Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Ever been too honest ?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Ever been too honest ? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 6:37:24 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Actually something similar happened to me this past week as well..was on the phone to Sir and all of a sudden all these negative emotions came to the for..I blurted out all of what had been bothering me, he got quiet and said we would talk later and hung up...A couple of days passed before we talked again.That time frame gave me time to settle down and to think on what my issues were, it gave him time to reflect on what had been said to him..Later when we were together I asked him what he thought about what I had said, he stated "How could I have known all that was bothering you,since you did not tell me?".."I said , I did tell you last week"..He said no..you should of told me these things as they bothered you not when it had built up....communication!..sighs ...so easy to say so hard to do...be well..and be patient..maybe you both need times to reflect..Tempting

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 6:39:50 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I have received that type of punishment.  All communication ceased, with one exception.  I was allowed to write in my blog as a way of processing and being heard.  After the punishment time was served, things returned to the way they were before, with the exception that I knew not to step out of line like that again.  I suffered no ill effects from it.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LaMinx)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 6:43:01 PM   
adaddysgirl


Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

Greetings..~smiles~

Being alone, and kept from serving your Owner is a very effective tool. As long as this is known upfront for what it is, and not being ignored/alone without a known reason. In the mind of a slave..the drive is to serve, and when that is denied..it makes a great impact to not try and do whatever it was you did again.

Well Wishes

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin


i do know that this does work for some...and is acceptable in their dynamic.  However, it just is not something i could ever be involved with.  Makes me shudder just to think about it...lol.
 
Well wishes to you too 
 
DG

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 6:45:29 PM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline 		I hate to be so cruel here because LaMinx REALLY is going through a very tough time. But...she is in this relationship because she chooses to be; all the while knowing that she was not going to be able to handle it.

She needs to sit back for the next couple days, reflect on what SHE really wants from her Master, and then COMMUNICATE this to him in a respectful way. From what has been said here, and in other areas on the boards; she is struggling very hard coming to terms with sharing.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 6:46:47 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		If I was punished for having feelings he disliked, then my feelings after the punishment would be even more of the kind he disliked. But for us, honesty is paramount and we are both prepared to have honest feelings presented that aren't the happy kind. His response is not to punish me for having these feelings but to hold me while we talk everything out, why I feel the way I do, if there's anything that could change the situation etc.

However if he's trying to 'punish' you into being poly, you need to rethink why you're with him. If you are, great, and if you're not, you're not. Punishing you for being true to your nature is just unacceptable. You might get so twisted about short term that you'll put up with it for a bit, but that won't last. Personally, I'd walk before the threeway or whatever because I know I'd feel resentful for being forced into it, and that would signal the end of the relationship. So why do it? I'd end the relationship before I did the think I would regret.

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 7:11:18 PM   
SirDaniel


Posts: 93
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMinx

I have managed to get myself into some serious trouble today.  I have been very upset by a number of things that have occurred with my Master recently.  I made the mistake of sending him a text message telling him honestly how upset I am and now he is furious with me and has told me not to contact him the rest of the weekend.

To be fair, I had managed to get myself into enough of a state by the time I composed the text (REALLY not a good time to contact anyone) that my comments may have come across rather more like accusations than I intended.  I wasn't asking him to change or do anything, I was just stating that I accepted my plight but was really struggling with the emotional pain it caused me.

Now I'm thinking I really ought to have kept my distress to myself, because my honesty has caused me almost as many problems as I was upset about in the first place.  My profuse apologies via text and an email that explained things rather better now both seem to have been ignored.  I'm simply in knots over the whole thing. 

Anyone else ever done this ?  What has helped in making things better above and beyond profuse apologies ?


The question that I have is Are you not to contact him at all? Were you given a reason for it?  Or told to think about what you said and talk to him when you are more rational? If I am angry I will tell a slave not to talk to me, until I have settled down.  Then we can discuss it when we are both rational and adult. COMMUNICATIONS is paramount in any relationsip, but communications done correctly. Just my 0.05 worth (have to account for inflation)



_____________________________

Sir Daniel
Las Vegas (Sin City), NV

http://members.cox.net/sirdaniel

quote:

Be true, honest, caring and loving,
and you will be found.
It is true, be you Master or slave.

(in reply to LaMinx)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 7:35:01 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		Having read your other posts since i last posted; in my opinion, you really do need to rethink this relationship for your own self esteem.  It does, however, sound to me like he does not do much in the way of encouraging you in positive, secure ways.  Ignoring/abandoning you as a way of punishment, in my mind, is most certainly not the way to help you feel secure.  He is either shooting himself in the foot; or he does not care to the extent that you do.

i am not poly, but from the few on here that i admire and respect, it works because all are working towards the one goal.  Helping each other get to the end result.  It does not sound to me like he helps you be comfortable.

i do not always convey myself very well.  i just hope that you can either be comfortable in this relationship as it is or have the strength within yourself to find what you need. 



_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to LaMinx)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 8:46:11 PM   
sharainks


Posts: 499
Joined: 12/13/2004
Status: offline 		I also read your other posts.  From the general tone of them you are choosing to stay in something that you really have no desire to be in.  You point at your Master as the only reason you are "putting yourself" through this.  You talk about recently feeling that you have been demoted, that you aren't loved as much as another. 

Is this really how you want to live?  How long will it be before you resent him for not feeling the same as you do, and for continuing to not give you his sole attention?  To me it is obvious that you are very troubled with several things in the relationship.  Can you see yourself living like this for a year, 5 years, your lifetime? Can you live with there always being some new girl that takes his attention?

IMO he is not your ideal match.  Your ideal match will care about you, he will hold you first in his heart.  He will not make you ache for what you can't have with him.   

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 10:19:44 PM   
darksdesire


Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		It's hard and painful for me to be mad at my Master...There is this issue of respect and when i'm upset i run the risk of expressing my feelings in a disrespectful manner.  i keep a journal that my Master has designated as my "safe place" where i can write anything i wish without repercussions.  He reads it and after He has taken the time to think it through, we discuss it.  This has been the best tool and gives me the needed outlet for intense feelings while still maintaining respect and submission.   

There is no excuse for snapping off my feelings in the name of honesty.  The few times i've done it, i thought i was being "honest" and i justified my behavior in the name of honesty.  When i looked back though, i could see that i was pulling my submission away from Him in order to take some sort of "stand."   i try to remember that i am always free to express whatever feelings i have as long as i do so in a respectful manner.  Sometimes that's just too hard to do verbally, and i do best if i swallow it, knowing i can write about it later. 

(in reply to sharainks)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 10:36:51 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		I would take His advice and leave Him alone.
Take the time for yourself like others have said and look at
what made you angry.
And the next time you feel like lashing out....remember this experience....and then decide if you should say anything and how it should be said.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to LaMinx)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/28/2006 10:58:17 PM   
LaMinx


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/9/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you for all your thoughtful and thought-provoking words.

The format of my communique being text was not an issue - we text all sorts of things all the time.

What I essentially told him was that although he says we (his other girl and I) are equal, his actions speak louder than words, that I find it very painful having been eclipsed to this extent, that I miss the time when he used to want me more but accept it will never be again.  I said I wasn't saying this out of jealousy, only a very sad acceptance of something I can do nothing about.

His reply was along the lines of him trying to make everyone happy and this is what he gets, that he was so angry I wasn't to text him the rest of the weekend because he was afraid he might say something he'd regret.

To add a touch of context, this weekend had been planned for the three of us to finally meet and play together the first time.  This whole issue of not knowing his other girl has been eating away at me for a while so I was looking forward to finding out who I'm actually dealing with, getting to know her and seeing how he reacts to us with us both there.  At the last minute he decided she wasn't ready to meet and sent me home.  I had spent the day cleaning his flat in preparation, but because she was coming I had to leave.  Needless to say I wasn't thrilled.

I am hearing the words "get out of this relationship" from too many quarters to ignore of late.  The fact he has cut me off when he knows I am in such pain seems somewhat cruel.  In addition to the stress of this relationship I am also struggling with being a single mum with money troubles.  All in all there is a lot wrong with this picture.

I don't want to give up on him but I will have to see how things go.  I am doing a lot of thinking and about as much crying.  We will either have to find a way through this or I will have to walk away.  My sanity is at risk.

LM x

(in reply to darksdesire)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/29/2006 1:23:23 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMinx

His reply was along the lines of him trying to make everyone happy and this is what he gets, that he was so angry I wasn't to text him the rest of the weekend because he was afraid he might say something he'd regret.

LM x


Seems to me, he's bit off more then he could chew and is now at a loss as to how to take care of his responsibilitys.  Angre although a very valid human emotion shouldnt have been directed at you reguardless of what you may have said. 
I think he F'ed up, took it out on your since he's comfortable with your loyality and had a nice clean flat to be in over the weekend, thanks to you.  His actions were childish.

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to LaMinx)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/29/2006 1:53:20 AM   
MissUnleaded


Posts: 60
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline 		Hi LaMinx.

I really sympathise with you.  It sounds to me as though this guy had a fantasy in his head about how great it would be to have two submissive women for his own pleasure.  Now the reality is that he has to deal with at least one, probably two, unhappy submissives making demands of him and he can't handle this.  Hence his anger, and hence his lashing out at you for questioning his ability to control the situation.  Hell, he can't can't even control himself (ie. 'he was afraid he might say something he'd regret'). 

I think it's clear to you that your needs are not going to be met by this man.   I think, as others have said, that you need to analyse what you want and need from a dominant, and honestly think about whether he can give it to you.  Don't let your love for him blind you.  Be strong, and good luck.

(in reply to LaMinx)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/29/2006 2:26:06 AM   
givemyall


Posts: 620
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMinx

I had spent the day cleaning his flat in preparation, but because she was coming I had to leave. 


Sorry to sound blunt (and I maybe very wrong saying this) but the words 'wake up and smell the coffee come to mind.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMinx

In addition to the stress of this relationship I am also struggling with being a single mum with money troubles.  All in all there is a lot wrong with this picture.



Im on my own with two kids and I know it can be very hard at times, you really dont need someone who causes you stress, you need someone that is understanding and that will help you through the hard times with encouragement and support.  Just be careful that you arent passing that stressed out feeling onto your children, its very hard to protect them from mums emotions. 

Earlier I suggested that you got glammed up and went out on the town, not easy with kids and a lack of money.... so instead try going down the park, visiting mates - just anything to get out really, to stop you thinking about what him and her are upto.  You never know you could bump into someone that understands you a little better!  Good luck anyway LaMinx  

(in reply to LaMinx)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/29/2006 8:36:01 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		i'd like to suggest you ask yourself one question, it's a pretty simple question; but the answer must be honest to yourself.

Are you happy?


_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to LaMinx)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/29/2006 11:05:13 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMinx

I am hearing the words "get out of this relationship" from too many quarters to ignore of late. 


LM x,

There is only one person who can decide if this relationship is healthy for you or not and that is you.  You are the only one who knows if getting out is the right step for you. 

There have been times that my Lord has gotten so angry that he has said he does not want to talk to me because he is afraid of saying something that he will regret and making things worse.  He doesn't do this as punishment or as a way to correct my behavior.  It stems from his deep love for me and knowledge of himself that he needs to back off and get his temper under control or he will say or do something that will hurt me deeply.

Only you can say if your master has taken this step for the same reason or not.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to LaMinx)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/29/2006 12:20:15 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		It's really ok not to be okay with sharing your partner. It doesn't make you less in any way. I think you need to come to terms with that.

Regarding "saying too much"..honest communication is important, however saying things when we are upset isn't the best time....better to withdraw and process and get balanced again (an easier thing said than done)....so your Master has done you a favor really, no matter his motivations for doing so...

Good luck with everything...life is too short to live it in anxiety and in situations that make us feel bad.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/30/2006 3:32:02 AM   
ChaOz


Posts: 98
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMinx

I am hearing the words "get out of this relationship" from too many quarters to ignore of late.  The fact he has cut me off when he knows I am in such pain seems somewhat cruel.  In addition to the stress of this relationship I am also struggling with being a single mum with money troubles.  All in all there is a lot wrong with this picture.

I don't want to give up on him but I will have to see how things go.  I am doing a lot of thinking and about as much crying.  We will either have to find a way through this or I will have to walk away.  My sanity is at risk.

LM x


You have major life problems and he is adding to them rather then helping, while boning some other girl? Focus on yourself and if he is worthy then accept him as a Master. If not then dont.

(in reply to LaMinx)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Ever been too honest ? - 10/30/2006 7:17:12 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMinx

I made the mistake of sending him a text message telling him honestly how upset I am and now he is furious with me and has told me not to contact him the rest of the weekend.


The only person who you can be "too honest" is someone who isn't honest at all. If you have to walk away from a situation before you "say something you would regret"; it indicates you are not saying something that you want to or needs to be said. It means you've lost control in the ability to play a role and need to 'get back into character'. If your relationship requires you to be in character to survive it may be a good idea. If your relationship can't survive by the display of honest emotions you resign yourself to walking on eggshells in order to maintain the false pretense .

quote:

Now I'm thinking I really ought to have kept my distress to myself, because my honesty has caused me almost as many problems as I was upset about in the first place.


This puts you in the worst case lie; a lie told to yourself. Denying the feelings is a lie that corrupts and ultimately generates resentment.

There is no such thing as "bad honesty". Once you meet the age of understanding, even the 'white lie' of Santa Claus should require an apology. Avoiding your feelings, avoiding confrontation; is really avoiding the truth. Trouble is, the truth is always waiting to bite you in the ass somewhere down the road. Its worse when you lie to yourself. You can break your back when biting your own ass.

(in reply to LaMinx)
Profile   Post #: 39
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Ever been too honest ? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.125