amoredibeniamino -> RE: BDSM childhood fantasies (11/1/2006 1:19:07 AM)
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I have had fantasies about being restrained and helpless since, literally, as far back as I can remember. WELL before puberty, for certain. If I had to put an age on it, I'd say six years old, but I'm not positive, as, at the time, it wasn't anything remarkable to me. You know how kids are able to just accept things..."suspend disbelief"...so it wasn't worth noting at the time. In any event, my fantasies were often of the Indian Maiden/Damsel in Distress sort, with me tied to a post and tortured. I also used to so enjoy feeling tightly bound that I would roll myself up in my bedsheets as tightly as I could, which sometimes ended with my mom having to come in and unravel me...she never did understand how I got so tightly wrapped "in my sleep." [;)] I also used to practice self-genital torture, using hot water or hot rocks...man, I was an f'd up kid! I also discovered masturbation very early on...surprise, surprise. The thing that really gets me, though, is that I never connected any of the bondage/pain stuff to my sexuality until I was 16, and even then only through a couple of fortuitous coincidences. And it's been 15 long years I've lived without any regular outlet for these desires...I'm so glad to have finally found my beloved! [:)] As far as the origins of all this...I don't recall ever having been abused. The only thing I do remember is experiencing pain in my genital region as a result of some procedure a doctor performed on me when I had a bladder infection as a very young child.
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