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EStrict -> RE: born as slave??? (1/29/2005 7:10:00 PM)
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Actually, I would answer this yes. *I* am me,,, always have been. I found it strange when I started learning about BDSM when people told me things like *you have the makings of a perfect slave*. Even more often I was complimented on how *well trained* I was. I found this very ironic as I had no experience,, I was just *being me*.
I am one of the slave types that HATES pain. To me it's a tool to discipline, or something I *endure* because Master is feeling sadistic. My *need* to serve is something I have had all of my life. It is not a sexual thing in any way. When my mother went back to work, I am the one that took on (without being asked) the role of seeing that dinner was on the table, the laundry was done, ect.
My first marriage was very vanilla. I entered it because I was 19 and wanted NOTHING but to have a man to to care of.... and he was the first to ask. I wasn't *in love* with him, I was *in love* with the thought of being a wife. I was thrilled being a mother and wife, and in any job I had (which was many since he was military), I *exceeded* normal expecations, getting raises and promotion even though I never sought them. That was part of my *need* to do everything I could to make everything run smoothly.
In the end, resentment was one of the big break up factors in my marriage. My own *need* to do everything for everyone was making my life a living hell,,,, I was the *perfect* mom. Never missed a school function, was the house all of the other kids came to to play, did EVERYTHING around the house, and worked an average of 55 hours week. Managed to take a job that was suppose to be from 6am-3pm mon - fri to make it one I worked whatever hours allowed me to do everything else I *needed* while still getting raises and promotions.. lol I was good :)
But, the fact is, I HAD to work the hours because my ex was terrible with money. And in the end I resented killing myself by not only making more money and being the ONLY person in the house doing any work. Plus, he gave me a vibrator and told me to *have fun* because he never wanted sex.
Uhhmm, I think I'm getting off base, but the bottom line is nothing in my personal views have ever changed. All I have ever wanted is to have a strong, dependable man that I could love, trust, worship and please in every way.
::laughing:: and as far as being a sexual slave,,, I love sex, but again, it was something no one ever taught me to love, it was something that just *is*. Sure, I can learn new things, but they are just props and positions, they have nothing to do with what makes me me,,,,
(Sorry this is so long,, lol I think I'm ranting today)
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