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RE: sexual abuse and sexual orientation - 10/31/2006 2:20:57 PM   
whtsubf4DOM


Posts: 23
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RayvenGoddess

I have not seen anything like this in my studies.  I would find it hard to find examples of this senario though, if it ever actually happens.  The majority of people who deal with molested/abused children first after finding out that this horrible act has happened is usually one or both of the parents if they did not do the abuse themseleves.  How many parents do you know who, upon finding out that their son/daughter has been violated, would automatically asume that their child might be gay/lesbian and somehow influence their children to think this way as well.  I will do a little research on the topic, just in case.



His parents do not know to this day...

(in reply to RayvenGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: sexual abuse and sexual orientation - 10/31/2006 4:12:13 PM   
SweetEscravo


Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline 		Having sexual abuse in your past can definitly influence your sexual orientation, although I don't think it could ever "make someone" gay, bi, straight ect.  We all play off our previous experiences, and it is those experiences that greatly shape who we are today. 

(in reply to whtsubf4DOM)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: sexual abuse and sexual orientation - 10/31/2006 6:02:05 PM   
RayvenGoddess


Posts: 77
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha

Did my sexual abuse change things in me?  Yes.  Did it cause me to be bisexual?  No. 
 
What it did, was probably make me more interested in sexual things at an early age, though I don't know for sure.  I have always been attracted to girls though, and had crushes on guys.  It seems the most natural thing in the world to me, and I don't think anything would have changed it.
 
My ex is gay, and she wasn't abused at all.  She just finds women attractive and not men.  I think that people just want a way to cure something they think is a sickness.  So, if they say it was caused by (insert cause here), then it can be cured by (insert cure here).
 
A huge portion of society has been abused in some form or another, so if you take gay people and ask them, you are going to have a percentage of them that were abused, there is no way around it. 
 
Kasha


Not sure if this was in response to my posts, but I would like to repeat myself and say again that this is a miniscule number.  I am the first person to stand up for the belief that the majority of people are born with their sexuality (I believe I was born born bi and BDSM-dominant prone).  Yet when I am talking to a close friend who admits that she loved sex with men, was attracted to them, dated them, etc. until she was raped at the age of 28 and from that day on even after thearpy became a hard-core lesbian I cannot help but believe it was connected.  She and others like her are probably less than a .0004% of the population, I am not questioning everyone's sexuality on this site and how they came to accept that sexuality.

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: sexual abuse and sexual orientation - 10/31/2006 6:07:43 PM   
SlaveAkasha


Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RayvenGoddess

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha

Did my sexual abuse change things in me?  Yes.  Did it cause me to be bisexual?  No. 
 
What it did, was probably make me more interested in sexual things at an early age, though I don't know for sure.  I have always been attracted to girls though, and had crushes on guys.  It seems the most natural thing in the world to me, and I don't think anything would have changed it.
 
My ex is gay, and she wasn't abused at all.  She just finds women attractive and not men.  I think that people just want a way to cure something they think is a sickness.  So, if they say it was caused by (insert cause here), then it can be cured by (insert cure here).
 
A huge portion of society has been abused in some form or another, so if you take gay people and ask them, you are going to have a percentage of them that were abused, there is no way around it. 
 
Kasha


Not sure if this was in response to my posts, but I would like to repeat myself and say again that this is a miniscule number.  I am the first person to stand up for the belief that the majority of people are born with their sexuality (I believe I was born born bi and BDSM-dominant prone).  Yet when I am talking to a close friend who admits that she loved sex with men, was attracted to them, dated them, etc. until she was raped at the age of 28 and from that day on even after thearpy became a hard-core lesbian I cannot help but believe it was connected.  She and others like her are probably less than a .0004% of the population, I am not questioning everyone's sexuality on this site and how they came to accept that sexuality.


Sorry, that was a fast reply to someone else, forgot to put it.

_____________________________

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(in reply to RayvenGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: sexual abuse and sexual orientation - 10/31/2006 7:13:03 PM   
Petronius


Posts: 289
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Did the sexual abuse set up a blueprint for his life?

No. The experience was one part of a far more complicated whole.

Is it likely all his beliefs about sex come from that period in his life?

No. Our beliefs about sex come far more from our exposure to society's beliefs than from our own narrow experiences.

Are victims like him really gay?

If he has sex with women, even of only oral, than he is not "really gay" but really bisexual.

Or is that just their only way to cope.[?] BTW, he has not received therapy yet, but is planning on it. We'll see...

It would appear that it is not the "only" way to deal with problems but the best they've discovered thusfar. One hopes that therapy can help broaden the range of possibilities and coping mechanisms.

Can therapy reveal if he is REALLY gay.[?]

No. Because he is not "REALLY" gay.

Or can he be turned from Gay to Straight through therapy? Not that i'm looking for change. I'm just trying to understand....

Despite claims made by a few, usually rightwing, therapists, I do not believe any section of the therapeutic community believes that therapy can change inherent sexual orientation.

Is this common stuff for sexually abused males?

No. But then nothing is "common." Provide some form of trauma during a formative period and 100 traumatized people will go through 100 different responses.


(in reply to SlaveAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: sexual abuse and sexual orientation - 10/31/2006 7:21:52 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whtsubf4DOM

I don't really know what to ask here, but maybe there is someone out there who is knowledgeable and/or has experienced what I'm talking about.

Can someone speak to this please?

I know a sub who was sexually molested by men and women, beginning at age 13. He recently shared with me that they pounded into his head that he would never be of any use to a woman. He obviously has carried those words with him every since and he definitely believes it today, and he's in his 40's.

Later in his life, he had relationships with women, the most recent ended less than 6 months ago. He revealed to me that he has always had "performance issues" when it comes to women. It bothers him greatly that he couldn't "perform" with a woman that he was madly and deeply in love with years ago.

He now basically has put his full focus on men and he is VERY submissive. He's always been bi, but has very much loved women. Anyway, he chose to go this different route because he doesn't have to worry about his performance issues and he knows he can fully please a man. He's told me before that it's his way of kinda coping with what happened to him, because now he controls what happens or doesn't happen. He's even calling himself gay now, but he hasn't given up giving oral sex to  women (he knows he is very good at it, and I have to agree...LOL)

Did the sexual abuse set up a blueprint for his life? Is it likely all his beliefs about sex come from that period in his life?

Are victims like him really gay? Or is that just their only way to cope. BTW, he has not received therapy yet, but is planning on it. We'll see...

Can therapy reveal if he is REALLY gay. Or can he be turned from Gay to Straight through therapy? Not that i'm looking for change. I'm just trying to understand....

Is this common stuff for sexually abused males?


I'm going with the LA answer of if you have to ask has anyone ever...the answer is YES. Yes it happens. Is it common, sometimes. Sounds like the issues have less to do with sexual abuse than the humiliation and subsequent mental scars. He thinks he's no good in bed so therefore he makes himself bad in bed. I'm sure his therapist will find it interesting that he can make the equipment function for a man but not a woman. Does that make him bi, depends on what his motivations are. I mean we all like to be good at things. If he's good at sex with men there's a good chance he will keep doing it because he enjoys it.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to whtsubf4DOM)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: sexual abuse and sexual orientation - 10/31/2006 7:25:33 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aubre

Viagra - Cialis ?


A poisoned mind can burn down the wood these make like a match stick.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Aubre)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: sexual abuse and sexual orientation - 10/31/2006 8:01:53 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whtsubf4DOM



Upset the blueprint? I don't think we have blueprints for out lives. Our lives develop through our personalities and through our experiences.

I think however that it is highly likely that our sexual desires and beliefs come long before we are teenagers. Even if we didn't have sexual contact before that, sex is just another way of relating to another person so everything we hear, see, and experience affects us.

The key is not to change your orientation but to learn to be in charge of making your decisions about what you do with your feelings now. That is not an easy thing to do nor is it painless and cheap. It will take years, maybe a lifetime to learn to recognize patterns of thinking and behavior we don't like or want and to begin having new patterns to follow if we choose.


I didn't say UPSET the blueprint. I asked if it SET UP the blueprint for his life.


You ignore the rest of my thoughts just to type in this?!

_____________________________

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to whtsubf4DOM)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: sexual abuse and sexual orientation - 11/1/2006 11:30:17 AM   
servitor1A


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Wikipedia?  Yeah, I'm going to take that site serriously when any idoit wiht an internet connection can go on that site and change as much of the pertinant info about a subject that they want.  Find yourself a better source.
(At the risk of going seriously off topic), i was going to let this go, but for your sake and others RayvenGoddess please reconsider your slam of Wikipedia.

After some obvious initial questions and some newsworthy controversy about the veracity of Wikipedia, the journal "Nature" for instance did a peer reviewed study on science articles in Wikipedia and found it to be surprisingly reliable. http://nature.com/news/2005/051212/full/438900a.html [nature.com]
Is Wikipedia a good source of information? That question has been laid to rest. (It is.) Is it always 100.00000000% accurate? ..........nothing is!

If i may suggest: try searching for something you consider yourself really knowledgeable about, then see what you think about what you find:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page
Thanks and Cheers,       s


< Message edited by servitor1A -- 11/1/2006 11:39:16 AM >

(in reply to RayvenGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: sexual abuse and sexual orientation - 11/1/2006 1:01:01 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		The question reversed often leads to truth.
So reversed a man who was married and in a hetero sexual relationship performs sexually with his wife and later comes out as gay Does the fact that he was able to perform sexually with a gender not in his sexual orientation mean he is straight?

I would contend that we as humans are often capable of performing sexually with people we are not sexually attracted to either by gender or by looks or by any umber of other things.
Gay and lesbian deal with sexual attraction much more so than sexual partner history.
If you are actually sexually attracted to the same gender only then you are gay/ lesbian reguardless of what your partner history may be.
If you are only sexually attracted to the opposite gender then you are hetero.
If you find yourself attracted to both genders then bi sexual.

Otherwise we would tend to be Mano sexuals as well since most all of us have had sex with our hands and continue to do so even when in relationships. Not because we are attracted to our hands but for other reasons more to do with brain chemical addction.

Probably clear as mud

(in reply to servitor1A)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: sexual abuse and sexual orientation - 11/2/2006 8:59:56 AM   
whtsubf4DOM


Posts: 23
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:


ORIGINAL: RayvenGoddess
Not sure if this was in response to my posts, but I would like to repeat myself and say again that this is a miniscule number.  I am the first person to stand up for the belief that the majority of people are born with their sexuality (I believe I was born born bi and BDSM-dominant prone).  Yet when I am talking to a close friend who admits that she loved sex with men, was attracted to them, dated them, etc. until she was raped at the age of 28 and from that day on even after thearpy became a hard-core lesbian I cannot help but believe it was connected.  She and others like her are probably less than a .0004% of the population, I am not questioning everyone's sexuality on this site and how they came to accept that sexuality.



I just had a conversation last night with the guy that I have been referring to in these posts. He did NOT have any kind of attraction to the same sex before being molested at the age of 13. He had some very traumatic experiences, which include being filmed while the molesting taking place. The husband and wife (no, not any of his family members) who molested him also farmed him out to their friends. They also were doing the same thing to two other kids, but he said they were probably 16 or 17.

It just makes me sick and ANGERS me greatly that sick bastards like this exist. The molestation stopped because the military couple moved on. There is no telling how many kids they have screwed up (and may still be) across the country as they moved from military base to military base. The sorry scumbags are in Virginia now.

(in reply to RayvenGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: sexual abuse and sexual orientation - 11/2/2006 9:08:07 AM   
whtsubf4DOM


Posts: 23
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:


ORIGINAL: theRose4U
I'm sure his therapist will find it interesting that he can make the equipment function for a man but not a woman.


His equipment does NOT function when he's with a man. That's part of the point. He DOES NOT NEED it to function. All he has to focus on is pleasing the men he's with -- mostly Top Dommes who aren't looking for reciprocation in the "equipment" area. He doesn't do men, they do him. He's very much into trying to please someone sexually, whether man or woman, but he KNOWS that he can please a man 100 percent of the time without all the stress and humiliation that comes from having to worry about his dysfunctional "equipment."

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: sexual abuse and sexual orientation - 11/2/2006 10:33:26 AM   
Aine


Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline 		For the life of me, I can't think of where the NL Library is.....not that I could when I was still living in that area.  I can't wait to go back for a visit.


_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to TreSwank)
Profile   Post #: 33
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