I truly didn't think of that and should have. I am one who is so insistent that a Dom "earn" my submission, never occurred to me that I may have to earn his dominance.

willing2serve -> RE: Is it me, or them? (1/29/2005 7:35:51 PM)
quote: put a mirror to the situation, how many times has it been complained when a submissive is pressured to submit from the git-go? most submissives wouldn't submit to a Dominant they have just met or are in the beginning of getting to know that person... it stands to reason that a Dominant would/could hold by that same value Thank you, this gave me a different perspective and insight. I too have been frustrated with the lack of dominance when meeting people, talking the talk, but not the walk, just as kitten and shadediva alluded to. This doesnt mean I am looking for the caveman mentality with club and hair in hand (hmmm, does sound nice though [:D]), but upon getting to know someone you can tell if they have "it", and in my experience the ones that talk it the loudest, usually it is harder for me to find the characteristics of Dom that I am looking for and need. Respectfully, Willing2serve

lookingwithin04 -> RE: Is it me, or them? (1/29/2005 8:58:39 PM)
the only thing i will say is they want respect from us but refuse to give us any.....it's strange i've seen and experienced the same thing myself when i was searching..i know i'm young but at the same time i wont allow myself to get taken advantage of and in the past i have so became serious. It would be nice if Doms would give us a bit of respect but they just dont get it...in order for us to respect them and trust them they need to respect us, not necessarily treat us like royalty but at least be half way decent....and decent when your really lucky...LOL To all who are searching good luck, I hope that you all have the luck that i had when i found my Mastersmiles mitsy

happypervert -> RE: Is it me, or them? (1/29/2005 9:37:30 PM)
quote: The line between being a dominant and being a jerk is as thin as your consent- and it is a tough line to walk. These comments as well as others remind me of a discussion going on in this thread linked here. There some opinions including mine are that the dominant crossed that line and was a jerk, and the submissive in turn let him know in no uncertain terms that it wasn't appreciated. And so the name calling begins with "you aren't a real submissive" and the like. As others have stated above, I see such meetings as a kind of mating dance with an exchange of subtle and then not so subtle cues that show mutual interest. That establishes the dynamic where as topcat states "once given control, I will take it and run with it". I suspect you're looking for a real take charge kinda guy and subtlety isn't part of the equation; the guys you are meeting are both sending subtle cues and probably not seeing them from you and perceiving it as a lack of interest or compatibility. So they back off, and the catch is that they would probably think they were acting like jerks if they behaved the way you actually want. There's my $0.02

LdyAuburn -> RE: Is it me, or them? (1/29/2005 10:05:07 PM)
What do you expect them to do to show their dominant streak? quote: I have noticed a trend with almost every "Dom" I've met online, then later in person. They all tell me how dominant they are and when I meet them in person, they crumble like infatuated little boys.

Suleiman -> RE: Is it me, or them? (1/29/2005 10:21:21 PM)
I like the loincloth and stone club route. I bet it saves a lot of time. Ook ook.

willing2serve -> RE: Is it me, or them? (1/30/2005 12:34:38 AM)
quote: What do you expect them to do to show their dominant streak? It's not so much of what I expect them to do, but as what not to do. The word "crumble" was used before and remarkably that is a good word for it. I posted this before in a stupid email thread, but this written by a proclaimed Dominant gives an idea of the general consensus of what I find... "i have alot of charm and i would treat you like a queen if you'd let me, or if you'd prefer, i would treat you like a servant. i will be whatever you want me to be. call me and tell me what you want me to do. as sexy as you are, i would do anything and everything for you to make you happy and sated" I am so looking for the One that I can serve, adore and respect, not a "I will do anything Dominant". I have heard it said in reverse about "do anything subs, but it does exist on the other side as well. I need a Dom in a relationship that I am secure enough in him to know he is with me, but truly know he will walk away if I am not doing my part. That is a fine line and a big responsibility to fill. Respectfully, Willing2serve

kitten0524 -> RE: Is it me, or them? (1/30/2005 2:55:03 AM)
Thanks Diva. kitten (still giggling at "Dom Buster")

onewelshman -> RE: Is it me, or them? (1/30/2005 3:39:39 AM)
it is you.......... for goodness sake, you people are talking A LOT OF TWADDLE AND ON A NOTHING ISSUE. she should be able to decide for herself why a guy is seen by her as not dominant enough........how can we ? leave it, and i didn't read any real info from either 'subs' or 'doms'anyway.

darkinshadows -> RE: Is it me, or them? (1/30/2005 3:59:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onewelshman it is you.......... for goodness sake Ok... I just do not understand this statement. If you are saying it is up to her(sorry for talking about, and not too you kitten, not wishing to be rude), then, yes... it is ultimately her decision, but she has the ability to come discuss her thoughts and feelings with anyone she choses... no matter if it is invalid to another, some people may actually find something useful from such a discussion. Or, are You saying that she is wrong? Or that its her fault? Because if you are IMO.... You are so completely wrong. If you are not saying either of these, could you please explain, clearly, what you are saying? Thank You in advance **edit typo and mistake

Suleiman -> RE: Is it me, or them? (1/30/2005 4:42:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onewelshman for goodness sake, you people are talking A LOT OF TWADDLE AND ON A NOTHING ISSUE. And yet we contribute more than you sir. Save the inflammatory rhetoric for another forum. We try to remain civil here.

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