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Mercnbeth -> RE: Please help any and all Doms! (10/30/2006 12:24:37 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mavis
quote:
ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
This seems obvious to me. Your profile is gone, but everything from the name you picked to the above description of your day, screams you are a submissive. .....
As you describe, you are already submissive.
Merc, or beth, not sure which, sorry. It's pretty rare i disagree with Y/you two, but in this case, i just don't see it. A Dominant who doesn't have a willing consciously submitting partner will step in and do what needs to be done to make the house run.
Just because He has been willing to do the chores and leave her unmanaged doesn't mean He is a sub, submission isn't defined by who cleans the toilets, it's defined by who is in authority. But even in O/our context, (meaning in D/s or M/s or BDSM) that authority has to be agreed upon before it's taken up. Were He "dominating" by making an unwilling spouse do dishes at threat of the relationship or even physical threats, W/we would consider Him a bully, not a Dominant.
Mavis,
Putting the descriptions of his activities in context and I stand behind my position. Yet I agree with everything in your post. Especially the part regarding him being described a "Bully" if he used force or physical threats. Conversely her behavior outside the world of D/s BDSM would be best described as a lazy slob. However, this is a forum where a question is asked inside the context of a D/s BDSM dynamic. Within that dynamic his actions, and lack of the ability to enforce even the most remedial of rules his "role" is obvious. For that matter, so is hers.
You said it yourself, it all comes down to authority; taking it and giving it. He has given the authority for her to do as she'd like supported by his activity of doing it for her. You can NOT acquire dominance. You can't learn a personality. Until/unless he trains her to learn the consequences of her actions she's doomed to fail and he's doomed to submitting to her failure.
Access to dominance is as much a privilege as assess to submission. On both sides it must be earned. On both sides it must be respected. The person who must respect it most is the person providing access. They must have and be valuable to themselves. This is why denying access is the worst punishment that can be implemented by a Dominant.
Where it me in this environment, those choirs would NOT be done. However as a consequence, there would be no access to me. Now if that were perceived as a "reward" instead of punishment; I'd refer back to L&M's answer - end it; or as he put it; "get rid of her". The reality is, it's ended anyway; the relationship just needs the conclusion of someone saying so.
I only offered my observation that, based upon the statements of the OP, he's submissive. I'd say the same thing if he didn't list all the household choirs but said instead that his wife "accepted punishment" for not doing them, but dictated the manner, time, and implement used for that "punishment". You may be of the opinion that the person who holds the handle side of the flogger is always the dominant. I don't agree with that opinion. Whoever dictates the terms is the dominant partner even if they are the one coming away from the process with the red ass.
PS - The way to tell who's posting between me and beth is to note the color of the post. beth does not post in black.
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