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Please help any and all Doms! - 10/28/2006 7:30:27 AM   
wnts2cum


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/27/2006
Status: offline 		Hi Guys,
I brand new to this lifestyle so I don't know how to deal with problems that arise with my wife/sub.
I don't really make a lot of requirements but, it seems that when I do I'm pretty much ignored. She doesn't work so she has all day to complete the task I requested. Simply put, Clean thi house. When I come home from work it's the same old thing. Nothing done. How do I handle this??
Thanks in advance. A future Dom.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Please help any and all Doms! - 10/28/2006 7:46:28 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Does she really want to be a submissive?
 
If she does, she should show a desire to obey you. Maybe she sees this as a game, and will "submit" when it interests her to. Maybe she's acting that way to make you "punish" her.
 
If she does want to submit to you, sit her down and explain that doing that means she needs to obey you.
 
Without knowing anything about either of you, it's hard to say who is doing what wrong, or "wrong", and what you need to do to correct things.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to wnts2cum)
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RE: Please help any and all Doms! - 10/28/2006 8:00:57 AM   
MasterAtsushi


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/16/2006
Status: offline 		Have you spoken with her about this? What reason does she give for not doing as you asked?  It's really difficult to know what is going on with her, seeing as we do not know her. It could be something as simple as, she needs for you to break down the request into smaller segments ie, do the dishes, clean the floors, wash clothes etc. or it could be a much larger issue for her, such as she is not getting her needs met emotionally or in some other way. Sit down with her, find out what is going on with her, communicate.  Also, what happens when she does not follow orders? Anything?

(in reply to Level)
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RE: Please help any and all Doms! - 10/28/2006 9:21:47 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Replace her.

And yes, I'm serious.  She disobeys because she thinks you won't replace her.  Buh-bye!

(in reply to wnts2cum)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Please help any and all Doms! - 10/28/2006 9:24:10 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Replace her.

And yes, I'm serious.  She disobeys because she thinks you won't replace her.  Buh-bye!

BINGO

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
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RE: Please help any and all Doms! - 10/28/2006 9:32:00 AM   
fantasy69maker


Posts: 86
Joined: 3/27/2004
Status: offline 		LOL  Hey guys he says future Dom and its  his wife i dont think replacement is exactly what he wants.
But  W2C   to be honest the question arizes  ARE YOU HER DOM? Do you wear the pants in the familey? ok obviously not in every way but in any? Is there a base of poer for you to build on?
perhaps its you that is the sub in this relationship? i think we are going o need a LOT more to be able to help in any way.

(in reply to Kalira)
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RE: Please help any and all Doms! - 10/28/2006 9:34:19 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Precisely.

Ever play chess?  You need to think a couple of moves ahead.  I'm already all over that.  I didn't want to tell him the truth, which is that he's not going to be able to convert his wife into his slave.  That would be too depressing, and he'd just end up shooting the messenger.

quote:

ORIGINAL: fantasy69maker

LOL  Hey guys he says future Dom and its  his wife i dont think replacement is exactly what he wants.

(in reply to fantasy69maker)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Please help any and all Doms! - 10/28/2006 9:41:34 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wnts2cum
She doesn't work so she has all day to complete the task I requested. Simply put, Clean thi house. When I come home from work it's the same old thing. Nothing done. How do I handle this??


Are there small children in the house that she is also keeping track of? Is there a newborn with colic in the home? Does she have a disability that makes it difficult for her to move around and do things? Define "clean". Are you expecting a totally trashed house to be completely spotless in 8 hours? Define "Nothing done." Is it completely accurate to say that "nothing" was done or just not everything? Does she want to be a submissive or is this all your idea? What is she getting out of this relationship?

Sorry to be so difficult but I heard things like this from my husband when the unmentionables were infants-preschoolers. I'd get less than 4 hours of sleep at night, the kids would be cranky all day, and I'd feel good that none of us killed each other while he was gone but he'd complain because "nothing had been done" all day. His implication was that I "wasn't working" while he was so busy. I was very busy working trying to keep his children fed and nurtured while all he had to do was go to the office and gab with his co-workers.  

(in reply to wnts2cum)
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RE: Please help any and all Doms! - 10/28/2006 10:02:06 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		LaM it is not often that i agree with you; however, i think you nailed it.  If the wife/sub does not even want to attempt to 'play the game', he will never get her to.  She's a wife not a sub/slave, etc.  He needs to either deal with it and go back to the old way of life, or move on. 

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to Lordandmaster)
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RE: Please help any and all Doms! - 10/28/2006 10:06:21 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		You agree with me a lot more often than you think.  I just say shit in a deliberately antagonizing manner.  It's called making the other person think for himself, even if it means coming across as an asshole.  (I'd call it Zen, but all the pseudo-Zen practitioners on Collarme would fire off a barrage of bullshit--and bandwidth is expensive, you know.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

LaM it is not often that i agree with you

(in reply to angelic)
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RE: Please help any and all Doms! - 10/28/2006 12:32:56 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Perhaps she sees you being a Dom as a way for you to get her to be a maid.
Or be at your beck and call because all of a sudden your a Dom and you say so.



_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to wnts2cum)
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RE: Please help any and all Doms! - 10/28/2006 12:51:56 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		well damnit i agree with you again.  You do say shit in an antagonizing way.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Please help any and all Doms! - 10/28/2006 1:05:33 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Forget the sub angle, even a vanilla wife should keep the house clean if you are working all day, and she is home all day. I sense more to this story.

< Message edited by Estring -- 10/28/2006 1:06:11 PM >

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to wnts2cum)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Please help any and all Doms! - 10/28/2006 1:24:57 PM   
tade


Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

Forget the sub angle, even a vanilla wife should keep the house clean if you are working all day, and she is home all day. I sense more to this story.


That's what I was thinking. Give her some task other than housecleaning (maybe with a sexual twist thrown in there) and she what happens. If you are still getting nowhere then I would think she's not into it at all.

< Message edited by tade -- 10/28/2006 1:25:53 PM >

_____________________________

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

It's a magical world Hobbes 'ole buddy. Let's go explorin'~ Calvin

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Please help any and all Doms! - 10/28/2006 1:50:34 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		Unless we are missing a major thing like a disability, special care child, the OP has unattainable standards and tasks or something else then she obviously has no interest in a D/s life or at best has an entire different view of what the life is.

The questions I asked have you two talked and agreed to this level of power exchange or was this some sort of pillow talk in the bedroom in which she likes the D/s thing and she leaves it once she leaves the bedroom?

Have you actually ever punished her? Taken away things she likes or anything?

Probably reading in too much of what you wrote, but these relationships takes work and communication on both sides and it sounds like those two things are lacking. You wrote you have not required many things, is what you have required anything different then before you were trying this life?

Try actually talking to her and see what she says and wants. You two might just have two completely different views on D/s. I became friendly once with a woman who was very serious about the life in her eyes. She would spend hours a day on message boards and researching it. She went through Dom after Dom, but maintained she was very serious in being a sub. Finally one day me and another friend started to ask her detailed questions about her relationships and it revealed that basically anything that was not BDSM related like dress codes and cleaning a house type things were for slaves and not subs in her eyes. She could talk for hours passionately about D/s with people in the community but in practice she was barely a bottom. I only offer this example because it just seems that you and your wife are clearly not on the same page.






_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to tade)
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RE: Please help any and all Doms! - 10/28/2006 1:56:53 PM   
Kane


Posts: 19
Joined: 6/21/2004
From: Riverside, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

Forget the sub angle, even a vanilla wife should keep the house clean if you are working all day, and she is home all day. I sense more to this story.


I would have to agree with that.  There is way to much that is being left out to make any type of judgement or assisted application of correction without the whole story, good or bad, even if the problem is you and not her.

Share the story!

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Please help any and all Doms! - 10/28/2006 2:01:01 PM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		she might just not have clearly defined goals for her day.. "clean the house"  to a perfectionist is pretty close to " give up, no way can it all be accomplished today".   Some of the worst housekeepers are actually perfectionists who just cannot start a project unless they can see it being done perfectly, today, so why not wait til tomorrow when i can paint the hall...

Might try looking into the flylady site,  it begins with nothing more than keeping the Kitchin sink immaculate.  As silly as that sounds, it's one thing almost everyone can have success over, and it gives a base of operations for all other cleaning and tidying.

http://flylady.com

Then, make sure to follow up orders with praise if accomplished,  and correction if not.  (Sure, You don't want to be stuck where you have to notice every time a sock is washed, but at first, she'll have to KNOw You are noticing what she does, either for good or ill.)

sorry i'm not a Dom or Master, but as one who has been thru processing marriage to a D/s relationship, i had to offer a pip.

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Please help any and all Doms! - 10/28/2006 2:07:38 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wnts2cum

Hi Guys,
I brand new to this lifestyle so I don't know how to deal with problems that arise with my wife/sub.
I don't really make a lot of requirements but, it seems that when I do I'm pretty much ignored. She doesn't work so she has all day to complete the task I requested. Simply put, Clean thi house. When I come home from work it's the same old thing. Nothing done. How do I handle this??
Thanks in advance. A future Dom.

You "don't really make a lot of requirements" - you "future Dom", you?  I'm trying to envisage dominating another without actually making requirements of them....
 
See, there's *two* very different roles involved here.  If she just did anything you asked, she'd be submitting....  But what about her needs?  In theory, subs could submit in this manner to *anyone* yet they obviously prefer a Dominant because....?  Since you really are new, I'll give another hint.  Submitting to a *dominant* gives a sub the very reasonable expectation that the Dominant will dominate in return....
 
Mate, she doesn't respect you as a Dom and that's entirely your fault.  You want the house clean then SAY WHAT YOU MEAN AND (this is the biggie) *MEAN* WHAT YOU SAY!  Take charge of her and reward/punish her on her performance.  Dominate her!  Surely you don't think it's just about you kicking back and having the little woman fetch that beer, scrub that floor; suck this dick etc - without you doing anymore than telling her to???
 
You told her to clean the house - she didn't!  What now; you slump the shoulders and bemoan how she isn't submissive?  Time to show what cards (if any) you're holding....
 
Focus.

(in reply to wnts2cum)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Please help any and all Doms! - 10/28/2006 2:15:27 PM   
TxBlkMistress


Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with the majority...we would need more info...but one question I have...are you giving like a "blanket" order  "clean the house"? or are you giving her specific tasks....like I want the floors done today, or the toilet scrubbed, or the tub done..etc.

not all use a contract...I know you're married...but I'll use the word agreement ...you two sit at a table discuss likes/dislikes, punishments...what you expect, what she expects and what happens when tasks are not completed. 

also, how long have you been married?  If you've been married a while and you both don't have the same desire for this, it may be next to impossible to convert.



_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Please help any and all Doms! - 10/28/2006 2:17:51 PM   
TxBlkMistress


Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

You "don't really make a lot of requirements" - you "future Dom", you?  I'm trying to envisage dominating another without actually making requirements of them....
 
See, there's *two* very different roles involved here.  If she just did anything you asked, she'd be submitting....  But what about her needs?  In theory, subs could submit in this manner to *anyone* yet they obviously prefer a Dominant because....?  Since you really are new, I'll give another hint.  Submitting to a *dominant* gives a sub the very reasonable expectation that the Dominant will dominate in return....
 
Mate, she doesn't respect you as a Dom and that's entirely your fault.  You want the house clean then SAY WHAT YOU MEAN AND (this is the biggie) *MEAN* WHAT YOU SAY!  Take charge of her and reward/punish her on her performance.  Dominate her!  Surely you don't think it's just about you kicking back and having the little woman fetch that beer, scrub that floor; suck this dick etc - without you doing anymore than telling her to???
 
You told her to clean the house - she didn't!  What now; you slump the shoulders and bemoan how she isn't submissive?  Time to show what cards (if any) you're holding....
 
Focus.


amen

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 20
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