RE: Do you see a problem. . . (Full Version)

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DiurnalVampire -> RE: Do you see a problem. . . (10/29/2006 7:20:18 PM)

I dont quite understand why your motivations should matter to him.  Whatever your reasoning for enjoying it, the fact is that you do.  Maybe you dont feel the need for Domination as strongly as he des the need for submission, but that doesnt lessen your abilities as a Domme. Perhaps you just need to sit him down and tell him to get over it. If it mattered so much to him that there be the need, he wouldnt have been involved initialy with someone who wasnt into the lifestyle.  Since you two were obviously together before you were actively dominant, he cant expect you to have the same deep seated needs he did since you are newer to th elifestye than he is.  Remind him that you are the Domme, regardles of if you need it or just want it, the fact is that IT is there.  If thats not enough for him, then also remind him that he can easily go back to not having it at all.

DV



kahlaan04 -> RE: Do you see a problem. . . (10/29/2006 7:30:35 PM)

But you have it all wrong, PiercedDaz, I am into it, I love being dominate.

And thank you onlythewindknows, I appreciate that. 8*)



kahlaan04 -> RE: Do you see a problem. . . (10/29/2006 7:36:11 PM)

Well, I see everyone has their own opinion about it. I just wanted to see what others thought about it. I will see how he takes : "  Remind him that you are the Domme, regardles of if you need it or just want it, the fact is that IT is there.  If thats not enough for him, then also remind him that he can easily go back to not having it at all. " 8*) I think that may help.

Thanks
Mistress D



adaddysgirl -> RE: Do you see a problem. . . (10/29/2006 7:38:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kahlaan04

Any ideas on how to help the issue. And can you expain to me why it would bother him so much that I don't do it for the same reasons. When I love being a Mistress. Please don't take me wrong, I could go on with my life if I didn't have a slave, but if for some reason we decided we weren't to be a couple that way, I'd still would enjoy having a slave rather it was him or not. I just don't understand, please help me to.


Holy crap....i don't understand this either!  lol
 
Okay....you love being a Mistress
But you could go on with your life if you didn't have a slave
But if you weren't a couple with your husband that way....you'd still enjoy having a slave...whether it be your husband or not
 
i am definitely missing something here.  Your husband is a slave....you love being a Mistress.  Sounds like you would be whether you were with him or not....so you are obviously not just doing it for his sake.  i'm still not getting it...lol  [sm=banghead.gif]



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Do you see a problem. . . (10/29/2006 8:15:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PiercedDaz

I fully understand what you are going through. Its simple. By his very nature, he is submissive and therefore feels so at home in the D/s dynamic. You are not a NATURAL Domme, just a dominant girl who gets off on it every now and then.

The first thing I thought of when I read your message was that you are married. You both fell deeply in love with each other for your own reasons. With True Love comes a bond and understanding that the other person fully accepts and supports you for who you are. I know that I'll probably get slated for this...BUT...what the hell. I think that it is your husband that needs to reign it in a bit. He introduced YOU to the lifestyle and now seems to ASSUME that because you enjoy it, you're prepared to be his Mistress/Domme for ever. He needs to know that you love him very much but you are in fact his 'loving wife' first and Domme second. Just tell him that you simply don't take D/s as seriously as him. He has to respect you for that surely?


Please lets not start the natural vs true thing again.



adaddysgirl -> RE: Do you see a problem. . . (10/29/2006 8:44:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kahlaan04

Sorry I'll try to explain better. He gets upset because I don't see it and do it for the same reasons as him. It is important to him to be submissive, I could live with out being dominant. Also, I started to be dominant to him because he wanted it. He has a problem with me doing it for him, and not because I have a "need" to do it. I hope that is a better explaination.

Mistress D 


Okay, i'll try it again....lol
 
He is upset because he has a "need" to be submissive but you aren't domming him because you have the need, but because you like to?   Does he not feel comfortable with that for some reason?
 
Just trying to figure out what the real problem is here  [8|]
 
 



kahlaan04 -> RE: Do you see a problem. . . (10/29/2006 9:03:51 PM)

yes,  adaddysgirl



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Do you see a problem. . . (10/29/2006 9:10:55 PM)

This is where that selfish tang comes in- he's wanting you to be selfish about it, doing it because YOU want to do it for yourself.  Somehow doing it to make him happy (and also makes you happy) isn't "pure" enough for him.

As others have said, it's HIS issue.  He can either just accept it and realize his expectations are stupid and pointless and that everythings actually working very well and to let go of these needs- or continue to drive you both crazy with them.



adaddysgirl -> RE: Do you see a problem. . . (10/29/2006 9:13:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kahlaan04

yes,  adaddysgirl


Okay, good....now at least i know what we are talking about....although i still don't have an answer....lol.
 
i really haven't heard of this before but.....he certainly can't make you have the need  in the way that he does if you just don't have it.  Not hearing his side of the story, it sounds like it's just too bad he can't accept that and enjoy it for what it is....instead of trying to make it be something different. 
 
Maybe if you just keep working at your dominance, he will come around and see that you don't have to do it for the same reason as he does.....but your heart is still in it. 
 
You are married and at least have the D/s dynamic in common.  Maybe time will just help it all fall into place.
 
Best wishes to you both  [&:]
 
DG



ChaOz -> RE: Do you see a problem. . . (10/30/2006 3:36:50 AM)

He doesnt think your into it as much as him so tell him to shut the fuck up and then use him for your own pleasure. Push his boundries as well as your own. Use and abuse him the way you would enjoy and make sure he always gives 100% with everything he does for you.



LovingTXcouple -> RE: Do you see a problem. . . (10/30/2006 5:25:24 AM)

dark desire really hit it on the nose because i know exactly what he is talking about.  i was concerned for a while that Master and i had this problem.  The remedy for it was a strong reassurance that this is what HE wanted to do and was not doing it FOR me.  The problem is his problem, but the motivations matter to him. i know that for me, the thing that gives me the most pleasure is knowing He is enjoying Himself.  If your slave feels that you are doing him a favor, or doing it because he wants it, it feels to him that he is not doing things to please you, but that you are doing things to please him and it confuses him even if you are enjoying these things.  A "I'm doing this because I want to, whether you like it or not" attitude will help him be able to enjoy your relationship more.  However, if this is not you, then some serious problems may arise over this issue. i hope this helps.



MstrssPassion -> RE: Do you see a problem. . . (10/30/2006 5:50:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kahlaan04

Sorry I'll try to explain better. He gets upset because I don't see it and do it for the same reasons as him. It is important to him to be submissive, I could live with out being dominant. Also, I started to be dominant to him because he wanted it. He has a problem with me doing it for him, and not because I have a "need" to do it. I hope that is a better explaination.

Mistress D 


Just re-enforces the theory that anyone can be a top but you can't just become a dominant.

Same can be said about that other false sense that so many people get themselves into... if I just love him/her enough then he/she will love me back.

No matter how much your husband may want you to be the dominant woman of his dreams/fantasies, he may need to accept that you are not this & only enjoy topping him.



Mavis -> RE: Do you see a problem. . . (10/30/2006 10:52:57 AM)

Maam, he's just got to realise if he's going to serve you, it's on Your terms.   THAt is where he can get his submission fix anyway.  (girl version of "tell him to shut the fuck up" mentioned earlier.)    <grins>



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